Sabth

Idk do I seems like unstable? I have been into a mental hospital earlier this year but a few months back I've decided to stop taking the injection that they prescribed to me every months forever. But I no longer want to take it. Even going there it was by force. It was without my will. They tied me. But I don't wanna have anything to do with the hospital any longer. That's it. I'm fine. I have always been into video editing and had been having a camera since I was young. So it's not something new to me. It I were to do something it would be this. Video editing. I don't know if it will do well. That's why I'm asking. I've never completed a project before. Even my university project. I didn't complete it. So I want to know and I want to see what a complete thing would be for me. I want to see the final product. I want to create something to it's completion. If I have an infinite amount of time . Without a deadline. I wanna see the complete thing. (Editing is a hard thing and for something to be complete it's really a miracle~)

I'm looking at many travel videos but I don't get that satisfaction. I don't see any cinematic/good quality videos of the places that I'm interested in.

If I were to think of something that others can't do but I could, it would be this. Exactly what I could do. I am good at. But I may need others to proofread me or something.

If only, I could know , what to work in my country I'd be more than happy~

I want to buy this car : But my mom says I should work first. And she said she could sent me to work.

I feel like I wanna create a garden on this backyard. (It's big enough that you could built a swimming pool back there). But there are trees and big trees that is too good to be cut down. It has a high value. Oud tree. Good for fragrance. Idk if it can be seen clearly. But this is a backyard from this small middle room. Which I feel like I wanna make another entrance from this room. Creating like a nother patio entrance. Instead of this grill. But idk if that would be good. Because then , this will be another open area that can be broken into.

I don't know.. just going outside my house feels so weird. I feel like I don't like this neighbourhood. It has changed. And I feel like I wanted to renovate the house. The surrounding area. It feels kinda bad. And it doesn't feels like home. Idk. Maybe I wanna create a flower garden. I'm all bitten by mosquitoes ?..

I also want work just so I can do something everyday day to day. So I won't be doing nothing. So that I have a routine. Just like going to school everyday. Like a teacher and student. (high school). Their life are filled.

I just didn't know how to start. Yea it's been months. My dream job is to be a ______ & a _____. But now I'm thinking I wanna be an editor. But just for my own self (I don't wanna do editing work for others). So I wanna edit my own videos. I also like things like editing a magazine. (I've done this before in school like creating our own magazine from scratch. Even writing the whole thing.) I think my dream job would be to make my own video like a documentary series or a travel video. I like these things. But I couldn't start it. When I was younger, all these are organic to me. And even when I was in my university, it was organic. I would make videos. Like a research thing. And it was fun. But now, I no longer had all these.. if I wanna start I would have to be rich first. I don't know how to get a job in editorial. I like everything including photography. Research. Etc. This would be ideal. I would even considered mass comm back then when I consider of changing my course. But now, I also had the scientist in mind. Being a scientist. Just taking a degree in pure science and do it all over again. Like in high school. This might give me a guaranteed path. Like I will just have to follow it and will be successful if I do everything right. Like a path that is already given. But other than that, idk. Which make me took architecture before. Because design work is just like a promising career. And it's the only things I know. Unlike sciences. Which are more experimental. So idk. Right now, I wish I could be like any other person who can do just any types of works as long as it's working. Idk how to do it. Do I go to a mall? Or a supermarket and ask for works? **I've already have a driving license.

I really hv no more passion to create art.

And can we go there? How?

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Is it weird that I don't know anyone apart from my parents and siblings? I don't have any other social circle. I started to feel terrible with this. Back then, I do have, though I like to keep my life private. But now I am completely detached. And I don't know what to do.

It's precisely because I'm alone I can't do activities. I'm looking for someone who can drive me to a walk, or someone to workout together. Or work together, or travel together. @meta_male It seems like my family aren't into all these anymore..

So that I could know which degree to take and planned beforehand? I'm thinking of doing something. Something that is a promising career..

I don't know.. I just felt really hopeless right now.. it's been a while since I've ever met anyone of my age. How can I even find someone from my country to have activities with?

The doctor called me and I said I don't wanna go any longer. She told me to come just one more time to say that to the doctor that I wanna discontinue but I'm never stepping into that hospital any longer. Never. (Or they might force me to be in again) f no. I am so happy right now , to be off medication.

From this dream I can deduce ; I am lost. I can't get out of it. Since I don't finish my degree, I couldn't find my way out of my university. At all. So I was lost. My sister (both my elder sisters took the same university) can find her way, whatever that is, but she is with her family and is on a way to somewhere. Boarding the ferry/ship. However scary/dangerous that seems. But she's getting somewhere.. while I'm still lost in this uni. If I were to still be taking architecture I won't be in a good place. This thing is old. And I won't be in a good place ever. (Seeing everything are like almost falling apart. Like the building. With an unfinished plastering). It seems really old. So I might better be taking a different course. I want, I want i want I want I want to be resurrected with my singers. And my friends. It seems really good. But what I did was exploring further. Maybe even following my sister's route. (So I met her in my lost area) idk. So I was lost. I like the beginning of the dreams more than the end I wanna be resurrected with my singers. And never get lost. Even during 2019, I was listening to her. Everything else changes but we didn't. I'm still listening to her. Despite my circumstances. And this year she will come to my faraway state. I love her so much>< But these songs are 2019.

I think if my father were to die I would be really sad. 2:01AM

I also wanna buy this powerslide pheme. Dream board (3)

Do I seems lost? Why

This is just an old thing that I used to do. But now, as I'm getting older, maybe , maybe I could no longer do these. I don't know... I just wanna spend this year end in Egypt. It will be cold weather. And I wanna go to Sinai and everything. It will be good memories.. And then I will play this song. And then I will also play this song ; This song is so 2020. carry on your destiny

It has been a while, a long time since I've create anything. A video or any editing. I bought a stabiliser a long time ago but I don't know if it can still be used now. It's been too long. A Glidecam.. I wanna practice doing all these again. But I need a new camera. I have this. I'm still using this instead of the automatic ones.

I wanna repurchase this Sony nex5r If it's still available. Wherever it is . And this : DJI spark And this :

I wanna go to Egypt. And then create a cinematic video. This is my dream board (1)