Sabth

I just rewatch an old movie 🍿 and it was so funny. I only remember something from 2007 but this movie, is 2003. My parents used to watch it before. (In 2007 my parent watch it too but this one, is older) I don't remember it anymore. Just so little. *I'm rewatching old movies and dramas.

I feel like I'm starting a new journal😊. . 👆🏻Things I wanna tell my brother. I used to lock everything with a small lock ever since I was a child. In a small luggage (and then big). It was only a few years back when I've loosen my guard and leave it unlock (because I'm home anyway.) So I was with it unlocked. For however long it might be (I felt safe and complacent..) having it all beside me in my room. For the longest time I leave it unlocked. I'd never would hv guessed I would leave home. Or that anyone would take it after a long time into my old age. (Those things are old. Things that I've kept as a child.) Diaries.. drawings, and things that I've kept in a files. Now it's gone. .. I used to keep it all locked in a luggage. Guess I need to do that even when I'm old. Things I would missed a lot would be something I've written in 2016.. there are a few books like that. I will miss it a lot.

I want to buy a drone and a camera now.

Work that I can do. I've been looking at the local job offers on the internet, but there's nothing that would suit me. Or it is faraway. (My mom would hv to sent me everyday and take me back) I really don't know how or where to start working. There's a lot of online job whether it's part time or full time. But these too, I couldn't do. Do I need training? Do I need education first?

Wouldn't it be embarrassing though? I would go to my favorite retail store. It would be easier if I was in a different state. There are a lot more retail store everywhere (that I'm used to) and I could use public transport. (I couldn't here)

I feel like I wanna work any work (like a retail) and buy the things that I wanted. And then can start traveling and making videos. ....

But I just wasn't able to do that anymore, back then. Especially when they switch to everything computer than hand drawn in my third year. I find that hard.

I couldn't drive. Barely able to drive. Need to practice again. Even though I have a driver's license.

This thing? I wouldn't need it then~ because I don't call anyone anyway. I'm living with my fam so it's not like I had to call them.

Before this, I only plan to work in an architectural firm after I graduated university. That's the only option that I had that I know of. (I don't know any other type of work or ways of work). But I didn't graduated do I never work. How can I do something about it? I never had any experience in other types of work. How can I start working? Where should I go?

I am dependent on my father. I don't want a child so I won't be having a husband anytime soon.

@Schizophonia I'm not an average person in a third world country.

Am I really bad? For not having work? Can I get work easily? I never applied and never tried. I don't know how to start. I don't wanna leave my state.

My morning 6:23AM

Im lacking Maslow's hierarchy of needs. How do I get there without anyone with me? I've started to felt or be comfortable being me. But it's not my greatest life. Sometimes I wish there's just people to bring me out *everywhere* to the park or traveling together in the local area. I'm tired of just not being able to go anywhere. I also wanna go to the gym. Right now, I only depended on my parents. And they only bring me to grocery shopping. Nothing more. That's only it. And they are not travelling. I'm still young. But have to live like an old people's lifestyle. I want to travel and explore. Going out a lot. But couldn't. How can I change this? I'm even physically not well because my movements are limited/restricted. So my bodies hurt whenever I woke up. I want to be active and athletic. But nobody to bring me to this lifestyle. All my siblings are not with me. Those who can drive and not. What can I do? ❤️ I'm not reproducing any child. While my sister had when she was young. Now I even loss with my mom as she got married when she's 27. I don't have a good movement/mobility so this needs aren't met. 🔥Orange , I'm not employed. I don't have my own place/house. Just staying with my parents. But if they died this house will be ours. It is just ours. So unless I went to a different country I don't see why I should find another place. We could stay together for long. 💫💛 Love and belonging. This is what I'm lacking since I was young. I'm lacking at this one. 🍏💚 I think I had esteem since I was young. Though. I have always been good at taking videos and pictures since I was young and I'm doing what I love. With people /relatives who are far from me (but we meet once a year). That's only it. But I had a happy childhood. That's what I remember. With my camera. 💙💦Self actualization I think I failed at this one because degree are too hard for me. And I don't have external support to teache me extra when I need help in my studies. I don't know . But I was just not doing well. Towards the end. On my third year. So I stop. Instead of looking for help or taking extra outside classes. (It had to be paid and I don't think my mom wants it back then). And I've lost tons of footage that could be the greatest thing in my film making journey because of my broken tools. Camera and SD cards. And my hard disk are broken /bad. Except one. A really old one by Toshiba. It was the only thing that never had any problems. So I love Toshiba. A Japanese brand. I had two other brands that could barely even be used. I can't remember exactly the brand but I've lost a lot. WD passport and the other I can't remember. So idk. It's such a pity. Really. So here's my Maslow's going. How do you think I could improve in this?

I can't wait to work in my own country. I have stayed in this state for 18years and have graduated from high school for 9years but never work and never make money. The ones I did is just a group project in university (it's like a trial. Not serious but I did make some money selling something. As a group) so it wasn't truly me. And as a kid, I got a lot of money during Eid. That's the only money that I got. I never work. How can I work now? I have a few ideas but I don't know. I want to work with people. Under somebody. Not on my own. But I don't know how. I remember a friend during my foundation studies, she says something about making their own money, instead of relying on your parents. And she bought her first shoes with her first money that she got on her own. By working a rando job. Not depending on her parents. Now she had become successful? Idk. But she had graduated . I feel like she is doing well. Mature well. And grow up. While I didn't. That's what I think.. and even back then, she had already being able to make her own online transaction. While I couldn't. I always depended on my mom. And my mom bought me everything. To my phone bills. A handbag from China. Everything is done by/through my mom. When I was young. I wasn't independent . It was only recently that I made my own online transaction. At 27.

Part II Wow. Just seeing my life passing. This is so... it reminds me of much. I wish I took more and never stop (but the apps that I'm using no longer produce such setting. Four pictures in one vid. I changed the music. Background music.

Rate my video. This is what I took within Feb 2018-August 2018. There's more but this is just some few. What do you think of this video? What do you think of my life within this timespan? Idk if the music is okay. And it's a long video. Judge my vid. Tell me what you think. *I wish I can do this forever but this app can no longer be able to create such four videos in one frame. Once it had been updated. Since then, I stopped making such video. I wish there are apps that can take four videos at once.

Idk since I am stuck in inaction now I really feel like I wanna take a loan.

.

Then marriage is not for you. ~

When you've found the right person. Don't wait too long. And when you're ready to have child. Marriage = children.

I watch this mv/drama when I was 13 years old. This is my youth. This is my teen. My first drama or movie thàt I like. I was young. We are young. : Now he sings this killing voice. He used to be so young. Now we're old. But his voice still remains the same. The voice that I remember. The voice that I grew up with. This film is my innocence.. 🥺😌

8:27PM Sept 19 2023

I wanna go hiking but I don't have anyone to go with me. Is it safe if I were to hike alone? Wouldn't there be people who will hike too during my hike? I wanna hike some local mountains. I watch they do it in YouTube and feel interested to do it too. And my neighbour just went to this extreme hiking right now and showed the picture. I wanna hike too.