Sabth

Do you think my father or my mom was at fault for not providing to me? I asked for a car and she said I'm not working. But I don't even have the basics to work. Do you think they are at fault for not sponsoring me/sending me to a university till I'm old? I asked them since I wanna change a university back then. But it never realized. I should be still studying if not a degree a master degree even at this age. I should be finishing just recently by right. But I've spent my time/my youth not doing anything. Being a NEET. Do you think it's my fault? Do you think it's their fault keeping me getting old without any achievements or something? I didn't grow into adult. I still couldn't drive. Do you think it's their fault that they are not providing my needs? I'm not really doing anything right now. And I'm just getting older.

Okay experienced actualized.org forum members, I want to know (any suggestions or ideas on) how to make $24.5k in a month or two. I want to do something fun. No matter how hard it is. Suggest me an idea or ways to make it.

I dreamed that there is a marathon in my city and I was doing it. But the weird thing is it seems like I was the only one, walking in a big road. It's long distance, and all the places that I'm familiar in.

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@NoSelfSelf There is a fast way to make money and I'm down to it. Like starting a business. I'm open to learn a skill too. And start studying if that's what requires me to.

Dream log : I don't know, I got quite an exciting dream. With a slightly high heel shoes, a black pen, a conflict with my bro, and my mother's apartment. I don't know I can't remember it exactly well, but I remember things going my way. Idk. 4:14AM Nov 7

England Pounds.

Whenever I look out at the garage, I feel like I want to have a car. I want to buy a car. And I wanna drive. Especially now when the outside is raining, I just feel like I wanna be out driving. But couldn't. So I'm just looking at my empty garage.

I was more sensitive about it when I was young. Neither do I understand it why it happened. I just know when it happened.. but now, having live life for 27years, I no longer felt as much sensitivity compared to back then. Or when I was younger. What I remembered was, we have helped a lot. And this is what happened? It seems like it was for nothing. It was futile. and I just have no more reaction to it. But yesterday, the Al-Azhar university was bombed. I have no other wish but to wish the same upon the Jewish country. Someone gotta do that for them. Another nation would have to kill their civilians and destroy their schools and universities and , if they have (a Jewish version of ) a church? An eye for an eye. Only then they will be levelled. Or else they will be like the Japanese going rampant. Whatever happens to both of them I don't care anymore. They gotta kill each other. And not just one side being killed. And I find those to do the protest to be weak. Really? All you're doing is a "protest" ? While laughing around? I see a lot of smiles. And "it is just a protest" It seems very weak

And those who were mindful of their Lord will be led to Paradise in groups. When they arrive at its open gates, its keepers will say, “Peace be upon you! You have done well, so come in, to stay forever.”

This, the scale was at wrong. It was half on the carpet, so it reads my weight wrong. When I weight myself again just now I'm still on my normal weight. No wonder there's no difference in my appearance. Phew.

I wanna create a magazine so badly.

I'm not doing anything but I've lost 5.5kg. I neither felt any reduction of fat or something.

I really think that my life is nothing. So I wanna take a university course again. No matter how I age. Or I just wasn't doing anything with my life. Like right now, I'm struggling everyday with nothingness. With nothing to do. I woke up. And wonder what I'll do. Killing time. I'm really am doing nothing. I wish I would have a really productive day. And feel really sleepy at night. While now I'm always wide awake. Not really sleepy either.

I really want to be somewhere other than my country this year-end.

2020

Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars. You're all i want and all I worship and adore. In other words please be true. In other words baby kiss me.

Am I missing out on my life then? My social life is almost non existent. (Since I'm not working or going to a university) and my finance too . I'm not making any money. And I'm in my late twenty. I had little travel if any. Because I don't have money .

Interpret my dream 3:29AM I dream that beside my house, on the outside, there are many snakes. (3maybe). And I was going out with my 5year-old nephew to give the cat some extra leftover chicken. And my nephew just relax ly hold the snakes and move it away. Like holding it from it's back. Then throw it away or it gets away from him. Throwing it far from me. During this time, my sister and I went outside too. Then when he was about to open the gate/or the small net door to the right side of the house, (the cat house was outside just beside the house), there is this really big alligator/crocodile, just staying beside the door and was like just getting in the way, but my nephew just push the door open (it's quite hard because the crocodile is just there) and I was screaming at him to be fast and careful not to be bitten or eaten. I was really scared for his small body, fearing that it would be snapped by the large crocodile. But he was brave. He's not afraid of the crocodile. It was fast. He give the cat the leftover chicken and quickly return. It was a close call. I was really afraid that he would be eaten by the crocodile. But everything was safe and he came back. And I felt relieved. Then we came back to the front of the house (the patio) and I saw more cats (like 3 more cages on top of each other) and this time, I felt like a little pity. Anyway, then I woke up. Before that, when I went out , I saw my brother in law going out of the house to the right side of the house. Then my sister was out too. Before that, when I was inside the house, I was eating for a sahur. (Probably to fast?) Because my mom told me not to eat anymore because the call to prayer can already be heard seconds later after she told me to stop eating. So I spit out my food and have some leftovers. Before that, there is this one packaging of meal and there was two really big chicken so I took one and left the other. I divided the meal into two and eat the other half. Then my brother came (&woke up) and take the other half. What I noticed about him was that, he became less intelligent in that dream. Idk why. This is the brother that I met very rarely because he's been studying in a university away from the family. So I've seen him ever so rarely. In this dream, my nephew are so brave and I feel like he is so ever brave while we adult/or old people are so careful. It felt like he's growing up to be a hero. So fresh and will grow up to take care of his mom and aunt. The way that he showed no fears moving those animals out of the way, I saw his bravery. Anyway, what would this dream means? I feel like it's such a bad dream,, but when I look up online, it says that it is a good dream. But these animals? It feels more like a bad dream . I used to dream (next to this house/next to our house when we were young, when there no nephew yet) I used to dream, a moon falling next to house. And my dream used to be about the moon and other pretty things. Sometimes, it's lions went into my house. And at that time, I saw someone's Instagram, Master Corbuzier and Dean xxxxx who are well known of their interactions with lions. Master Corbuzier , an Indonesian magic, was just like a family of lions, it was their spirit animal. That's what I feel. The aura that I got from them. And I dream of all these wild lions in my house. This was around 2022?2021? Idk. 2020? It's around those time.

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I feel afraid to move to a different city or country for work. Wouldn't I miss my country? And idk how I can even live on my own.

I only have 15.6 USD other spendings, all are paid by my mother and father. I had a little gold and silver. And monies from other currencies. And there are some money in that trading company, which are on hold. Because I don't have any more money. That's all I got. I can't wait for the day I make my own money. And to see this $15.6 grow. So that I could pay that trading company and get my money which are on hold out of that company and never come back. I just want to get my money back. If it s successful, I'm gonna try for the second and that's only it. By doing that, I can get a little over $43k. That's all I need.

I'm still not fully healed now but way better ❤️‍🩹 First things I'll do tomorrow morning, is going to buy some fruits. Then I'll buy some workout clothes. Then I'll start walking in this neighbourhood. Perhaps that will make things better. But this area is dangerous. It's not all good. My neighbour's garage was bombed at night. So we still hv crime going on. I hope this nescafe will make me feel better ...