Sabth

2024

How was my calendar?

It will be like this : I will add a ring in the middle and it will become a desktop calendar~ I wonder if these pictures are no good. With or without words?

Should I changed the pictures? Should I add the words or anything is this okay or meh

I have added some more photos.

I believe in love at first sight and soulmate. And twin flame.

Friday 2:02PM : Something that I think about, somewhere in the future, if I had become rich, and I couldn't share it with my mom because she have died. A life without my mother. To forever future. I can't imagine my life without my mom. I can't share anything with her. My life will continue until the day I died. I may be 40years old. Or 50. Or 35. I don't know.

You must be an only child.

I want to do well in my life I can't wait anymore I'm tired of doing nothing. I want work. I want to make money.

It is wrong. Actually disgusting. Even if it's not wrong it would be disgusting to date your brother. Cousins? I don't know.

I am currently 27. How can I start getting the education that I needed and the works that I'm supposed to do while I'm single and not married and having no kids? What should I do? I used to be better in school than my bro. But now he has a house, he had completed his degree and he's getting married, could drive in all the countries (international driver) and had works. All the while being one year younger than me. And I think my parents didn't invest in me. I am currently doing nothing. Forever. I'm 27. I want to have a normal life like any other persons. What should I do? And my cousins who are younger than me are getting married. I feel bad about it. Like I'm not growing. While everyone else had progress. Had get their life together. Buying a new car etc. while I'm doing nothing. I don't wanna be like my mom. And I want to take the benefit of not having a child to care for , that I could work. But I'm not working. I feel bad about my life. Is it too late to get my life together at 27? How can I start? I never work. I couldn't buy a lot of things that I wanted and needed. And I'm tired of not being able to buy the things I wanted. Even though my youth is fleeting. /flying by. I never learned how to work or have a job.

Things that was in my past.

I was trying to install a lock to my bedroom door in December 2021 but a year later December(24th) 2022 The things that I feared most happened. And a lot of things in my room was lost/missing. I hadn't put a lock* to my room. But I hadn't left it either. *Because you need a hammer or a drill and I don't have a hammer at that time. It was just tedious. To do this padlock but it is necessary. I left my things all over the room. This was my room during those time.

I won't wear this cloth anymore.

The clothes that I wear last December that has blood on it : Because they put a needle on my hand. And they tied me to the bed. I wasn't aggressive or even do anything. But I managed to free myself that night. And I pull out the needle from my hand. And the blood spurs out. And stained my clothes. I haven't wear it since. My mom has wash it.

Actually killing myself is better now rather than forcing myself to live in a world where I've lost everything. Everything that are meaningful to me had been taken away from me. There's nothing in this world that I love left and nothing that I can create that I will love any longer. There's nothing. All of my collectibles and memories and treasures had been destroyed. My youth. My everything. There's nothing not a single word in this world that I love left. Everything are irrelevant. Everything are meh. I'm just cruising in life. I don't love life. My precious memories and footage had been lost [digital] and my camera's broken and my physical diaries since I childhood through early adulthood had been stolen or destroyed. My phone my contact my artworks since I was a child. Everything. Everything that I love. My achievement. My certificate. It all had been destroyed. I don't feel any appeal to living anymore. My life is useless. It's pointless. I don't wanna live anymore. I'm too old to create great arts now. My eyes are no longer good. I create masterpieces when I was young.

20211227

I curse the people who have taken my diaries. And my academic transcript. And my drawings. And my books. And my phone. And my gold.

12.12.23 Have I lost a lot in my life?

1:23AM I dreamed that I was in a slum. And there was a kid , disfigured, who want to shot me with a needle , an injection, and I was on a pulley going downhill. We were really close. These kids are crazy. I would have looked at people who are cacat lowly. It's like a world of hell. But I was from a highland. High mountain? I don't know. But going down, we go through this pulley. I was from high up. This thing fit only one person per cable. And I'm going down. Then I see my younger cousins wanna shot my sister too. And I freaked out. Telling her that he wanna shot her with an injection. It was really scary. What's up with all these slum?

I hate myself for a reason when I wrote this. Because I am not being myself. So I hate it. But now things hàs got a little better.

I eat a Thai dish when I went to x last week and it was so tasty. Now I feel like I want to ask my mom to cook it. I think it's Khao mok.