theleelajoker

Nice. Thanks too, I learned stuff for me though our exchange. Good teamwork I am REALLY curious what the context of my next sexual interaction will be. Casual or relationship sex? What kind of sex, what type of woman? Will it be a woman that wants that kind of aggressive sex, or one that wants a different kind of experience? Does she think it's not good to desire this, or does she even incentivize men into that aggression? (That's the other side of the coin for me - it's like a key and a lock, this male aggression does not exist in a vacuum) Let's stay tuned for the next episode of "strangers exchange perspectives about how to fuck the right way in an online forum" 🤣

l had the opportunity to observe long term couples a few times. Visiting friends, family and being part of their daily life for a while. What I often see is a trend: X is saying/doing something to annoy/hurt etc Y reacts by doing/ saying something to X X returns the favor by saying/ doing something to Y ..... You get the point. There's no start and begining, but people look for that so they can say "he/she started it" or "it's his / her fault" Sometimes it's very subtle, micro agressions, sometimes it's obvious. Sometimes people do it "by accident" but in truth it's simply not conscious for them that it's a authentic expression of their inner world. I have seen two major reasons for that: "Hidden" partnerships conflict: There's a feeling of "that's not fair, the other should XYZ", but it's not dealed with openly. Since the feeling is there, but the conflict is avoided, the subconscious punishes the partner. Small comments, actions, non-action. Very clear signals of hostility to an observer, but subconscious for the couple. "Hidden" inner conflict: some lack, insecurity, trauma, avoided emotions etc are projected on the partner. Has zero to do with the other person. "I feel shitty, so I increase my self worth by making you as small as possible." Also happens subconsciously. In both cases: Tensions just increase, they cumulate and after a while it's like Kindergarten. It's all about assumptions, hurt ego, expectations, guit, blame, manipulation , fight for control of narrative to control feelings and what is really important - growth, learning, opportunity towards towards freedom, responsibility, joy and inner peace - gets lost. Typically it goes along with a radical decline in sexual interactions and /or bad sex. The separation is just for structure, IME 1. and 2. go hand in hand, even if seems not logical to the mind that it can be about the other person and only about my inner world at the same time. But those two are interdependent. In my experience, you need BOTH to have an attitude of: "Ok, I see that. Yes I want to change this. I want XYZ instead. Please tell me when I show this behavior. Tell me how to change because I can't do it on my own. I do everything that is in my control, can you support me when I reach a limit? Let's do this together, even if I am afraid, even if it feels super hard and painful now. I know the only way to freedom is to go for the things we are avoiding now" You either avoid it or you go right into the stuff that is buried. That's it. No middle ground, no half measure, no BS. You can do it YOUR way, in YOUR pace, gently, caring and patiently - yes. But you go for it with no plan B. All in. No avoidance. When do you do it? Now. You do it, but your partner is not ready, or vice versa? You are wasting the time of you both. Move on.

Gotcha ( I think, let's see) So you discovered sth for you think applies to many (I agree re my friends). And you're bringing awareness to this topic because it is rather unconscious so far, with the intention to direct this flow of aggression away from destructive patterns into a meaningful and constructive way.

It seems to me you can make that point just based on personal perspective, without talking about other men. "I experience (sexual) aggression and the best way to integrate it is avoid casual sex and instead to express it in a meaningful relationship"

OK, now I got it. That was useful to better understand your point. It's true, history is full of examples like that. What I am thinking is: Not every man in war becomes a rapist. So it's not about instincts, it's not automatic, it's about how you carry yourself.

I'm not really sure I get your point. So what you're saying to that there is a deep instinct for dominance and destructive energy in males? Especially expressed in sex? Where the woman surrenders to the man? Yeah, makes sense that there is this energy of destruction where there is creation (new life) and dominance where there is submission. BUT: I see that equally in men and women. Men dominate physically, women have their own ways. Just different. If my gfs or affairs wanted submissive sex, they knew exactly what buttons to push in me back then. One even said: "you're man are so easily manipulated into doing what we want" LOL And: As as submissive part, you're actually the dominant one - because you set the limits. You signals what's tolerated, what's in line and what crosses the line. Your show your neck, you put the others hand on it or take it away, you tell how hard the hair pull, how hard the slapping etc etc. And yeah, you can see that the man dominates the woman because he penetrates her. But guess what my ex said? She said: "yeah you can see it that way. Or you see that's its the woman exerting her will over the man. Because she encloses the man's dick, she pulls her self over the man, dominating him in this way" It's not WHAT you do. It's HOW you do it, what intention, what energy is behind the action

You have a point IMO about the value of sex (both gendersl equally for me) and honesty/ dishonesty (also both gender). But I believe you overestimate male aggression. Children born out rape < children born out of caring, mutual coupling for survival of species. Plus, and much more important: fun for the man if a woman is welcoming you vs. forcing woman. No need for rape. Go to a sexy prostitute and see how you like that sex vs. the one with your GF that loves you and you love her

I know it as much as you do. Sitting in the same boat.

It's exactly what someone would say that is afraid to drop his mask and be his authentic self, owing his desires and feeling. Why I think so? I recognize that part in myself 🤣

Thanks

Exactly . Every morning I get up with one singular motivation: Telling everyone that there is no such thing as life purpose. That's my life purpose.

Yeah...it was a transition process for me. This holding several perspectives at same time. Made me crazy for a while, my mind wanted certainty, clarity, decisiveness. Took me a few month to not only climb the next step, but to get acclimated to the air on that level. From my experience, IMO the best information I can give you is: 1) It's possible to integrate all that you experience(d) 2) Simply passing time, accepting, doing nothing to change the state helps 3) Once it starts clicking, it all make sense 4) Once it clicks more, it's fun 5)

Happy to contribute As cliche as it sounds, for me we're all sitting in the same boat

Agree. Yes. It's not necessary to find and define a LP IMO. You just do you

Start of Video: "Feel your body". "That's it." "Have fun." End of video.

@Ramasta9 Thanks for your words, too. You made useful points as well And your description correlates with many of my experiences. BTW, I like quite a few of your perspectives, also in previous points. The one thing I really want to emphasize again, is this assumption: I say: the mind is happy to have some rest - if it had it's "proper time" before. My sister has a dog, its super mega active. Every time I take the leash in my hand, he jumps around like a madman and is super duper happy to go on a walk and move. Once, in the morning, I took him with me in the mountains. It's a small dog, with short legs but he had the time of his life and happily held the pace and more. In the evening I wanted to go with him outside, but first time ever he did not jump. He was happy to rest. As soon as the mind realizes, that loss of control is WORSE then letting go, then it becomes much much more peaceful. See the mind as sth like a transparent medium that takes on any form it encounters—like a crystal that assumes the color of the object lying beside it. Before, we as humans are culturally programmed to be afraid of death, of loss of control etc. Before, it is afraid to rest. BUT IT IS NOT ITS NATURAL STATE. IT'S A PROGRAM, IT'S CONDITIONED. So instead if "mind is afraid of surrender - you just say "mind is happy to rest". Step by step, day by day, you will notice change...

I believe my body tension is mainly self-generated. What and how much I think. My attitude towards life. The actions that result from that, or non-action. I believe air quality and environment (among other factors) as you describe it contributes as well. My sleep changes day one when I leave the big city I am in and spent time in nature / small villages.

Not sure if we understood each other right. I asked how you - personally - handle these things. You wrote a long answer about general behavior that said very little how you handle things. You go for casual sex? Why, why not? Experiences? How you signal that if yes? What places you go? How you recognize what others want? How you evaluate what you want? etc etc.

Depends. How good is the fuck? And how close is the guy to an orgasm? Finally, how long since he last had sex?

This is one my biggest criticism re the vibe of Leo's content and big reason why I barely watch or read any of it. So much "I know, I know I know", " I understand I understand I understand" and "I know better". Way too much intellectual focus. All the time explaining, rationalizing, describing, conceptualizing. It's like explaining sex instead of having it. To a degree it's fun, but my personal taste for this content is (now) far below the ones of others. Might be for them, but not for me. The interactions here are much more entertaining, there's a dynamic to it through interaction and relationships over time. Edit: to be fair - I remember one video of Leo I watched fully and that one was very valuable for me back then. I think it as the deleted one on solipsism

I can verify this from direct experience. Happened only once, but it happened. Not 24/7, but extended body awareness in retreat made me trip for a while very similar to LSD just no visuals. Crazy, at all took was really being aware of my body. Whoever is curious to give it a serious try - my lesson was to be very gentle with this process. Much more gentle than I was with myself back then...

OK I kind of can feel full body during vipassana retreats. When my nervous system is calm because of special circumstances. But now - let's say everyday life - I can move attention to certain body parts, but it's hard to try to feel everything. There are blockages in my body - energetic, but also tense muscles, tense fascia - that prevent me from doing so. To feel whole body, I need to relax. When I relax consciously, some muscles start to clench and twitch. Like spiral that needs to unwind because there was too much tension for too long. What works is moving attention through the body to activate it part by part. Legs are easy, hands are easy. Back is hard. If no part is not activated, I can only move "part by part". If at least one part is activated, it's those that are activated I feel plus the one I am right now with my attention. I can feel two points in my body where the blockages are most present: The jaw and stomach. Very intense feeling there. Jaw easy to feel, stomach is a "deeper" sensation. Imagine you want to open a door (=feel whole body) , but there is chain attached (= blockage points). You gently push the door open, but the chain is holding back the opening. Trough practice, the chain gets longer (I feel more) and slowly dissolves. But right now, the chains still prevent full access to feeling my complete body at once. So my practice is: Putting attention to it. Mobilizing with sports, especially the hips. Strengthening the body with small workouts (small muscle group on back e.g.) And mentally, telling myself that it can be done. That I want to do it, and that I can do it. And that all it takes is practice. Going through life as light as possible, so that I don't generate more tensions but reduce them. Are allow them to reduce them by itself, simply not being in the way of that process Sometimes I sit - as upright as possible on meditation pillow. Otherwise I lie on my bed to 100% relax all muscles and to be as comfortable as possible.

OK. Gotcha. So how do you handle these things?

I don't think so much about the question if it's good for them. It's not my job (except I get asked directly). Women don't need to be saved. Especially not from me. I take care of my values, my actions, my thoughts, my emotional state. Maybe it is bad for them? Then they need to learn it themselves. Maybe it's great for them? OK happy to contribute to your well being You can always make the opposite argument: they should be proud, rightfully so, because they Do what they like Bring happiness to others while doing it Don't give a shit what others think

I agree with @Opulence - well said. With one exception. Where I slowly tend towards a different direction: Is that really so? I see tiredness as well. My mind more and more enjoys its rest. It wants its proper role in life, too. Not being the "bad guy" whose fault it is that we are unhappy. It it could speak, I am sure it would be quite pissed about how we treat it, how we perceive it, how we talk about it. Not the tool is the problem, its how we use it. The key is realizing - on whatever level you experience (emotions,intellect, deep knowing) - that it quite exhausting to fight yourself all the time. To plan ALL THE TIME and to build identity that needs defense ALL THE TIME. Seriously, who wants to do this? And who wants to fight his own mind all the time? Why and by whom has this idea been created that the mind resists, and is afraid, and needs surrender etc etc. WTF? I believe it's simply a) wrong conditioning b) Ignorance. I highly question that it needs to be a fight instead of a cooperation. It's just attitude and respect for that wonderful thing we have been given. The way we use the mind on the west is as if you use a beautiful high-end quality knife to cut down a tree. Yeah, you can do it but it's not effective, it's exhausting and it's almost an insult to this incredible tool. What is the alternative? Talk to the mind as a friend, create win-win situations where you don't have inner conflict. Set the mind to use where it's most suited. Use it to cut food, to save lifes, to build shelter etc etc. Or to cut flowers to give a nice gift