theleelajoker

Thanks for this little view into female thinking. Seems valuable in some aspects - boundaries, independent - but others stuff seems harmful for me (depending heavily in context of course). Don't chase? Why not I think it's shows great maturity if a women do actively express what she wants instead of acting like a teenager girl. Of course, chasing in desperate context is not good. And not being too available - this is one of the greatest mindfucks I have seen with women. She's lying next to me, I can see she likes me, she even says so, I feel she loves spending time with me, I can read her body language, she wants be hold and cuddled....and then I can see her eyes narrowing. Her forehead becomes tense. Her breath changes. And then something like "I need to go, I have an appointment, I need distance etc etc" is happening 😂 I can literally see the wheely turning in her head, I can feel she's taken out of the moment, I can observe how - consciously or subconsciously - a concept, a strategy is a remembered and implemented. Huge turnoff for me. It's the equivalent to pick up bullshit on the females site and a disqualifier for long term relationship. We are having a good time? You feel good? I feel good? There's no reason you need to leave except your mind telling you to not be "too available?" (In other cases, it's likely fear of intimacy). Ok stay and let's enjoy the time together. Nothing lasts forever. There will be enough separation because of friends, works, hobbies etc. We feel good in this moment, let's have a good time now

Yeah funny would love to hear what women think and say in these discussions 😂

I have seen and heard it a lot. Lots of friends/ acquaintances are involved in this, so literal pick up with coaches, podcast, books. And going beyond literal pick up, almost everyone likes to get laid right? Could be reflection of me, since it's all within my awareness, but women and how to get laid is huge topic across almost every man I know. And online, and in media, and in movies, etc etc Can't say with say certainly about women, but men SEEM to be almost equally important for them, as far as I get this information from females friends and my gfs or sister. Likely different intentions, different content, but still about men.

Nice text with good examples

I agree on the transactional that @Princess Arabia mentions. It's always an exchange of SOMETHING. Can be something material, with money being the most flexible & smooth good to trade. Could be a buying a dinner, or preparing dinner for someone, then we move towards providing a service. Can be emotional, for instance, this person makes me feel good, makes me accept myself more. Or simply attention given, understanding, listening. On a different level, it can be an energy exchange, where we don't really know what's being exchanged or how we just feel a certain way. And it's kind of contradictory, we do create all feelings in ourselves but still we kind of need others, external stimulus in this reality. Hugging myself is not the same as cuddling with a woman. And the smell, touch or taste of a woman is something that I did not find a substitute for. Damn those pheromones Regarding ethics, I think it's much more about HOW EXACTLY you do it vs. WHAT. So I believe there can be win-win situations, but I also believe it can become a mental/ material prison depending on the background of the persons involved. I also think escorts can in some way be a little bit like a therapist, just spending time and giving attention.

Hm I can somehow relate. Not the first part, but the theme of "meet a girl we have great time emotionally, physically, doing stuff, getting along well and then suddenly she's not interested in spending more time" Personally, I am not so much into the "guys are like X and boys are like Y", for me that's one thing to get some grounding. Making up as little stories as possible. Yeah the bonding can happen if you're open, but time will show that you will bond with more people. It's less about the others, and more about you IME. The activities you mention all already good things IMO. For me, it's about building a system: Physical: Get in your body, and get the stress out of your body. Breath work, yoga, pilates, basketball,sauna, meditation, singing... whatever works for you. Feel whatever is there, don't push it away. Do things that calm down your nervous system. Cuddling is great but you need a human or pet for this Mental: being aware, being present, seeing your thoughts, learning to better steer and concentrate your attention. I better recognize when I am outside my current field of awareness, or in the past/future. One thing I do for instance is telling myself "relax", silently in my head as much as possible. No matter what I do, cleaning, writing this text, sports, interactions with others... whenever I notice I'm not relaxed, I do this. Another thing is telling myself that I don't need person XYZ to be happy, but in a positive way "Right now I have everything I need". Last girl I saw, she gave me a nice warm feeling in the heart area. But it was still my body, my feeling, you know? It's still created inside me. The whole mental part, John C Lewis Lily would probably call it "reprogramming" of your Bio computer. I think @Hojo recommend here once re karma - simply don't react. Stay relaxed no matter what and karma will leave Social: 1) Meet friends and people that you're not interested in romantically. 2) Practically, there is an infinite amount of wonderful women. Yeah so if she doesn't want to be with you - her choice. You're great the way you are and if she doesn't want to be with you, and you stay cool with it, reality will put you into touch with someone else that is a better fit. Don't search for it, but be open - you enjoy the process of finding your match as much as the (potential) result. Smile, interact, relax stand for what is important for you. If she doesn't appreciate you, is she worth your attention? If things start like that, how would a relationship continue? Journaling: just started, seems a great tool. Hope that helps. Some things work better sometimes, then less another time. It's a process for me. In any case - enjoy brother, be happy

Hmm seems we are generally aligned. Maybe some difficulties with words, with language, who means what with what term. Recognition, intuition, sensing, knowing, feeling, being aware, ... pointers that try to describe sth that is hard to describe for me. Also, English is not my first language so subtle details in meaning can be hard for me.

Yes I think we have some similarities re these interactions My experience align with the variations of interaction that you describe. Happy when people come back with a smile And slowly I'm more or less becoming ok with first becoming close to people and them then becoming distant. Or with them not compatible at all form the start. And it's ok with acquaintance or stranger. But has veen harder for me to find the right girlfriend because the shift from them literally saying "this is great love being with you" to "ok I need to be alone" is different when I build trust myself over months. And the shift happened in a very rapid and surprising way. Gonna think about the intensity you learned to tone down. One the one hand, makes sense. On the other, I don't want to be someone I am not. What I see is that adults are often same as kids - strategies of maximizing attention. Some strategies are healthy, some are less. And if you give honest attention to people without them needing to use their "unhealthy" strategies, that's of course very welcome by the human organism

Careful with projections. I did my fair share of psycedelics, too. Still do it from time to time. Ayahuasca, LSD, MDMA, peyote,... there are more experienced users, and some stuff is still on my list, but assuming I have no clue is simply wrong. They have their value. But in terms of a lasting change in my behavior, meditation outperforms psycedelics. And that is valid for me. Can be different for anyone else at different points of time. It's simply my - similar to yours -observation that the equation use of psycedelics= increase in awakening doesn't hold for many people. They then make up sophisticated believe systems and stories that validate their path, blocking out anyone else telling them it might not work they believe it works. And then they take how others are doing it wrong but their path is the right one 😁

Ok thanks. I guess it's becoming difficult now to describe your/ my experience. "Deeply knowing" what's going is probably a feeling, an intuition as you describe it. At least it's that for me. It's a thin line for me between that and story creating by the mind. To give an example, after doing two Vipassana retreats within short time I was hyper aware for some time, and I had some impressions, some experience of depth during talks with people. Almost as if I get a glimpse in the constant creation of reality, how words, actions, reflections and past are in the present woven together to create a new experience.Is it true? Was it a story? Don't know but something definitely changed in my perception of reality. Can't really put it into words but I remember the feeling I had (and sometime still have)

It's God creating the doubt about God. How can you go against God?

Imagine a perfectly round ball. Turn and twist it any way you want. Whatever spot you pick on the surface, it's the center of your current surface. So it's centered at his particular angle, but also it's one out of infinite centers as there is not "one" true center.

Come over for tea together ☕

What is your definition of "awake"? How you are measuring "not total awake"? How you know that?

Yes some people feel put on the spot. Happened to me, it's too much for some. But it can also be quite playful, for example in romantic interactions, in one of the first dates when there is still uncertainty where things are heading:) +1 It's de-programming. All this concept thinking can be a real hindrance in life (speaking also from own experience) @JosheHoly shit you just put some stuff I have been experiencing but never quite get into words. Especially this part (Bold marked my me): Many people feel threatened by this intensity but others love to be the center of my attention for a while because I probe and get to know them with the same depth of perception, analysis, and acceptance that I give to myself. This "for a while" I had a lot recently, with men and women. People in some situations clearly love the attention they get, they like the interactions, they open up, but suddenly they then distance themselves. Why do you think it's like that? You already mentioned intensity and I think there's something to it. I know I built my skill in observation and depth of perception during many hours of Vipassana and oh yeah, that took lots of time to get used to as well. +1 in the inner workings and people not enough being interested in transcending their current level of their psyche. I say "not enough" because for a start, they are but then IME fear takes over.

For me, on the one hand, it's impossible to just continue to chop wood, carry water. Like @Sempiternity said above, everything changed for me re how I see life and other people, how I relate to others. Can't look at life, people anymore like I did before. Once the veil of ignorance shifted a bit, can't go back. At the same time - and I know it's kind of contradicting myself - it's funny because nothing really happened, right? Just the way or looking at things and people. Rest is constant.Outside world is still there. Work, money, food, social life, partner,hobby and all this other basic human needs still need to be done. Chop wood, carry water. 🪵 🪓 💦

IMO on of your best posts in recent times. Especially the "open end exploration" and this part Don't try to force a single conclusion upon reality. You always want to be open to radical new consciousness -- whatever that might be. I remember Buddha saying one of the factors of enlightenment is " investigation of Dhamma" - so it's a mystery and will remain one. But this also means there is no final teaching, no final "God is this or that", which also means that we could stop about half the discussion here in this forum because it could be or become something radical new every moment, right?

Lol. Don't understand why there's so much dick size some comparison re to how much someone is awak, and how everybody believes he found "THE" awaking. Just look at the vocabulary you used. But ok, Leo acts this way so of course there will be others playing this game as well. You can tell about your experience without telling others how "shallow" and 'absolute beginner " others are. Maybe there one step ahead, you just can't see it now? One could make the argument that just taking a substance to induce some state is very far away from being awake. Being awake could also mean 100 different things for 100 different people. For me, for instance, it's very close to the OP: being lucid, being aware, understanding, integration, action within this reality. Doing things for the sake of doing them with as much joy, intention but also healthy distance. Realizing that things that seem a certain way are likely to be different then the appearance in the surface. Would not go so far as to say "I am god" though. It's more a "Ok I'm part of everything, there's a conection to everything and everyone".

That was quite interesting. Would be cool if we learned and discussed something like that in school instead of many other things that have little use or are even harmful in creating cultural programming.

One thing I have been doing lately: Either expressing what I want to say nonverbally or asking the other person: "Can you express what you want to express right now without words"? Not always easy, but fun. Can also be a game changer in discussions etc with partner,family for instance.

Why does it matter?

In agree that those are good principles, but in my experience just reading them is not enough to really experience a change. What I mean is that basically anyone could write a set of rules or principles to live by with two minutes but (almost) nobody actually lives like that. Here I do it in the fly: Physical movement and breath Be authentic Eat healthy Build strong social connections Be open re experiences/ don't judge Do what you love/ what really matters for you Be present Be active and decisive in your actions It's a mental trap in my POV that just reading or listening to sth or someone will create the desires change. It's not completely useless, but in my opinion the focus in education (and self help) is way too much on concepts and not enough on skills how to actually put this into practice. I feel it's a side effect of our intellectualized and overly regulated western society.

@James123 happy you're back

Anyone knows "Le deuxième acte"? Great movie. Watched it maybe half a year ago, and had some awakenings afterwards. Now when I go out and talk to people, there's sometime some role switching. You know that I know, and I know that you know, we stop pretending and we both talk about it. Quite funny. Go and give it a try. But you can also do the opposite. I have an old south park episode in mind, the kids visited some reenactment show of old times few hundreds years ago. I remember the motto was "never break character", so the reenactment actors stayed in their role no matter what. Quite funny, too. Pick your game. Enjoy the show But once I have experienced the first game, it's very hard to forget completely. Only works when I am deeply involved into something. You have no idea what I'm talking about? Welcome to South Park