theleelajoker

If you want to understand why living next to the club is NOT important, you will need to understand what I said. If don't care to understand, then continue holding your current view of things. And if you want to leave your current mysogenous perspective on women as "children that don't take responsibility", then you need to understand that your personal projection is a) your bias of motives and behavior and not what really is and b) even if it was so, it can not be generalized from personal experience to "women are like XYZ"

😁😁😁

That is your projection of reality, which you expand from personal experience with subjective filter to a generalizated statement. My personal experience is very different. I gave examples above and I am unlike your statement it's not a projection. Yes sometimes I could see how she intentionally guided our interactions towards sex while she was doing it. But much more, they told me what they did or said, when and how, what their thought process was at the moment etc. 100% responsibility. No idea what you get from painting women as "children" that don't take responsibility but IMO it's a harmful narrative and plainly very wrong.

I have experienced the "finding reasons not to have sex". Left me confused when I was younger because it felt as if her body clearly communicated a desire but her programming (mind) said no. But then it was a general "no" and distance didn't matter that much. They had their reasons, I think most of times it was about not getting attached. Hmmm it varies a lot in my experience. I remember discussing outside a club with a Israeli girl, I asked "what we do next?" and she just gave a look and said " I know what I want". She did think, she had a clear plan and she took 100% responsibility. Another one said "I know exactly where this is going" when we approached my place - took us maybe 45-60 min to get there. She knew already when we left 😛 There are many other occasions I remember where the woman was clearly the one taking responsibility and setting a course that led to sex. The opposite happened as well, but very few times. My impression is that it seemed to be related to religious, cultural or family upbringing, believe systems about sex or not being in touch with herself and her needs. All in all I have the experience that women know almost all the time very well what they are doing and take responsibility for sex. There was a Indian we had a ONS after meeting three times and she could explain to me exactly when and how she checked me out and when she decided to send me the signals for sex. Just ask women when they decided to (not) have sex with you I learned a lot by simply being curious : )

I wouldn't write any of this if I did not have sufficient examples where distance didn't matter. Long rides with bike, long walks, trains, taxi, subway doesn't matter. If both are in the mood you just go for it and the distance is not a factor (don't think I ever had to cover much more then 1h because few cities are that big) My whole point is that if logistics matter that much, then it's nothing that is worthwhile for either one. Depends. You can find alignment, bonding (or the opposite) quite fast by being authentic, honest, relaxed. Couldn't do that in the past, but meditation helped tremendously. Point taken re car. I prefer public transport, bike, walking or taxi. Hmm that makes me think. Isn't connecting the way to find out if you actually feel like having sex? Sure there has to be physical attraction, but it's a necessary but not sufficient condition in my POV. And yes, at some point you have to make clear what intention each person has because it can become awkward if there is a big difference. But that's something you can talk about at any point if sme feels like it, right? What's making it awkward in your POV if you connect too much?

We seem to live in different universes. Let's check if I'm am getting this right. The argument is: If there is too much time, then there a "flight risk" and the woman might change her mind about sex? That's the argument, yes? If yes, are you guys fucking kidding me??? 😂 First: if a woman only wants to sleep with me if it's a short distance to my home, if she might change her mind because it takes 20min more to get home, then how much does she actually wants to have sex with me??? How much does she actually want to spend time with me??? Second: If that's the case and the woman is that uncertain - how much do I want actually have sex with her??? If there is so much process and planning required to keep her wanting to fuck me, how good will the sex actually be??? Sorry, where did I leave my self esteem? Still in the wardrobe, yes? Ok let me get it... If I am missing something let me know. Of course, there is a process of courting, and it can be practical to be close to home. But I don't plan distance because it "gets bad" if her spending more time with me might make her lose the desire to fuck me LOL

Alright

So masculine not to be playful. If you were a woman, you would have added that emoji.

Interesting read. You wrote this on your own? If not what's the source and who's Anon?

How did it go?

Best way to increase your close count is not to think about the best distance to clubs to increase your close count 😉 In my experience, if the woman is really in the mood to spent the night with you she doesn't give a fuck if it's a 5 min walk or a 45+ min ride. It even can be an amazing foreplay, talking, kissing, touching, cuddling, connecting until you reach home and then can set all the excitement and positive tension free together

@Xonas Pitfall Bravo

On the question how / where to meet: Anywhere and in every way. I met people I resonated with in bars, restaurant, subway, train, meditation retreats, yoga classes, dating apps, in the street, festivals, in queues, through common friends, ... infinite possibilities:) How? Being open, being authentic, being aware where your intention goes, and talking to them. Not every person you talk to will be a "bullseye" but the more often and the more authentic I am doing this, the better the fit becomes. Good luck and enjoy the process!

@meta_male Ok I see where you are coming from, too. I don't know if it's the only path to work on it on your own and then entering relationship. Maybe it's something that can be figured out together in a relationship? Probably depends on individuals as every person and every relationship is unique. And while I see your point of pain being stuck> fear of change, I still have hope that there is a approach that involves a lighter path where change is a result of feeling, anticipating lightness, peace and happiness > fear of change

I think everyone is doing the best he/she can. Yes of course OP needs to conscious of how much he wants to be involved. But do you think there is anyone that willingly takes the choice to stay in his trauma patterns? How can you take responsibility if you never learned to do it? It's a chicken - egg problem. I know people that really do their best, going to therapy, really want it change, really want to work through it and it's still not easy, takes time, etc etc.

Men too. Same same, just different fears. Yes. It's great to watch the woman slowly opening up and expressing herself. Mega-attractive. A big bonus is that when I notice that the woman becomes very relaxed, and her tone changes, her voice becomes very soothing for me as well. Beautiful mirror effect. And while admitting that there is some pride and ego involved, I also simply enjoy feeling useful and being able to co-create such safe space. Simply Win-Win in my POV

Yesterday, I spent almost the whole day with girl. We also talked about the safety point you made above, and I think what she said is pretty much aligned for Natasha's point above. It's also what kind of experiences a woman had in her past, can make you more or less fearful, careful, courageous. So there's high variation among the women I got to know. And the older I get, the more I learn that being able to provide comfortable safety to women is key in dating and developing connection and intimacy. I can relate to the safety point myself, because even as a man you will - sooner or later - be in a position where you have to be careful about your physical safety. For instance, if you work with big animals such horses, big dogs etc. Or if you go to dangerous, criminal areas in some countries. Not saying it's the same, but you still have to work with your instincts to stay safe. And the discussion about truth or feelings...well, I don't see big difference. I know women that also care a lot about truth. And the meditation retreats I went to very typically 50:50 m/f

Yes, then the apparent "comfort" becomes very uncomfortable.

@Xonas Pitfall I enjoy your posts, IMO refreshing views and nice deconstruction of believes/assumptions

Because they want to be happy themselves. Not everything is about being chased by the other sex

I think that's a pretty good description

Yeah I agree about like and like attracts. That's why I said seems to my type when saying that there are many emotionally ungrounded women:) They were/are great humans, same as my male friends with strong emotional experience. Just experiencing life differently

+1 Met many, many emotionally ungrounded women, too. Seems to be my type 😂 They are not hard to find... @Xonas Pitfall great analysis above. You basically want your lizard brain constantly stimulated long-term, without any consequences or boredom. It's a core mind trick in almost everything in life, haha. This one really got me 🤣

Re your question. Sometimes I get desperate, too. What motivates me to stay alive Don't know what comes after and if it's truly better Experience shows that bad moments pass, too Contact, interaction with others. Talks, walks, exchange in general. Extra points for cuddling Life has good surprises now and then

@Meeksauce It's similar for me. I am pretty confident that "something/ someone" is communicating. Thoughts, words, and actions seem to have an impact on "others" and "external" reality. Sometimes almost immediately. Beyond that it seems that our current energetic structure also emits and creates although that's mainly unconscious. That's maybe aligns your point of "where you are in life" The challenge for me is to read and act according to the signals. What does really have meaning, and what meaning? It seems like the more aware one is of this phenomenon and the mental nature of reality, the more God is open to communicating with. I agree...your post is also one this instances of this communication haha