theleelajoker

The best advice I got was from a girl some years ago. We talked about intuition. I told a story where I was in the subway, heading the wrong way without knowing it (I mixed up the directions). As I was sitting in the subway, I got a strange feeling. I also overheard other people's conversations about stops on the way, and I had this strange impression of "hmm does not sound like the way I'm heading, strange they talk about stop XYZ". When I write this now, it seems clear, but I didn't think these words, there was just a strange feeling. It's like seeing an outline in the fog, but not enough to recognize what it is. So, I stayed in the subway and found out 30 min later that I fucked up the directions 🤣 I told this story to the girl, and she just looked at me and asked, in a friendly way sth like "why not listen to this feeling? Why not act on this feeling? What reason did you have to not trust yourself?" I had simply had no answer to these questions. Some years later, I still remember this part of our conversation. Grateful because she opened up a door for me to trust "these strange feelings" more and more over time. Women in general have been/ are a great teacher for me re intuition. Not saying that men don't have this, or cannot be at the same level of intuition as women. But watching my sister, GFs etc act has resulted in great learnings. I learned to not ask them how they do it because it gets them into their mind and then the connection to their intuition gets blurred/ lost (which might be a good pointer how to not improve your intuition 🤣)

Lots of good advice already in the posts above. Remember, everyone has some fears, and (it seems) many people have social fears, fears of interacting. Trying to hide it just makes it worse. Imagine a situation like this could happen: "Hi, I was kind of afraid to talk to you, and I don't know what to say, but I really felt like talking to you/ getting to know you" "Oh wow I have seen you, and I am interested in you, too. But I was too afraid to make the first move so I'm really happy to came to me" ---> you have an immediate connection and sth to talk about... namely how you're both afraid of talking to other people 🤣 Hi I slowly learned how to approach women was positive feedback, learning about human interaction, lot of overcoming of fear, feeling my feelings, and reaching the acceptance that I'm OK the way I am. Last point required me to interact and be the way I am first. Nothing of this happens if, as you said, you strategize your human interactions.

Interesting. How you come to this answer?

@Breakingthewallalways talks about openness. So I aim at having this openness in any interaction. Meaning truly listening, being aware of the other without projection (without thoughts of he she is saying/doing that because ..."), expressing my self authentically, being as honest as possible, and being aware of feelings and my body as best as I can, having no fear of rejection, listing to my intuition. More openness, less resistance, less fear --> integration of different (higher) state of consciousness. The way information is processed becomes very different. Can you give a concrete example how thoughts come/ came into your way? And if you want no thoughts, we should stop being in this forum right? Every word I read, I am thinking this word in my head creating more thinking. Interaction as described above has the same "fish in the water" efffect for me.

Great comment IMO. Agree. Btw, yoga sutra says very similar things. Wherever you put your intention, you'll improve. Life, God, universe - wherever wisdom comes from - will give you gradual insights as long as you put time, focus, effort. Openness and curiosity are key.

Yeah, I mean you could say that an enlightened person doesn't compare, or doesn't need to tell others how great he/she is, or the most awake etc right? Besides the world "enlightened" is a pretty arbitrary term and I don't trust anyone claiming anything re spiritual achievements without having direct experience with this person. It's "show, don't talk".

OK, sorry I think it's hard to have high quality conversation via messages on a forum. Lot's of room for gaps in communication / missunderstanding. I'll try better, more precise: What is the reason you believe its the ONLY way? How EXACTLY does the ego put up defense? Is it just keeping yourself busy? Are there feelings in the body, resistence during self inquiry? Why do you believe it has to be a fight? Is it possible that it is only a fight because we make it one? HOW EXACTLY are you doing it, the self-inquiry? What thoughts come up? Do you just repeat the question in your mind? Where exactly is your attention? Does your attention stay or move? Are you sitting still or moving? Why do you see enlightenement as the end goal? What is enlightenment for you personally? Realizing you are more than the "skin-encapsulted ego"? More than that? Why should there be a final enlightenment? What to do afterwards? What changed after your realization? What DO you do differently? What does FEEL different? What EXACTLY is scary? Why is it scary? You understand why "it's about finding out who you are" seems like a insufficent reply to me? I don't have the expectation of you replying to all of the questions above, that would probably be 1000+ word reply, but those are the questions I am curious about, your personal experience. Pick the one(s) u feel comfortable to reply to To give you an example how the process is for me and what changed: In meditation, I felt (twice) a deep vibration inside me. My body starts to twich when I let go, some energy flowing. It feels that I am simply a vessel for this energy. I can simply decide to let the energy flow or not (=resistance, tension in body) Re the illusion, OK I have seen people right in front of me being just colorful fractals. No substance. They were talking fractals. If I had looked into a mirrow at this time, I probaly would have seen the same with me. Different emotions had different colours. So where's the "human"? I become aware how others are just reflections and appearences. Certain energetic patterns that come across my life based on my own inner patterns. I am in state X, I have emotions Y, I think of Z, and XYZ happens soon afterwards I become aware that there are no real boundaries. "People" I see for the first time know and say things about me they can't know based on physical 3-D laws. I realize it all being a big process, I am always communicating with one "consciousness" that is simply covered by human appearences. It's like talking to my own subconscious non-stop Especially the last point was scary for me. It was like "everybody knows everything about me, no secrets". But it also makes me incredibly free because there is no point in hiding anything

First sentence: yeah, me too sometimes. Until I remember that I am only lost as long as I try to make sense of things in a logical way. No logic, no being lost. Easier said then done sometimes of course. Second part: well, that's the thing... who wouldn't want God? God doesn't want god. Because she's god, too. Namaste my brother.

Super wolfy post, loving it 🤣

Look, I think you're trying to help, but if you want to do that - do it best by answering my questions instead of asking more questions. It seems you are trying to point me to sth without questioning if what you are pointing to is maybe something I am already aware of? What I am - everything and nothing. Tat tvam asi. The process itself, awareness. My life has changed forever, took me a while to integrate but here we are now. Did not need any self inquiry for that, just sitting and feeling. Maybe there is more I am not aware of? Defintely! I know there are further barriers because I touched them. So How find out more? One approach to find out the "more" for me is to keep looking inside, another one is to act and another one is to ask questions and learn about the experience of others as I am doing now. If I want more questions, I ask for more questions. If I want answers to my questions, I ask for answers. VERY SIMPLE. So, if you want to be helpful say "I don't want to answer your questions" or al least reply to my questions before giving me more questions before even veryfying is they are of any use for me. For now, the questions you asked are of no use for me. All this meta stuff is very tiring for me, real experience, first person experience is what I am interested in. You made some statements, I asked questions about it, you did not answer but evaded those questions. You don't want to share your answers - OK, just say it directly pls.

Can you give an example of how you do it? And what it does for you? Still see no argument why it should be the ONLY way. My experience is that there are many methods that can complement each other / alternate over time. And why always this end goal of enlightenment? Afterwards what you do? Action. And why a fight? Make it fun as much and often as possible. If it's not fun all the time, believe that it can / will be fun

Don't get what you mean. How is it putting up defense? How and why only thing to penetrate? And contemplation means for me "thinking", for instance with a question like "who am I?" --> leads to only thinking. What I do is sit, walk, lying down etc and just feeling & obsverving

+ 1 for body, movement, breath I don't do contemplation + self-inquiry, this keeps me from action. Seems like a detour for me. Action, interaction= key for me for integration and evolving further

My take: Living, action is the unwinding of energy. You're just more aware/ more open during mediation. Meditation is training camp, real life is the playground. Goal is to bridge the gap between "meditation" and "living everyday life". Integration means you keep the openness and flow of energy all the time.

Haha yeah this enlightened game 🎮 🤣 Or the "I understand reality better then you" competition 👀 Seems pretty big also on this forum, it's the spiritual version of comparing dick sizes. Tbh, it's not a surprise given how Leo talks about how he's more awake then anyone else. Personally I trend more towards Alan Watts perspective - "unconscious people are so deep into the game, you have to admire that" 😁 Although I play those games myself as well from time to time it's entertaining 😉

Yeah, it's very strange. Changed - or higher - state of consciousness also gave me more attention from women. It seems I'm suddenly more funny, better looking and in general more attractive. Just like that. But guess what? Does not apply to the one woman I would love to get attention from. And it seems impossible for me to change that. Does this bother other women, even when they know about it? Noooooo, not at all! For some strange reason they now want to date me more then ever 🤣 So, I fear that this will drag out until I finally accept that I can't have this one woman in my life. And I bet as soon as I accept this, moved on and maybe even have a new girlfriend, then she will get interested in me. So the right strategy would be to forget this one woman as soon as possible, because then she might get interested in me and then all would be good, right? But it doesn't work this way. Because first, good luck trying to forget something on purpose. And second, it indeed seems that the dream is reading me - and forgetting her to get her is what I want so I won't get what I want. Checkmate.

OK. Makes more sense for me now. Thx for clarifying. "Being yourself" doesn't work for some guys, ok I get it. Maybe I am/ was lucky with some life circumstances out my control. But trust me, I have / had enough other shit do deal with. Where I am coming from is that IMO any measure, any training, any concept, any pick up strategy, and especially any meta analysis of "how women are, what women want etc, how to get women" gets you further form this masculine confident vibe, which is "being yourself" in the end. And ironically, once you manage this, you get more interesting for others. Because they can be themselves too. Moreover, living this authentic self is IMO also the key to a fulfilled life and much more valuable then "scoring" with some women. I believe the key is not to learn new strategies in dealing with people, but "unlearning" the conditioning that keeps you from your authentic self. At least that's the way I approach life right now and I like the way my life is trending...

Whatever makes you happy

Don't know how often I have to repeat it: First: Looks= a bit above average based on external feedback. Don't go to the gym to get muscles or similar. I once used tinder for a few weeks and stopped because I got close to zero matches. I won't stick out in a crowd. Noone will tell a girl dating me "oh why him?" but also nobody will say "oh what a catch" Edit some time later: my sister said re looks that I am more handsome then I think. Still don't believe it's as important as many people want it to be Second: re "very tight game" - I don't call it that, I don't act this way, I don't think this way! I don't work on impressing girls (anymore) although I was partially in this trap a bit when I was younger and more insecure. I don't think about getting "results". I don't think about "social status". WTF is wrong of many of you guys? Are you robots running on programs? Strategies to manipulate other humans? Stop thinking meta on how to influence people and just go out and talk, share, connect. Just be nice, be authentic, be open and treat others the way you want to be treated. Respect the individual man/woman in front of you. Try to find a "win-win". Share your happiness when you have a good day and share your sadness and desperation when you have a bad day. First case you lighten up life of others, later one you alllow others to feel what we all feel from time to time. Holy shit please all of you stop with the whole pick up mindset you are fucking up your life and the life of others just because you're scared of being yourself @Princess ArabiaI agree on people experiencing it differently and then projecting.

You need witnesses? 🤣🤣🤣 I'm far from wealthy, a bit above average looks I hear. When I am in a good mood I can connect to people, but that has not always been the case. The key: sense of humor, being as authentic and honest as possible, listening, being open. And having a big sister helps big time, too bro. Women know other women well. They often just don't know themselves well. Same for men.

+1 a thousand times So many people in this forum seem addicted to their projection and ego stories. All this shit about "women do this and that" and "men should this and that". It's an individual, unique person in front of you. Good luck. It's a mirror game

Not true, it's projection / subjective experience. Experienced the opposite many times. Got asked for my number, asked for a date, got approached at a bar, club, girls searching databases to find me when I was a colleague. After initial phase, women organized vacations, rented flats etc etc.

Damn But was worth a try & thx And I agree with the cues in the initial phase. When the girl laughs even at my bad jokes I know she likes me 🤣

Don't think so she has a long term boyfriend and seems happy about him. I like her but I'm not sexually interested and I think it's the same for her. IMO, it's possible to have a platonic relationship with the other sex. @Princess Arabia what if there are mixed signals? When the obvious points towards one direction, and the subtle cues in another direction? Case study: woman says in one situation "I don't have enough feelings for you let's part ways" (obvious) and in another situation tells a story where a woman she knows left her boyfriend but came back few months later (subtle). Or woman says she's not ready for relationship (obvious) but very casually brings up topic of marriage / kids in other situation (subtle)? She's seeking distance "I want to be alone" (obvious) but then is surprised when her wish is granted ("thought we talk about it", subtle). All real life examples Really curios about female perspective now

It changes. Once I broke through some initial blocks, I can feel the presence of "something" in almost any interaction, sth beyond the images. It's like never feeling foreign again, it's feeling at home wherever you go. I can relate to almost everyone automatically, it's just happening when I interact with presence. Within minutes, or few hours, I reach a depth of conversations with new people comparable to the depths I used to have with friends I have known for years. Respectively, new people reach that depth with me, it's teamwork. There's are countless methods to move towards this. Easiest path IMO: Be open to anything. Feel. Increase your capacity for feeling. Be present. Act, interact, share. Turn attention inside your body. Openness, as @Breakingthewall often points out, is crucial. Whatever increases your openenes, do that and I am confident that it's enough. .