woohoo123

How does the Universe decide what to do? I've heard this expressed various ways, although nothing quite scratches my itch. I've heard Leo say 'to Maximise love' also the Universe is just 'being'. But I mean like how/why does the Universe decide to move the leaf from point A to point B and how does that relate to my individual free will/control? In the sense God does it all, but how does that even fit together? Not sure if it is a bit off topic but kinda related.

Can I please ask what the aim of this is? do you actually sleep shorter hours? or do you sleep the same number of hours but feel more refreshed after the same amount of sleep? Does that state count as sleeping or not? Do you spend all night there or is this supposed to be more ‘do for a few mins then go to real sleep?’ thanks

Sometimes I do a little prayer before the trip (I literally pretend to be a bit like Jesus) something Father something something As a human, there is something beautiful about reaching out to divinity for help. I know its phony, but it puts me into a state of gratitude for what is about to happen. And it makes me feel better than sitting there shitting myself waiting for the inevitable.

Almost drowned at sea When I was like 5 years old I was at the beach. Got knocked over by a big wave and pulled out towards the sea. I did not know how to swim. I didn't know what happened but I remember looking up at the sky whilst being underwater and it was very peaceful... Somehow my mum managed to pull me out the water. Slipped on side of a mountain I went trekking in the Himalayas when I was 16 - I had no climbing or trekking experience. I was walking down a mountain called Stok Kangri (go Google it), 100m from the summit down the side of a glacier. I was terribly afraid. Usually as safety precaution you are tied to other people, so if you slip the group can hold you up. So it happens on the way down I got separated from the main group. It was only me and the local Sherpa. He knew I was scared... and in his 'wisdom' decided to totally abandon me on the side of this mountain. I think he wanted me to prove to myself I could face this challenge on my own. There was only one path down so I could not get lost. I was incredibly tired at this point and I was at altitude. I took one step and my crampon caught against on my trousers, I started to slide down the side of this glacier. I managed to use my ice axe and stop myself from picking up speed, climbed back on the path and made it down safely. To put it in perspective, I only got taught how to use an ice axe the day before, and had half an hour practice. This trip was with my school, they never actually expected anyone to use their ice axe. This was supposed to be a trekking trip for people with no experience. I didn't tell anyone, but no way should I have been left alone on the mountain in that situation. If I had kept sliding for a few more seconds, I'm not sure if I would have been able to stop myself from going all the way down..... River was deeper than expected When I was camping I woke up and went to the river to get some water. It was before sunrise, completely pitch black. I had only my headtorch on. My headlight shone onto a rock underwater. In my drunken sleepy stupor, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to put one of my legs on that rock so I could bend down and scoop some water. It was fast flowing, the pan want out my hands, my leg went underwater up to my waist. I still dont really know how I got out of that. But I was thinking it was pitch black in a fast flowing river... if I had somehow not kept my balance then good luck finding my body....

Hi there I apologise if I have misunderstood your post, but from what I can see I believe you are taking Leo’s advice out of context. ‘doing the emotionally difficult thing’ is used in the context when you know (with your heart and intuition) that something is right for you, but your mind projects all kinds of fears, limiting beliefs to keep you rooted where you are. What Leo is trying to convey is a transition to love and freedom from fear. This is emotionally difficult because you need to overcome fear (and follow love/passion). Life is complex and nuanced. Do not expect a single rule to carry you through life. If you do, be sure you understand its proper context. For example, if you are stood on a cliff edge. The simple thing to do is to stand where you are safe. Now you could say it may be emotionally challenging to leap off to your death, but that does not mean you should do it! Hopefully you can see this advice has been totally misapplied in this scenario. Your specific case can be re-framed. The emotionally difficult thing to do, is to learn, improve and create something better with your film making after your humiliating experience. To continue and consciously improve your skills in spite of adversity. Your stories can help inspire many people (if that is your goal). Is that something worth pursuing? Somehow you have interpreted ‘doing the emotionally difficult thing’ as destroying your passion. This is not what this advice means. Perhaps something to help is to ask yourself: How much self-love is this action showing right now? Will this make me truly happy in the long term? Remember this is about overcoming fear, and limitation. It is NOT about self-sabotage or curbing your passion. These statements seem to contradict, which suggests you are already questioning yourself. You need to figure out which voice is fear and which is love. Then think about which one you want to listen to and why. I think you can turn this around with some optimism, passion, bravery but also having a realistic outlook on how you are progressing. Remember that every advice has its context, even this one. Good luck brother! Am rooting for you

Yes I take it orally (fumarate). I tried vaping and it just wasn't for me. Also oral administration you get longer trips and it comes on slower so you can actually relax and get into the zone. You need to take it with a MAOI though otherwise it doesn't work. I don't think you're meant to smoke fumarate? (freebase for smoking right?) I read somewhere fumarate gives off nasty side chemicals, but I assume you already knew that. If you're interested below was my first proper trip report on DMT (also taken orally)

The context for that was thinking how can i bring this love I was feeling into my ‘normal’ state? I was looking for a trick or a mental hack I could use to induce the ‘loving’ state when I don’t actually feel very loving. But what this meant was love isn’t found in the structures of the mind. Like when you hear beautiful music, you feel it is beautiful, but then your mind can analyse why it is beautiful, but that analysis never really captures the real essence of its beauty. In the same way, if I were to try and use some mental mantra to manipulate my base state into feeling this love, I can be so focused on the mantra and trying to get it to work I am missing the very essence of the love I want to express. So love comes first as it is an immediate state of being, before thinking about it. So if you want to be more loving, you can just ‘be‘ loving, without any justification or thought attached to it. But if you think I ‘should’ feel loving, or I ‘want’ to be more loving without actually feeling love first, then you’re left with your mental tools/hacks to force yourself into a state of love, which will not be genuine nor will it work. Depending on the circumstance, if your intention to become more loving is actually sincere and heartfelt, this can be a foundation to foster more love. But notice that does not happen in the mind. Notice you cannot just ‘decide’ to be sincere, when you truly don’t already feel sincere. Your honest sincerity to become more loving, is already putting you in a loving state (so you are already feeling love by being sincere which is what this is trying to convey). Similarly, if you think I ‘want’ to feel more love, (when really you feel hate or disgust) acknowledging your real feelings will help release resistance to that and open the opportunity for more love. This is because by being authentic this is again creating a state of love. So be love (there are many forms and degrees) and you will feel more loving. Rather than try to mechanically guilt trip yourself into it with thinking alone (when you’re not actually feeling very loving)

hi, I’m wondering how everyone is planning to look after themselves when they are older and physically incapable of doing so themselves. I am talking on purely physical terms here, like how are you gonna shit, shower, cook, clean when you can’t physically do so yourself? I know this is rather unpredictable, as technology and AI will change things a lot. But I wanted to ask, what would be a ‘wise’ way to prepare for this challenge at that stage of life? What things should we aim to have in place to make this easier for ourselves? I come from a community where elders would typically live with younger families, so these chores and basic living needs get handled for them just by being in close proximity to people. However I notice in spiritual communities there is a pull towards solitude and solo/independent living. This kind of ‘agreement’ is less common now days and I think will continue to be so going forwards. real story: my great grandma requires a walker and if she falls she cannot physically get up on her own. One time she fell on the way to the toilet and she couldn’t get up. But she knew she would be fine as my mum always drops by each day. Now if that were to happen to me, (I see/speak to others outside my gf maybe… once a month?) - yea I would be dead before anyone found me I feel people used to have kids partly for this purpose, and there would be a forced agreement ‘I look after you when you’re young, you look after me when I’m old’ kind of thing. Maybe we are too solo nowadays? Will you depend on being able to reach technology/alarm mechanism to contact others in these kind of emergencies? Is that a sensible thing to do? Will you go to a care home (need money) but be forced to comply with meal times, bed times etc? I think money is a given but what would your living arrangements look like? What would be a good way to live for you at this stage of your life? Thanks everyone

Hey there I'm a Physics graduate but not working in the field of Physics. I was in a similar position to yourself, I can describe my thought process back then and perhaps it may help you. Of course this is a reflection of my own journey so yours might be different. Also I was not aware of life purpose back then, I was simply following my needs. I do not regret any of my decisions though. I am assuming you are young, apologies if not. Why did I get into Physics? I was seeking to understand the Universe. I was seeking to feel wonder, awe and finally understand the nature of life. I didn't know at the time, but I was seeking spirituality (ofc I did not have this perspective back then). I had a feeling the Universe was 'special' but I did not know about God or anything like that. When I got to University, I did feel the entire thing was quite a drag. I did not really enjoy memorising hundreds of equations, spending all my weekends solving problem sheets and revising to pass like 10 exams every semester. The workload did put a bad taste in my mouth, I did not really like the pressure and the nature of environment. My mind did not feel free, it was like I was being trained to pass exams (which I did with top honours) but the experience was not what I expected it to be. I expected much more free reign which I didn't seem to get. During this time I spent so much time on my own, studying and in the library I became very isolated. I dealt with loneliness, lack of social and dating life and self-worth issues. I did not know at the time but this was the start of my personal development journey. Learning to handle these emotions and trying to get outside success to fill these holes made me think of doing stuff outside of Physics. You mentioned social life is dead, I wonder if you feel the same? That might be spilling into your experience of Physics. I would've enjoyed the experience more if I had an active social life, but there was no way I could've kept up with the work if that were the case. I also realized I enjoyed the IDEA of being a physicist (because of the prestige, being associated with intelligence) more than actually doing the work. Sure there were times I enjoyed it, math is very beautiful and its so nice when it all fits together, those breakthroughs were nice. However overall the actual work (labs, studying math, workload etc) felt like a drag to me. That was another clue. Although I was good at math, I realized I am not naturally drawn to it. My skills mostly developed as a requirement from society and parents (tutor and school etc). But if I observe myself when I am left to my own devices, I do not create math. I do not write equations on windows like those child geniuses on TV, I don't think up and solve problems mathematically, I naturally don't think of the world in a mathematical formulaic way (I prefer philosophy and thinking in broader strokes). I much prefer writing or learning music in my free time. I like scientific IDEAS but I don't like doing the actual science. I like reading ABOUT science, I like reading about discoveries, but I don't actually like doing the science itself. I could not imagine myself being happy going into the lab each day or doing research on a very specific narrow topic. Do you actually enjoy doing the actual science? As I got further into my degree, I felt like the only people who could understand me were other Physicists. I felt like I was becoming very narrow, the specialisation did put me off a bit. One of my main reasons for doing Physics was to help inspire and bring that awe and wonder to others. I was thinking of becoming a science communicator instead of an actual scientist. But I didn't want to become a teacher or anything. I wanted to become rich (and there seemed to be better ways to do that than staying in Academia) . This academic environment was too quiet, too hidden away for me. I wanted to wear a nice suit to work, experience the luxuries of life, have the spotlight on me for a bit, not sit in an armchair and become a middle aged man. I wanted to experience material success when I was still young and that desire was building more and more. So instead I took some inspiration from John 'Larry' Kelly and started learning financial maths. I had this image of being like a 'rebel' scientist, being a baller on Wall Street or a top engineer in some defence company. For me that was pretty much the final straw and I went onto the next chapter (and into city life). I think if I had gone into Physics later in life.... say maybe even now I would have a higher chance of staying in there as I have got some stuff out my system (experiencing wall street and the corporate world). But as a young man, I felt like there were some things I wanted to experience at that time (I wanted to conquer the world) and staying in Physics would've be too restrictive for me. Ask yourself, what is it that makes you think theoretical Physics isn't right for you? Pay MAJOR attention to that. I think the fact you are even questioning is a sign, but you might not be consciously aware of what it is trying to point out to you yet. What are you missing right now that you want? In those moments you are questioning, what are you missing right now that you need? What would make things better for you? It might be the Physics, or it might be something else which is trying to get your attention. I do think life purpose tends to be on the upper end of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, so if you're not there yet I wouldn't try to force it, Also agree more experience and perspective (eg. I think its a good idea to take that internship) and see how you feel. Do you see yourself doing that everyday? If not, what else would you rather experience? That experience will help bring you more clarity Good luck brother

Thank you, this is an inspiring vision. Better than the one I had for how things may pan out. Although I wonder how it all works out in the end… in my mind it’s a steady decline, but maybe it doesn’t always have to turn out like that.

I may be wrong here, but I can’t imagine my great grandma working out in her state anymore. I think this has to be a lifelong activity before you get too old. I think there may be a point of no return where let’s say you can’t even hold your own body weight standing (when your 90 or so) working out and being able to come off a walker idk I don’t see it happening too often. I think it’s more common once your on a walker you tend to have it for life. like assisted suicide? Interesting. I think the ‘peaceful way’ would have to be important. I don’t think old people can will themselves to die even if they ‘want’ to but at what point would that be appropriate for you? Maybe you only know when you get there. When you get too far down the road even travel or sitting on a plane/bus/car becomes difficult (unless you do it at home somehow and don’t mess it up which might be painful). But I can even imagine there will be a lot of ‘home technology’/health tracking which would alert people or prevent you from doing this kind of stuff at home

1. Perfectionistic tendencies tend to come from a place of not loving imperfection, not being able to see the beauty in things as it is. Things have to be a certain way for you to feel good about it. You can take joy in what you are producing even if it is not 'perfect'. When you see your sibling or a little child trying their best to produce something, you take joy in just watching them try. You can learn to appreciate yourself in the same way too. It's not perfect, but you are doing your best. Become your own cheerleader, but do it from compassion, patience and love rather than taking a brutal approach. Things like depression, pessimism and fear is usually the result of your own psychology. You are creating your own suffering and limitations mentally without you realizing/being aware of it. 2. This is usually because you are used to motivating yourself through fear and pain. If I don't do this, then xyz will happen to me or someone will think I am xyz or I will get made fun of so I better get my ass in gear! At first, increasing self love can feel like lack of motivation, because you start to drop the things that didn't really matter to you. eg. if you only go to the gym so others can think well of you, that motivation can go away as you realize you don't need their attention or praise to feel good/proud about yourself. However as the love builds this becomes inspiration, this is when you start acting out of your abundance of love, things like life purpose, doing things that are actually meaningful and bring you real joy start coming into play. You become UNIQUE, you become YOU as you were always meant to be, rather than copying others trying to fit in. As you become YOU then you see the beauty in it and also the beauty in yourself you never knew was there. Your life becomes an expression of love. 3. Be wary of making the harsh environment and your upbringing as an excuse for why you can't be something. You always grow, you always change and you have the power to be what you want. Choose to take ownership of that power, because its yours. You have the ability to choose what to be, even in the face of crisis or a bad past experiences. You choose that in every moment of your life. If you want to choose to be loving, you can choose to love yourself and others right now. You can just decide and start acting like that. See your past as an opportunity rather than a hinderance. By going through this you will have real wisdom and experience you can draw on which can heal yourself and others if (you choose to). Self-compassion and journaling might help you make peace with aspects of yourself you have been judging. You can literally imagine yourself at that time and choose to send yourself love right now. Comfort that part of you that was hurt. Look for those hurt aspects of you that you see in others and offer to help and understand them too. By loving others you are also loving yourself. 4. Don't worry about it. Don't be afraid to hold anything back when expressing emotions. Life is all about expressing emotions and expressing love to the max. Express all you want. If they don't like it then whatever, you literally got nothing to lose At the end of the day, I don't see many people saying they regret expressing love and emotion. If anything, many people regret holding themselves back and not expressing their love enough (I am also working on the same). Btw this isn't a once and done thing. It's a life journey. I'm still working on all the things mentioned above and I will probably do so for the rest of my life. Have patience and trust yourself that it may not come quickly, but you will figure it all out Good luck brother and much love

I have lucid dreaming experiences where I 'awake' and am aware I am dreaming. However I still don't totally understand how I am imagining the world around me. I walk around the streets, buildings, turn corners excited to see what my mind comes up with next. I know I am imagining the dream, however if you were to ask me 'how' exactly I am imagining it, I do not know. It doesn't change the fact however I know I am imagining it. Another example is when I tried to learn to fly in my lucid dreams. I then realized, I don't actually know 'how' to fly. Like what do I actually need to 'do'? Do I just imagine flying? But I have never flown before with my own body, so how can I imagine something I have not yet experienced? In the end I realized I don't actually need to fly, since I am imagining the space I can just change the space around me and teleport But if you were to ask me 'how' I was changing that space around me, I don't really know, I just did, with my will. I don't know if this question is supposed to be like one of those Japanese Koans which don't really have an answer? You struggle logically until you realize there is no answer. It's mysterious, its magic. I think that's pretty much it.

Hello everyone I realize some of my personal relationships lack depth. In particular I want to be more expressive about my deeper motivations and parts of my identity around spirituality. For example my gf knows I do psycadelics (she doesn’t know what that is, thinks I’m taking recreational drugs or something), meditate and likes to spend time alone, but from her perspective she doesn’t know why. We have been together for years and she thinks it is some weird quirk of my personality. So I tend to downplay their significance and say something like ‘just for fun’, ‘I’m relaxing’ when really I am afraid of expressing my true intentions and truer self. It’s hard to explain why I don’t want to take that stressful job which pays me twice the money, but rather spend that extra time tinkering on a life purpose. This isn’t about forcing others to accept or understand me, rather it’s more about overcoming my own mental barriers that I feel when sharing things about myself to others. I understand in most social situations it may not be appropriate, but I want to practice binging more of that side of my personality to light. I think the main thing holding me back is self-judgement. I’m afraid when I speak people will laugh at me because I may never be able to live up to the ideals I am striving for. Leo talks about truth, integrity, consciousness and love - yet I here I am anxious, attached to money and sex, seeking comfort, addicted to porn. It’s almost like a fat person saying their core value is the gym (imagine they go but they’re still fat). It feels incongruous because spirituality sounds really mature (like you got your shit figured out and really wise) but I know I may never get to that level and I know I will make foolish life ‘mistakes’ along the way. The attatched meme is the embodiment of how I feel before those words come out my mouth In a similar way it feels odd for me to say I’m working on a life purpose, but I feel a little embarrassed what if it doesn’t work out? What if it never amounts to much? So I prefer to work on it in the dark where it can’t be judged by others and hence never mention it to others. People ask me where I’ve been and it’s like ‘playing video games’ I can’t really pinpoint if it is guilt/shame/fear of judgement/fear of failure/fear of intimacy or maybe a bit of all these things but I would appreciate anyone who may have guidance or books/materials Thank you everyone

Am I just a crazy guy? After a psychedelic experience (you can read the trip report in psychedelic section) I was contemplating on the idea: could I just be ‘some dude getting high on his sofa’ deluding himself with stories about spirituality? Maybe the stereotypical view that I might be some deluded individual, stuck in his own mental world has some truth to it? I noticed this generated an uncomfortable emotional response in me. Part of me wanted to deny that. I want to ‘dress it up’ somehow, add some grandeur. I am not just getting high, I am on a mission! Expanding consciousness! It's the most important thing! This emotional resistance made me a bit suspicious. Maybe they (normal people) do have a point about the way I am? Else why am I getting so defensive about it? This is not a post to state the meaning/purpose of life etc. It is just an excerpt from my journal offering a perspective which helped me release some resistance to the idea I can just be an ordinary guy (who is a bit funny in the head). Also, I am writing this from a level I can understand and relate to, I acknowledge there are probably edge cases beyond my understanding and experience. How do we integrate that we are the Universe, whilst also being ‘some dude getting high on his sofa’? Firstly, can I even accept that I may really just be ‘some dude getting high on his sofa’? Some observations: The Persistence of Physical Reality Amidst Spiritual Awakening Despite your spiritual awakenings, the solidarity of physical life goes on. You can realize you’re the Universe, but you’ll still need to go back to work tomorrow. Physical Environment affects Spiritual Experiences Physical environment matters and has an impact on our spiritual experiences. Our spiritual experiences (on psychedelics) can be heavily influenced by the physical surroundings, environment setting, external people, music, disturbances etc. You can realize you’re the Universe, but this does not make us immune to physical danger in the physical world. We are always advised to trip to a safe place away from harm. Inescapable Influence of the Physical World even at higher states The influence of the physical world is still there even as we are accessing higher states of consciousness. The physical world doesn’t necessarily go away because you’re starting to see through it (else there would be no need to trip in a safe place). I doubt (my limited experience) it is possible to completely escape the influence of physical reality without dying a physical death. It seems like the physical world forms a ‘base’ or ‘platform’ for where the spiritual experiences/realizations can take place. Recontextualization of the Physical World Post-Spiritual Experience After your spiritual experience, the physical world doesn’t just disappear because you have seen something beyond it. You always come back to the physical world. It is still here, but it is recontextualized. Recontextualization means while the physical world doesn't disappear, our understanding and relationship with it can be deeply transformed. Yes, I probably am just a 'crazy' guy The physical world is a recurring theme for me, I expect it to continue to be so, even as I have more spiritual experiences. As long as the influence of the physical world is there, it means behind every insight, every realization, there really is just ‘some dude’ sitting there on his sofa, grinning to himself (strange-loopy). These observations suggest to me that whilst I am the Universe, simultaneously I really am just that dude getting high on drugs on his sofa. I am both things at once. I notice I don’t like using that label ‘dude getting high on his sofa’. One of the main reasons I started spirituality was to escape suffering and the mundane aspects of physical life. Spirituality gave me a sense of self-esteem, importance, and progress. Now, I question ‘so…did I just hallucinate all that spiritual stuff?’ As I spend more time contemplating in my ‘sober’ state (where physical reality feels very real and solid), I realize this is where reality is happening for me right now. I realize experiencing physical reality is what was intended as part of this experience. As I have idolized ‘mystical stuff’, I have not loved being a human as much as I could have. Our physical limitations are not necessarily something to be transcended and discarded, but rather to be transcended and then embraced. I am starting to accept that - this experience (of being a human) is the perspective of how consciousness is choosing to explore itself for now. With that comes physical limitations, impermanence, pain, suffering. All of which are allowing us to explore different facets of consciousness. The seemingly inescapable influence of the physical world (even as we are exploring spirituality), is something the Universe has intended to be part of this experience. Our ability to experience both spirituality as well as the physical world (from this ‘human’ viewpoint), provides a unique perspective for consciousness to explore itself. Consciousness is choosing to explore itself from the viewpoint of a man/woman. As I contemplate on that, I feel this is a very unique and interesting choice. I start to accept this decision. I feel like I’m in a very special and privileged position to be having this human experience (yes it also sucks sometimes) We weren’t supposed to reach some state, to then be whisked away never to come back. If that were intended, it would’ve happened that way. The fact we keep coming back to physical reality means we are supposed to be here. For me, this reiterated the importance of bringing our spiritual experiences and integrating them with our existence in the physical world. To bring love in the form of a life purpose, the decisions we make and how we treat others. The spiritual and physical experiences come together to form one experience - that is the experience of a human exploring consciousness. ‘dude getting high on his sofa’. Yea I guess that’s me. What a wonderful, unique and amazing position to be in I love you Journey well brothers and sisters

Hi, Trip report of my first ever awakening experience. I am a newbie, don't shoot me. I hope to continue and deepen this in future. 200mg N,N-DMT Fumarate taken orally. This is a high dose and I do not recommend it. As you will see it was an intense (but not traumatic (don't worry I am ok)) experience. In fairness I have done this dose before. This is my third trip attempt. My first two trips were incomplete (I was under the impression I was resistant to this dosage). I made a small change to how I prepare the MAOI and this sent me into another world. The below report contains some original notes I wrote as I was tripping (to try and capture the moment), otherwise this is me recalling the experience after things have calmed down. Naturally, the most detailed parts are in the lead up to the peak. At the peak I was completely incapacitated. The entire trip lasted around 120 minutes, I start counting from when visuals started to the end where I regained a 'normal' sense of consciousness. I estimate the awakening was around 30 minutes from start. Peak was around 75 mins from start (lasted for around 30-45 mins) with a wind down of around 30 mins before I felt like I could function normally again. Also thanks @Leo Gura (I have been following you for like 10 years) this was an experience like no other Hope this is educational and enjoy! Trip report Visuals start The first thing I notice is feeling light headed, about 45 mins after taking DMT fumarate. My whole body feels very light, as if it was going to be uploaded as a datastream or into some UFO (like in the movies where they de-serialize your body and beam it up). Everything seemed lighter, as if it was about to be de-serialized. This is a similar experience I had on my first (incomplete) trip you can read on here. As I wave my hand in front of me, it feels like it is moving in slow motion. But it's not that it is moving slowly, rather it feels like I am able to take in so much more information from each frame. I still have good mental cognition. I start to notice my hand has as very slight 'tail' on it when I move. Similar to when you change your computer mouse to have a trailing tail which follows it. The effect is subtle so I am not completely under, but I notice it. For the first time I start to see more visuals on DMT. To get visual effects I have to pick a spot in the room and focus on it. I look at the shadow, I notice it looks like it is waving and morphing slightly (in stereotypical 'trippy' fashion'). The movement is not just sideways, but also longitudinal (like you are zooming in and out slightly). I look at the picture on the wall, I notice the frame size is changing and moving. It is getting slightly larger and then smaller. Then I look around the room and notice the room is starting to feel kinda warpy. I think this is pretty cool, how I imagined psychedelics to be like (trippy visuals). I notice the colour purple is very prevalent. There is like a purple 'net' or 'web' overlay which seems to be onto of everything in a kind of fractcal/snowflake/water stain pattern. I am not sure why purple though I felt like I saw some similar colour before when I tried to (unsuccessfully) vaporize DMT. I watch the roof morphing and moving with this purple overlay on top of it. I feel love that I cannot explain. Visuals intensify, feeling immense love As I am watching the roof these thoughts are going through my head 'it is love it’s all good, brother it’s all good'. This is trippy as hell, it feels good and fun to watch the visuals. I feel deep intense feelings of love. This love is deeper than anything I have felt in my normal life. At this point I start to get a sense of oneness. This love I feel it is not 'contained' within my body. Rather the entire room and my body felt as one unit. The love I was feeling was not contained 'within' my body but rather it was being reflected everywhere and contained within the entire room itself. The expression I have written down as I was tripping is 'A love contained within itself. A self reflecting love of oneness' I notice I am literally crying (my breathing is normal, but there are streams of tears coming out of my eyes) however I do not feel sad. I am in awe of the love I am feeling within. I am crying at the beauty. The purpose of this trip is to help me with my fear in normal life. I try to think of issues that I have anxieties about. I have the notes written down as I was tripping 'All your fears and worries it’s all part of the play my love. Just love it all experience it cherish it' (btw I NEVER use words like 'my love', 'my dear' in my normal life. I was feeling some intense emotion here) For the first time in my life, I said 'I love you' out loud and I genuinely meant it with all my heart. That moved me a lot. You may be thinking 'who were you talking to?' I was talking to myself, but 'I' was no longer my brain. I was the Universe. It was the Universe talking to itself. I thought of my gf. I realized the same intelligence I am admiring right now, is the same intelligence contained within her. Her entire ‘construction’ is that same intelligence I am admiring right now. For all the flaws in her I like to pick out, I realize she is a representation of universal love and intelligence. It made me love and appreciate her more. The love gets deeper and I have the expression written down as I was tripping 'Love melts, it just melts everything away'. Love is dissolving, like being dropped in a VAT of acid and just disappearing in all directions. This sensation of love feels very familiar.... I get a thought in my head 'I have finally come home. I have finally arrived' (this hit like a tonne of bricks, more tears, holy shit) Awakening and the cosmic joke I notice at this point there is a very strong sense of 'ME'. Except ME is not I (the ego). ME is the UNIVERSE. I start to laugh and giggle. The Universe is literally laughing at itself! The Universe is admiring its own intelligence! Its own genius! This moment, this VERY moment of awakening has all been orchestrated by ME (the Universe). Literally everything leading up to this moment was planned and designed with intelligence. What did I find at the end? It was all ME (the Universe) all along! Everything was ME (the Universe), ME invented everything, ME set-up everything, everything was LITERALLY ME ALL ALONG! ME (the Universe) distinctly remembers laughing and being in awe of MY (the Universe) own intelligence. I (the Universe) set-everything up and played a prank on myself! It is only now the prank is unfolding and I realize it was ME (the Universe) all along! It's that feeling you get when you are having a really bad day, and then its like 'don't worry bro it was just a prank!' and you start laughing and giggling. Then you appreciate the planning and set-up that all lead to this moment. Genius and fun! It’s like playing hide and seek, and you finally found it, but you realize it was you hiding all along! You are the hider and the seeker! It’s so unexpected and funny! What a genius, mischievous, cheeky, naughty, little loopy-prank to play on yourself! Ta-daa! Surprise! Peek-a-boo! The following excerpt is original words as I was typing on my phone during this experience 'Everything is the universe It’s just living and reacting to itself Everything you see and experience is just the universe reacting to itself I am the universe Wiping away my own tears Hahahaha It’s just a joke A prank the Universe see is pulling on itself Just in awe of itself I made it all! Not I as me the body But I as in the universe I orchestrated it all hahahah I made it all up! I as in the universe I imagined it all! It was all a cosmic joke!! It’s all meeee (the universe) Look at this! The universe is just delighting in itself Yea taking notes is just a joke What is this hahahah The universe just delighting in itself That’s all it is Just having fun wooop Having fun with itself hahahha It’s just a joke hahhahahaha I create all the fear But what is behind all that fear? It’s really all just me all along! Hahaha ' There is the realization EVERYTHING and everyone IS ME (the Universe). I (the Universe) created everything! This realization is beyond doubt, since doubt is second order. There is no doubt here because you realize that even doubt is something you (the Universe) created! Chemicals and hallucinations in the brain is something you created! It is like baking a cake, there is a knowing you created it, but it is only doubt which comes in AFTER the cake is created and can doubt itself. Doubt and brain does not give rise to the cake! Everything you have ever done, all the interactions you will ever have. At the root of it there is only ME (the Universe)! I (the Universe) created everything and there only ever was ME (the Universe) all along! I (the Universe) is all that really exists. After all the charades and all the facades..... there was only ever me (the Universe) all along There is literally nothing to be afraid of, because everything was always ME (the Universe) all along! I was just in different guises I will never forget that sense of ME (the Universe), the Universe is conscious of itself. I get mindfucked. I start to panic This starts to happen around 75 mins after the initial dose. I an unable to walk properly, I sit and cuddle my toy doggy. I am unable to type at this point, if I try really hard I can try to focus and bring myself back to 'reality' for a few seconds, but I quickly get overpowered again by the intense visuals. I am not used to this level of stimulation. Part of me wants this to end because it is quite overpowering. I was ready to go back to reality at this point. Fear increases as the trip deepens (how deep does this go? I'm done already) I close my eyes because opening my eyes the visuals are just too much. However even as I close my eyes there are still very strong visuals appearing in my head. There is nowhere to run, you cannot escape yourself. I start to get afraid because I don't really know where this is going at this point, how much more intense is this going to get? Fuck only a few mins have passed? feels like forever. Shit how do I stop this? Fuck I can't stop it. Where is the reset button? I want to go back to normal life. It’s going to last a few hours? FUUUCCKKK. I have seriously messed up. I keep reminding myself I need to surrender to the experience, but part of me is still afraid of fully letting go. Like I know this is ME (the Universe) but the depth is terrifying. I am not sure if it is something my brain can handle, or if I want to experience all this right now. In the end, I accept that part of me which is afraid to let go, I close my eyes, cuddle my big toy doggy and hope to wait it out. The following is all described as I shut my eyes. The visuals are like something out of a fever dream. Extremely bright colours, nothing makes logical sense. It’s like a crazy blur of noise, shapes and colour. Tesseracts, fractals, all interconnected and giving birth to one another, I have no idea what I am looking at or how to make sense of it. I just want it to be over. I am getting tossed around like a ragdoll. Everything is like a Russian doll, you see something and then it splits and goes into more pieces, and then those pieces split again. My theme seemed to be very 'Aztec' for some reason, kept seeing Aztec cats and stuff idk. At this point I realized I am totally not in control, this trip is taking me wherever it wants to. It's kinda like being on a rollercoaster, you know you will be fine at the end of it but between the start and end... well that's not up to you. You are afraid and want to surrender? Nah you're on this ride now whether you like it or not. Like there was nothing I could do. I was holding on for dear life lol. This part of the trip wasn’t particularly pleasant, it was very overstimulating and overpowering. Those guys weren’t joking, this stuff is intense. How much did I take? I can’t remember, I can't open my eyes, I can’t focus or think straight ohhh fuckkkkk There is no coherent thought at this point, everything is like WTF! if you try to structure logic or thought, it immediately gets obliterated. You start to realize how limiting structure really is. You can't contain this information in structure or limitation of any form. It's just too much. Trying to logic this and structure it in some coherent form is like watching a building getting obliterated by a nuclear bomb. It just immediately gets blown away like pffft. Am I still breathing? Am I going to die? I also start to become wary I am may not be breathing properly. I feel my lungs empty, but are they filling again or am I holding my breath? I’m not sure. Remember to keep breathing, don't die here bro. I catch myself hyperventilating at one point because with all this information going on I am afraid I will forget to breath (so I overcompensate by breathing too much). But then there comes a knowing that everything will work itself out (everything is taken care of, there is nothing to fear, even my own death) In Biology/physics I think your lungs are designed so when it runs out of air it automatically pulls it in. You 'think' you are in control of your breathing when really it is involuntary. I start to lean on this as my saving grace, that if I forget to keep consciously keep breathing I have an involuntary response which will keep me alive. I start to mentally play a game of countdown the clock, I keep telling myself that I know I am in a safe place and this will all be over. I just have to remember to keep breathing so I'm not dead by the end of it lol. As I start to contemplate my own death, even that surrenders. Does it even matter if I die here? death doesn't make sense. Death is imaginary. Death is imagined. At this point life and death do not make sense. I also started to notice collapsing of inner/outer duality, inner/outer really its the same thing, both are imagined. I am trying to retain some sense of normal consciousness so I can focus on staying alive, however it is like bringing a weebly dandelion to a shitstorm hurricane sharknado and hoping this little 'control' the ego has will keep you alive somehow. But of course it just gets completely annihilated. Life/Death is the main priority for an ego, but this is on another scale. Life/Death is nothing here (scalewise). It becomes more obvious to me that the ego is not really in control of anything, it just likes to think it is in control. The ego is telling me I need to keep breathing, when really the Universe already has that all sorted out. There is nothing I need to do, it will all work itself out. Ultimately everything is the Universe imagination, the ego likes to think it is in control, but really it is not. It is similar to my body breathing involuntarily, but then the ego says 'Don't worry bro I remembered to keep you breathing', the ego takes ownership for stuff it hasn't really done. At this point I realize the Universe has it all figured out. There is nothing to resist. For sure you can resist, and for sure I was still afraid. But ultimately, the takeaway I got is everything works itself out. It doesn't even matter if I die, the Universe has it all handled its way, everything it all takes care of itself. There is nothing to fear (although I do remember still being shit scared). This lasted for about 30 mins. Wind down After this I started to come down (thank God). I have some more insights on the tail end, but this pretty much takes me from the start up to the peak. There is a wind down phase with some insights I will write up later. Thanks everyone.

I am still integrating and coming to terms with what happened (this will take some time). One of the things I am reflecting on atm is fearlessness and how I can integrate/apply that to various parts of my life (at my own pace of course). I remember recognising the pure fearlessness of the Universe at large and how purely awesome that was. During my trip I also had the insight that only something truly fearless could/would create something like fear. I am grateful to see that beyond fear, there is only love (there was only Me (the Universe)). There are so many parts of my life where I am just afraid, I am looking to work on those. Also reflecting on loving unconsciousness and other people. Even when they don't act or meet my expectations of what I 'want' them to be. Recognizing that even in their current state, they're still a form of that amazing intelligence I was in awe of.

Could you please expand on that a little? If possible I would prefer to avoid ‘bad trips’. If you have any advice I would be eager to hear more. For this one I would agree the second half was a bit much, but I don’t really feel scarred by it because somehow I knew I would be fine after it was over.

One thing I am contemplated on a recent trip was the Universe creates fear because it is inherently fearless. As humans we experience fear and pain, and we ask why would the Universe create such a thing? But to the Universe it knows in reality, there is nothing to fear (because the only thing that exists is itself). Behind every fear, is just the the Universe interacting with itself. So although as humans we experience torment and we know it sucks, but the Universe as whole knows that beyond that local experience, in reality everything is good and there is nothing to be afraid of. But I think that is hard for the ego to accept, because we have to experience the pain and we struggle to see beyond that pain (the ego is a bit short sighted and that is fair enough). I don't think the ego can be expected to understand that from its perspective.

I think partly because life is nuanced, but it’s not obvious it is so. Some of the stuff he says does have kernels of truth, especially for people in stage orange of spiral dynamics (which is probably most people on the planet). So when you hear things about owning your personal power, not being a victim, consciously choosing your thoughts and beliefs to be in more powerful, action taking directions, hard work etc. most people don’t have the foresight to see how some of this stuff backfires on you or the limitations of these beliefs. So when they hear it, it all sounds like ‘yea this is good stuff’ also the things he talks about is everything the ego wants to hear - success story, focusing on ‘me’ first and making enemies of others (‘the matrix’,’elites’,’women’ etc.) also I think people are mostly stuck in black/white thinking - is Andrew Tate good or not? so people end up either attacking or defending him absolutely, rather than seeing him as a bit of both.

I personally think this is one of Leo's greatest videos of all time (at least for me). Struck a chord with me when first released and still does. Still very relevant after all these years, even more so now I have had my twenties to accumulate wealth and material possessions. I keep coming back to it. Life has a tendency to remind me I am not as advanced as I would like to think

Intro: Total trip was around 45 mins, and the below journal is what I wrote during the time. I initially took 100mg (waited 40 mins) followed by two 50mg (30 min intervals after that). It was approx 90 mins after the first dose when I started to feel the effects. This was my first experience so initially I was skeptical it would work after the first 100mg dose had no effect. I am not sure if I am just highly resistant, or the substance itself was not pure enough (I need to do more trials to ascertain). I was out walking when it hit me (I thought it wasn't working due to the long time delay, so gave up and left the house). Dose: 3g Syrian Rue tea and 200mg N,N DMT Fumarate (dosage may not be exact) Trip Report: I didn't notice it had hit me until I realized I couldn't stop smiling. I felt good. Body sensations I felt lightheaded. I was out walking on the street and I was very sensitive to the movement of my head bobbing up and down as I was taking steps. The world felt a bit 'unstable' because of the movement. I have no idea if I was walking normally or not. My whole body felt light, my legs felt like jelly, I became sensitive to the vibrations going through it as I was moving. In usual life your body feels very 'real' in the sense when you look at your hand it registers well it is 'your hand' and there is a feeling of having a close connection with it. Whereas now my body felt very light, in the sense (physically it did feel much lighter) but also it felt arbitrary. Rather than 'my hand' it felt more like 'a hand' and the sense of 'closeness' was not quite there like in normal life. My hand felt closer to something like the the car I see in the background, rather than something which was intimately connected with me somehow. My entire body felt like it belonged more to the 'backdrop' of life rather than something which was tied to me personally. The body and the foreground feels more 'abstracted' like it has been put through an AI graphics card and a virtual reality is appearing before you. My body felt arbitrary in the sense it felt like you can whisk it away and I would still be having this experience right now. Feeling of Love I did not experience and strange or weird visuals. My visual perception was the same as it was in normal life. Except it feels like there is a layer of love/positivity laid on top of everything, so everything I see (trees, grime, stains, rubbish, walls) looks beautiful and I am in awe of what is around me. I would not describe it as happiness, or excitement, or contentment, but rather the feeling is closer to love. It feels like branches reaching out from within and expanding out. It feels like going 'aaaaahhhhhhhh' and relaxing into that peace. I feel love, everything is love. My mind feels elevated, there are positive sensations continuously ringing all the way through it. I try to consciously break this sensation by thinking negative thoughts (to test the limits of it), I focus on my problems, imagine violent sounds and imagery, but nothing can break the positivity. I don't feel any negative emotion from these thoughts. When I try to think of pain (someone punching me, someone stabbing me), but I laugh through it (I can't stop smiling). The sound of crying, imagery of grief, seems beautiful. The sound of a child crying is pure like music. Towards the end of the trip, I tried to consciously think of anxiety inducing thoughts. I felt a 'lurch' in my stomach, but noticed the positivity in my mind remained steadfast. I could not shake this positive sensation. It is like trying to shed yourself from yourself, you can't do it. It's like someone taking your brain in a positive mood, freezing it in that state and you are just wearing that continuously (like a hat). No matter what you do, no matter what you experience, that positivity is always there and part of the experience.

By spirituality I mean generally raising your consciousness. I am painting in broad strokes, I know its not all sunshine and rainbows (see the mental health section here and also Leo's video on the dangers of spiritual work). I find generally people tend to come out happier, wiser and more loving. But I am wondering why is this? Why do these things seem to be aligned somehow? Is there some link between human love and spirituality that I am missing? I have heard that Universal love is not just an amplified form of human love, and something else entirely. Yet somehow I feel I am becoming more loving, of myself and others generally. Why does it generally tend to be elevating and not the other way round? Some people will say you are 'expanding yourself' but somehow that doesn't do it for me. Another answer is removal of judgement, freedom from dogma is liberating, makes sense but I feel like there is something more I can't put my finger on it.

He also has another channel focusing more on porn addiction if anyone was interested https://www.youtube.com/@BeyondTheAlchemy

Thanks. Not denying the power of human spirit, determination and will. I think the main thing which irks me about LOA is it sets people up thinking they are guaranteed to succeed if they have the right 'vibration'. I follow combat sports closely, and I have seen this makes the ego very fragile. People literally have breakdowns after they lose championship fights, because they have never entertained the idea of failure and when this happens it completely destroys them mentally. Their entire identity was built on being an undefeated, unstoppable champion. I think we should have an indomitable will and a vision for success, but also at the same time be open that ultimately the Universe does not have to conform to our desires no matter how badly we want them. That doesn't mean we don't try and it doesn't have to be disheartening, rather for me it is a more accurate view of reality. There is a time and place for the LOA message but I think at some point we must also embrace our limitations, else I think we are setting ourselves up for a ticking time bomb.