Caoimhin

@Spiritual Warrior @Migue Lonas thanks guys, i appreciate the response

I'm desperate. I need a better income that will support the lifestyle I desire. I'm starting to give up on life purpose for now and just want to focus on building up my finances so at some point I can return to my passions. I currently work as a driver for Amazon; it is the worst job I've worked in my life, i'm exhausted all the time and barely get enough money to justify the time and energy sink. I'm getting more and more depressed. I can't work on life purpose to the extent that is needed. it's slave labor with zero benefits and worse is that my passion is dying. I'm 27 and live at my mom's. I have such low self esteem because of my situation that dating and relationships isn't even worth trying. I'm spiraling downward fast and though I try to resist it, suicidal thoughts are becoming more vivid and appealing. I'm really losing hope. My question is what industies have the least barriers to entry, the easiest/cheapest/fastest skill sets to aquire, the most remote and independant options, and provide most freedom? I don't just want money to be lazy, on the contrary, I want the freedom to invest back into my self and my growth so i can offer more to the world.

I like the English Standard Version. King James Version is a bit hard to read(New King James is better if you go that route). I think the newer the translation the better tbh. New International Translation is very good too. https://www.biblegateway.com/ is a great website to play around and see which translation speaks to you. I recommend reading different translations, because what is well articulated in one could be lacking that potency or be a total miss in another, and visa versa. Remember that the truth is often hidden behind the words, if you have a good sense of the spiritual and of God's nature, you can separate the wheat from the chaff regardless of the translation, this is the Holy Spirit(we can also call it your intuition) guiding you. Another hint that I learned from my sister is that there are "shit tests" in the Bible, on purpose or by accident idk, but some stories don't mention God or are void of God's hand even if he was mentioned. Humans like to project onto God when some things are not God's doing but natural or societal consequences of our own doing(though we could argue All is God's will but the bias assigned to God is our own bias). Read Conversations With God by Neale D. Walsch if you want some insight into God's nature through a different channel. If you search for God, trust that you will find God, that is faith. Keep the faith

@Leo Gura thanks for the reply. For sure, it's all honest signals.

@NoSelfSelf That's true, but looks can also tell you a lot about a person, if she is in good shape and is well put together then she probably has a healthier self-esteem. I know for me, working out regularly, eating healthy, getting nice cloths and learning how to dress well, all takes work, research, and care. If i stubbornly refused to do that, and i still do to some degree, I'm sending a signal that I'm not very socially calibrated, or that this is the level of effort I'm willing to put in(if I'm lazy in these areas, where else might I be lazy?). A girl who doesn't put that effort in her health and appearance might have some issue that is more than jsut a surface level issue. Also, what I'm talking about includes her energy. Some girls aren't conventionally 10/10 but you're just so drawn to them or think they are so interesting because of their energy, which can also be seen in their body language and even their body structure. Physical appearance can say a lot about a person and we can intuitively pick up on it. Then again, I do agree, you are right because a lot can be hidden too. That being true, you're still not going to talk to a girl you aren't attracted to just because of the chance you might match personality wise. And if you do match, then, chances are you still aren't attracted to them even after that fact. Attraction isn't a choice in that sense, though that's just my experience, everyone's experience is different.

@Vrubel thanks for the feed back, yeah I guess I am lol gotta move somewhere with a greater volume of attractive women, maybe vegas lol I definitely have to balance out my masculine, all the spiritual stuff I've been doing has shifted me too much into my feminine. Trying to hit the gym more too. Good point, obessing isn't helpful.

@Ulax I appreciate the reply man, good tip, I've been doing some visualization with vision boards, but never actually visualized the whole process including sex. That sounds powerful, like a good way to rewire the brain to always lead it to that end point, plus builds up that feeling of being sex worthy you mentioned. I'll have to try that somatic mediation, been meaning to add more sexual yoga into my practice.

I went out last night, I was doing my normal thing: approaching and working on verbals. I live in an area where there is enough of a night life to go out but not enough that there are a lot of girls I'm genuinely attracted to or interested in approaching. I force myself to approach regardless. Part of me feels it's just that I use my high standards as a crutch to not approach, but I also find it exhausting and, honestly, mean to lead girls on by approaching without having high interest. I've also realized that it's borderline impossible to game effectively when you aren't in a state of high sex drive. I've been working on communicating more sexual intent while in conversations, but I've come to a realization that I thought was worth sharing. The insight is that interest can't be faked and sexual intent can't be forced. No amount of game will solve this, and if you figure out how to manipulate your way around this, you'll be deeply dissatified and cause lots of collateral damage(and bad karma). Of course, for guys that have social anxiety and fear of doing approaches in general, keep approaching,. Do it regardless and just focus on fun, friendly, and casually flirty conversations. Once you get more comfortable approaching, you'll realize that the best nights are when you have high libido and your best sets are going to be when you really like a girl. Not kinda like, really like, like she's literally your prefect girl and it's impossible for you not to talk to her. Like just seeing her sends you into a flow state and you make a b-line for her, or maybe she's already giving signals and subtly approaching you. Just to illustrate, this is the way it will look(based on my experience): You don't hesitate with the approach, nor do you force it, because she seems familiar. She may have already sent you signals because the attraction is palpable. She can see your desire for her in your eyes. It's not creepy or needy, it's confident and effortless. If you got over your anxieties, your verbals will be effortless. You'll find it hard not to look deep into her eyes. You'll be touching her shoulder, arm, hips, etc. and you'll be naturally standing close to her all without thinking. Of course, it's mutual, she's make excuses to touch you too. You are already synced up to her energy and body language. It's like you've done this dance before. "Game" goes out the window, you're just flirting effortlessly with this girl you literally can't take your eyes off of. You make some mistakes but neither of you care, because this is what it looks like to be vulnerable and authentic. There is this feeling of safety and detachment. You're totally in the moment and because you're in the moment you're not needy. There is no future relationship hanging in the balance. She's here now. You're sharing this moment. You two are open to wherever it leads. Talking to her was the easiest and most rewarding point of the night. Why? Because you're congruent. You can't fake interest, attraction, or sexual desire. If a set doesn't feel like that, she ain't it. Don't beat up on yourself if none of your "sets" "hooked" or if you didn't "get the close" or "get the lay". You're "failures" in game are mutual. She wasn't it for you and so you couldn't be your natural charming self, you had to fake your interest to some degree, or you sabotaged because you two weren't in alignment. Maybe you have more inner work to take care of. Keep practicing so when you do meet a girl you really are interested in, you have the confidence and experience to be ready. Frame it all as learning and growth: every night out, every conversation, every "failure", every inevitable success. Trust that if it is meant to be it will be but if it isn't, it never was. Take notes, do deliberate practice, but have a short memory. I've also reallized that if you don't have something, it's because you actually don't want it. Ask yourself deeply "Am I willing to take action to increase my chances of meeting my perfect girl?", "What actions do I have to take?", "Do I actually want to find my dream girl?", "What am I giving up when/if I do find her?", " Why am I resisting a loving relationship?". Finally, when it comes to solving low libido, make sure your diet is in order, you are exercising somewhat regularly, and your stress levels are down. Also, make sure you are living towards you purpose. For me, I realized that I wasn't exercising enough, I was eating too many carbs, not eating enough healthy fats, and most important, I was out of alignment with my purpose. Let's see what changes I can make and what happens. Hope this is helpful, please let me know what experiences you've had and if you agree or disagree with. I appreciate any and all feedback. Keep the faith!

I like @Judy2 's response. I agree with what she said, and I'm going to build off of it a little. I'm not an expert on love, but I've been thinking a lot about love lately and I can give my take on it. Your question is focused on unconditional love in a romantice sense. I'd say that unconditional love in that sense is impossible. Romantic love is by definition conditional. In addition to what Judy said, another very basic condition is that you and the other are in a mutually intimate and censented relationship with each other. Without the other agreeing to the conditions of a romantic relationship, you can't effectively love them romantically. Romantic love is limited and finite love. It's not the highest form. It's higher than a lot of other forms of love in that it requires some level of acceptance of the other's inevitable short comings and some level of selflessness to maintain the relationship, but this isn't even close to the highest levels of love. Now here is a question: can someone from a state of true Unconditional Love have a romantic relationship? This is God's love. You love existance exactly as it is and because you love it, it exists. If we accept this as true than because John Wayne Gacy, John Scully, etc exist/existed, it is proof that God loves them. From that state can you hold both conditional love and unconditional love? Can you unconditionally love John Wayne Gacy and other "evil" people, while maintaining a romantice relationship? That is hard to say. I think that at the level of unconditional love, you wouldn't be able to maintain a romantic relationship because it would restrict you and limit your love. Plus you would have more love for that specific person from unconditional love than you would in the romantic form, so you'd be limiting your love for them too by having a romantic relationship with them. Lastly, I want to touch on self-love. It's very easy to look at your level and capacity for love by looking at the love you have for yourself. Your love for yourself is probably conditional, therefore your love for others is conditional. If we are coming from the non-dual lens than things that appear other to you is just your reflection. Can you love yourself uncontionally if you were John Wayne Gacy or Peter Scully? The level you resist loving and forgiving yourself as John Wayne Gacy or Peter Scully, is the level of conditional love you have for yourself. If you were a monster could you love and forgive yourself? Could you forgive these lost souls for their ignorance and selfishness? Do you find it hard to love yourself for your own ignorance and selfishness? Do you resist loving these parts of yourself that are John Wayne Gacy or Peter Scully? Returning to your original question; does unconditional romantic love exist? I'd say no. The other question I would ask is, would you be able to maintain a romantic relationship if you were absolutely unconditionally loving? I don't know, possibly you could hold both frames at once, but I lean towards no.

First, I empathize with your struggles. Life is tough. It feels impossible sometimes. It's overwhelming and can totally go the opposite direction you want it to. It can feel out of your control and to a large extent it is. I don't want to make assumptions or project, but you've clearly been feeling down and out and I want to acknowledge that before I give you my two cents. I've hit low points too and have turned to spiritual techniques and psychedelics as a desperate attempt to figure it all out. I haven't done a trip like the one you did though. I stick with LSD and I've never gone higher than 150ug. I'm fairly sensitive and I only use it for trauma work or with set intensions. I suggest if you want to get something practical out of your experiences with psychedelics, lower your dose and have a good foundation of spiritual practice before. Don't blast youself to space if you can't handle life on earth. These psychedelics show you your highest potential. This can be depressing if you are nowhere near there. Use them to show you what the next highest state looks and feels like and then try to maintain that. My base reality has moved up to a microdose of LSD because I realized that it's possible to live there sober. If I were to experience what you experienced, I'd feel so far from that, that I might get depressed and discouraged. That is not productive. I'd say take time away from psychedelics for a year or two. When you return, take low doses and don't mix substances too much. These types of intense spiritual experiences are meant to help you realize that this state is always available and always present. When I take LSD, what I realize is that the only reason I'm not tripping when sober is because I haven't given myself permission to do so. This is the classic idea that you are always enlightened, but you just haven't realized it yet. You experienced a potencial way of existing and it was pretty great compared to the lower vibrational plane of material reality. You caught a glimpse of the truth but your ego hijacked it on the come down. I'd say let this experience process and try your best to integrate it, there are deep lessons there, they may not be "practical" but they may be lessons in being. Yes, life is meaningless... that's not inherently depressing. The depression is a projection of the ego. The ego wants to feel important and special. When it realizes that it isn't, and that it might not even exist, it gets depressed and holds on to that because that is all it has left. Practice reframing this experience of nothingness. Depression is a choice, choose to view this meaninglessness as infinite potential for meaning(it's the same thing). Because life is meaningless, you can create that meaning. Ask yourself: Why is meaninglessness depressing? Best luck and keep the faith

Spirituality is being, philosophy is understanding. They inform eachother.

@D2sage Thank you! i appreciate the detailed response, i'll check this out as well.

@Michael569 thank you, i'll check it out too

@Leo Gura got you, thanks!

Hey, I've struggled being a late bloomer too. I didn't read your whole post but I got the gist. First, I think your past is quite normal, so no reason to feel shame. Second, it seems like you think a lot about your past and lack of experience. If you stay in that head space, your situation will be very hard to change, so choose to stop living in the past. We are taught about the importance of setting boundaries with other people but never really consider setting boundaries with our own thoughts. I invite you to set a boundary with thoughts about your past. This means that if you have a thought about the past, notice it and then refuse to entertain it. Your ego will keep picking on you until you have better boundaries with it. Not everything your ego says needs your attention. When you refuse to entertain these kinds of thoughts, eventually these pathways will fire less. This might sound like repression but it isn't. When you have firm boundaries, you are acknowledging the thought and allowing yourself to feel it, but you choose not to live there anymore. Thirdly, stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own story. You have the power to rewrite your story, but you use that power to write stories about others'. What does this subcommunicate to yourself? (actually answer that) Even if you don't really think you compare yourself to others, you are, or else you wouldn't have written this post. The ego needs a basis of comparison to feel good or bad about a situation. This also means that it is a two sided coin, I invite you to stop all negative and positive comparison. Negative comparison is self-judging, positive comparison is moralizing. Ask yourself if these are habits you want to keep doing. Lastly, and I can't emphasis this enough. You must love yourself unconditionally. Everything you've written is coming from self judgement and a lack of self-love. I know this sounds abstract and fluffy. Self-love couldn't possibly be the solution, but it is... If you don't love yourself unconditionally, no one can do that for you. No amount of sexual experience will fill that void. I do believe gaining sexual experience is valueable and necessary for healthy development, but you can't/shouldn't force this stuff. If you wait until you get more sexual experience to love and accept yourself, you'll never get either. You don't have control over the former, but you do have control over the latter. On the same note of self-love, because they are the same point, you must also forgive yourself for your past. I recommend doing the exercise Leo lays out in his video http://www.actualized.org/articles/how-to-love-yourself. Do this daily and do it until you start crying. Notice that you are the only person you ever needed or wanted love from. This will make you unstoppable. Best luck and keep the faith