eos_nyxia

Maybe she's just talking about vocal people on social media rather than the actions of the Israeli government? I have seen Israelis on social media doing what basically amounts to this, in their state of hurt, anger, and fear. Their mind is only for their own (which is understandable) and convincing others to side with them in an extremely polarizing way: you're either with us and agree with everything we say, or you're pro-terrorism. I don't think that they particularly give a shit about any Palestinians at this point. Perhaps they once truly did, perhaps not, but clearly not anymore. The opposite has been true too for the other side though....

Personally, I tend to separate the need to defend oneself from the sort of endless moral justification and brigading that tends to go on when people are rationalizing their actions, and trying to feel good (or as good as possible) about playing their zero-sum games. Because hey, survival is involved. There may or may not be other options, especially when it feels like your back is against the wall. Like, if someone is actively trying to kill you (like they're physically coming at you), and then you kill or maim them, yea. That's undeniably self-defense regardless of history. (Or say someone is trying to rape you also kill or maim them.) You were, in fact, actually defending yourself. It can be seen as a pragmatic thing (even if it is an unfortunate and far less-than-ideal). Adding extra rationalizations on top of the sheer survival need to defend yourself, that's strictly on you. If you pre-emptively harm people in self-defense... even if the risk and response to your life are arguably justifiable.... you're still killing people. You're supporting the killing of people, including "innocent civilians", children, etc. Even if the deaths are actually accidental or not intended. Death is still death, if you actually care about that. I guess it really rubs me the wrong way when people deflect from this truth. Yes, you're endorsing death and suffering to preserve yourself. Be honest about it and don't deflect from it, don't avoid it, and don't douse it in layers and layers of moralism and justifications in order to deflect. You're also basically having other people do your dirty killing work for you, and then parading around on your moral high horse as if you have clean hands. Ick. The blood is there on your hands one way or another, you being a part of that collective and also choosing to co-opt into it, despite your motivations, morals and values. Even if you're just nicely supporting the IDF and the state of Israel's action.... Death happened. You supported it for whatever reason that you did. Deal with it.... This is straight-up just sick. They're the mirror half of the people on the other side doing the same thing.

As someone who has generally preferred to avoid the circularity of most political discourse (but who is now trying to make sense of what's going on ATM), I really appreciated the thoughtfulness and compassionate nature of this take, including the willingness to look at the bigger picture and to see and feel the pain of the other side in the most direct of ways, and taking pains to understand why people have become as violent and desperate as they have. Hats off to him for putting in the work, being willing to change and to grow, and breaking the cycle on a personal, emotional level, and at the level of perspective.

It's always the dudes having a woke competition too (either with others, or themselves). They always need to be the best, or declare themselves the best, or whatever. Probably couldn't even keep their mouths shut if their lives depended on it (like the OG JC). When are they gonna understand that it's not their era anymore? It's done already?

Relevant Bill Hicks quote: It's always the basic choice.

Some men's willingness to follow, go to bat, and even be cannon fodder for some person who pretty openly does not care about anyone other than himself at the end of the day, who'd throw you to the wolves... that's beyond me. And then to think of yourself as a boss afterward, because at least you're better than women? At least you're doing something more with your life now. When you're a peon. A follower. A grunt. To him, you're just there for your wallet and to spread an ideology. So if you're a 11-13 year old boy, that's one thing. (In fact, I remember this issue coming up with school teachers.) But if you're a 20+ something-year-old man or even older, I guess I would have expected you to have developed some basic people sense to have not gotten screwed or scammed already. But then, maybe you don't really need to in order to manage well enough in this society. And I don't just mean getting swindled with money, but getting swindled when it comes to belief systems. If you want to become a "stronger man" (in a "myself against the world" kind of way) or even a garden-variety, painfully transparent sociopath, do you really need some other man's permission or inspiration to do so? Does this even feel manly?

And be replaced by what, do you think?

Where I live, it was 7-8 CAD for one. I'm not sure how much liquid was in the ones that I got, maybe about 1 cup, give or take? I'm guessing it probably depends where you live and how far they have to ship it. It was yum but really expensive for regular hydration purposes. MMmm. That sounds amazing!

Thirsty Buddha is the best Western brand I've tried! The price is pretty reasonable too. Personally, I really like this Thai brand which is normally quite cheap:

Yea, the quality is all over the place when it comes to prepackaged coconut water. IMO a lot of the western brands taste like crap (like dirty sock water or strangely soured) unless they're the expensive ones. Most of the Southeast Asian brands I've tried are at least reasonably good though! Straight from the shell like this is always really expensive where I live.

I looked at more pics of her and she has dark roots in many of them though... (which is fine; it's just hair dye)

I was having a conversation with my husband recently where he mentioned something about how men are starved for positive attention, like compliments. This is something that I have heard of and thought about a bit before. Then I said (and I'm pretty sure a lot of women feel this way): You know, I would love to give more compliments, but I feel like I have to repress or water down the urge because I feel like I can't compliment a dude without him assuming that I am hitting on him, so... I just don’t. (Presumably, the man is cishet, because there is still often that cishet pretense when you interact with someone of the opposite sex.) Mostly I’ve saved my positive attention for children, animals, and women. (With women, it has not always been without issues, like some people might assume that women compliment each other freely all the time and then everything is always great. Let’s just say that if your tone and emotional energy appear off, sometimes a truly well-intentioned compliment can come off as a back-handed compliment, or a competitive gesture.) I cannot help but feel like if there is no attraction (or pretense or potential for attraction), then I would be able to compliment the opposite sex with it being just that... a compliment. For example, if I were someone’s elderly grandma, then maybe I’d be able to complement men (even just a simple, “wow, you look nice!”) without it being interpreted as having ulterior motives? This puts even more pressure on men’s female partners to be “everything” for them emotionally, all of the compliments, nurturing, and affirmation, which may be neither healthy, realistic, or achievable. Who knows if one person will ever be capable of filling up another's lifelong emotional deficit? In our culture, if women can’t feasibly actually do much about this, then maybe men should offer other men more compliments more openly. No need to be like nO hOMo! (not sure if people still use this phrase non-ironically)... why can’t you just say that a guy is good-looking or charming, or something else, without attaching a caveat onto it? (And also, do these compliments not count because it's not affirmation from people you want something from in a sexual/romantic way, and if so, why is this the only attention that matters?) RELATED QUESTION: As a dude, what sort of compliments would you actually like to hear more of?

This thread might be open to anyone to post in it, but you're also in my thread posting rather non-productively (IMO). I just don't get it. You already posted your opinion, and after a certain point, it seemed like you just came in here to argue. Has no one ever given you the advice before, that you should perhaps not give advice on things which you are not qualified to give advice about? (Or that if you give advice that you are not qualified to give, people ought to not take it seriously?) Alright, I'll answer in good faith. ...people generally want to get advice about how to ride a bike from a person who has ridden a bike. Not someone who has seen someone else ride a bike, and not someone who has seen someone ride a bike in their heads, or who has read a book about riding a bike. Assuming that they actually asked for advice on that specific thing. Generally, the respectful thing is not to give advice to someone who doesn't want it, for something they did not ask for. If there was a misunderstanding, you just back off unless you're really hankerin' for a fight for whatever reason. You can only really have a civil, constructive debate with someone who wants it anyway. Basic civility... This is really not the same thing as saying that all your perspectives and interpretations of your life have no weight and have no human value or validity. Notice I said YOUR LIFE. But people generally look for advice from people of like-enough experience, or where it is inclusive or constructive enough (ideally).

I feel like I am stating the glaringly obvious here: not all people's opinions about your life and lived-in experience are equally valid, especially when there was pretty limited information given about my relationship from the start. You overreached, you were rude to people, and it was not appreciated. What do you expect though? Thanks, Yoda. <(°.°)> You could have communicated your point in a civil way, kept it there, and moved on without making it overly personal. You did not. Does all of malekind actually consent for you to speak for them? (By the way, I already acknowledged your actual perspective though, you know...) You are way too comfortable projecting with rather limited information and rather protective of your interpretations. I find it a bit unhinged TBH. Ah yes, the old "I was only doing it for your own good!" "All I ever do for people when I belittle them is for their own good!" If anything, maybe I should be giving people long-term relationship advice just based on my track record, but it's not really my thing though. I don't quite feel comfortable speaking for all people everywhere. ....and I usually feel like it's a bit cheap to play the age/ experience card, because it's a very easy way to just write people off, and being older doesn't necessarily make your perspective more truthful... but seriously, how old or experienced are you even? What do you know about marriage/ extremely long LTRs? People in general might easily enough be able to recognize one which is not working, but what do you know about how to be in one harmoniously, and why are you so insistent about giving advice on it?

I probably wouldn't either! Once in a rare while, I do compliment women I don't know though, and am also complimented by women that I don't know. For example: going to get coffee, a stranger compliments you. That can be nice even if you're in ultra-introvert mode, like a hermit crab in a shell around people you don't know really well. I've sometimes read about the experiences of men online who received compliments from strangers (or acquaintances), and how it made their day. I don't recall anything about it being women that they were sexually attracted to, or whether these women were single and available or not. It seemed more like a nice compliment from a stranger. What I do remember being mentioned over and over is that many men so rarely receive compliments, that it really sticks out in their memory that it happened, and perhaps when they're feeling low or not worthwhile, it's something that they revisit over and over again. And I've thought to myself... maybe I can do that too? It takes so little effort to actually give a compliment, it's like everything else around it is the issue... This sounds kind of ridiculous to say this out loud, but I actually, actively don't want my male friends to develop a debilitating sense of attraction to me. It makes me feel bad knowing that maybe I could have prevented it somehow, but then, it also feels like it's hard to know for sure. At least in the past, from my perspective.... friendships felt "normal" until I became too open and too warm emotionally, too vulnerable maybe (as in, overshare), as it's natural enough to become that way over time with... anyone? It's hard to say if they were always attracted to me and kept it under tabs, or if it developed and intensified with time, but the pretense of friendship no longer made sense anymore at that time. I think that's a very healthy attitude, actually. Taking people for what they are without having lots of hidden expectations, and focusing on the best of what people can bring and share authentically to an interaction, or relationship.

TBH, I have different love languages from my husband. He is more quality time/ physical touch, and I'm more acts of service/ receiving gifts, at least traditionally. Over a rather long span of time since we've known each other (let's just say just under 19 years or so), we've picked up a lot of each others' ways of natural communication, a lot through osmosis and sometimes through sheer effort, to the point that it's become natural to express ourselves in ways which were not native to each other originally. We adapted. So it seems natural to me to continue to learn how to adapt to others' ways of communicating, I suppose (within reason). Deep down I am optimistic about change and would strongly prefer to believe that we can all communicate better, become better versions of ourselves, if we are open to each other and open to growth. Despite whatever my life has been like. A lot of people become very insular with age, especially in my position. They find a partner and some close friends, their family, and then they sink entirely into that life. They check out. They cease to learn anything about how other people are, and how to interact with them, because they're not interested in forming new relationships or going outside their comfort zone, or maybe they just let it all happen organically and they don't think about this stuff. It's really easy to. And it's really easy to let a small, insular social circle (if not one just based on your partner) become your whole worldview, as it's the only viewpoints you actually have to contend with. It is not "wrong" per say, but for me, this somehow feels incomplete. My issue is actually that I'm not sure about how to be around other people anymore and that I feel really out of touch at times because I've spent quite a long time being relatively isolated; so I feel very undersocialized in many ways compared to other people in my culture/ this time period, but I suppose I could say equally that people don't know much about being in very long term relationships or being and stayed married (and not getting utterly sick of, detached, and spent with each other). Like... this is not my grandparents' or great-grandparents' era. Most people in first-world countries don't marry someone they knew and dated as a teenager and ultimately end up together anymore. Growing with someone in this way is perhaps a lost skill. I feel like if I had been more social and followed more of a "normal" life path, then I wouldn't be asking these questions on a personal level, lol. Also, I genuinely, legitimately do feel for people who feel like they're starved for positive attention and affection, whether it's touch (sexual and romantic or not) or compliments. Why would it be a stretch since I know what that feels like? It makes me sad because I get to hear so much affirmation every day, and I get the chance to give it too. To think that I can give something freely when it is no loss to myself (like a compliment), what's wrong with that? Basic empathy, I thought..... Personally, I think of it a lot like practicing gratitude as a more formal, concentrated effort, like listing every day all of the things you are grateful for. Even if it hasn't always come naturally, as long as it's not so forced that it's inauthentic, doesn't this have a lot of positive potential? Eventually, you practice something enough, and it does become a naturalized and and ingrained habit.

Yea, generally happens all along, in increments, though often felt like I've needed space to reflect on it. This I can do, and I can do very well I think! I really love getting these types of compliments, and I love giving them too. I guess in my case, I've felt for most of my life like there's been a very sensitive, expressive person who has been trapped inside the more outward shell of someone who comes across a lot more cerebral and cold, and even reserved to the point of being retentive. At least at first, anyway. I've been told a good handful of times by people who became my friends later that I come off as standoffish IRL (even intimidating, at times), and that they were surprised that I was so nice and warm once they got to know me better. I think it's mostly how I was raised, somewhat "traditional" and quite strict (for where I live, anyway). That and I'm capable of living and feeling at home enough inside the domain "logic" and "the intellect" like my dad, who I very much get in that way (and he feels like he just "gets" me in this way too). Very strong displays of emotion were frowned upon in my family period. I didn't get much of a pass for being female, TBH. And I don't just mean anger/ frustration/ tantrums. If I was too joyful, excited, or even a bit "hyper", I could just tell that my parents didn't like it. And one way I showed my love for them was by becoming more of what they want... and less like myself, less expressive with my presence, my body, and matching their energy level. I talked far less and spent most of my time listening around them, became meeker and stiller as to not take up too much space. I asked them the questions they wanted to hear, gave them the affirmation that I intuitively felt like they wanted and needed. You could just call this "people pleasing" (or just wanting to be a "good daughter") and you wouldn't be wrong, but I was mostly just like this with them, not with my friends growing up. Add early childhood touch-based trauma (both the lack of affection plus negative touch) to it and trying to find "authentic expression" has been difficult, to say the least. Literally, my husband has ended up teaching me over the years, because my upbringing was a huge void emotionally. We have filled each others' cups in so many ways, but still. There have been struggles and there have been limitations. I've been perpetually moving toward something that is not some emotionally and physically stilted version of myself (early childhood), or the rebellious and rather unhinged version of myself (early teenaged years). It often feels like I've been shifting between "heart" (more unhinged, expressive, impulsive) and "mind" (principle-based, mentally resolved, rather tightly laced up) in my outward expression for years, often in long phases. Neither of these feel "natural", exactly, though I guess being unhinged has felt more natural. Did it feel like the "true me" though? No. I've never felt like my "authentic self" is angry except for in the short term. My childhood self was not angry.

I didn't even know that there were naturally blonde native Egyptians? I thought there were only naturally blonde (and light-eyed) people in the Levant (Syria/ Lebanon, even Palestine), though light eyes show up often enough in various other central Asian countries, Iran, Pakistan sometimes, etc. But not from Egypt or the Gulf Region. Are they Berber?

I've got one thing to say to you:

...I'm not sure whether I should suggest you to let off some steam somewhere else, or to turn that psychoanalytic eye on yourself for once. Why you harassing people? Haha. Do you always harass people who are trying to figure out how to do something nice in a genuinely no-strings-attached kind of way?

I've heard this from both my husband and a few of my closer guy friends over the years. They've preferred to be close friends with women overall, even if they've had male friends they've known for ages, because they can actually talk about their emotions without it getting super weird. With my husband, he never cared for the element of mindless competitive fist-bumping that groups of younger guys especially often do; it's just not his thing. I think it's made worse by the fact that he had a working-class upbringing, and he was still left with the concern about being "too sensitive" and "having too many feelings" even though he's always had some sharp edges and never took shit from people. I get it because I'm a similar way in that I've never cared to compete with my female friends, and on some deep level, it always made me sad when it has happened, or when my intent was interpreted as competitive. However, I feel like a lot of girls either outgrew that habit in puberty (puberty is a confusing hellscape for lots of us!) or else it became much more subtle. As I've grown older, at least in the "real world", it's been a lot easier to gravitate towards people of like mind anyway. IMO the purpose of friends is to find (or create!) a deep level of common interests and shared perspective, and I think it should also be to genuinely uplift each other and have enjoyable interactions. I feel like it's not a real friendship otherwise. I'm super duper basic/straightforward in this way, lol. Thank you for your very helpful perspective as well. I will keep it all in mind, especially the part about not trying too hard.

@Princess Arabia Thank you for your response. It's all good food for thought. TBH Surprised that people took this post... so personally? When this convo came up, it was very casual. Like a thought experiment that might or might not work in reality. Didn't expect this to turn into free psychoanalysis by strangers (especially so quickly lol).

@Buck Edwards How did you manage to make a post where I was mostly interested in general answers, as personal as possible? (Though maybe I didn't make that clear originally IDK.) When I made this post, I wasn't particularly asking for a free critique and a bunch of assumptions about my personal life. I was more interested in... how do straight men want to receive compliments from women in general? The only reasonable answer you gave to that is... "don't give any compliments to any men because you're married and they can't have you, and or only say the right things that aren't about their looks because that could be interpreted as flirting." with a nice heaping side of "and that's probably your fault, you attention whore you." (why are you such an attention whore, and such a woman?). All the other stuff is a bunch of projections and a lack of interest in understanding. Which makes me wonder why you're wasting time talking to me. I did not ask for a dissection of my backstory, which you know nothing about. Details of individual situations and context are sometimes everything, ya know. Why are you going out of your way to project secret ill intent into my motives though? Or to find things wrong with me?

Perhaps true, but also perhaps projecting. Perhaps I missed something, perhaps not. Legitimately, maybe I do not know for sure. What drama though? Not sure where you're pulling these assumptions out of. Husband = no male friends? Got it!!!!!! Wait, don't you try to meet everyone's needs in some way? Friends? Family? Etc. You don't really know anything about my dynamic with my husband, I'm not sure why you keep interjecting about him into this conversation when you don't know what the dynamics of our relationship is like, our level of trust, or even if I'm a following the traditional monogamous life path or not? What I'm talking about is literally everyone else. I've known him for a long ass time; hopefully when you know someone for that long, you truly, actually know how they think and feel. It's not my job, but I still wanted to know and to ask. Experience has not proved this to be true, personally. Men get bored too, it seems. So it really just is about getting compliments from people you only want to date and have sex with, and where there's a real chance of it? If that's true, I guess that would be simple enough then! Either way, I'm not sure why y'all are writing to me like I'm having a massive life crisis about this.

Y'all need to stop projecting.