Sincerity

I've been confronting so much fear lately. I've been noticing how it is running my life. Examples of how I was scared in the last few days: In social situations: how I'm afraid of offending someone or causing disruption I was scared and worried because I was procrastinating on some quite important things Big one: I'm most likely going on a student exchange programme for the next semester. Living in a foreign country without anyone familiar nearby, on the other side of the continent. A lot of fears associated with this exchange thing. Soooo much I have to get done. And it's just scary, it's going to be my first time living on my own. Man. But I'm happy it's happening. Long story short I damaged my front tooth two weeks ago. The dentist fixed it for me but it's no longer straight and it literally cannot be anymore. I've always had straight teeth. Now I don't. It hurts. Fear of embarassment, smallness. Insecurity. Anxiety. My mom and sister tell me they can't even see it but I do. I can overcome this fear when I notice it, notice the thoughts and remind myself that this isn't me. I am not from this world, yet I am all of this world. Oh, btw, I had a profound completely sober awakening this week. Deeper than the ones I had on psychedelics. So it's not that I'm convincing myself intellectually that this is not me. Well, anyways, that's not the topic right now. I've been thinking and I'm coming to the conclusion that the IT industry is not for me. I've been studying CS for 2 and a half years already, my parents have been paying for it. But now for the first time in 3 years I harnessed the courage to think about this and notice that I'm NOT about this computer science bullshit. I want to do something humanistic, related to writing somehow. I'm seriously considering becoming a comic, writer. I came up with a life purpose which feels authentic to me. To convey spiritual truths through comedy. Not to brag but I think I have a cool sense of humor, especially like spontaneous responses, people really enjoy my jokes, stories and all. I already have ideas for what I would make shows about. Ok I'm getting off track again. I'm obviously scared of disappointing my parents. Also, they've been paying for my education and I'm finishing it soon. So what, it all just goes to waste? I'm not blaming myself because I think that going into computer science was the best choice I could have made with what I knew about myself at the time. I'm proud of that decision. But now I discovered more about myself and I feel like I can't do this shit. But are my parents gonna understand it? Fear. Fear of not-knowing. Today I confronted it after long contemplation on some matters and at some point I thought: how about I accept that I don't know? Could I accept that I will never know this? Would I accept a life like this? I was scared, but also I enjoyed the thrill of sitting in this not-knowing with fear trying to encompass me. Nodding my head in a social situation when someone is saying something. An unconscious reaction stemming from fear of being cast off from my group of peers. Also I want others to nod their heads when I'm saying something. Credit to Vernon Howard for making me conscious of this, and many other things. I see myself doing this. Now that my front teeth is weaker I literally fear biting my lips and fingers which I've been doing for so long. Maybe it's for the better, lol. My lips and hands don't look so good. Maybe I will stop now. I'm quite nervous. I'm only just learning to seriously notice fear in the moment and let go. I wanna cry right now. I've been noticing and overcoming so much fear with the light of consciousness. Am I getting weak now again? HAHAHAHA. I'm trying to notice it. Lol btw, this year I must have cried like 70-100 times. AAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Fucking fear hahahahaha!!! I love Spotify wrapped so much. Did you get yours? Mine brought back so many feelings and memories. My music taste was so good this year I love myself for it HAHAHAHAHAHAHA About this awakening I mentioned. It was amazing. For a second, I was immersed in a divine ocean of blissful peace and love. I was kissed on the forehead by sweet love and bliss itself. All sober, for fucks sake! My belief that meditation cannot compare to psychedelics has been shattered. I did it with my consciousness, on my fucking own! I remember it. I was contemplating what I am and I encountered much fear but I was able to see through these empty thoughts and let go into this pureness, infinity that I am. Psychedelics awakenings are undoubtedly cool, but here I kind of awakened manually and it was so satisfying and to be honest more beautiful and deeper than awakenings I've had so far. I recognized myself as Existence and realized there is nothing 'other' from me. I am Existence! And this universe is all a dream, it's fucking empty, it's just me. Reality is not real. It's all just me. Again, I am not from this world and yet this world is all that is and all that I am. I am Reality, I am the Source. I was a hidden treasure and I wanted to be known, so I created the world. Words can't describe Me. I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. This image goes hard. That's how I often feel now when I look at things. Gosh it's all just so much. HAHAHAHAHA. The Freedom. If I overcome fear, I CAN DO ANYTHING! This is what life is all about!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA What are You waiting for? Do You want to be a puppet on strings your whole life?

Congrats!!! Good work

Vernon Howard This guy is the fucking bomb. He exposes your bullshit on a masterful level.

If by experience You mean create them for myself then yes, most likely. Of course You (and I) do fall into these "inevitable tragedies of life". By living in falsehood. Growth and shedding of fear are undeniably painful. But what is that pain, existentially? Are these pains and sorrows actually a property of reality? What I'm saying is that You erect bullshit and then hurt when it comes tumbling down.

So are these "sorrows of existence" in the room with us right now?

Ask and ye shall receive. You pursue by asking. You receive by pursing. You pursue because You want it. Or don't if You don't. I'd tell You it's pointless for You to think about causality or no causality at this point because in practice You get there by doing the work. Just do it. You will get insight into causality along the way.

Lol. Where does the sorrow come from? Your thoughts, perhaps? Go above thoughts of sorrow. It's just another trick You're playing on yourself to keep yourself asleep. Get this. You are creating sorrow as a defense against realizing what You really are! Quit being a puppet on strings and see through the wall of bullshit you've erected which is puppeteering You right now because You give it power. If You understand, there is no sorrow. There is BLISS!

Such a deep topic. I'm waiting for the video too. Hoping Leo can surprise me with some juicy insight Ego is falsehood. It's literally nothing. It's asleepness. It's immaturity. Ego is fear. It's resistance to Truth.

Jevil worked as the Court Jester alongside Seam, who was the Court Magician. One day, however, Jevil encountered a "strange someone," and his personality shifted permanently. Seam explains that Jevil "started saying bizarre things that didn't completely make sense - But didn't completely not make sense, either." Eventually, Jevil started viewing the world as a game, while everyone acted as its participants. Because of this, Jevil was locked away by Seam underneath Card Castle. He has a very cynical view of the world around him and considers everyone around him to be trapped while he is the only one truly free, despite ironically being jailed from the world. Seam however finds some sense in the words of Jevil, indicating that his insanity might be a form of awareness. THEY CRAVED TO IMPRISON MY BODY. BUT I'M FAST, FAST, CLEVER, CLEVER. THEY LOST THE CHASE, AND LOCKED UP THEIR ENTIRE RACE, BUILDING A PRISON AROUND THE WHOLE WORLD. NOW I'M THE ONLY FREE ONE. I CAN DO ANYTHING! The air crackles with freedom.

God is imperfect. God doesn't even compare to me. I am above God on all levels. God can blow me. ^ Do these statements spark a reaction in You? If yes, get to work

I think discord is a terrible idea.

HELP ME MAKE THE MOST OF FREEDOM AND OF PLEASURE NOTHING EVER LASTS FOREVER EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD

Pin down some of FlyingLotus's posts like blog table of contents or this one. ^ Agreed. Dark mode would be nice tbh but I don't get my hopes up. Guess that'd be quite difficult to design. Ability to edit your own journals. Enlightened user of the month jk. It's a shame You don't share your deepest insights anymore. I hope You do in your advanced course. One thing I feel is that if I wasn't reading a lot of your posts on the forum, I wouldn't understand deeply the material from the videos. In fact I would say that I probably learned more from your forum posts than from the videos and it's not like the videos aren't packed with a lot of wisdom. I just feel like if one doesn't read your posts (which many times generate a-ha moments for me and increase understanding), one misses on half of the insights. For example, I 'learned' about the nature of death much more from your posts than video content. I don't know what to do about it, I'm just stating how I see it. Update the pinned topics in the Meditation section. They feel outdated. One suggestion: maybe you could make a large, wisdom-packed post about what your teachings are (not in like one sentence but also not too long) and pin it down. You could edit it along the way when your understanding expands. I'd really welcome more of these shorter, more spontaneous vimeo blog videos. Like the one about requisite variety, or awakening reports, etc. They were very valuable and insightful! I'm spitballing. I think this platform is good at it is. Thanks!

I have misunderstood this quote for so long, lol. I thought it meant something completely different. I mistook the word "phoneless" with the word "phony". The intended meaning of the quote something along the lines of: we rely on our phones and media which make us angry and scared and yada yada yada. Sure, it's true I guess, but I can come up with a better message. Here's how I originally misunderstood and here is my new version of the quote: Some poor, clueless fool is probably sitting in a café somewhere totally unaware of how confused and scared he really is. I wrote this in a café yesterday. People don't realize how scared they really are. Yes, maybe your fear isn't right on the surface in this very moment but still, you are scared as fuck and you deny it. It's so easy to prove that you're scared shitless! Here, a simple exercise for you: THINK THE FOLLOWING THOUGHTS OR BETTER YET, SAY THIS OUT LOUD. REALLY, DO IT! I am a pedophile I would suck a dick happily (for the hetero men out there) I would gladly r@pe an animal I want to inject heroin in my veins I hate n****rs or, for the local racists out there, say this: An average black person is more intelligent than me This last one makes me laugh so much. Imagine getting a racist to say this. IMPORTANT NOTES I do NOT mean anything I say above. You're stupid if you think I do. Say it like you mean it. Notice your fucking reaction. NOTICE THE FEAR AND RESISTANCE! When you maybe overcome that fear, notice that you are still here and everything is okay. Furthermore, notice that even though you thought it or said it out loud, that doesn't mean it is true. You are still here and you are still your old way, only a bit less fearful. This goes to show that thoughts are just that, thoughts. You do not have to believe in the content of thoughts! Stop being lost in falsehood! Believing in the content of thoughts is literally believing in something that is NOT THERE! IT'S FANTASY! Really think about it: what IS the content of a thought made of? A thought is a thought, you can notice it. But what IS EXISTENTIALLY its content? IT'S NOTHING! IT'S YOU ADDING SOMETHING THAT ISN'T THERE, FOR FUCKS SAKE! Yesterday I realized this and for the first time I was free to think anything. How much fun. I thought the most atrocious and "dangerous" thoughts and I'm still here. I still am not a pedophile, or a junkie or any of that. Better, I am relieved of a lot of resistance and it feels good, trust me. Let go you beautiful flower. People are so scared of pedophilia, or more precisely being a pedophile, lol. So scared of looking inwards and actually checking whether they're a pedophile or not. It's understandable I guess because you would lose a lot of friends and all but still it's very funny how fear blocks you from introspecting freely. I've been listening a lot to Vernon Howard lately. He's so good. Maybe you can notice from how I'm writing:p

Wow, awesome! I'm happy for You! It does indeed!

Good for you! For the sake of experience and different perspective I would very gladly go myself. Idk what to ask really. Anything you don't like there so far? If you could write up some small report afterwards or notes on what you've learned I'd be happy to read it.

Holy shit! Check out this site: https://www.psynft.xyz I found so many AWESOME visionary artists and artworks here. INSANELY BEAUTIFUL!!!!! My favourite artists I found are Conscious Color, Magusz, Rajha, Cosmic Jester, Salviadroid and Zeet. I love visionary art.

Ok???? I feel offended.

"Better to reign in hell than serve in Heaven." Ruler of everything, huh...? How does it feel?

Yesterday after a shamanic breathing session (first since 1,5 years) I recognized Myself again. I am the Universal Truth. The session was quite weird. A lot of body shaking, numbness in arms. I wanted to puke multiple times, even though I didn't eat much. Forgotten memories from childhood came back. I did it because I felt a deep longing for the Truth. I really missed it. Not that It ever left me. But I did reject it, for too long.

Wow, nice video. Reminds me of how wicked consciousness can be.

@Leo Gura Congrats and good luck man. You're doing God's work

Chill dude.

The things men will do instead of going to therapy

This title makes me laugh. The d r e a d e d Destiny and MrGirl bridge nuke. Yes. We're biting our nails, frightened of the streamers' ultimate break-up No, not the b r i d g e n u k e . . . . (I'm just joking around.)