Sincerity

I reached such an utter low that it started spilling out of me and my family became worried about me. It was evident that I was not well. Later on during a talk with my mom I just kind of mentioned that sometimes I felt like I was going through hell, that I had terrible mood swings and was feeling hopeless in general. She said I should have told them sooner (I never did before) and offered to pay for my therapy. She gave me emotional support - as much as she could muster. I had mixed feelings after this conversation because I've never opened up like this before and everything was happening so fast. Me going to a psychologist?? Because of mental health problems?? What the fuck?? Next day my dad went to talk to me and also said that I should have told them, that they would pay without a problem... he also said that he's been treating himself for his own problems for years (wtf?) and that he had stupid ideas in the past (WTF????). And also he told me that he loved me. While feeling loved and a bit relieved, my ego also took a hit and I had a mixed reaction to all of this. I felt I should be able to take care of my own mind myself. I felt I should be above this. I felt I couldn't consider getting out of this as MY accomplishment if I didn't do it on MY OWN. I wanted to feel unique, I wanted to feel self-sufficient, I wanted to feel like it was MY journey, MY achievement. Me, MEEE, MEEEEEE!!! And then I realized where these feelings were coming from. I was scared. I was afraid of letting go, of dying, of being nothing. I tapped into that fear which I became oblivious to and stayed there for so long, driving myself crazy, going absolute fucking bonkers on myself and spiraling into a dark and hopeless void. And when I became conscious of all this... I felt truly relieved. For the first time in ~2,5 months, I felt some genuine peace. I've had moments of relief during these 2,5 months but this time it was different. It's like I really saw through what I've been doing all this time. I was so lost and confused... but now I'm hopeful it will get better and better. AND I will still go to the psychologist, obviously. I think it'd be stupid of me not to. It's an opportunity and I'm gonna use it. And yeah, after that day this peace has been pervading my experience more and more. Today was sweet. My curiosity has been reignited, I said some sincere things to my family members which warmed up our relations, I've been appreciating the beautiful day and my existence... Drank a nice coffee in a new place and contemplated there. Good stuff! I'm excited for what's coming. I'm bouncing back from the backlash phase. I will further awaken soon and it's going to heavily impact my everyday life. I feel it in my bones. And I'm going to work for it. And in the end I will accept EVERYTHING because, well... I am _____.

Okay, I see your points and I have nothing important to add. Thanks for a nice exchange of views!

Personally I think Carl is using the word too broadly, but I'd say that the concept certainly exists. Example: A guy cannot attract women, craves to but disregards it and doesn't work on it because of spiritual truths coming from the absolute perspective. That's avoiding the problem, that's bypassing. I agree.

Hmm. Personally I wouldn't consider consciously accepting an emotion without changing one's behaviour as spiritual bypassing. I mean, when You accept the emotion You face reality head on... AND I'd also say that the newly accepted reality does incentivize behaviour change. At least for me, consciousness and peace inspire solutions and growth. It's just that mostly there's no manual deconstruction and analysis, it's done on a more intuitive level and from a relieved state. But neither feeling nor behaviour change is avoided. I guess both approaches could be connected in a model like this: Situation --> emotion arises --> awareness and acceptance of the emotion --> emotion subsides & contemplation over situation. That's very inspiring! Seriously. And I agree that writing things down is powerful. Actually in regards to processing emotions I can mention that I'm completing these forms every day in the evening to be more aware and accepting of my feelings. Note that it concerns emotions in the now (although when I focus there often reappear emotions that I avoided and repressed during the day) and also the third question is about lessons from the day - which are often derived from how I feel / felt and why, so there's room for some analysis. I guess what I wanna say is we agree like 95% probably haha. I wouldn't consider accepting something You can't change as spiritual bypassing. If You can't do anything but accept and You DO accept, then what is bypassed?

Nice post! Perhaps I'll share my slightly different approach. I find that most often simply consciousness and acceptance do the work. For me (if I'm conscious enough) the mechanism is: problem --> emotion arises --> awareness and acceptance of the emotion --> emotion subsides. While analysis can be useful, I think that in regards to emotions presence in the moment and acceptance are the #1 thing and they dissolve all turmoil beautifully. AND I'd argue that with consciousness, You also learn for the long-term - without the need for "manual" analysis. It's just learning in a different way. Analysis and finding lessons are still great tho. Clarity about the situation and a commitment to respond differently next time are certainly empowering, relief-bringing and satisfying - especially if You're in love with that wisdom babyy. Like? I'm curious what You're thinking of because I'd lean towards saying that all forms of spiritual bypassing are, well... bypassing, running away. While it may have "uses" (depending on what your goals are), it's never facing the truth. And things that one absolutely cannot change can be accepted too.

Beautiful! ?

Please be more respectful in your responses to others. @Breakingthewall It's okay dude. Don't let others get to You too easy.

He's not in "the business of ecology". He's in business. Mostly. And even if he was that doesn't mean he couldn't be mainly orange. Perhaps ask yourself what SD really tracks and what it doesn't. I get the impression that people here often don't appreciate the intelligence of the """lower""" stages. To be at healthy orange is something really great. And it's easy to confuse intelligent orange people with them being yellow. So to clarify: I'm not saying Musk is primarily orange as an insult. Of course he probably does have some yellow in him too. Also I suggest You take a look at your biases against green. Our society's transition into green has BARELY started and being so critical of it and wanting to jump straight to yellow is simply a misunderstanding in my view. Which many are guilty of. In general if You're negative about green You're most likely below it rather than above, I'd say. Healthy green is going to be something really beautiful and no, it's not just about going to burning man and smoking pot - it goes way deeper than that.

Gee, that's a profound understanding of stage green. Kudos to You.

Just letting You know You've started 10 threads in the last 24 hours.

I'd say he's much more orange than yellow. You can be an amazing learner at any stage.

Thank You ?❤️ I really appreciate it:) Nice! Good luck!

Hey Y'all, Two days ago on an LSD trip I started recording myself while attempting to realize what I truly am. I managed to capture the unfolding of an awakening live on video. I thought that although it's very personal it'd be cool to share it with You. For those of You who haven't awakened yet, it might be helpful to see what this MIGHT look like. Of course You can't know the state I'm experiencing during this video, You only see my emotional reactions and hear the words I'm saying. Still, You might get a better idea of how it can unfold. I timestamped the video at 5:50 because before this time I'm mostly fucking around. Also, turn on the subtitles. I added English subtitles for this video. The unfolding captured in this video was only the beginning of what I saw that day. I managed to finally conquer fear of death consciously and go beyond all else up to that point. I reached PURE BEING. I experienced the GODHEAD. I AM GOD and I am so elusive, I am always slipping through my fingers even at the higher levels. I am completely indescribable. I am EXPERIENCE, I am GOD, I am this beautiful, infinite void hiding in plain sight... CONSCIOUSNESS. Raw CONSCIOUSNESS. There's an infinite ways to define Myself and I literally AM SELF-DEFINITION as REALITY. It's crazy. And there's more, so much more. It's absolutely astounding and I had a lot of trouble putting it into words or even recalling it because my mind has been working real hard to erase all this from memory. Being God is the grandest thing EVER. Once more please note that the video is really personal and I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable sharing this. But I want to set an example and help others see that this is possible. Awakening is possible for YOU, because YOU ARE GOD. It is your BIRTHRIGHT to be able to awaken, but You have to really really want it. Also I want to show that this is emotionally difficult and You have to be ready for that. You have no idea what I had to go through before that day to be able to awaken here. So much fucking crying and suffering I wanted to kill myself. Some of the stuff is real HARD to accept. But it's all worth it in the end. In this trip I got everything I've wanted from spirituality lately. I have been very fortunate with this work. I notice my wishes are always being granted in the end. And yours can be granted too. Thank You for reading & I hope You awaken soon. Love, Sincerity

Thanks for the nice comment! It really cheers me up! I feel like in general Yall's reception to the video has been positive and I'm very thankful for that. I hope more people record their awakenings and share them with the world.

Ketamine no. Weed I've done many times but I'm putting it off for now.

My progression with LSD was very slow, I was really careful with it. 45 --> 80 --> 125 --> 180 --> 220 --> 275 --> 300 Until I took 275 my trips were rather disappointing. And so ~300 is my standard now. It's a good but manageable trip. I don't really have to go for more, although maybe someday I will to experiment. Haven't taken DMT yet. I took shrooms (2,5 g cubensis) once. The dose was too low for me but the experience was still cool I guess. Everyone's bodies handle substances differently. ?‍♂️

I usually go for around 300 to have a powerful but "manageable" trip. This time it was 315 to be exact.

Don't mind the teasing Obviously You were being nice. I've been transparent about it from the start. ?️?️ I am your roommate. It's okay, I don't mind the comment. Within, outside... Is there a difference. Although later I did go more "inwards" and it was so profound I can't describe it.

Too? ? My mod instinct kicked in lol. At least You're transparent. Thanks! I can say I understand much better now what existence is. But of course I couldn't convey it. It's amazing, it's infinite, it's God. You know your input is most welcome! I'm sorry You feel like this nowadays. You can join our "take one picture of myself every day" challenge too if You want! Thank You! A big smile appeared on my face when I read this. I am absolutely certain that in spite of all You say You are really pretty. I mean it, You deserve to appreciate yourself much more. Cheers! Your post is radiating amazing positive energy. Thank You for the kind words.

Aw thanks. Actually in the last weeks I was feeling terrible and neglected my appearance quite a lot. I should have gone to the barber weeks ago. I stopped taking care of my skin, indulged in fast food... at first I was scared of sharing (another) video of me here. I'm still tense about it a degree. But it's just another thing to work through... Yeah I might look a bit like a girl due to my baby face or whatevs. I know that. Good luck with integrating your jerk side haha. I on the other hand am practicing being more open and vulnerable. ❤️ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Here's a fun fact. About 9 months ago I encountered "death" and I recoiled in fear and attachment to my sister. It really shook me to my core and the next 9 months were often very difficult for me. Sometimes I was randomly bursting into tears thinking about that moment. And now I encountered the same feeling. I was lying on the floor, the fear arose in me again and I felt like I was going to die. But suddenly I remembered Leo's words that "Death is not real". I literally recalled a forum post with him saying it, with his profile picture on the left and all. I paused for a second and then I gave in and that's how I was able to reach Pure Being, see the Godhead and realize other impossible stuff. This happened some time after I recorded the video. What's inspiring to me is that I faced the same situation again and after a lot of growth I was able to respond differently, overcome fear / attachment and let go. It's CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT and I'm really proud of myself to be honest. I'm thankful that I'm making progress and it just helps me have more faith in myself. If You're reading this - thank You Leo.

Heyy, that's something to work on! You're beautiful. How about a 30 day "take one picture of myself every day" challenge? Of course You can keep them to yourself. Not very nice, eh? I'm getting a haircut this week.

Thank You!!!! YES HAHAHAHA. Good eye, I definitely used my cat for grounding.

...Okay? We can agree to disagree then.

I'm not sure what You mean. I'd say with certainty that awakening is a state. Or rather a change of state.

I couldn't agree more! That's a big reason why I decided to make this post. I want to encourage people to share videos of their awakenings. This needs to be popularized more. Integrating spirituality into every day life is what I care about most. I see that I'm making progress month by month and it makes me happy. But the most profound states I experienced during this trip are impossible to live from consistently I think. They couldn't be my baseline because I just wouldn't be able to function properly! It took me over a day to readjust to simple daily functioning from this trip. I had to put effort into that. Still, my goal in spirituality and life in general is graceful living - that's what I'm primarily about from a higher perspective. I experienced profound effortlessness and high consciousness as part of daily experience 3 month ago and I really care about living from that place more. I want to know I'm God consistently. I want to BE LOVE. I want to BE GOODNESS. I want to BE SINCERITY. That's what I am aiming for. Thanks for the kind words Thank You! Yup!