Sincerity

Maybe! Or not. I’ll be looking into it. Feels different from the SOMETHING I experienced. I sense Love there, and the alien vibration feels like something else. I dunno yet. But I’ll consider it. I’m open to options.

And it’s hard to desire something if you don’t see it at all. That’s my entire point. You only start desiring the beautiful chick once you notice her for the first time. Awareness of her makes you desire her, if she is to your liking. Of course this analogy falls apart because the new thing appearing in my consciousness radar isn’t random. I did the work and I was ready for more, so reality opened itself up to me just a little bit more. At least that’s how I see it. * * * * * Besides though, I only do this part time because I’m young and have survival things to focus on, so don’t judge. My independence and growth of character is more important now, awakening is 2nd order. The intention for this trip itself was mainly to 1) confront fears and 2) program myself as part of Self-definition. Free up my energetic system and all that stuff, so that I can be better in daily life. And I succeeded. I did not expect any new awakenings.

I was mainly just thinking aloud, or asking whether my hunch sounds in any way familiar. But nothing will sway me away from my curiosity and set direction anyway. But really, I don’t think it’s possible to reach for something which isn’t in your radar yet. I think it’s useless for most people to ask a question like What is God? Or Love? because they have absolutely zero correct reference and zero idea of what to even really contemplate. I just noticed a new thing within my radar and I was wondering whether it can be Love/God, undiscovered yet. I can ponder it only now precisely because it became within my reach, after I went through other awakenings before. It’s like a new thing is added to my map in a game and I can now start exploring that place.

Lol. Initially the title I came up with was „To Be And Not to Be - LSD Trip Report”. But then I thought: who the fuck is going to read that? Ah, yes. „Alien Vibration Is Raping Me”. That’s perfect. There’s truth to it of course. It did feel like being taken advantage of. Highly uncomfortable.

Yeah. Honestly, I haven’t been directly focusing on Love so far in my trips. I feel this possibility is only opening up for me just now, after all the previous stuff I went through. The lead I discovered is intriguing me and, holding onto it, I feel I can awaken to Love/God as something True. This is the first time this has really appeared on my radar. Now I can focus on it. If I tried contemplating Love before, I would have nothing to point at with my focus. Now I do. I’d say I did, but I can’t know what degree of consciousness of Infinity you’re talking about. For example, I can see that Nothing is Infinity, like a magic hat from which everything is spawning. Nothing is an Infinite Source, Infinite Possibility, Infinite Generation. I see that at the core of me is this Nothing, this Infinity, this Paradox, out of which everything is arising, and anything can arise. On the contrary, for example, I did not see my POV morphing in some mind-bending ways, like some of the visualizations of very high consciousness you posted on the blog. Or, I did not clearly experience Infinite Intelligence/Omniscience/Love and God as something infinite „beyond” me. For this, I’m only investigating this new hunch just now. I'd say the Infinity I did experience has mostly been "neutral" so far. I am careful not to delude myself and ascribe „qualities”/facets to Reality that I want it to have. I strive to discover things in an unbiased manner. During this trip, I wanted Nothing to be something loving, inspiring, hopeful... But I see it was a mistake. Maybe, in a classic fashion, I can find the Love once I no longer need it. I dunno.

I don't know that yet, but I do intuit that's true, and I want to awaken to that. I shouldn't have said "I don't know if it's possible for me". I do intuit it is. I was thinking more about whether this one lead I'm focusing on right now provides a route towards the possibility of this particular awakening. After all, my work must be focused in the right direction. But it's all good. I'm hopeful. I know the cool stuff is waiting for me, and I'll get there eventually. As always, thanks so much for your support. It does matter to me.

Thanks! I'm curious if a Love awakening is possible for me if I pursue that lead with SOMETHING being there, as I described. So far I've never had a Love awakening, but I feel like that lead might be promising. Gives me hope to go deeper. Yeah, in previous trips I experienced the turning in circles out of fear of something behind me... I'm not sure what you mean by portal but "fear itself opening up" resonates well.

Do you live on your own? Are you cooking for yourself?

I had a similar situation. I deluded myself on LSD that someone was my divine soulmate and that I „needed to find them” after I saw their profile mistakenly opened on my phone on Messenger. A case of being completely wrong in an incredibly embarrassing way. I still cringe a bit thinking about it. It’s been hard to accept/forgive.

1) Focus on doing something. 2) Take a break, relax, do something pleasant.

You're probably afraid of confronting pain, or the feeling of shame in front of other people. You can get better at it with small steps. Set little goals, take action on the least scary thing to say to a certain person and work your way up to the more difficult ones.

@ExploringReality Please don’t poke the guy. Leave it be. @The Crocodile Namecalling is not allowed. Some of your posts were hidden.

Sorry. You won't see that anymore.

That guy is now banned.

In personal life, I think balance is a synonym for what is felt as right to do in each moment, or in the current phase in life. When you’re making the right choices, you feel balanced. Imbalance is not doing the right things. So for example, you feel you want to work but you give in to the laziness and don’t do the work for the day. You feel bad afterwards. You’ve neglected an energy which was demanding to be expressed, which resulted in imbalance. Or, you do too much of something, like when you’re a workaholic. You don’t even hear your voice calling you to take care of other aspects of your life. You are too drained of energy in these aspects, and too much energy is put into work. This results in imbalance. Balance, this equilibrium, has a calling to it. Everyone longs for balance. Because it’s peace. It’s happiness and fulfillment. It’s right. It’s the way. In a sense, it’s being aligned with the truth of you. Walking the path which you are, exactly where it is. An imbalanced life is betrayal of oneself, of the path.

Seems like you're in some serious tunnel vision right now. Your perspective is going to change. It's going to get better. Best wishes. Don't do anything stupid. You are fine as you are.

"I needed to word-vomit, so I did it at a public square for everyone to see, instead of in a bathroom."

Reading an amazing book atm. Very eye-opening. Planning to make a thread recommending it once I go through it. Some updates from my life: Work is stressful, but I'm getting by. Working to make moves in my career. I really want a raise. The new place we moved into is fucking awesome. My girlie feels happy here, and so do I. This space is really amazing. Invited my parents over for breakfast on Sunday. Also had my best friend come over, girlfriend also invited her friend. In the previous place we didn't invite people much, that place wasn't great for guests. The new place is more family-like and guest-friendly. It's so fucking good. Money is tight, but we're fine. Focusing on my goals every week. Focusing on doing things for myself as expression of love and interest, eg. trying to make myself laugh with new funny phone background every week. Supporting my gf a lot. And she's supporting of me. Sex is fucking spectacular. I see God in her during sex. I see we're the same. My relationships are very fulfilling. I have a very tight circle and I fucking LOVE it. Each person in this tight circle feels like a God/Goddess (gf, best friend, sister, parents). Something my best friend sent me last week: So true lol.

This MAN is a diagnosed PSYCHOPATH. Do NOT EVER let him near YOU. --- Me n' my girlie.

What utter nonsense… 🤦‍♂️ Moved to off-topic, this does not belong in the spirituality section.

You’re in no position to request people don’t post about something. I request you stop talking and preaching about things you have no idea about, but is that going to take me anywhere? You’re too arrogant for your own good, for someone who just mentally masturbates about spiritual concepts. First handle basic survival. You didn’t even have a job yet. Much of your suffering would go away if you focused on a purpose with tangible results. A new member category should be created for you: member aspiritual.

So raw. 🙇‍♂️ Awesome. Cheers!

My girlfriend infected me with this song. We just moved out. It took a lot of work, but the new place is PERFECT. I am so grateful. This is heaven. Life can be so beautiful. In the last 2 weeks post my LSD trip, my mind content has been of greater quality. I am more relaxed and insightful. Many energies have been released. This is good.

The feeling of something distinctly "other" from you is alluring. The otherness, the mystery! In my experience, awareness of otherness of something creates a sexual feeling. I can feel sexual attraction towards Infinity when I focus on it. Or at least my vision of it.