mr_engineer

You just have to decide that someone is 'your person', to be honest. And the way you do that is you figure out what role they play in your life and when they do a good job, you compliment them! Is there a step of 'see how you feel about the action you plan on taking, whether it's authentic or not to you' in the middle of this process? This is how you do the 'authentic style of pick-up' as a man too. It's the right way to cold-approach and 'learn social-skills' like that cuz it sets you up for authentic relationships in the future. Ah, okay. Maybe not for you personally, but it was a point in your OP for women in general. If you compliment cishet men on something they're good at/capable in, it would be life-changing for them. And, there is no danger of it coming across as sexual. Do this only if it's authentic to you/it genuinely is your love-language. The truth is that women whose love-language is physical-touch spontaneously give hugs without worrying about whether it'll come across as sexual. Women whose love-language is words of affirmation give compliments without worrying about it coming across as sexual! It's a creative process on your side, it's a process of expressing who you are and your authentic truth. If it's not your love-language, I'd highly recommend that you learn more about your motivations behind wanting to do this. Cuz if you don't, you may do more harm than good.

@eos_nyxia The attitude that I'm getting from your post is that it's a chore for you. That you're not really motivated to do this but you're considering it because it would be a nice thing to do for others around you. (You don't sound motivated to do it for women, children and animals either, by the way) Consider the possibility that words of affirmation are not your love-language. And figure out what your love-language is. And express love in that language. This is also the answer to a potential fear that you'd have of 'having to be everything for your husband'. The truth is that if you want to be authentic and loving in an inspired way, you need love-language compatibility with your partner (or even friends, for that matter). If you have that, you will have no issues being loving towards them in the right love-language, it will not feel like a chore and it will not drain you.

Teaching.

I have noticed that when we talk about men's loneliness or emotional-starvation, there is a rhetoric especially from progressive spaces that 'you're acting like a little boy' or 'you need to man up'. I am coining a new term for this response. It's called 'benevloent emasculation'. Benevolent Emasculation - The act of gaslighting a man into believing that he's acting like a little boy when he expresses his very real problems. To all of you doing this behavior, here's my question - why do YOU assume that when a man talks about his problems, he's 'acting like a little boy'?! Where did that come from?! Why are YOU convincing men that they're less mature than they are?! Why are YOU conditioning men into believing that they're 'being little boys'?! Do real men not communicate?! Is that what this boils down to?!

When you ask me what I want to talk about, the assumption is that I want to talk about something. You're not acknowledging the issue. What's with this assumption that your own problems are somehow special?! Everyone goes through similar shit. If we discuss it out, everyone benefits from it. No individual is special. That is precisely why you talk about what you're going through, cuz others can learn from it! If all solutions must come from your own mind, there would be no such thing as education. The reason credentials are valued is that some people have credibility, some don't. So, credentials are a proof of that. No expert would be needed in this hypothetical world you're talking about. Well, it's very rich of people who don't give enough shits, to act like know-it-alls and give shitty advice. If you don't give a shit, zip it and move on with your life. Don't mislead others.

You're assuming that I want to talk about something, you're making this about me, when it's not. This is a chronic pattern I see in men's spaces. People get solution-oriented too quickly without understanding what's going on, then they end up giving bad advice. Sometimes, the advice/interpretation you get is purely theoretical. There is very little effort being put into seeing the reality of what's required. I had to name this pattern of bad-faith advice-giving, which is moreso about dick-measuring than actually helping someone. This 'pull yourself up by the bootstraps' rhetoric needs to stop. Everyone knows that, you rocket-scientist. Be of help if you can, or shut up. We don't need the obvious to be stated. It's like telling Roger Federer that 'he should've just hit the ball better' when he lost to Djokovic.

Benevolent emasculation. 'Boo hoo, you're being a victim'. How about this - You quit assuming that people are being victims just because they're talking about something they're going through.

Benevolent emasculation. Saying that 'you need to take responsibility', assumes that I'm not taking responsibility. Benevolent emasculation. What 'neurosis'?! I love how people just make up dysfunctionalities that you don't have. You're saying that I have issues that I don't have, then you're telling me that I'm not taking action to resolve them. Benevolent emasculation. 'You're a weak man, you can't do shit'. The real immaturity is to play this dick-measuring contest in which when someone talks about what they're going through, you jump in there to show them how much bigger your dick is than theirs. Nobody cares how big your dick is, even though they're going to compliment you on it cuz it benefits them to. But, the problem we're talking about has the solution of compassionate understanding. If you're going to twist it around and try to be predatory and manipulate them to your ends, that's a you-problem. How do you connect with your passion without connecting to your emotions?! Somehow, we see emotions as a negative thing. I put quotes, meaning, people who think they're 'strong men', when they're really coming here for validation as to how much stronger they are than you. This hyper-competitiveness needs to stop. Projection. The best way to come across as a 'real man' is to police the 'real man' talk to others. I see through it, don't worry.

Benevolent emasculation. You say one thing is true and then you say that the opposite is true. Paradox or strange-loop?! Benevolent emasculation. This idea that 'talking about what you're struggling with and seeking out help is weakness and incapability, you're supposed to tough it out alone'. Oh, it prevents wars. Benevolent emasculation. 'Talking about your problems necessarily means that you're not doing anything and you're not taking action, you're weak and pathetic and blah blah blah'. Having a compassionate woman is not a means to an end. It is the end. There is no higher goal than having people just be nice to each other and get along with each other. Nothing else matters. Benevolent emasculation. 'Men don't have emotions, if you express how you feel, you're expecting people to babysit you and you're not doing anything productive, you're a worthless sack of shit'. I don't care about what you think works. I care about what's actually needed. So, either be of help, or go away. We don't need any more lectures from 'strong men' about 'how much you have to man up'.

Move to a bigger city like Mumbai, Bangalore, Delhi where there are more liberal women. Conservative Indian women typically don't date, they get arranged-marriages. They see all attempts to date them as 'sexual harassment'. They have mindsets like 'dating is for players, not serious guys who want to settle down'.

How will men learn if women don't teach them? Well, once women teach men how to, men can emotionally support them too, so women don't have to handle their shit on their own. *Mind blown* Correction - From women who choose to be loving and caring human beings. Just because you can't do it, doesn't mean that there aren't other women who can. I've met some really lovely women and they've basically used this ability to create a whole support-system for themselves, they're not ultra-overwhelmed. I started this thread. And look at how it's gone! The 'self-nourishment' thing is a cope for being passive about this situation in which you can help but choose not to. It's victim-blaming. It's like a man telling a woman who is a rape-victim - 'Why didn't you defend yourself?! Do you know how empowering it is to not need men to protect you?!' Women need to be held more accountable for passivity on this front. Don't just sit there giving us a lecture on 'self-nourishment', actually do something about this. If your countries don't go to war with each other, if the world becomes a more peaceful place because of this, only you'll benefit. You fully deserve the consequences of your decision to do this or not. Yeah, it's just that when we ask women what they want, they never talk about their problems and what men can do about it. And then, they blame men for it, calling them 'ignorant and selfish'. All of this is a cope!

I appreciate it. And, if it's 'draining', it's cuz you personally don't want to do it. There are women out there who would like to do it and I'd encourage them to. So, what would you like to do? Would you rather do what society expects you to do, or would you rather get in touch with your true nature and live a more authentic life? Oh, it's very necessary, believe me. How else do you want men to depend on women?! Do you want to cook and clean for men? Or, do you want to work a shitty corporate job for male bosses and call that 'empowerment'?! This is a much better way to be empowered. Well, I'm trying to break this stigma and it's not happening. With women's help, though, it could happen. No, you don't. If men don't figure out good ways to deal with this situation, that's how wars start. So, if women can do something about this, it's probably the most important thing they could do for the world.

I'd rather be happy instead of conforming to your definition of 'manhood'.

Should he post a mirror selfie to prove to you that he's looking in the mirror?!

@Lila9 and other women, if you're watching, this is the shit we deal with in 'men's spaces'. A lot of women say that 'men should have their own safe-spaces'. They don't exist. Men will choose to do the emotionally harmful thing to each other, knowing full well that it doesn't work. This is why women are needed to raise more awareness on this front. If you need 'empowerment', this is the most empowering thing you could do for yourself. If women do this, they will have a more empowered role in the world that's more stable and solid.

How has telling men to 'man up' been working, huh?!

Yupp. Having emotional needs is actually a problem. It's a sin, actually. Which hell does a man go to for having emotional needs?! The one with fire or the one with ice?!

@NoSelfSelf

Not in this context. Not when we're talking about loneliness. If someone tells you 'I am lonely', you can solve their problem immediately, by connecting with them!

This thread didn't start with a question. It started with a statement. If you do a psychedelic trip, what you will see very quickly is that the '3D material reality' is actually made of 'energy', which is 5-dimensional. And, another way to perceive this energy, is emotions. What is your problem with emotions? Yupp. Compassion is feminine. Got it. Tell me one thing - how do you embody your Life-Purpose without being compassionate towards others?! Empathy is actually very important to understand the problems of the people you're helping. How do you do good work in the world without empathy?!

Why are men's emotional problems being used as a manipulation-tactic to get them to 'man up'?! I'm not saying that they don't have the capacity to do that. I'm saying that saying that they should do that, is not the solution. The solution is to show them more compassion, understanding and to be present with them so that they're less lonely. Whoever wants to do it can do it, whoever doesn't want to, doesn't have to. But, we have to stop deluding ourselves about the reality of the problem and what the solution is. That's the first step.

Why does a man need to be 'taught' how to be a man? Why can't you have your own intuition guide you into being a man? Succumbing to an external ideology about 'manhood' is the opposite of freeing, and freedom is one of the biggest masculine values. If being emotional is 'not manly', 'men' by your definition will become replaceable by AI very quickly. Because, the only advantage that humanity has over AI is creativity. And, the only way to tap into your creativity, is to be tapped into your emotions! If I had my way, all indoctrination about 'being a man' would stop. Fine, people can have their schools of thought. But, very little of this indoctrination about 'manhood' specifically (not masculinity, talk about masculinity is important) is useful.

Who taught you that? Who hurt you?

@Princess Arabia Calm down, I'm not talking to women in that post, I'm talking to the OP about problems that men face as a result of feminism. All good things have bad side-effects and I thought it was important to talk about that with him.

I said 'play', meaning, leading them on in a relationship. Using them for sex but then being a toxic boyfriend. If you have integrity with women and you have something of substance to offer to them, you can get 9s. For sure. And, if you're an authentic guy who has a Life-Purpose, you're one of the highest-quality men and you can get 10s!