Toby

For me it's not that clear if you are interested in that thing called spirituality but if you are, go to youtube and look up "Adyashanti", "Leonard Jacobson" and "Isaac Shapiro". If some of them resonate with you you could attend their meetings. If not, might be not for you right now. Adya and Leonard both live in the bay area and have a lot of meetings there. Isaac comes to Berkeley in September afair.

Well, it is obvious that too much theorizing and philosophizing is used in this sub-forum. But who is there to judge what is nonsense and what is spoken from true and direct experience? It is very easy to misjudge people.

Judging yourself as being wrong is way worse than playing video games. In fact, I know a spiritual teacher that also answers a lot of emails and he told that he is playing minesweeper from time to time if he isn't motivated to answer the emails.

I would study the side effects and really investigate what you need and what would be more beneficial dropping. Other than that what is your interest here? Is it more about self-expression and "actualization" or "enlightenment"?

I was told by someone who was practising Kinesiology that a lot of stress is stored in the muscles of the eyes. So your post makes kinda sense although I guess certain things work for certain conditions and people. Not for everything and everyone.

What exactly are these 5 medications and what are they for?

Some Osho quote is needed here @Prabhaker.

Man, Hamburg is the best city regarding enlightenment. So many good teachers coming to and living in Hamburg.

It is a matter how the guy perceives you, not how you perceive yourself. Just if you are for example overthinking things, have an agenda (relationship) or expect him to do everything for you.... you could easily come across as closed and distant to him. Doesn't matter if you smile and if you are friendly in a conversation. But of course I don't know you or the dude nor the dynamics that are playing out with you two. I'm just reporting what a man could perceive in such a situation.

This is not true. You have to remember that this is the work environment. Men will play it very very safe. He could be interested, he could just be interested in sex, he could not be interested. I wouldn't conclude that he is not interested when he doesn't make a move. It depends on the woman. If the woman acts cold and distant all the time - the man waits for the woman to open up first.

He also could have been sarcastic writing something like "Hahahah lol. Of course I just wanted to meet with friends".

Man, sounds like "should" check out Nisargadatta Maharaj.

You don't have to play the silly game. Just enjoy the moment. If the other shoots - fine. If not - fine.

Yes, "People" are crazy because they believe that they are someone. Against any evidence and contrary to reality. This is called delusion.

where can the vision board you are speaking of be seen?

I don't know. Kinda weird to run around judging women if they are "girlfriend material" or not. Just the term sounds pretty degrading and arrogant to me.

You don't need to forgive yourself. Everything is well.

If you cannot say it, you can text him. Just say that you like him, that you like spending time with him and that you would like to be intimate with him and that you don't know if this works out between you but you would like to give it a shot. And then ask if he is interested in that. Keep it a bit vague and don't try to force promises or commitments out of him. Maybe he is interested to explore and deepen your relationship as well, but no one can promise a relationship or even sex. You cannot know how things develop or might feel once you become more physical.

I more or less like what Shinzen Young says here: https://youtu.be/i288Lnb7NOk?t=4m48s

Well, I know these topics very well. My teacher talks about how awakening doesn't mean you are trauma-free and talks about trauma-work all the time. And I also said it myself that you can be awake and be a psychopath and serial rapist at the same time. I was talking about "enlightenment" which for me means more an embodiment of truth and love. I still think you can have patterns going but if there is an interest to live as an expression of love (ok, you could argue that everything is an expression of love) imo it is impossible to rape someone. I don't know about suicide. Might even be the case that even masters kill themselves as happened with Radha Ma for example. I don't know the exact details, might have been "vasanas" that led to this, might not have been.

Animals or children just are but they for the most part are not conscious of it. Also you cannot pick unconscious behaviour as a proof that it is natural with enlightenment. Oshos cars were just for marketing I guess. But that's just an opinion. Also I'd guess running around raping people is different than enjoying life - and for example - drink or smoke. Or eat meat or unhealthy food.

It is unbelievable how you took glimpses you had and now justify the rapist-story. That is the perfect example of a trap and why you are unwilling to sit with a teacher. Your ego could be exposed. Enlightenment is beyond emotional-mental conditioning. Even beyond phyisical conditioning. It is not going to happen. There are many stories of "masters" that abused students. It were unresolved patterns that lead to that imo. It would be a huge mistake to just say "oh, that's just how they are". Or to say "oh that's just the culture". No, these are unconscious patterns.

The best thing would be to reveal your interest (not that you want to marry him tomorrow and already started planning the wedding) but that you want to be intimate with him. And please make sure that he understands that you are not a drama queen who talks shit behind his back at work in case things end up not working out.

Biggest bs I've read in a while. You cannot rape someone if you realize oneness with them. You can have an awakening and do this, but it is certainly not possible in the enlightened state.

Depends what you want from him. Could you please say what your definition of "further" is?