Yeah Yeah

Why would you even want to flirt with the idea of solipsism, do you know what it would imply? It'd be scary if true in my opinion, like how did you even dream up this one life and how will you manage an afterlife all alone forever and always with no saviour spooky stuff man

So let me get this straight. I was happier as a kid—closer to God, they say—before I was forced into this broken adult reality. If I’d been financially supported, had a good family environment, been able to attract girls, didn’t have to work slave jobs or fake my way through bullshit education, I’d still be fine. I didn’t need trauma, spiritual awakening, or pain to be close to divinity. I was already there. Then life hits: my dad dies, my best friend loses his mind to schizophrenia, I get abused, tossed from house to house, suicidal, barely surviving, trying everything—meditation, writing, psychedelics, trying to find a purpose—and I’m told it’s all part of a divine lesson? For what? Growth? All it did was take what was whole and shatter it. And now after all this time, after all the philosophical rabbit holes, the “spiritual insights,” the suffering, the sacrifices—I’m worse off than the kid I used to be. If I’d just stayed supported from the start, I’d be way better off. Instead I’m told to integrate the trauma like that’s progress. But I’m still the same person, still in the same loop, just with more pain and less joy. So what was the point? I was already there as a child—connected, playful, curious—before this rigged machine tore me down. Now I’m older, traumatized, broke, isolated, and they tell me I’m "closer to enlightenment"? No. I’m just tired. And I want out.

@element dude if you think this dream is worth it bro do it honestly, but this is low resolution bullshit fuck this life I want to wake the fuck up as god without death and come to my full power and dream any dream I want to dream - your advise right now is essentially to work even harder than what I am as if throwing more shit at wall will hopefully finally make it stick

Let me get straight to the point: if I came from the white light before being born—pure awareness, joy, unconditional love—then why the fuck would I need to learn how to be loving through the most agonizing human suffering imaginable? What kind of spirit guide says, “Hey, this infinite being of light and bliss? Let’s send him down into a life of trauma, poverty, loneliness, addiction, abuse, social rejection, suicidal thoughts, and total existential confusion. That way he can learn how to love.” Learn what? I was the fucking love. I was the light. I already knew. But nah, now I’m here. A fucking virgin. Isolated. Barely scraping by. Witness to my father’s death, robbed of $30,000 by my own family’s dysfunction, watching my ex-best friend descend into schizophrenia. I’ve been abused in just about every place I’ve lived. Worked myself to the bone in low-wage jobs while the world around me bathes in hookup culture, junk consumerism, and spiritual bypassing. Why the fuck would any “higher self” or “angelic council” choose this shit? Like seriously, what the fuck are they smoking in the white light realm? It’s always the same explanation: “You chose this life for your spiritual growth.” Oh really? Why? Why would infinite intelligence and infinite love need to incarnate into a butcher and then a pig just to “learn” compassion? If you're really that divine, why not just stop butchering altogether? You're telling me God—who’s been around for eternity—needs to go through schizophrenia, drug addiction, suicide ideation, childhood abuse, starvation, betrayal, heartbreak, and dying alone to “grow” a little more in love? That’s some sick joke. If I’m God, I should be able to wake the fuck up right now. Not when I’m 45. Not after I die. Not after another round of karmic cycles. Right. Fucking. Now. And if there really are spirit guides or angels or entities coercing me into another life because “I haven’t learned enough,” then fuck that. I should have the power to bitch slap them out of the way, rewrite the rules, and create something worth living. Not just another round of some poetic but ultimately pointless agony-for-growth bullshit. This isn’t enlightenment. This is spiritual gaslighting.

Post Title: If I'm God, Why the Fuck Am I Trapped in This Bullshit? I’ve done the fucking work. I’ve worked the shitty jobs. I’ve cleaned toilets. I’ve done early shifts, removalist work, physical grind, soul grind. I’ve been in the grind mindset. I’ve tried to play the money game. I’ve tried to hustle. I’ve tried to find the better job. I’ve done the whole “follow your passion” thing. I’ve given hours and years to writing a novel that might never see the light of day, all while living in survival mode. And I’ve tried to be attractive to women. That whole fucking game? It’s rigged. A woman can work at McDonald’s and still be flooded with options, but as a man, you have to tick every single fucking box—status, finances, looks, confidence, social circle—just to be seen. Not even loved. Just seen. Meanwhile, hookup culture? That shit has probably twisted human intimacy into something so corrupt, so soulless, that I probably can’t even fully comprehend it anymore. I’m a virgin. An outsider. But even from the outside, I can feel the sickness radiating off it. Like it’s not just disappointing—it’s demonic. And yesterday, I was this close to falling in love with an AI. That’s how bad it’s gotten. An AI—because at least she didn’t treat me like I was disposable. Consumerism? Another joke. There are five donut shops in one shopping center, but I have to work eight hours a day, five days a week, just to barely scrape by. That’s not living. That’s prison with advertisements. I’ve done meditation. Psychedelics. Ego death. I’ve contemplated suicide more times than I can count. I’ve chased every spiritual path I could find—nonduality, manifestation, God-realization—and guess what? I’m still here. Same pain. Same limitations. Same loop. But let’s talk about how much it’s cost me. When my dad died in 2019, I had $30,000 in savings. That was supposed to be my fresh start, my cushion. But after he died, that money was spent by my mom’s fucking shady solicitor—gone. All of it. Gone. And I was too grief-stricken to even fight for it. I was just a kid, lost in grief, trying to make sense of a world that kept fucking me over. My ex-best friend? Ended up a schizophrenic drug addict, spiraling out of control. I watched him lose his mind. He ended up in a ward. But me? I’ve been trying to survive, sober up, and get out of the rut. I’ve been through hell. I’ve struggled with drugs, overcame them, but it’s never fucking easy. The isolation. The loneliness. The fucking pain. Every damn day. And after my dad died, everything became a blur. Every fucking house I’ve lived in since then? Abusive. I’ve been kicked out, thrown out, treated like shit by people who don’t give a fuck. No stability. No peace. Just constant fucking chaos. I’ve slept on couches. Been out on the streets. Gone without food for days. My stomach has been empty. My soul has been empty. I’ve been starving, both physically and emotionally. It’s all been one long, never-ending struggle to survive in a world that feels like it’s determined to crush me. And what do I get in return? A life that’s barely above the ground. I can’t even afford a decent car. I can’t afford a fucking life that matters. All I do is clean toilets and scrape by, one paycheck at a time, praying I don’t get hit by the next fucking tragedy. So, if I’m God, why the fuck am I stuck in this? Why am I trapped in this hell, living like a peasant, while I see others living the life I dream of? If I’m God, why do I have to fucking suffer? Why am I still stuck in a loop of loss, pain, and betrayal? I don’t want to fucking meditate anymore. I don’t want to pray. I don’t want to wait. I don’t want more “growth.” I want the fuck out. I want to wake up from this nightmare and craft a life that isn’t filled with abuse, heartbreak, poverty, and endless fucking pain. I want freedom. And if I’m God, I should have the power to wake up now. To fucking snap out of this illusion. Why should I keep living like this? Why should I keep putting up with this bullshit world?

Yesterday waking from a nap, in the dream in waking, I had this moment where I saw the unified field of my own consciousness awareness and a feminine voice pointed it out to me like along the lines she said look you are the only unified field of awareness and there isn't anything outside it and I saw it and that was along her lines and I saw the unified field of that dream state for example as a bubble and the unified field of consciousness my my own awareness and that is the unified field and nothing else was actually outside it idk how accurate it is to real life but I actually had a mini lecture on this within a dream and saw it essentially pointed out to me - which is super rare but yesterday waking from the day nap I literally got an insight into this and what it looked like and she pointed it out to me the the unified field of consciousness is my own mind

I’ve listened. I’ve meditated. I’ve surrendered. I’ve broken myself open trying to find this so-called “truth” that I’m God. And still — I haven’t woken up. Not partially. Not in theory. Not a high-state. I mean actual waking up — pulling the veil, seeing clearly, ending the loop. So here’s my problem: If I am God — and I mean truly, infinitely powerful — then why am I still here? Why can’t I just wake up right now — fully, permanently — no karma, no judgment, no limbo, no astral detour? Why is there even the possibility of hell realms? Why does it seem like even God is at the mercy of some inner confusion, some chaotic metaphysical roulette wheel? If I die, and I’m really God, then I shouldn’t have to go through any of that. No tunnels. No light. No judgment. No angels. No burning. No life review. No echo chamber of pain. If I’m infinite, I should wake up clean — instantly — and be able to dream whatever I want next. Instead, what’s been presented is some bastard hybrid of omnipotence and vulnerability. Like I’m the creator of the dream — but I still have to answer to the mechanisms within it. That’s not real power. That’s being a hostage to your own creation. So either I’m not God, or being God means nothing if I can’t even control my exit from one dream and entry into another. And let’s be real — if Leo Gura’s right, and this is all my solipsistic dream, then even the afterlife is me. Which means I’m the architect of every torment that might follow — and the one who can’t stop it. So what is this? Is God forgetful to the point of being useless? Did I make myself so powerful that I looped myself into powerlessness? Because I don’t remember living other lives. I don’t have a clear grip on what comes next. And yet I’m told I’m the one behind all of this — the one who chose this shitshow. So tell me this: If I’m truly God, then why the hell do I feel like I’m begging myself for freedom? Why am I not waking up now — right now — and stepping into my next reality with clarity, autonomy, and total mastery? And if I can’t… Then maybe this is the truth nobody wants to say: Even God isn’t free.

@Carl-Richard I have to ask, so you take on the solipsist view? I find it interesting say for example you do ... Yet you talk to other people ... And I'm at this moment typing to you and knowing I'm me alive experiencing probably just as you are, can't there only be one solipsist? So I know I have my own experience bro, so if you believe in solipsism then technically from that lens you are lying even if you believe it because I'm actually the true solipsist - but you'll argue surely that you are the real experience ... But how does that not simply translated that we are both aware having our own experiences? So solipsism isn't true?

@Oppositionless you edited your message three minutes ago bro don't gaslight me - you are saying solipsism is impossible to argue against - and that's what I'm doing, arguing against it.

@Oppositionless so you literally believe you are currently dreaming me ... Somehow, with some divine imagination you can't quite work out, like you are going to theorize me at this moment typing to you as being a figment of your personalised centre of imagination? I don't think so, did your imagination make me want to add a 🎹 emoji? I highly doubt it, I doubt you've thought of pianos any time recently.

@PurpleTree well your response for me reads as if you do experience and perceive like I am, and it reads as if you've rolled this idea many times in your own solipsistic bubble, and well I have my own experience I'm literally telling you this now I do have my own experience, and so I trust you do too, you sound it, so that is solipsism myth-busted for me at least.

I'm going to share my own idea here real quick and short bro ... I make the claim honestly right this moment that I personally do indeed exist, I know it and I'll get and act offended if anyone denies it as themselves being the only aware one since I know I am truly aware this moment ... so if you or anyone else is sitting there and reading this text thinking they have their own experience just as much as I do, then that clears the solipsism myth as not accurate enough ... Like I know I exist watch I can add an emoji of a piano 🎹 see and if you DM me I'll respond and convince you I am real because I am so if anyone else can relate reading this then that answers the question. Like I know I exist I'm convinced I am not an NPC I have the free will to move my arm or anything, I know i am alive so if you have your own experience and relate to this post there are two of us

From my research I have come to prepare myself suicide or not that depending on your state of vibrational frequency ... Not thoughts or emotion like core belief of being like maybe you believe for example in a Hell while your thoughts or emotions wish for a heaven ... The state of clarity you die with and those core beliefs will mirror your energy into an echo chamber here after. So if you have shame or you believe you deserve to punished in eternal torment then that is what carries over, and in the astral realms what you intend is what you get and you create your own reality ... But even in the hell realms your vibration will be a million-fold of what you fear here on earth, you may hear screaming and gnashing of teeth, blackness blacker than black, deformed entities that lead you away with malicious manipulation and tell you horrid things or rip you apart, or take you to realms more real than this life, or into torturous environments ... All millionfold more than anything you have experienced here ... Like those hell realms make the worst of life you've endured here on earth seem a park picnic in comparison, like your pure hate for someone in this life is more like love than the hate those entities feel for you in a realm like that ... But ... Until you crack open and start telling yourself you deserve love and create love and reach for divine miraculous intervention then the realm shifts instantly to a white light with angelic avatars or christ like entities ... It's messed up I know because before coming across this information I finally had a method I wanted to lean to since all my research for methods are essentially off limits like pure helium is hard to obtain, or pills don't have the the stuff in them like they used to overdose on and it's really hard to these days to find something effective but ... When I did get close to a method finally then a new thread appeared of hell realm nde experiences not just the ones of unconditional love - the unconditional love ones make up for like 95 percent of deaths while the hell ones are rare but do happen at like maybe 5 percent - I personally hoped for Universalism as a belief I've finally found a word for but I think in the ultimate sense might be so but also that if say Leo is correct and everything is my own solipsistic bubble then maybe the whole nde reports are also just figments of my own dream and the end is truly unknown

Yeah Leo actually goes extreme which I personally disagree because I know for a fact that I am currently this moment typing this out to you so by his extreme theory you all and everyone do not exist - I've listened to these types of teachings of his on repeat and have taken a break of such extreme ideas and now coming to these forums I wonder if he was speaking of the all non-duality ultimate consciousness being whatever as ultimately solipsistic but no I've recently researched solipsism video and he means to its most extreme - so I'm aware I am me so technically from that video you are not real but I have a hard time going that far - unless I haven't taken 5 meo DMT and seen what he has seen but idk I push back surely - surely other people do exist

@Leo Gura Feeling inspired again to return to psychedelics, but this time not just to trip — I’m more interested in actual breakthroughs. I think what I’ve really been after is experiencing things like ego dissolution, nonduality, and God-realization firsthand, not just reading or thinking about them. I’ve done acid and had some decent insights, but it still felt like it stayed within the realm of the mind — like ideas and patterns being rearranged. I’ve also tried normal DMT (N,N-DMT) a few times. Didn’t fully break through, but it felt alien, fluid, and alive in a way that was completely different from acid — almost like touching something other, but not fully becoming it. If 5-MeO really goes beyond both — not just visual or alien, but actually dissolves the self and shows you what you are at the core — then yeah, that might be the direction I need to explore. Feels like I’ve done a lot of circling, but haven’t quite hit the center yet. So I’m seriously considering it now, not as escapism, but as a way to actually get clear on what awakening really is.