Random witch

@PepperBlossoms State of being means being aware to what happens in the present moment, being aware to your current thoughts/emotions/body, being aware to the things around you, to the info your senses recive in the present moment, being aware the beauty of life, being connected to your intuition. It means simply living and existing as we supposed to. Enjoying life so to speak. The opposite of being state is the doing state. Doing state is also important for us because it allows us to take actions in order to promise our physical existence and survival, also to manifest our creativity to reality. But it can't exit alone and it should be balanced with being state. The problem in our modern society that it puts bigger emphasis on the doing state and neglects the importance of being state. Society see the being state as luxury for rich people or as complete laziness. We encouraged to be in doing state more than is necessary, more than we can tolerate without causing harm to our mental health and body. We are too concerned with doing, which includes compering, competing, chasing, judging, obsessively thinking, achieving, that we forget about just being, just enjoying life. Simply existing. On the other side we can't enjoy life and be in being if our basic needs aren't met. So the key I'd say is balance. I'll explain: The key for good life is to be involved in doing enough to fulfill your needs, but not beyond that. We should save time for the being state, for just existing in the present moment and appreciate life. The ultimate goal of doing is to be at the end in state of being and to enjoy the state of being. The goal of doing isn't more doing. My words probably expressed your message but in different words.

I also didn't get it, but then I relized why it's so important. Are you enjoy looking at nature's beauty? Beautiful stunning views? At woman's beauty? Do you like looking at a beautiful face? Have you ever wondered how the world would look without beauty? It would be a depressing place. I don't know about animals, but it would be a depressing world for humans, for sure. It explains why one of depression symptoms is the inability to see beauty in life. Humans are creative by nature, for some people it's a real need to create, as much as for some people to have sex or eat. This is why humans love to do stuff, invent, write, program, draw and built stuff, because some of us need this. Humans also love beauty and asthetics and are drawn to it naturally since we were born. Some people are more aware, conscious and sensitive to the beauty around them than others, so they have the need to "duplicate" it or to express their admiration to the beauty that they see. How they do that? By painting or creating any form of visual art. So what is the value in paintings? It might have many values, but I would say that the main value of a painting is to manifest, to express, to put on the pedestal, something beautiful in our world and later to enjoy this beauty. Many people would say "what is so fucking valuable in beauty? It's shallow" And I would say that if you want to discover the real value of beauty then remove all the beauty that exists in the world, and you'll see how "worthless" or "shallow" it is. That's right, you can't eat beauty for breakfast and you can't conquer a country, create useless wars and being the richest person in the world just because of the beauty. But that also applies for truth, joy, love compassion and spirituality in general. Those are so important things in life, maybe are the most important ones, and still, society doesn't care about them and it finds them "useless". You might like to come back to your house after a hard day at work having empty walls, but you would like it more if there will be a painting of your favourite view. When you will stare at this painting you'll forget who you are and be in the present moment with the painting's view, a state of meditation, this is what happens to your brain when you're staring at a painting you find stunning (or any beautiful thing in life): meditative state! This meditative state is good for your mental health which affects your physical health as well. So I would say that it has value, the problem is that not everyone appreciate it. We all want beauty in our life but we also dismiss it. Which is very sad. Pablo Picasso's art might seem ugly or useless for you because it's not your taste, but for someone else it might be very therapeutic and healing to stare at. Beauty is very subjective, what you see as beautiful a different person might see as ugly and vice versa.

The identity exists in our thoughts, our emotions are the manifestations of our thoughts. Our thoughts affect our emotions and vice versa.

Thank you for this important post! I thought about it a lot lately, why we don't trust ourselves? Why I don't trust myself? Why so many people dislike themselves? Why I do? I do remember very well the moment when I started to socialize and how wrong it felt to me but I wasn't sure because everyone did that. Most of our suffer (or all of it?) started at this point, where we've been realised unconsciously that we must to abandon ourselves, in order to get validation for who we are not, in other words, to fit in. We all want to belong, we are social creatures. We often confuse "fitting in" with "belonging", and think that it's the same, but it's not. To fit it means to abandon yourself and to create a fictional self (that society encourage) in order to fit into the society. To belong means to be wanted and loved for who you really are. This is why just "fitting in" so unsatisfying for us, because it's contradictory to belonging.

State of being is the state that majority of the humanity doesn't live from. We all want it but we aren't aware to that enough. Ultimately we should live most of our life from this state. The doing should be only to what's really necessary for our physical survival or creative purposes. It's hard to be in being when you're struggling to survive, when you're in constant useless competition with others for the crumbs that the elites of society leave to us, when you're struggling to understand that your monkey mind isn't really you. But all this society controlled by monkey minds, and in order to play the game of survival in this society, you need to be attached to your monkey brain, to the collective insanity. It's hard to be in being when your physical, emotional, social needs aren't fulfilled. Especially if your physical needs are in question mark.

I don't think that they completely disconnected. both affect eachother. Since I've started to be interested in spirituality it was difficult to me to feel fulfilment with people who aren't conscious as me. We all spiritual beings but not everyone interested in exploring that nor at the same level of consciousness and it's OK. My advice is just to be aware and honest with yourself. Do you feel that you're pretty awake but you simply want relationship/sex? Look for the people who are at the stage of yours unless you're ok with ignoring your spiritual side and focusing only on dating and relationships that lead possibly to the result of sleeping with less conscious people. (There is nothing bad about it except for the fact that people who are very unconscious compared to you might be a serious pain in ass-but also one of the best teachers). Do you feel that you're ok with postponing spirituality to future? Then go for the earthy pleasures of life and keep doing what you can to be good at it until you exhaust it.

I would say that the ultimate purpose of life is living mostly in being state. Ideally, It should be like 60%-80% being. Now, in my opinion, most people live below %20 being.

Many of us started our early life with suffer caused by parents or environment. This is what some of us got used to, this is where many of us feel safe at. Many of us don't have a good and healthy mental foundation of the psyche because of the characteristics of our society. When we don't experience suffer in our life we feel unsafe, because we don't know to feel safe without the suffer. The suffer is all we know since age 0. This is my assumption. It's an unconscious cycle, we feel safe in suffer, we aren't aware to that and when we feel unsafe or bored in life we create this drama, this suffer in our life in order to feel safe again. We create suffer in our lives and pass it to others, which pass it to others. The cure in my opinion is more awareness to the ways we create suffer in our lifes, living more in the present moment, being more conscious

Every time I take the test I get ISFP or ISTP

I don't have this kind of fantasies, unfortunately (?), I don't know what it says about my femininity. It's beautiful that you share your fantasy here, it's nice to see what other women crave. I think that it requires a lot of courage to surrender, it's not easy. At least for me.

We aren't perfect by nature, everybody has is own "saggy boobs". My "saggy boobs" is having almost no boobs. But I've never took that seriously, nice people recommended me "with love" to get a surgery because they assumed that I suffer. But I didn't suffer until they bring this idea that small chest=suffer. The reality is that I don't that care about having boobs, for real. I also never tried to hide it or fight against my body. There were men snakes who tried to put me down because of it, but on the other side some 'boob' men fell deeply in love with me. So the situation is much more complex, it's not black or white. I think that even if I had normal beautiful chest, some men might dislike me or criticize me for other reasons. We should be more in acceptance with ourselves, we don't have to like everything in our body, just to let it be, and let the negative judgement of ourselves go. Women are also very visual, I do like pretty men but I wouldn't mind if he has some imperfection as long as I'm attracted to the rest and love his personality. Don't worry too much because most men themselves aren't ideal, there is no ideal men, not physically or in his character. How tolerance you have to imperfection of others? Of men? If you think you are are able to love and accept imperfection in others, what makes you think that you don't deserve the same treatment?

I think it would be something healthy to watch for your mental health-

Yes, it's more realistic to have a relationship with a partner who meets some of my needs rather than all of them but also it's important to understand that our needs won't be the same as they were when we met. if one of your most important partner's needs change because of something that happens in her life and you can't meet this need and vice versa it would be hard to maintain the relationship. This is why the idea of a long-term marriage is absurd. People change, their needs change, life circumstances change. I can do whatever fits my life and situation. Now I'm pretty wounded inside so it might take time for me to heal and feel romantic feelings again. I don't know what will happen in the future and I don't believe in planning stuff like marriage and family because those are all vague ideas and concepts. Generally, I don't see a reason to get officially married or sign some forms, I think that people should choose their loved one or loved ones every day with a clear mind and not feel obligated to stay with their partner/s only because they sign some forms and say some sweet words when they got married. I see. I think that not everyone can find someone to be in a long-term relationship, especially a healthy relationship, there are lots of people who are unconscious and unaware of themself, traumatized and immature, it might be much harder for them and as they get older it near to impossible. But those are only assumptions. Yeah, I see a relationship as an experience, it's a mirror, a way to connect, a lesson, a self-inquiry through the other person's eyes, a play with another God's/source fragment. A relationship isn't a death institution, a nuclear reactor rigid plan (in Chinese), nor a shortcut to happiness or joy. I see you're like the idea of long-term monogamy it's normal I guess and I think that's adorable, as long as you're not in denial about the possible ephemerality of it and struggles that people usually have in this kind of relationship. I know that many people seek long-term relationships out of idealization of it (our culture always talks about it and very idealizes it), or out of fear of loneliness (which is absurd because people can be married and feel lonely), and many other bad reasons. Monogamy is a relatively new social structure for humans and quite complicated for people to be really monogamous for a lifetime. Many people get divorced and a significant part of those who don't get divorced, cheat. Even the married couples who still live together aren't necessarily happy and satisfied with their marriage. I don't think that it's a problem of morality more than it's just something about our biology. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know, my opinion might change as I will gather more information about human sexuality in the future. I do think that a healthy relationship with a person for an unknown period of time (and not a lifetime) is a much more realistic thing to pursue.

This is a fantasy in my eyes because there's no person that can meet all our needs, all time, for a lifetime, someone who will be in love with us and always attracted to us and never be attracted to someone else except us. This is a toxic idea and a very egoic one, From my egoic perspective as an introvert it's a great deal and very comfortable, to get a friend, a lover, a mother and father, and a therapist in one person. But it's unreal. No. Do you? I don't think it has something to do with trauma healing and being healthy, of course, it is still important and it impacts the quality, maturity, and depth of relationships, people can create beautiful and aware relationships that way but we can't always choose who we are attracted to and how long or what thoughts or wishes are arising in us, it's not a bad thing and its something that people should be more in acceptance of and less in denial about. Life is always in flow, is dynamic, changing, the efforts to make things rigid and stable create suffering. Maybe that's the solution maybe not, I don't know, but I think all those definitions are killing us. All those rules of what we shouldn't do. It's already the case I guess, it's already constructed that way because of the narrow beauty standards and all the modern expectations people have of each other. The idea that only one person fits you is the idea that creates an unequal distribution of desirability because you're allowed to choose only one person and when you're allowed to choose only one you'll try to choose the best you can find, but what happens when you're allowed and encouraged to choose more than one? I think that you don't mind lowing your standards as long as you enjoy the people you're involved with.

@Raptorsin7 Sure, because if he meets all my needs, and I'm his, I love him and am attracted to him forever and he's to me, and we have a good dynamic forever, why do I need another one? one is enough. But reality and life are much more complicated than this simplistic attitude for better and for worse. I mean, you can get happily married, love your woman, be attracted to her, and at the same time be attracted to her sister, be in denial about it or not, you might find some sexy trait in her sister that doesn't exist at all in your wife, idealize her sister because you don't know her as much as you know your wife, secretly regret that you got married with your wife and not with her sister, and your wife might be attracted to one of your friends, and maybe she may have better conversations with him about a certain topic that makes her even more connected to him sometimes and sometimes she has erotic dreams about him and she feels guilt and shame when she wakes up next to you, and she might secretly be jealous of you friend's grilfriend, All those behaviors can happen unexpectedly without intention, naturally between people while everything looks smooth on the surface.

I think that marriage and monogamy sound very good in theory but in reality, it's very hard to maintain love, friendship, and attraction at the same time to only one person for a lifetime. It's an unrealistic fantasy that doesn't fit human sexuality. It also doesn't make sense that one person is able to meet all your needs and you can meet all his needs for a lifetime. It is much more realistic that one person can meet one or a few of your needs and you can meet his for a limited period of time, because people change and develop with time, so their needs and preferences change. It's a natural process. Most couples cheat, sooner or later, not necessarily by passionate sex with someone else, it can be by their thought that wants to experience something new and exciting with someone else, a passionate gaze with a random attractive stranger, by flirt, by "random" touch, by an intimate connection with a colleague at work. It doesn't make people 'bad', it's something beyond our control if we are really honest and authentic with ourselves. The human brain seeks connection, safety, and stability and at the same time seeks novelty and excitement, deal with it! Now deal with this paradox. There are no rigid rules to the ways human beings structure their relationships, if one wants to practice monogamy, why not? But it doesn't have to be considered the default for everyone, and there's nothing morally right or better in being monogamous. Society lives in huge delusion and hypocrisy about relationships and sex in general which brings so much suffering, the idea that we brainwashed since we are children that there's only one person who is our soul mate is so toxic, so limiting, how can I know that this is my soul mate and not the other one?

Yes, but the ego is a huge obstacle in accepting being a "loser", it's not that simple for many people, especially those who are ego-driven.

Someone had to say those things clearly. I'm glad that this thread is exist. Wow, you wrote it so well! We can't bypass our life's shit by high spiritual teachings, and yeah people should be much more kind with eachother and stop with this competitive shit. I get a serious cringe when people post they are God or they just have got to this so high state and people praise them. It reminds me the social media, when someone post he just have bought a new car or got married. It's disturbing that people see spirituality as something that you achieve or not. Black or white. I think it's something private, and there's nothing special we need to do, and we don't need to do an extraordinary things in order to welcome spirituality to our life. We all already spiritual creatures by our nature. Practicing self love, gratitude, acceptance, compassion, in our daily life is much more important than realizing you're God or willing to be enlightenment IMO because it brings a real joy, peace, calmness to our life, it's so important, those are the highest emotional states one can be in. We are existing for this, the infinite consciousness decided to express herself through a human physical body in order to live in joy. This is where the Buddha is, no wonder he's smiling. All this dick measuring, all this non acceptence, all this competition is killing the potential of possible joy in our life. Most people here should start with psychological treatments and no wonder because we live in fucked up society which we traumatized by and bullied by our entire life. It's not just a few people who suffer from depression and anxiety it's about a massive amount of people with those problems and even more, it's so sad that people gaslight those and we as a society have no tolerance for this.

I can feel your pain although I never spoke to this user. His unexpected death reminds me how little sometimes we know about the people around us, what demons our family, friends. other people we're interacting with might dealing with. It's a reminder that also the people who seems like their shit is handled and look so integrated might suffer the most, very deeply and have some internal pain, conflicts and misery that they rarely dare to show or speak about. It reminds me that eventually with all spirituality we all people in a physical body, we all suffer, we all have issues, human beings have issues. Even if they our teachers or/and leaders. Even if they look so calm and centered, even if they look so wise and smart.

It's hard to touch or be romantic with someone who you're not attracted to. It's a simple fact for all human race. How much money would you agree to take in order to kiss that unattractive girl some long juicy kiss? Do you have any sum? 20$? 50$? 100$? 500$? 1000$? Hard to decide? That's why being a prostitute is a hard job. Very unappreciated. Being a prostitute means fuck unattractive people on daily basis. The mental strength of those women, no wonder most of them are drug addicts, WOW, I admire prostitutes. Fucking old, ugly, disabled, smelly men on daily basis? SHIT, SHIT, SHIT. For me personally 90% of men are not attractive just because of their personality, hot, mediocre, ugly, it doesn't matter, it's hard to find men with attractive and healthy personalities.

I don't have a solution for that. But it happens, people gain hope, people lose hope. When I lose hope, I just have this semi self-destruction mode when I really feel very nihilistic and I feel like nothing matters at all. I do things in a sloppy way and have energy for doing basic stuff only like eating and sleeping. When I try to get out of this mode it doesn't work. The only thing that helps me to gain hope again is time. Something happens, after a while, maybe inside me or outside me that makes me see the world differently and gain some hope for better life, better circumstances, better everything. It can be a little bird, a movie character, some random insight within me. Hope can come in many different unexpected ways. I allow myself to "surrender" to hopelessness mode and live with that without forcing myself to be constantly happy and hopeful.

Women generally more open-minded than men. So, I won't describe women as more conservative than men. It's also very natural for women to not support things like pornography and drugs, not out of conservatism but out of other reasons. Mainstream pornography designed mainly for men and it encourages unrealistic expectations from woman's body, it's not a smart thing for a woman to support eagerly pornography lol, we have no good reason to support it but to destroy it because it ruins our wellness, self esteen, body image and relationships with men. Divorce- women were socialized that marriage is their life goal, and having a husband makes them more valuable as human beings, so yes, if you socialize that way, divorce is your enemy to your position in society. You, as women don't want to be a divorced woman or a single cat lady because society would see you as inferior and treat you bad. Extramarital relationships- Society treats women who are engage in extramarital relationships very bad, society don't treat men who are engage in extramarital relationships the same way, especially in more traditional cultures, so yes, it's not women' interest to be treated badly by society lol. Casual sex- How society treat a woman who engage in casual sex? As a hero? No. As a wonder woman? No. As a normal human being with sexual needs? No. Society shame women for having casual sex, even in 2021. society shame women very hard in a way that it makes women to believe they don't like it or don't need it or even hate it. Drug use- Women don't have the same access for drugs men have. Most countries have no legalization and people have to deal with criminals and shady personalities in order to achieve drugs. It's much more dangerous for women to buy drugs than it's for men. When she has no access to drugs, she won't be interested in drugs and she won't know how good they can feel so obviously she won't be interested in legalization. In addition, women lives are hard because of the patriarchy, do you think that their main political concern is legalization of drugs for white men? There are much more important political issues that women concerned about. This article ignores the patriarchy factor, patriarchy is a huge part of the matrix we live in. We still live in patriarchal society and it impacts everything.

Actualized.org's spiritual leader leo gura isn't fully awakened and has a too dominant SD stage orange aspects and many other flaws. He is just a finger pointer to the moon, like other spiritual teachers. I imagine them standing on a huge field, everyone is pointing to the moon in various fashions, they're standing in different positions so the moon looks slightly different to each of them, each of them is trying to pass the information he sees in a way he understands it with his own perception and filters. The pointer isn't the moon, no matter how accurately he describes you the moon. We get filtered information, not 100% accurate, we will never get the 100% truth from the spiritual teacher, we only can get the overall image and the direction and it is our responsibility to find it out by ourselves. People expect from their teachers to carry them to the truth because they don't want to carry themselves, if you expect someone to carry you to the truth you'll be disappointed and angry because no one can fully meet your expectations and fantasies about what fashion you want to be carried to the truth. Our main work is not here at this forum but in our real life with our crazy monkey minds, we need to adjust the teachings we learned from various people to our real life circumstances and stage in life. This forum can be very misused and it often used as distraction from a real self work. We shouldn't by any mean worship Leo, or this forum, or the ideas of this forum blindly without thinking, experience, reflecting. It's easier to give someone an vague advice or masturbating about God realization, Love, Truth, spirituality rather than actually sitting and meditating. It's easier to ask other people questions and get fixed answers rather than trying to figure it out by yourself. It's easier to get involved in ego arguments about high spiritual concepts rather than looking deep into your shitty monkey mind, stupid thoughts and ugly biases. Because the real, the hard, the uncomfortable (but the most satisfying for the long term) work is here within us.

Maybe this is an individual question that depends on the level of conscious and maturity of the person. I think that the mechanism is constructed mainly by the question:"What needs I want my partner to meet?" (What I can compromise on and what I can't?) and "What my partner's needs I can meet?" I have need for talking about the deepest shit in life with my partner, for feeling super admired by my partner and for someone to ground me, so I most likely to be focused on those men who seem to meet those needs, they may have other needs that I can meet. This what makes people stick to eachother for a long term. It's a contract between two people of value exchange. If I can meet many of his needs and he can meet mine it is pretty fair. Even if my partner have some flaws, it won't be that distarbing as long as my important needs in a relationship have met.

I don't think that there's such a thing twin flames. There's people who are in a relationship and they feel that their partner is their twin flame, but how long it's going to continue? There's no fixed self, our self is constantly changing and developing, I'm a different person than I was about a year. It creates FOMO to think that way. This is why so many people give up so easily on their relationships rather than to work on them, because they think that there's someone better outside, their TF who's waiting for them. It might be the case but many times they just need a serious deep work on themselves and on their relationship which is the harder thing to do. Also, one should have the simple realization that there's no perfect partner for him in the entire world, that all people are flawed in some way including himself, and it silly to expect someone to be a perfect match for him for the rest of his life. There's no one person in the world that can meet all our needs. One should ask himself what are his needs and choose the most important needs he want someone else to meet in their relationship.