Sugarcoat

Ever since early childhood I’ve noticed this tendency in people to worry about outside situations and other people. Now I’m specifically referring to this tendency regarding the dynamic between men and women. It might sound obvious. It’s not a new concept. It has been mentioned over and over and over again by various people and especially in these types of communities that are about focusing more on yourself. But I find that even if people are familiar with this tendency on some level, they still engage in it. I see it all the time. It’s hilarious to me. This is literally a SELF actualization/spirituality forum and people are still doing it all the time I cannot…. Are you not aware of the tension in your system that is being maintained when you are engaging in those thoughts worrying about what women are doing or vice versa what men are doing, the dating scene or the world and other people in general for that matter? And how this tension and those thoughts are completely independent from the outside situation and other people so completely unnecessary and not beneficial to you. But I guess people can’t separate the two so they genuinely feel like they are dealing with something outside themselves. But as I said those are two different things. All I see people dealing with when they are engaging in this tendency is their own minds and emotions etc…. Aka aspects of yourself. And that is great news!! Because those things are directly here and now. Thoughts are now, tension is now. Fear and anger is now. Right here. Nothing needs to change about the outside for all of that to be dealt with. Actually not really needed to be dealt with at all in a way to be dissolved. Now you might say I’m doing the same here. Actually no I am not. I have ZERO problem with this tendency people have. I can’t really say what I’m doing here ? but I can say that it is NOT coming from that place i am referring to here. Now feel free to keep maintaining tension in your system by arguing with me about this if you would please ?? And if nobody engages then that’s a good sign people are focusing on themselves??Or actually not I believe a lot of people are fooling themselves, they believe they are focused on themselves but aren’t really

Thank you Ajax!!

That’s feeding the worry, because it really is its own independent thing. Ironically you get less attractive to women with this type of worry, which you might know already, not that that is the reason to try to resolve it , but still. It’s like a cycle. You probably already had this insecurity around attracting women before, then you get a girl, now you feel good temporarily, but since it’s based on her being with you , if she leaves you’re hurting. Then you feed the worry again, thinking the solution is to have options but then you’re stuck in the same cycle, if you get a girl you’ll feel good temporarily but if she leaves, which is out of your control you’ll feel shitty again. It’s a very unstable thing to base such happiness on. all that meditation you talk about in your profile flew out the window now didn’t it? Since you say you have ASD. I also have such tendencies and I had problems with feeling very stuck in my head so if that’s the case maybe take some deep breaths and do things that could help you ground you deeper in your body to calm the mind. For me body awareness has helped a lot.

haahha whaat. I do relate to thoughts being seemingly outside of location and time in a way but still internal. Internal meaning mind, emotions, bodily sensations , those things you are aware of and others arent. Things connected to you/your body. no problem! thats what this forum is for ! the mind is damn tricky i wonder about it too a lot I had many minor shifts prior to the, what i would call awakening, which was the major one. In particular towards the last period before the awakening I experienced that my mind was dominating my reality. It felt like my mind was my only sense of grasp on reality. I had this very intense self-repeating, loopy stream of thoughts a lot of the time. When I followed it, it was projected out and it was like my mind was no longer just in my head, but all over as a filter on reality. What i mean is, imagine you have an idea of what you need to do to get closer to what you want. This idea is contained within this stream of thoughts in your head. Then when you ~follow~ this thought, by doing the thing it shows you, suddenly this thought is no longer in your head as potential, it is projected outwardly and acts as a mental filter on reality. The more i followed my mind, the more i strenghtened it, and i was stuck in attachment to it. Quite literally, my sense of self and grounding in reality was bound to it. then the shift. I was permantently released from my mind. It was almost visual too when it happened, like having a filter on your eyes (my mind) and then you get pulled back and separated from this filter. It was not the end of the mind, or sense of self altogether, but it seemed there was this identification/attachment to this particual pattern of mind i talked about. So like a sense of self attached to a limited aspect of the mind, holding on for dear life. So ironically the mind is also constricted by this identification, because the identification ties itself to this mind and its forced to stay in a certain way and is very repetitive. im guessing maybe this is why a lot of people stay the same seemingly? Perhaps a neurological pattern tied to a sense of self, because most people seem to have a certain way of operating, a pattern that is their default. this is very abstract but im trying to understand it myself on a very general level, hope its not too hard to get a sense of

Yes. I worked as a cashier for a couple of months this last year. Both by socializing with colleagues and customers I found myself more and more comfortable with it and it got more and more natural as time went by and I had a lot of fun and some interesting experiences. id say if you do it, focus first on learning the task at hand until you get comfortable with that, don’t stress about the social part in the beginning. Then when you feel you’ve gotten it down you can focus more on the interactions. Be open, let it come naturally. You might surprise yourself by how you can be

Cashier is great for that.

no worries. Pretty much all I see humans doing falls under this category so you damn right ?

Maybe it’s not so much about the skills and knowledge but more that you broke through this barrier of fear within yourself that was the major success. And now trying to translate it to women it’s the same thing there

Sounds like it would be some aesthetic style I’m down for it ?

So if you could choose , would you rather feel like you have options or , for this worrying to stop ?

You sad about this mostly or her specifically?

I would say no fap is a more so a consequence of mental clarity rather than a cause

A dream ?

Fair enough ??

I’m good ?

If you really want answer I think this is wrong place to ask , even as a woman myself I have no clue what the typical woman would do in that scenario, maybe go out do some poll, ask a bunch of women, your family members, mom , your grandma, female friends, teachers etc , as an opener line maybe even at the bar or something , if you’re brave enough .

Nah it’s just personal preference ? each to their own?

What would the answer to this give you? (If there even is an answer to what you wondering )

It was all good until all the people joining???

it can be that you’re not moving enough physically so that need for movement is being expressed as this shaking so it’s actually healthy in a way If you’re forced to sit down a lot, and shaking makes you feel better I don’t see the problem?

@TheCloud mm that’s what how I would define it too from my experience. Even if there might not be an ~actual~ difference between others and self, or between the neural connections (would disagree about the neurons here hehe) , doesn’t change that there is an~experienced~ difference. now you probably agree with this. So for me, when people talk about “absolute truths” like that, since it doesn’t connect to my experience - it feels pointless to talk about usually. As I tend to contemplate things that move my experience, or connect to it somehow. maybe it does so for you tho.. It also connects to one’s desires. For me I don’t really have a desire to eradicate this sense of self and other (at least not consciously, although one could say this is where things are seemingly going anyways), as it isn’t connected to suffering ~per se~ , although it can be. it seems to me that when one wants something, there is usually some mental idea associated with how it would be. So why you want it may I ask? I like to think that we want to have sense of self and other in certain ways, for example man and woman attraction . A sort of “presence “ Lastly. I don’t know if you have had “awakening experiences” or something of that sort. But I had this permanent shift (if it’s not illegal to say such things about oneself here) . And I’ve been trying to understand the difference. one could say, before there was a sense of self that was bound to a particular mind pattern. Suffering was connected to this. Then when the shift happened i was released from this mind pattern permanently. So no longer bound to the mind. But it was not the end of sense of self altogether, it’s just not ~bound~ to that mind and it’s fixed patterns anymore. So no suffering in the same way as before. Everything is freed up . Not saying this is that unity you talk about tho, just saying to show another perspective on this

That’s very cool. I’ve also had some interesting experiences during that phase between wakefulness and sleep. A couple of years ago there was this one year I had upwards of 50 sleep paralysis episodes, sometimes several in one night. They stopped after a while though . I believe it relates to energy moving through your body, nervous system is healing/changing , so positive as you say . One can def receive messages too, from the subconscious perhaps. Very fascinating to say the least

There’s a difference between experiencing as if it’s all your mind, and feeling existentially alone vs simply going back and forth with ideas in your head wether it’s true or not, but your daily experience is not what is described as this solipsism syndrome. Don’t really see the point in this back and forth in your mind. What if it’s true? Doesn’t really change your everyday experience still

Yea most people have that to some degree. I don’t really see how your life is how it is because of fomo? I’ve never really had it tho the only fomo i used to have was fear of missing out on my ideal self or something hahah . Very different existence

Well the thing is this post was kind of useless in a way because I have realized for myself that this is largely natural and genetic so if you naturally are like the vast majority of humanity who is more outside focused (or something of both but from my perspective it seems very outside) then that is how you are down to your genes and existential level. So yes for the vast majority of people the inside outside will be intrinsically bound. Now that unity you speak of not really sure what you mean although I can sort of relate to the experience of it. I can say for me that when my attention is very much inside, one of the reasons it’s because there is some important “processing” going on so it’s like all the attention is withdrawn from the world to gather itself into this process of processing. Then when it’s sort of satisfied for a little moment my attention can become more balanced and “even” but it’s all driven from the inside out if it makes sense. . I can only guess for most people their attention is more out so one could say, to go inward (can force this by for example turning down external stimuli by being alone for example.) seems to help people “process” stuff , one benefit of it . And this “internal processing” (of suffering for example) one can say is an independent process that seems to be helped by attention to it or something idk . I’m always contemplating all of this so it’s very hard to explain. So there it’s like, inward focus has benefits to you for example by aiding this processing of shit in you, so I’m guessing that can create more of that harmony you speak of or? So it’s kind of about “the way” there. Going from outside in, to create more harmony , for most it would look like that. Or how to create that harmony you say? also I don’t really see the benefit in outside awareness unless it’s about things that benefit you or connect to you somehow so for example the basic stuff like what’s in front of you so you don’t get hit by car when walking, that awareness is important. Then if you’re engaged and doing something that connect to you like I’m writing this post . But in my experience my attention just is always inward primarily , and it has great benefits .. well yes it is unroductive to “deny” the outside as you say because most people are just naturally dependent on the outside (one could say this is a spectrum of how much) so that would be denying their nature somehow. But I don’t really mean like that. It’s more I’m shining light on a certain dynamic, then it might resonate or not. But idk , maybe there is more “choice” in it than it seems to me. Also quick add on. “The inside can never be truly independent from outside”. Depends on what you mean I guess. Because even “the outside” can actually be the inside in form of outward mental projections so it’s like you think you have problems with outside or are being affected by it but it’s your inside projected outward I wrote this fast and as I said very hard to explain it’s 4 am don’t have energy to correct i hope somehow make sense