Albert Roiterstein

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Posts posted by Albert Roiterstein

  3. Posted

    Quote

    You might be very right... That's very interesting. I think she would consider it defeat for her already-fragile-ego if she approaches me first after a fight. I will try to talk to her once I calm down and don't hold negative energy in me.

    You might "need" to become a master negotiator to real put things into mastery between you two :) Trust me, negotiations are possible even with the most irrational and mad people like terrorists.

    Try getting yourself familiar with Chris Voss and "Never Split The Difference", a guy who really negotiated with terrorists, and also for a cheap price for a car, and with his family to agree on certain things they didn't :)

  4. Posted

    Given everything you said it really does seem like she loves you but withdraws because she doesn't know how to handle it.

    Is it affecting you in anyway (physically)?

    It seems like she's acting out of her need for significance when she does that, while you're operating from your need for love. Those are polar directions. Perhaps you could try boosting her own self esteem (get her need for significance met) and then tell her how she needs to treat you for things to work out between you.

  5. Posted · Edited by Albert Roiterstein

    2 hours ago, Thought Art said:

    I don't understand what you are saying or asking or what you want to do with it or why?

    Perception is Projection is talking about how what we are feeling we tend to see those same emotions in others.

    But I need to know what scientific studies have been done on the matter! And I explained why!

    Quote

    I feel like it would be useful to engrain it more in my soul and to convince others that I want to help them with it more easily.

     

  7. Posted

    You mother probably really loves you. I think it's hard for a mother not to love her own child. She just seems afraid and incompetent in certain areas.

    You could set boundaries with her and speak to her more firmly (even though it may be scary at first), do it gently, but see how she reacts when you shock her, perhaps try to give her the fear of losing her child and seeing if that's a thing in her (but you could also do it playfully "like saying I don't talk with you anymore" and give a grim but go away and seriously not talk with her until she tries to understand what is going on), by kind of being distant and decisive about what you tolerate and what you don't, show her that you're grown up. 

    *It may seem a bit aggressive to trigger any fears in her but when you think about it she is already operating out of fear when she is dismissing your emotions, so some other fear like this one might be more useful for the time being while you get to a better path with her (sometimes its better for it to suck in the meantime while the trajectory is generally better)

  9. Posted

    Congratulations!
    I like metal for the power it has in its lyrics and instrumentals it just always moved me so much more than most usual songs (I started with Linking Park when I was a kid).

    It's really "not cool" listening to metal where I'm from and you're considered a massive freak. So it's a "battle" of self image same as you and not caring about what others think.

    But you are now a more free of a man!

    Do you like Skillet? I really like them and the words are anchoring in your subconscious to fight through hardships and be true to your heart!

  11. Posted

    On 9/7/2021 at 3:40 PM, john1 said:

    @Albert Roiterstein @Preety_India

    I do have some more questions. I always try to sit down and focus on what I need to do and say, "okay for the next 1-2 hours I'll only do this one thing." But It almost never turns out like that. I sit down really really motivated, and then I look at what I need to do and do it well for 30 minutes. Then I convince myself I need to go on a break or check some email or something. Then I go down a rabbit hole of youtube videos, movies, porn, youtube shorts, and generally doing stupid shit on my phone and laptop. A lot of times I'm conscious of what I need to do while I'm doing all that stupid stuff. I know I need to do some work or do something productive, but my body has a mind of its own. And on the rare occasion that my willpower wins over what I'm doing, I sit down, open some books or some video in the LP course, and I'm just hit with this wave of resistance and I just feel paralyzed by it. when I push through it, I do get some good stuff done, but I can't push through it every time. Every single day I use my willpower and sit down to focus, and actually do the work and have a productive day, there are 5 other days where I don't do that and I procrastinate the whole day long. It's very frustrating, because I have 2-3 good weeks of doing good work, and then one day I just fall off it and go back to my old ways when I thought I was done with them for good. I know you're right when you say this stuff is a muscle and you have to train it, but what do I do if I can't even sit down to train it? Are there things that can help me improve my focus/concentration to do work? I notice that I can't really on my willpower all the time. Is it all just brute willpower and strength? Are there techniques or habits that can help (I'm already doing meditation and concentration btw (more than a month strong))? And when I do build up the muscle of sitting down, concentrating/focusing, and doing my work, how do I increase the time that I do my work? Thanks.

    The problem is that it's not just "some" enjoyment, it's a full-time job's worth of enjoyment time. I waste way, way, way too much time. I have 0 discipline and it really ruins a lot of stuff. It's like I have this beast or fire inside me that wants to accomplish all the greatest stuff, work 100 hour work weeks, conquer the world, etc., but it doesn't know where the hell it should be going. I have no direction, no clarity, no disciple, lots of addictions, and a monkey mind that refuses to shut up. I try to build a work ethic and it goes well for a few months at most, then in one day it just crashes down. I did this maybe 5 times in the past. I even do it with the LP course: I got stuck on those values assessments a month without making progress. I redid the whole LP course a second time from the start, but I got to the values assessment and I got farther, but now I feel like it's repeating itself and I going to be stuck on it again.

    My discipline is so bad that I even take getting motivated too far. I wanted to watch the rocky movies because I thought they would inspire me, and they did, but it's not really productive to watch 3 of them in one sitting now is it. Even though I got motivated as shit with the training montage in Rocky IV, what did it do for me? I wasted that entire day "getting motivated," only for nothing to change the next day. It's all repeating itself. I did this in the past with self-help. I would watch a bunch of Thomas Frank, get motivated to be productive, and do nothing, or if I did do something it would be negligible. Every time I try again the beast inside me gets hungrier and it gets stronger and stronger, but every time I fail, the pain of it also gets stronger and stronger. I am making progress every time I try and fail, but it gets really frustrating and demotivating when I do fail. How do I break out of this cycle that I'm in? It has to be more than just brute force willpower, right? Am I missing something? Am I just overcomplicating/overthinking all this?

    Thanks for your help.

    Okay, this might not be for everyone (Not safe for women). But I do have a way. This might feel a bit abstract but if you stick until the end and think it through it will make sense.

    You know what you need to do with your neo-cortex (your more advanced part of the brain, the one that forms your character, rational thinking, formulating complex ideas, and the ability to control your limbic brain, impulses - this is especially the part that is a muscle in everyone, SELF CONTROL), yet your limbic brain has plans of its own - it's much more primitive and it is working by more primitive stimulus-response relationships, classic conditioning, and constant threat seeking (in a way it might even think that if you focus on something that is important to you it will be threatening because then you might succeed and you will stick your head out of the masses and be a target - the limbic primitive brain has its own ways of taking care of you, it doesn't care about you being happy, all it cares about is you surviving).

    In a way, what governs whether you chase primitive impulses, or whether you focus on what is important to you, depends on who's more in control (this is the training part of it) - your neo-cortex, or your limbic (primitive) brain.

    The ability to control your limbic brain, I think, is crucial, a lot of it is done by language and communication (language is primarily processed by the neo cortex); for example, labeling to yourself a negative feeling that you have has the tendency to reduce that negative feeling because this shifts the activity in your brain to the neo-cortex away from the limbic system, the other one is conditioning of the control your mind has over the limbic brain, so strengthening that connection is key. I do have a way, but this might not be a way for women, but it works in the more extreme cases like yours: Try to give your primitive limbic brain a voice of it's own, and make it with a bit comical tone (not like a demanding tone : I NEED THIS !! OR I WANT TO FUCK MY HAND NOW !! etc but give it a comic tone to all of it, i.e. reduce the caps in your mind and give it an italic font, this will make those primitive thoughts less dominant and less demanding in your head), mostly up until today those thoughts are running on auto-pilot for you so you don't even notice them, but if you give them this comical voice, you'll certainly start to notice them (noticing is the first step).

    And then you need to strengthen the voice that is your rational thinking, the one that is about self control, and doing good things for humanity, and doing the right things when needed, give it a sound and loud confident voice (you can model that voice out of someone you truly admire in real life - and perhaps integrate it with your own real STRONG voice), this voice will be the father figure and the one that takes care of your life and does everything well because it's in the zone (up to best of what's humanly possible - if it's humanly possible - then it's possible for you too).

    Then everything you do you're going to play this game where you don't just notice the desire to do an impulse, but you actually talk that impulse to yourself in the comical voice we talked about above, and then you actually respond to that comical voice with your real strong rational voice when the rational voice is the dominant and the demanding voice, think about your comical voice being the slave of your strong voice, like actually imaging your rational voice being the tyrant and your comical voice is the slave.

    And if your comical voice isn't listening (like you might think it's listening, but the impulsive feeling is still there) then you are going to punish that comical voice (primitive part of the brain) by making yourself feeling uncomfortable in a way (my favorite way: closing windows and any air entry to a point where it's quite hard for me to breathe and I need to regulate my breathing to stay calm, my primitive mind understands who is in control, of course I still monitor everything that is going on in my body, and I only do it until my mind is focused so that I can then open windows again as long as I'm focused). However, do this intelligently and still in a loving way, where you still let yourself know (and your comical brain) that you are the father figure of yourself and you actually know how to take care of yourself and not your primitive brain (your primitive brain is really just a lame poor bastard slave of yours), and that you wouldn't let yourself die using this but you're only using this to gain self control over the primitive brain. Developing self discipline through running or doing physically challenging stuff works but the thing is that we are working here on self-discipline when sitting and needing to do things which the primitive brain thinks are boring and unimportant.

    So if you think about it, if your mind is wandering in different directions, it is doing that because the primitive brain thinks that what you're doing is not important (which doesn't mean that it's true, same way like you don't have to fuck your hand or don't have to kill someone when he's swearing you - it's primitive), and it thinks that it has no consequences doing that, if you were in a physically demanding situation (let's say tactically fighting a terrorist organization), your brain will have to be 200% in the zone and completely focused to do what it has to do, so in certain ways the best way is to get physical with the brain to let it understand that something is important (yet still doing it in a loving and caring way towards oneself, letting you know that your rational voice is the father figure of yourself, and you are able to take care of yourself).

    And also remember, a lot of it is really by doing less things better (you might have a lot of tasks, but when doing one task, do only that well - this will remove the clouds from the brain and improve your self esteem and feeling of self worth). Practice doing less things better. 

    You also have to understand that you need to find your purpose, and if you were to find your purpose then you're in the zone automatically. So while you're looking for that purpose and meaning in your life, try using this getting physical with the brain hack.

    I know this is will power focused. Try reading psycho-cybernetics for not pure will power focus but rather working on the unconscious so that it will work for you.

    Reprogramming your unconscious is what will automatically make it not be pure will power, but sometimes, you need will-power to reprogram it ;)

  13. Posted

    16 hours ago, Michael569 said:

    A portion of that "yellowness" is pigmentation. Whatever is plaq can be removed by regular single tooth spinbrushing. Sugar and flour products in diet are a concern as well. But generally floss twice a day, brush twice a day and use the uni brush at least 4 times a week. Water pick os very useful too.

    If nothing else helps pay a hygienist and then do your best to sustain it

    Hey buddy Michael,

    What do you suggest to floss with?

    What do you mean by water pick? (what water we drink??)

    Do we need a certain spinning brush? Will the regular kids one suffice?

  14. Posted · Edited by Albert Roiterstein

     

    On 9/7/2021 at 10:37 AM, Preety_India said:

    Maybe look for a group of like minded people in your area. 

    Connect with them online. 

     

    @Preety_India any ideas for where to find such groups, online?

     

    In general guys, I really need on a day to day basis verbal communication, I am really struggling with this of me not having verbal communication (it has consequences like depression and anxiety), any ideas? My current position is working online (something that I don't inspire to continue for the rest of my life but rather I mostly do it now due to the financial opportunity it has for me)...

  15. Posted

    On 9/7/2021 at 9:22 AM, Matthew85 said:

    I don't have a strategy for making friends. What has worked best for me is pursuing my passions and interests and friendships naturally unfolded.

    This is major key.

    On 9/7/2021 at 10:17 AM, Leo Gura said:

    For something that specific you'd want to attend and network at industry events, trade shows, conventions, etc.

     

    On 9/7/2021 at 10:37 AM, Preety_India said:

    Maybe look for a group of like minded people in your area. 

    Connect with them online. 

     

     

    On 9/7/2021 at 11:39 AM, Girzo said:

    Conferences +1

    Thank you, I get that. @Leo Gura when you said that specific I assume you meant the "scientific entrepreneur" aspiration,

    but what about just people that are striving for self growth in general? 

  16. Posted

    I know that feeling. Great topic! And very important one you may think, doing the things that we know that are important to us, well. Because focus is the #1 requirement for good performance at anything (read Daniel Goleman: Focus if interested to know more).

    Practice sitting there where you need to study, and completely ignoring all impulses to do anything else besides what you've set your mind to do.
    Pre requisite, know about Stoicism, and watch Gladiator, 300 (have the mindset of stillness and I don't need nothing to do well, except a chug of water and a bit of food here and there, I DON'T NEED ANYTHING!). This way you're transmitting to your (more primitive parts of the) brain that this is important to do. The less trained you are at this the more your mind will be wandering away, but the more you practice it, you will find joy in being still and in a trance of focus and concentration and knowing that I DON'T NEED ANYTHING BESIDES WHAT'S INFRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW (Remember Marcus Aurelius: Focus on what's in front of you, like a Roman).

    Notice the joy in doing less things better - It's a form of meditation, performing the tasks at hand in focus, doing them well, no matter how boring they can be. And it's also a muscle, like in meditation, when you sit and do nothing at first your brain becomes crazy (starts giving you all kinds of ideas and perhaps even making you anxious). But, the more you practice it the more you strengthen that mindset of focus, at some progress of training the voices in your mind quiet, and you're able to just observe things, and make out the meaning you want - only if you chose to make that meaning, because you're in full control over your mind, the impulses quiet because you're in control.

    It's a crucial topic and let me know if you have further questions buddy!

  17. Posted

    Hi all,


    First of all I should introduce my self, I am new to this forum and I am feeling very grateful to be in this medium where other people are commonly interested in self realization and pushing themselves to be the best versions of themselves!! so gratefulllll so thank you Leo!! I am 21 y.o. male from Tiberias Israel, I have an internet business and relatively recently moved out to live by myself, no girl (hit me up baby ;)).

    Most of the day I am spending alone, it's quite hard tbh and I would say that's the hardest aspect of my life currently.

    What are your strategies for making REAL friends that would become like family and also in areas you love? (for example, I love self actualization)
    In the future, I would love to go towards a scientific entrepreneur direction (think: elon Musk) and I want to start making cool people connections in that area, what are some ways I could do that? Communicating about areas of life you truly love will strenghen and sharpen your neurons in those areas, as well as improve your communicational area (articulation) about that subject (think: having an emotion since childhood, but finally knowing how to articulate it at 18 y.o. after watching Leo's video)

    Of course, even if the person is interested in an area I am too, his/her personality could be sh*t as well so I feel like there should be a "pool" of people for a selection process.

    But I am so grateful for this forum once again thank you Leo!