Jenkins

Hello, So I'm giving a real try quitting smoking weed, and also regular cigarettes. I might have an addictive behavior. As time passes, my mind wanders to other ventures of where it could get it's cheap dopamine hit (other drugs, junk food, coca cola, sex, playing video games). My question is: should I give in to some of these cravings, strategically, and without forming a new addiction? I was thinking that I could spend 10% of the money I save by not using, by doing something I'm enjoying or eating something good or whatever. I've also tried Leo's recommended approach, however I feel that I'm not developed enough for that approach, and at least in the first while distractions are good for me. Being aware only rushes too many demons too fast out of my system, and I literally start using again by being too afraid to face everything head on. Also I will try to include as much exercise as possible into my plan, and also be as compassionate as possible. Any tips are helpful ??

@Sabth did you start working, or you want to complain here more? The decision is yours

@TwistedOntic @SeaMonster Thank you guys, will research that as well

I believe I have developed myself a lot, and the more I develop, the red shadow tends to grow as well. Any advice?

@Spiritual Warrior I think this might be something I need to go through as well. I always felt bad for when I was a little too much with close ones. However, it makes sense that after a while you're rebalancing yourself to a healthy standard. I've done that from being a complete introvert to as extrovert as I could, and after a couple of years I have balanced myself to something I considered healthy, however I might need to let more assertiveness show. Maybe I'm too empathetic at times

Babushka dolls are quite impressive when it comes to an analogy of self improvement: Your ego gets smaller as you grow, until you reach nothingness

I like to have everything figured out in my life, and have control over everything. One thing I can't seem to master is the concept of faith. If I delete the notion of my life, bad outcomes tend to happen. If I believe in it, things go well. And if I try to analyze it too much, bad outcomes tend to happen again. Can anybody enlighten me in regards to this topic?

@The Redeemer the more your life will be more awesome or you will be more awesome as an individual, you will be more appreciated. Also you shouldn't care that much about what others think and treat yourself as how you would want to be treated.

@The Redeemer in my opinion it's about pros and cons. Sure, women have some advantages. However, they also have major disadvantages. It's normal and wired in our mind that grass is greener on the other side. I assure you it's not. Dream about the life you want to have, backwards engineer it and create it slowly, but steadily. If you wish to become a woman it's 2023 so you have that option as well. One thing you will not escape is emotional turmoil. Life will be messy either way. You gotta embrace the chaos. Also look inside you what and why is triggering you. For example, my mom was triggering me and I realized that's what triggering me in relationship to her are the things I hate about myself, which I've got from her. Violence never helps in my opinion, only in a short term very skewed view.

@integral I got a job which has a salary increase of around 50% than my previous one, will start next week. Now I'm going with some of my relatives to celebrate Easter. There will be no weed and hopefully a gap of 4 or 5 days will help me muster the distance to quit it. I'm a little disappointed that the addiction is still lingering, however I'm still fighting it. Besides that, I'm planning to enjoy summer, invest the extra cash in therapy, eating healthy, exercising, going to clubs, festivals and enjoying time with friends. At fall I plan on start growing. Until then, recovery, relaxation and getting into a good kind of homeostasis, with positive stuff, circumstances and people around Hope you are well.

I'm 24, I'm a very extroverted person, and currently I have a very high neurotism level, spiced up with a slight possibility of psychotic episodes. I worked in customer support type of jobs where I broke records in every company I went to so far. Previously I was ceo of a laboratory devices company which was passed on to me, however I had to quit it because I didn't accept to be corrupted at the time (I am not corrupted yet either), legal and health systems are a joke in Romania. Now I'm going through weed withdrawal. Wanted to start to learn how to code, yet withdrawal makes it too difficult to keep progress, so I wanted to ask you what should I do? 1. Get a easier mentally job until I'm stable Or 2. Let withdrawal run it's course and think about a job after I'm well I lost the $50k I acquired so far during my timeline gambling last months. However for 1 to 6 months I could borrow money from friends, and I would gladly pay them back once I'm well. I have a few who offered already. I refuse to mix friends and business together. I am prone to burnout as I usually keep going at a task until it's either done or I am, and this seriously backfires sometimes, however it also brought me great respect and accomplishments. In regards to my mental health I started going to therapy, as I have found out once before that it's very effective for me (more than drugs, yet also those gave me great insights). Also, besides my primary question, if you have anything which might be helpful for me to hear, I'm all ears thank you for your time reading this and sorry if I'm too long / not too coherent at times

@Applegarden8 thank you. I have decided to follow this path and get sober asap

Hopefully things will get better from here. Maybe better than what I could ever imagine, and inspire others along the way. My approach: 1. Make an inventory of my life, especially things I wish to change in better 2. What's next step to make a marginal increment in those previously mentioned things. 3. La di da, etc, observations, anything which I consider worth noting, progress, venting, anything which doesn't fit to first or second point After I improve in those areas, I'll seek to double up in regards to the improvement process. I might branch out, change goals. However I will try to be consistent from beginning to end with each goal I set

March is going to be my last month of smoking for this year. I've realized the following: - When you're having fun all of the time, you have no fun anymore; - Truth is of most importance. I will be totally truthful with myself and I will keep on being truthful with others; - Think about what's best option for you in 30 days. If it's not good for future you, don't do it; - You have lots of shallow connections. You'll lose lots of friends. You can't make other people develop, the gap is inevitable. The only way to stop the gap forming is staying in place, and it's not worth it.

The only person keeping themselves in their current situation is me

3. - In order to get to 99 kilograms I'll try to eat under 2,161 Calories daily, and exercise when I feel like I'm able to. - In order to get sober from nicotine and weed addiction, I will consume nothing with nicotine and I will not use THC. If I crave it too severely I will get some HHC. However, I will try to not make it important in my mind or use it more frequent than once a week. - In order to get a job I'm applying to jobs. Currently I have 4 interviews pending this week, trying to schedule around 8 in total. - In order to get a girlfriend, I will be more social, build dates ideas and try my luck (this will become a focus after I'll get a job).

2. - Get to 99 kilograms (~10 kgs to lose) - No nicotine, no THC in 2023 - Get a job - Get a girlfriend

1. Health - overweight - addicted to nicotine and weed Wealth - jobless Love / relationships - single Happiness - check once first three pillars are good (health, wealth, relationships)

I love her, and I'm sure she does mean only well. However, ALL of the time she is a negative chatterbox (I have no power to change most of the problems she talks about) I try to be detached, however negativity rubs off of me. And I tend to get upset after talking with her for a while, and from time to time I react in a more or less angry way. I've tried explaining, her and every other method I could find. She might understand after a long talk, however next day or in a few hours she goes back to her behavior. Any tips?

I have a friend who I enjoy seeing and hanging around with. He also helped me during some of my darker hours. However, I feel like he is extra clingy. He would want to talk / see each other with every possible day, and at first I enjoy it, however after the behavior continues, it gets annoying. I have a dismissive avoidant attachment style. Usually I get colder / react less to people and they get the idea to make the frequency of the interaction less than their norm. I usually try to socialize a little more to meet some of my friend's needs as well. When I ignore this guy for a while he starts texting stuff like "don't you want to talk anymore?" With sad emojis and all types of things that makes me feel disgusted. What is an effective way I could use to set some ok boundaries with him, while not hurting his feelings too much?

Much appreciated ?

- I'm 24, recovering from weed addiction and maybe also gambling addiction. - For the moment I don't have a job, however I'm working on that aspect. - I've come far in my development journey, and I believe I gathered quite some insights and experience. However I've also neglected my financial situation and my physique. I know that now I want to work on those. - I also know myself, and besides withdrawal or times of insanity, I always was with some kind of girlfriend/s, after I got good at attracting the opposite sex. I've asked a few friends I consider high value (all of them are neurotic in a way) in regards to my focus and what / how should I do. They told me that I should focus solely on my physique and career, and maybe have a hookup here and there for when I feel the need to. My peak being around 28-35, it makes sense to focus on building and after I'm good in those regards, to start dating again. Here comes the shocker: I'm kinda missing a special connection with someone :O. I don't care about sex that much, as I can get it relatively easy. Also I'm kinda over low quality people. I also know that dating in a proper way takes a lot of time and screening, lots of fails, like there are in sales. What and how would you choose? Would you pick to focus on career solely? Would you try to have a balance?

@Alexporteus45v ❤️ gold, thanks

Tried to complete it a few times (thought I'm not in the right mental space), however for me it didn't have any effect besides wasted money

Enjoy the nice time. If she turned flaky, it's time to move on