kamwalker

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Everything posted by kamwalker

  1. @Ulax Hitler's motives are actually quite clear. We don't need to speculate about that. But it strikes me as quite suspicious that someone who was apparently human trafficking would be going on a social media bender over the last year trying to become as viral as possible and attract so much attention to the point of being banished from the internet if they were trying to keep all of their nasty deeds a secret. I have no idea what Tate is guilty of. But I'm looking around and seeing a bunch of people who don't seem to know what's going on acting like this is all fact and I actually find that even more scary.
  2. Why would someone who is doing something as horrid as human trafficking be intentionally drawing more and more attention to themselves? Does no one see that as the least bit strange?
  3. So the last few times I've done shrooms+nos I have experienced the same thing. Even on small doses of shrooms and nos. It happens EVERY TIME if I give it enough time. I essentially get to a point where I become conscious of being this infinite singularity repeating itself forever I don't need to say anything else. That's all it is. It's absolutely horrifying. The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing I will come back to my finite form I don't know how many people here can understand this, but if you do. Where do I go from here? Because my current solution is to stop doing this drug combination forever. I am not experiencing the infinite love that everyone talks about. I'm experiencing a lot of fear. I am horribly afraid of what that thing is and what it means for my ego. Am I going insane? Or do I need to just embrace whatever the fuck that is?
  4. Yeah it served me well for many years, but I don't plan on doing it ever again
  5. Leo does not seem restrained by the same things that keep most people grounded. From what we can tell he does not have a boss he needs to answer to, he doesn’t care if his parents think he’s crazy, he didnt seem to have close personal relationships that would be damaged by what he does. When you eliminate so many attachments I feel it’s easier to allow yourself to get sucked down the rabbit hole. Most of us don’t go as deep as he does. So I have no idea if he’s spewing insanity at this point. Anything can seem like insanity until you experience it for yourself. I think he’s playing with a part of reality that can push you into mania and he’s okay with that. But not a good idea for 99.9% of the people here
  6. I have no idea who these people are but I like Lex so I watched some of it. So the guy sits at home and streams while she bangs other guys and then comes home to him?
  7. Yeah if that was the full truth of reality I think I would lose my shit. Problem is I’m too afraid to push past that at this point in my life, but it’s where I keep ending up when I trip now. Maybe a 5-Meo dose in the distant future is the next step…
  8. I think I'm done for now lol Thank you. That sounds very similar to what I felt. It's like I will be sitting there doing the nitrous and then I will gradually do more until I keep shrinking reality more and more and then I'm like "wait why am I doing more? what feeling am I searching for? Ohhhhhh now I remember....Oh FUCK I did it again". This is where the fear becomes too much and then I have to stop. But you're right in that there is something telling me this is exactly where I'm supposed to push past the fear. I will say the more I do it the less scary it becomes. But I don't think I have any desire to go back there for a very long time. My grip will reality feels unstable afterwards and I'm too attached to my current life to keep this going.
  9. Yeah I'm well aware of the negatives of nitrous. But I'm more interested if there is anyone here who can relate to the experiences I've had
  10. I feel like he had some awakenings into God and his ego just corrupted what he experienced.
  11. I don’t game a lot, but this series was truly incredible. I even played them multiple times! It’s just so perfect in regards to story, gameplay, and the acting.
  12. I agree a lot with those words lately after my last mushroom trip. I feel like anyone expecting that it's all perpetual bliss will be very mistaken. Enjoy the human life you have right now. You might not realize how good you have it.
  13. The mistake you're making there is assuming someone needs to be "spiritual" in order to have spiritual insights or fit some sort of description of it. Someone struggling with addiction literally has no bearing on how "conscious" I view them. Mike Tyson was about as far from spiritual as you can get. Everyone has different insights they can share based on their experiences in life and that's how you learn about it.
  14. How would you know that? Dude literally died and came back to life.
  15. Are you basically just using Leo the human as a vessel to see how exactly what consciousness is capable of at this point?
  16. I feel sorry for the kid in that video, I'm glad he was able to find something to ground himself. However he clearly states he felt mentally ill and still watched Leo's videos despite the disclaimers. There is definitely a fine line you feel like you have to ride when contemplating life seriously. There have been plenty of moments I have questioned my sanity throughout this process. But I feel like that's actually normal and a part of growing through life. When you experience something new it can be scary and you have to adapt to it. New does not have to mean bad. People get solidified in a way of seeing the world and they never break out of that their whole life simply due to fear. Ultimately you just have to do whatever gives you a good life. I still have healthy family and friend relationships, a job that I mostly feel good about, try to live consciously. If I felt like my spiritual practice was causing me to lose my grip with reality to the point that I was sabotaging any of those things I would have to take a step back and re-evaluate.
  17. Foreplay and maintaining presence
  18. I went through this shift several years ago. Mind chatter ended and when I meditated I was purely just experiencing “physical”reality without anything additional. No labeling. It became that I could now think only if I wanted to. I feel like it’s been this way for so long now I’ve kind of forgotten how things used to be and I take it for granted because so many struggle with thoughts running wild.
  19. Yeah it’s funny. Everyone thinks they want enlightenment and when it actually starts happening to you it can be fucking terrifying and your ego wants nothing more than to do cling to what it knew. But it’s usually too late. You can’t go back once it starts and resisting only makes it worse
  20. You’re asking all the right questions. Stick around and maybe you’ll find the answers to some of them
  21. I’ve done it by itself and also combined with other stuff. MDMA+LSD+nitrous was almost too good. But even just by itself it sends me into waves of love that I don’t get with anything else. In the beginning it was mostly just acceptance of the physical self. These days it takes me to God realization in a really beautiful way.
  22. It’s unfortunate that MDMA can only be taken once in a while. I’ll be honest out of all the substances I’ve done it’s my favorite. I’ve had some of my most profound awakenings with it. My last trip with it I was afterglowing for a month.
  23. I've been using nitrous for the last 4-5 years. When I do it I binge for several hours and combine it with a psychedelic/MDMA and then don't touch it again for at least a month. When I used to do carts this would be anywhere from 50-200 at a time. Now they sell little mini tanks which I prefer since you throw them out and don't have a bunch of little carts or have to keep reusing a canister. Just a ballon, tank, and nozzle to dispense the gas and you're good to go. It's definitely not the safest drug, but man is it powerful. I sometimes get into such a flow that I can't stop until it's all done. This can go on for several hours. My most recent trip into infinite was quite frightening actually and I think need a lengthy break.
  24. A very intense mushroom+nitrous oxide trip where I became conscious of being an eternal singular entity imagining everything forever. Infinite seems like the only word to describe it. I felt destabilized when I came out of it and had a difficult time grounding myself which is rare for me. It didn't feel like an evil experience, but it did not feel loving like it usually does. I'm still processing it. Right now I'm just grateful to be back in the finite localization.
  25. Do you ultimately just have to take more psychedelics to start playing within infinity? My latest experience with infinity was rather horrifying and I think it will be a while before I am ready to go that deep again.