Something Funny

@Emerald I gave agree on "Women have nurturing capabilities that men could never achieve." and also got 0%. I guess you could say that it's a bit biased then.

I've got 18% hostile and 0% benevolent, haha. Quite a few questions were kind of dumb though so I skipped them. @Emerald did you try the test? What's you score?

Isn't defining sexism as "negative beliefs about" or "attitudes towards" women vs towards either of genders sexist in itself?

You are right, but still, how do you deal with / avoid such people? For example what advise would you give to this girl? I mean yeah, sure, she should probably leave him. But how does she learn that this is the way this guy feels about her? How can you screen such people out? Edit: how do you know that your partner is not like that for example? What if you spend 20 years with a person and this is how they feel about you all the time?

You think it's less common for women? I don't mean being insecure about your partner's looks, but settling for someone you don't really like and bullshitting them in general?

@woohoo123 if I were you I would be more insercure about caring about how you look in the eyes of others so much, your pettiness, having no spine, and essentially not being grounded in you own values and purpose. This is an antithesis of what being a man is.

That's what triggered me the most about this post. Imagine your partner thinking that you are inferior to somebody else's bf/gf in some way and being insecure about being with you. Only staying with you cause they are too comfortable or can't find anyone better. If they tell you about it, it would for sure hurt as hell. But it's still what I would prefer. The worst scenario is being totally oblivious about it and spending a few years of your life in suach a relationship. Or even getting married because they "came around" eventually and didn'ttell you about any of those inner struggles. That's actually scary to think about.

@Emerald it's incredible how you, being a woman, are able to be so chill about the topic and give sensible advise instead of getting triggered and attacking the op. Truly something to look up to.

I think, I've finally found a great vision for myself, maybe even a life purpose. I want to transform myself into a strong man and to build an amazing life. And use my own journey to support and inspire other people. I want to learn how to do conscious business from scratch, record my journey step by step and share it with others so that they can do it as well. I think it would be pretty cool to find some guy who knows nothing about business, is a total nube at it, and then see his follow along journey of building a successful business. Basically I want to have a self-help youtube channel, but instead of theory and talking I want it to be very practical, almost like a reality show, but with a detailed analysis and explanation of each step. The same goes for social skills dating, public speaking, character development, spiritual development, financial success, becoming a web developer, etc. I find this vision really meaningful and inspiring. The issue though, is that I don't have any particular medium that I am really passionate about. I am not particularly passionate about web development, or business, or public speaking, or filming youtube videos, etc. Is that okay? Maybe I will acquire passion for those things as I keep going? It's the big picture, the process of learning, developing myself by itself, and helping others do the same which I am passionate about. @Leo Gura any advise, please?

I've noticed that it has become popular to dismiss this problem, that clearly a lot of people are struggling with as some bullshit, so I wanted to make a post about it. Even Leo just laughs about it and has a "I never had a problem with it so it can't be a problem" attitude. But this is just not the case, people are different. Some people can drink alocohol their whole lives in moderation and be totally healthy and functioning humans, while some become alcoholics and ruin their life. Even tolerance of negative health effect of drinking alcohol is probably different among different people. Disclaimer To clarify, I am not saying that masturbation, or even porn is inherently evil. If you have a healthy relationship with it then fine, good for you. But it's not the case for everyone. Although I still think that it's silly to assume that you can just watch porn your whole life and that it will have no effect on your mind whatsoever. Leo is big on reprogramming the subconscious mind with affirmations, visualizations, and such. Well, you can also reprogram your mind in a negative way through the posts you read on social media, music you are listening, ads you are watching, people you are hanging out with, and yes, porn. I am also not saying that you will become a superman buy doing nofap for 90 days. But I think it's safe to say that most men will feel better and more energetic/lively if they retain their semen for a week or two. I've clearly noticed positive effects in my personal experience and as Leo says "experience is king". The issue I have with porn 1) Insecurities and negative beliefs. Porn has definitely imprinted quite a few insecurities and negative beliefs into my mind: - about my penis size - about what's considered attractive and desirable - about women - about what is considered "cool" and who I need to be Now I will have to spend quite a bit of time unwiring all that crap. 2) For me porn got progressively more and more perverted. I didn't start masturbating to porn at all. The first time I masturbated I masturbated to Naruto fan fiction, it wasn't even that erotic and the hottest moment there was character kissing. I didn't even know what masturbation was at that time, it just kind of happened naturally, lol. But of course it didn't stay this way forever. Over the years it had to escalate to more and more extreme stuff to keep feeling pleasurable to me. It has gotten to a point of me watching porn that honestly disgusts me in my "sober state". It affects my mind very negatively and makes me depressed and nihilistic. And whenever I try to get back to watching more vanilla porn it always escalates back because it's never enough. 3) Whenever I watch porn I do genuinely feel like shit. My productivity always drops and I turn on a vegetable mod. All I am interested in those time is watching porn, scrolling reddit, watching tv shows, and binge eating. I feel like it turns me into a retarded animal. Solution No, I don't think that total abstinence is a legitimate solution for most people. But I think that reducing masturbation to a few times a week, or whatever schedule fits the best to you personally, and doing it consciously, without any porn can be. This sounds like a good, healthy approach. Also, as a side note regarding semen retention, I think it's absolutely fucked up that in our modern culture not jerking off for 14 days is considered somehow very hard and extreme. How can you claim to have any kind of self-control and discipline if you can't deal with some sexual urges here and there? This is honestly the main reason why I think doing classical nofap challenge can be beneficial. Not because it will grant you some magical super powers but because you will at least now that you are the master of your mind and emotions, instead of being their slave. It develops discipline that can then be used in every area of life.

Yes, this is something I've definitely experienced in the past. But I am really hopeful and set on making it this time.

@Leo Gura I will, thank you (this time for real )

@Chives99 it's not a kink. It's not something that I enjoy or would like to have in my life.

@Leo Gura I know, I am doing this, it just takes time.

@bazera yeah, basically brute force. Plus I had a friend as an accountability partner. I fell back because this is the wrong approach. The thing I plan to do now is building a healthy, conscious relationship with my sexuality and masturbation without porn.

@Leo Gura it's hard to find a good therapist in general, let alone someone to whom I would be able to open up about all of that. Personally, think I am attracted to it because it's so wrong. Because it goes against all of my values. Because it triggers my fears and insecurities. Yeah, no shit, haha. But to be honest, I think I am done with it for good this time and am not coming back. Lets hope this will be the case.

@bazera too many to count. I did 30 days at some point.

@Leo Gura XD, thank you Leo ?

@Leo Gura well, that's the issue, I can't. Whenever I get back to watching porn I tell myself that I am going to watch just quality porn. And there is porn like that, even for free on pornhub. But it's always a downward spiral from there to me getting into a really bad place mentally and ending up watching humiliating jois, or cheating porn, or cuckold porn, or some other shit like that, and feeling awful and wanting to "just die already" in the meantime. Every single time it ends like this, with me laying in bed and crying thinking what the fuck is wrong with me. So I've came to the conclusion that it's better for me to just quit it altogether.

@Someone here I don't want anything. I didn't ask for advise here. As I said, thank you for concern, I know you really want to help, but I am fine. What is that even supposed to mean? Stop assuming stuff about me.

I didn't ask for anything and don't worry, I've got it. But thanks for your concern.

Thanks, but I refuse to adopt the mindset of "I need another person to live a healthy and happy life". This is such a defeatist attitude. I am going to cur porn out of my life while single. And I didn't says that I will stop masturbating forever. I am just going to work on building amore healthy relationship with it. I will get a girlfriend when it's time for me to get a girlfriend.

I don't know if it's biological or pshychological, or if it's just a placebo effect, but after I don't watch porn and as a result, don't masturbate for a few days I feel noticably more clearminded, positive, eager to work on my life, etc. The same can be said about something like affirmations, it doesn't mean that they are useless. Maybe if I could separate porn and masturbation completely I would notice the same effects, idk. The issue for me is that in 90% of cases one thing leads to another. Depends on what kind of porn you are watching. As I've mentioned in my original post the kinds of porn I watch have gradually changed over years from the most innocent, vanilla stuff in the beginning to much more extreme things. I am especially bothered when I watch all kind of degrading and humiliating porn. It's really addictive and stimulating because it plays on my insecurities, and I feel like it really messes my mind up. I feel awful mentally after watching it and in my "sober" state am completely turned of by it. I've even tried watching some more "conscious" kind of porn videos, but it's never enough and aways escalates back. So I think that for me the best solution it to cut it out of my life completely. @Leo Gura okay, sorry, I agree that I've overreacted a bit.

@Michael Jackson I am not here to make statements about other people like that. He sounds like a nice person. Like I said if Leo or someone else says that they are watching porn and it's totally fine with it, then fine. You do you, I don't care. But it's not nice to make fun of other people who are struggling with this issue for real, just because you haven't experienced it yourself. @Osaid I agree, some of the nofap guys are really ideological about it. But as you can see above, even when I make a post sharing my personal struggles, I get the "you are just bullshitting yourself" advise. I imagine that if I've made a post about how I am struggling with alcohol and don't seem to be able to have a healthy relationship with it, I wouldn't get this type of response. Or heck, even coffee. If I made a post saying how I am addictted to caffeine and how it messes up my health, I still wouldn't get the "you are just bulshitting yourself, take some responsibility bro" advise.

@NoSelfSelf I wonder if you would say the same if this was a post about alcohol, because technically it applies to it as well. And look how you have completely ignored my main arguments and focused on masturbation instead, even though I've made it clear that I think a complete abstinence is not a healthy solution for most people. It's also funny how you are saying that I should be taking responsiblity isntead of whining about it and yet this is exactly what I am doing, I am taking responsibility and try to find a solution that works for me, and you are criticizing me for it...