Something Funny

Day 1/90 About 1 hour of qigong/yoga/breathwork - Done 3 hours of meditaion - Done Comments: It was hard and painful, but not as hellish as I expected it to be. I wasn't able to sit completely still though. First, I had to get up and change my position after the first 30 minutes because i sat really uncomfortably and it was really painful. But after that I didn't get up from the chair, just did some minor movements with my back, neck, legs, toes, etc. I've tried to minimize them as much as possible but wasn't always able to. I hope I will do better in future sessions. Time actually went by quicker that how I felt it. I was expecting to sit for about 30 minutes longer when the time started ringing. I felt my mind burning throughout the whole practice, which is exactly what I wanted. Although there were moments where I felt really at ease throughout the practice.

Day 4/90 Today's session was kind of unique. I was really tired after work and also a little sick so after eating and watching some youtube I decided to take a nap. I woke up at half past 8 and was still tired, but I knew that I will do the session no matter what. I did around an hour of qigong to wake myself up a bit and it has put me into a great, calm state of mind. The meditation itself was quite pleasant, it's like my mind has finally started to adapt and I got a little breakthrough. I still moved around during the session and change positions several times but I think I moved less then I did previously, and, more importantly, my movements and mind in general were much less frantic. I felt rather calm and as if I finally got a grip on my mind, even though there were challenging moments of course. I didn't look at the timer this time, which I am also really glad about. About 1 hour of qigong/yoga/breathwork - Done 3 hours of meditaion - Done P.S. I finished meditating at 1 am, but I don't care. By my rules it still very much counts.

@Leo Gura okay. I see, thank you for advise.

I really want to finally get comfortable being in my own skin. I always compare myself to other people with regards to looks, intelligence, carrier success, success with relationships, etc. How do I stop doing that and appreciate myself for who I am? On the intellectual level I know that I am unique and have my own strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else so it's silly toncompare myself to other people, but emotionally I don't feel like that at all. For example today I saw this really tall and handsome looking guy at work, and my immediate reaction was to get insecure and think that he is better than me. It's such an abstract issue that I don't even know how to deal with it. Like, even if I do a tonn of cold approaches, achieve great success with women, become a billionaire or whatever, I will still feel confident only in relation to other people. I will compare myself to them and think that I am now better than them and feel good because of that. Which still doesn't address the root issue of me not being comfortable being who I am and having to compare myself to others at all.

I like that perspective. @Lila9 thanks, the notebook idea sounds really cool and creative. I think I will try it. I am almost always alone. So this one is covered I have this handled as well. Do you mean things like travelling? Can you explain how this should help?

@Gesundheit2 yeah, okay, I get it. There are no special techniques. I will try my best.

@Leo Gura I do try to stop this kind of negative thoughts out whenever they arise. But the feeling is still there no matter what I do. Like in today's case, I've noticed this behaviour right away and told myself all the things Gesundheit mentioned above. And even made this post afterwards, lol. It didn't stop me from feeling insecure. Are you saying that if I get really serious and try to willfully change it, I can even change the way I feel in the moment?

@Gesundheit2 I completely agree with whay you wrote. But how do I actually start feeling and functioning in that way?

Done, day 3/90 Now this was fucking hard. I got sucked into reddit and porn after finishing work and didn't snap out of it until about half past 7. When I finally did I was feeling like crap. But anyway, I did abaout 50 minutes of qigong to get myself into a better state of mind and then sat down to do a meditation session. I finally got a meditation pillow btw, and that made this session much easier on my lower back which is nice. However, this didn't change the fact that the session was very hard mentally for me. I was feeling very tired and therefore got distracted easier then usual, which caused me to move much more than I did for the last two days. I've also cheked the timer twice again. Once 24 minutes before the end and for the second time 15 minutes before the end. By that time I was feeling like crap both metally and physically and would take regular breaks sitting in a sort of a low squat while hugging my knees. On the good side, it was really emotionally challenging and a lot of stuff came up so even though I wasn't at my best during meditation I worked through a lot of things and didn't quit. Which is great.

@flowboy if this is a legitimate way to make money then it could help me to gather enough capital to start a business that I actually care about. @supremeyingyang I know it's not something that I would do forever, but if I were learning prograamming with the same goal of earning enough money with it to start doing something that I care about, then why not choose this path instead? It seems quicker and lore efficient. Idk, just thinking out loud.

Sorry, I must have been sleep deprived. Idk why I thought that you refer to this forum Edit: I've checked it out and wow there are lots of posts there of people sharing their stories about how they've made a bunch of money rather quickly with minimum skills. Like the examples below: https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/how-to-create-a-2k-mo-passive-income-website-in-30-days-or-less.107531/ https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/earning-5-5k-mo-at-16-im-doing-it.107383/ Is this real or is this some sort of scam to promote books or whatever they are selling on that forum? Stories sound legit, but also kind of too good to be true? @Girzo @supremeyingyang @flowboy any advise, please? Are those forum/books/threads/money making methods like this (create your own digital marketing agency with no marketing knowledge by hiring a contractor to do the work for you or create some bullshit digital product in 20 minutes and sell it through google adds) something that is actually worth checking out and trying to replicate (if I throw all the ideology out of it) or is it a waste of time and I should stick to Leo's advise of trying to find my life purpose, developing mastery in something, etc.? @Leo Gura could you share your opinion on this as well? You've also gotten out of wage slavery by starting some sort of digital marketing business, right?

Day 2/90 About 1 hour of qigong/yoga/breathwork - Done 3 hours of meditaion - Done Comments: Today I actually had a harder time then yesterday. The time went by slower then I expected and I got very anxious by the end of it. I actually glanced at the time twice (when it was just 10 minutes left). The good news is that once I saw that there are just 10 minutes left I decided to sit 100% still until it rings and I was able to do it. Also this session was emotionally harder. Pain and discomfort were quite strong by the end and my mind felt like it was burning (which is exactly what I want). In general, I feel like I was a little bit more still than the last time, especially in the first half. I need to work on making sure that I don't look at the timer in the future and to detach myself from time more in general.

You mean Leo's booklist?

Not bad, I like it. How did you find them?

@Michal__ I feel like this is against the point of what I am trying to achieve. I am not loosing wakefulness that much because I sit with my back straight and eyes open (and because it's painful as fuck). Being completely still for longer periods of time definitely puts you into a special state of mind. I will aim to be able to sit perfectly still for 3 hours by the end of those 90 days and right now I will try to move as little as possible. I want to do a session without getting up even once today.

@WelcometoReality thank you ) You mean the one @Carl-Richard was talking about? Trying to be mindful 24/7?

I just did the first 3 hour session It was hard and painful, but not as hellish as I expected it to be. I wasn't able to sit completely still though. First, I had to get up and change my position after the first 30 minutes because i sat really uncomfortably and it was really painful. But after that I didn't get up from the chair, just did some minor movements with my back, neck, legs, toes, etc. I've tried to minimize them as much as possible but wasn't always able to. I hope I will do better in future sessions. Time actually went by quicker that how I felt it. I was expecting to sit for about 30 minutes longer when the time started ringing.

@Nilsi I did 2 hours at some point before. I plan to do 3 hour session right now so let's see how it goes. Thanks, I will check them out.

Yeah ?

@Leo Gura sorry if I am being stuborn. But from the way I see it 20 minutes won't be of a much higher quality for me than 3 hours. If anything I will treat it much more flippantly if I do it as a little 20 minute side thing compared to if I make it my sole focus for the next 3 months. And it's not like I have never meditated before. I did, using exactly this strategy of meditating 5, 10, 20 minutes per day along with a dozen other self-help practices and goals. And I believe this is a big reason why it has never stuck with me or brought any lasting changes. What I expect to happen is that yeah, it will be really hard and I will sit there dying for 3 hours a day. But if I make it through it will change my life.

@Leo Gura well, as long as I am not hearing any better alternatives I guess I am going to try. Better trying and failing or finding out that it doesn't work then wasting another 3 months of my life doing nothing. Right now I want to do just classic 90 days of it. I am kind of desperate if you couldn't tell, lol. I think you could do that if you felt your life depends on it. Edit: I am going to start a journal here, just watch me

Idk, I've been watching your channels as well as other for years, I've read various books and couldn't find anything that would consistently help me. I've been struggling with this forever now. Sometimes getting better and then getting even worse than before. So the only plan I have right now is to try to purge and rewire my mind with a hardcore practice like this and hope that it works. If I do a "strong determination sitting" and a "do nothing" technique than I just need to show up everyday and sit there motionless, right? As long as I have enough discipline to show up and sit there for 3 hours, it should be effective, no?

@Leo Gura my problem is that I feel like my mind is fucked up and because of that I can't function in life properly. My emotional mastery is really low. I struggle with anxiety, loneliness, depression, addictions. I am incredibly inconsistent and drop most of the goals that I set. I procrastinate my days away watching tv shows and scrolling reddit as an escape. You get the picture.

@Michal__ thanks for advise. I am still thinking which way to go and I will take this into consideration.

But that's what I want. I want to suffer and burn through all the crap inside of myself. @Carl-Richard thank you. I actually avoided watching that video for a very long time now. I think I should. And hopefully I can also transform myself as well through this process.