Esilda

@Marcel Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist darl? I've been seeing my own therapist for over 12 months now to help me through my traumas. Talk therapy stuff, cognitive behavioural. You've been through seriously upsetting experiences that have no doubt carried a lot of emotional weight, how do you feel about processing them all?

@Marcel I am the extreme definition of emotional lol , like a haunted Christmas and halloween that's like Christmas, I have the full wavelength of my emotions just there ready to experience at any moment.

YEAH ITS NASTY! We created stories about how we're meant to love each other and those stories turned out to be wrong but because most of us don't know it we still hold each other accountable for how many women we've slept with and banged (my sense of humour )

@Marcel Appreciation! Just from the heart darl!

What does it mean to truly love someone, is it not anything but the truth? To not be lost in neither our hopeful images nor our judgemental images but instead to feel and be present with them as they truly are… To understand that life is just such, a flower slowly coming from the ground and spawning new petals followed by its slow but inevitable deterioration with the seasons? What do we fear to lose if nothing more than the loss of what never was or what was but is now something new and beautiful which is ideally a greater expression of who they are and if not, why would we if we were to ever abandon them as so many people often do when images contradict reality? Should we not just instead be abandoning the images we have of them, is this not how we receive the touch of nature? Doesn't this say something about true loyalty, and isn't true loyalty an aspect of what we would connect with true love? Could we have any kind of relationship with God if we were to make it a true one? Who are the men around us (or if you’re a man reading this, I guess a woman lol) that have this quality of presence, where they can be with us and not judge us based on neither the images they have of us nor the images they have of anything and instead through the passive beauty of observation? What man will stay and be enlightened by our changes and who will go because they cannot bare their images of us changing from what they truly desired? Do we not want to know someone or do we just want to see how much they are like the images we want them to be like? Thus when I love my man, let me love him in this honest way so that the warmth of his care does not deteriorate in my eyes of feeling, so that I can create the flowing space for him to be his purposeful energy without holding onto a past or future, so that he can be the roundedness of the earth while the rush of Mother Nature comes through me and so the meaningfulness of my surrender into his arms and the feeling of me in his arms does not lose its balance or mystery. And when he grants me the privilege of knowing his highest purpose on this divine planet let me focus on creating the harmony he needs so that he can focus purely on achieving his dreams, the softness so that his pains are healed from his pursuits with ease and the love so that his heart is never lost without meaning in his drives for his highest good.

His gravity completely consumes me. Immovable in his encirclement, I am compelled to feel the full painted sound of his every command. I live in my desire to understand, so that I can feel his strong hands around me. My energy a shifting flowing dance and his, a rock of depth and strength. I give my life to you and through you I learn to become a muse from mother nature to you, I give you my visions and in return you finally give me your love. I traveled in my spaceship of love to the most haunting places within your soul and lit everything up so brightly like you've never experienced before. Your planet of torment, darkness that you hide from the world that I feel into so clearly, intuit so viscerally. With the lightest touch, your pain slowly drifts away and you are mine. Our planet now, I fall into you, seeing the darkness of the world through your eyes and through mine you see its lightness.

Taken away by a flowing dream, sensuality lightens everything around me. The quiet wind through my hair and the love song that whitens the glow of my soft heart. Slowly walking on water across the lake of doom, to meet my troubled man, hold him tight so he can feel love for the first time tonight. Pure white.

If I could be a swan, I would certainly learn to fly. To feel the wind against my feathers, the softness of my eyes looking down below. No care in the world but the joy of flight and returning home to the calm waters of my fellow friends lake. To eat bread passed to me by people wandering by. A simple life, with no care in the world but the desire to be, in flight. The gentle sounds of my neighbours, off and we fly together. Harmonising our wings, so that we can sing one joyful song that unites us all, together through it all. Our feathers change with the leaves of the trees surrounding, our quacks grow older with the surrounding changes in passes by. The simple life of a swan, in peace. Isn't true love pure white?

I do meals on wheels with the homeless so I understand the difficulties of communication with various types of people sometimes. Because people are complex and then not complex at the same time, its like it depends on what mirror we're going to hold up to the person. Whether we use the mirror of looking at all their flaws vs strengths, what they can control vs what they can't, what is them vs how they're influenced to be them. We all get lost and together we can help each other become at least somewhat found Wishing you the best

@Vrubel why do men game? As a woman it just seems so alien to me.... Is it purely to have sex with women? Like, that's the only end game, just to fuck? And then... they've what, one some biological game?

I'm noticing that your mind is forming lots of generalisations, instead of focusing on the thoughts I encourage you to maybe instead experience fully the sadness underneath the anger you have that leads to those generalisations. You're socialising with us, right? Which I don't blame you because we're a cool bunch of people . How much are your judgements due to underlying shame which as a defense mechanism creates feelings of judgement to protect you from experiencing the dissonance of their complexity? I hope you are doing okay

@Marcel Will do! Cool song! Rap, rap, rap, rap.....RAP RAP.. lol

@Marcel its obvious to me now.... we have to integrate our whole consciousness . 'Masterpiece of our minds from mastering our minds' I really like that line. Hope you're doing well, feel free to stop by anytime. I feel all of my emotions, I have to because they can be so intense as I have a really sensitive nervous system but I try to release them in a very stable and calm way. I agree though, follow up with an emotion that unites us.

Dancing and singing right now to Stronger xoxo Lifting my spirits

@RickyFitts @Marcel Thanks guys. Feeling a little down at the moment. Going to re-read my love post to remind myself of my truth. Like an affirmation to myself. @Marcel reading your post now darl .

@Marcel HATE! WOH! The word alone brings me anxiety lol so please no, no... Something more Marcel if not the opposite of me.

@Marcel that was so brave of you to share your thoughts as you did further above (on love and your difficulties)! Thank you I appreciate all of your experiences

@Marcel I'm only in the beginning stages of my music development. I feel I'd be more suited to females of course. A few things I'm a little self conscious over but overall i'm happy enough to add it to this journal And by all means!

For me the sound is fine... but well..

Here we go - Love Ethereality - made for headphones - https://soundcloud.com/sarah-summers-881446519/love-ethereality (self made)

@RickyFitts My pleasure darl .... And music. Thank you so much again for the support you people are absolutely lovely . I created this track just in the last few days . I'm not sure what my plan is but sharing my music may become a "thing", I've titled it Love Ethereality. Hope you enjoy loves! @Marcel Reading your post now

@Raphael should we force a flower to grow or give it the right conditions?

@Brenzo2 lol

Visuals that are speaking to me

When I observe my love, is the observer the loved, lover or both?