Jannes

Reality has distractions everywhere. Where ever I look there are things that trigger me in some kind of way. Like flowers that spread an inviting smell. They want to pull me into a dream. That’s how I lived almost my whole life, jumping from dream to dream. Yesterday I spent 5 hours on YouTube just listening to music coming off the afterglow of a lsd trip. I could have clicked on so many videos just like I usually do but I didn’t feel the need to, I just listened to music.

Are there things you are passionate about in terms of hobbies ? Making friendships while doing some activity is a lot easier especially if you are more introverted because there is always something going on that you can talk about. And you can find people who are more similar to you. I couldn’t really see myself finding friends in a job for example. You could also try out microdosing. It can bring you into a more confident and extroverted mindset.

Only have access to lsd and magic truffles at the moment. Lsd seems to be a lot better then magic truffles at least.. I believe you I hope I can get my hands on something like 5meo at some point.

On a recent lsd trip I got in touch with my love for discovering and understanding. I always loved to introspect into my psyche and to really penetrate into some areas where I could find resistance. When something cracked open and I understood new connections I always jumped in circles out of joy. Even if I realized how much of a devil I was I was still in so much joy when I understood something new. I remembered one really conscious moment where I realized that this is what I want my life to be around. This natural joy is still there but often really suppressed in spiritually which is crazy because spirituality is basically all about introspecting and wanting to crack something and you can only do it for yourself and it’s possible to gain the biggest rewards from it. What an incredible joy!! It’s like everything that I want to do anyway. But somehow I don’t feel that joy because everything feels so heavy and out of reach. I watched most of Leos videos about spirituality and intellectually I understood most of them but I couldn’t verify pretty much anything. It feels like I can never catch up but have to catch up because otherwise I am still a stupid donkey living in the matrix. And it’s so painful because I constantly have to reject the materialism paradigm but also can’t accept the "God-paradigm“ because I haven’t experienced it yet and therefore would be no better then a stage blue religious person who says god is real because some authority figure said so. And then there are all of these incredible maps that Leo made. I want to feel like a pioneer but I don’t feel like I could ever make maps as good as Leos. And then all of my survival issues eat me up inside and overtake most of the time from psychedelic trips. Can anybody relate? I feel like most of these fears will just be swiped away if I reach a mystical experience but I still wanted to share this, idk why.

Shaky hands trip report (≈110ug lsd) 09.09.2022 Followed Leos video (guided exercise for realizing you are god) again. I became so conscious of my hand that I awoken to the fact that my hands dont exist in time. Simply the fact that they exist as in that anything exists at all shocked me to the core. I didn’t dare to be conscious of it for more then a few seconds. It was so shocking that my teeth bit together as strong as they could and I almost had a panick attack. Don’t know what a panick attack really is but that almost was one. Then I wanted to eat some chocolate cookies because I felt hungry. In the eating process I became conscious of the fact that I have always eaten things because I thought that I am a human and I need food to survive and by eating it it goes into my stomach and stuff but I broke through that fantasy and ended just with my sensations "in my mouth“ completely confused by why they were there and what their purpose was. What am I doing?? … Holy shoot What have I gotten myself into, .. , or out of, AAAAAAGHH!! Yeah there isn’t much else to the trip. Just felt like I got overrun by a concreting machine. But it was great. Looking forward to doing it again ?? Edit: A lot of stuff also seemed to be healing in my psyche.

So the worldwide inflation is mostly seen as a negative. But for the western countries where we already have enough luxuries to survive extremely well I don’t see why we should be so concerned. We as humans always want more and more and so we don’t see how much we already have. No matter how much Technologie evolves we always want more. So that guarantees that we will destroy our environement. But honestly I would be just as happy with old technology and less luxuries if that were the norm. A big inflation forces us to live with less and so we can see how much we actually need and maybe become conscious enough to not strive for more. Thoughts ?

I like lsd for the effects because it’s very clear and good to contemplate on but it lasts too long for me. Looking for something that lasts roughly around 6 hours like magic truffles or magic mushrooms but with the clearness of lsd.

It seems like you speak from experience. Has it worked for you that way ?

@Holykael that doesnt mean that its worth contemplating because that describes literally everything.

I already did a decent amount of magic truffles and also some microdosing. Do you think there are further benefits for MDMA that I dont get with magic truffles alone?

That does not cure my small penis ?

?? Yeah why ? ?

I thought it over and I don’t think there is too much to worry about. By allowing myself to express some frustration I can see things more clearly now. I simply haven’t had a lot of quality trip time and almost only on the wrong substance plus in my position where I have a lot of things I worry about it’s simply harder to access these higher states of consciousness. Acid seems to be a substance where I can gain a lot from. I got enough time to trip regularly in the next months. If I still haven’t accessed anything satisfying then I will simply make another post. Thanks for all the comments.

I have 1cp-LSD and 1V-LSD. Officially 1cp-LSD is 8-12 hours and 1V-LSD is 7-10 hours. I would have thought that 1V-LSD is in the 8-12 hours range because for me it feels like at least 11 hours. So if officially both 1V-LSD and AL-LAD are both 7-10 hours but 1V-LSD is like 11 hours for me then is it likely that AL-LAD will also be around 11 hours or is that not a good assumption? I can’t get AL-LAD legally so that might not be worth the effort then. I could just put my effort into finding dmt then ? I read that it is more about visuals then insights. Or was your experience different because I don’t care about visuals that much.

I anticipated/feared that this answer would come. But yes that’s most likely very true.

@Tahuti I saw how not respecting myself hurt me because I wasn’t authentic to my own values. That’s pure suffering right here. I also saw how my mindset that I might not good friends at all hurt me. You hang it with friends who give you good energy. It’s that simple. I completely forgot that this is what friendship is all about, am exchange of good energy.

A few days ago I had a light but really insightful 75ug 1V-Lsd trip. Almost instantly before the substance really hit I already got a few insights into my psyche: (I made a previous thread where I talked about how I got bullied in many stages in my life. This adds another facet) I often don’t respect people deep down. Socializing with other people often feels like a really uncomfortable drag to me. But through introspection from previous magic truffles trips I knew that I was kind of bullshitting myself because I saw my immense desire to be around people. I always thought my lack of interest in them was because they had no interest in spirituality and other deep topics and maybe it has a little bit to do with that but I discovered the more likely root cause in my past that I suppressed because of pride. So basically I always had difficulties finding friends. I am naturally pretty unagressive, good-natured and dreamy which is a pretty bad combination for surviving and also somewhat for finding friends. So my childhood was always embossed with me desperately trying to fit in and taking all sorts of bullshit in the process. A lot of memories reactivated through that realization and I want to highlight I few of them here because they showcase pretty well the way I acted: In kindergarden I played like a clown to make other people laugh. They threw sand or snow at me or made fun of me in some other way and I acted like it wouldn’t bother me desperately trying to be a part of them. I had a friend who stole my precious Pokémon cards from me. I visited him and they were laying there. I said something like „Oh my Pokémon cards. I must have forgotten them here“ to him to not confront him and to not risk loosing our friendship. (And yes I 100% did not forget them there ?) In graduate school I had difficulties finding new friends because I was one of the few people who knew nobody. I clang to one group I happened to sit nearby in lunch break. They didn’t respect me at all. They insulted me constantly and always told me to leave. I still followed them like a dog because I had nobody else. After weeks of insulting me they kind of gave up and somewhat accepted me in their group as the lowest hierarchy member. I never was in a position in life where I had a abundance of friends. I always had really few friends and most of them didn’t respect me. I always feared that if I lost them I wouldn’t have anybody else so I often let them abuse me. So all of this resulted in me fearing really strongly to stand up for myself and also expecting others to hurt me again. The saying „hurt people hurt people“ is just so true for me. Somehow a lot of people were interested in a friendship with me in recent years and a lot of girls in a relationship with me. Even though I was super interested and showed interest I always put up unconscious avoidance patterns and hurt these people because they often put a lot of energy into it and thought I would reject them. I had so much regret for every person I unconsciously rejected and just couldn’t grasp the reasons why I acted the way I acted.

I will keep that in mind.

I have only taken two low to medium doses of lsd yet otherwise mostly magic truffles. Lsd is definitely the way to go I feel but I have to work myself up to higher doses. Lsd feels tougher to trip on also.

Like 6 years ago I listened to a short lecture of Alan Watts where he poetically speaks about how it would feel to go through life being aware that you are god. It was kind of a mini enlightenment into the possibility to another way of existing where you flow through life by surrendering complete control. I intuitively knew that this is true but didn’t know what it really was or how to get there but I followed this intuition all these years and ended up here. The materialist paradigm is pain lol. The way that colourful leafs swirl in the air when it is fall, The painful yet invigorating way of cold wind on naked skin when it is winter, a gull screaming while it is flying above the sea while the sun goes down. This has to be profound love, it has to be but I can’t access it for some reason.

@Yeah Yeah What is LOA?

This is just a prime example of mastering something you love and building your life around it. That dude just liked squatting, filmed himself everyday doing it and turned it into his life purpose. For this nieche his audience is pretty big and I think he could easily find enough clients to become a well paid gym coach. I think he works somewhere else but he could easily make the transition. I would have never thought that something this simple could make you independent so I am super grateful that these people exist so that they can crush my limiting beliefs.

I identify as the rarest of male types, the Shrigma male.

Compared to what? In comparison to contemplating at home definitely in comparison to playing video games alone by yourself probably not. I think it depends on the kind of people you socialize with. If you have friends that you like to have intellectual discussions with then I think that can definitely increase your intelligence because you have to explain things in a simple way so people can understand it which makes you understand your own ideas better. Also I have a lot of problems with concentration so when I socialize I train that skill more then when I wouldn’t. But IN GENERAL I agree. I become a lot less conscious when I socialize a lot.

Damn do you have opportunities to socialize? Meeting new people can bring you out of a rut and change your perspective a lot.