Jannes

I was vegan for 3 years, then switched to vegetarianism (milk and eggs) for about a year now for convenience and also fear I was missing something. When you hear that vegans are unhealthy from all sides and struggle with mental health problems (unprocessed trauma and very likely undiagnosed adhd) this really gets to you. Its quite something, you know the science, yet the primal fears are hammering on you. Its the rational part of the brain vs your primal instincts. Quite an insightful inner war for understanding much of politics. Anyway a part of me thought that I would get amazing health benefits from these foods but I didnt. I didnt crave eggs. I think eggs from chicken who are free (the very expensive ones) are ethically pretty okay, milk is shit though. The amount of convenience it gives me though is big, trying to keep the damage to a minimum as I have been switching parts to soy joghurt.

If humans were superior to animals inherently then it might still be pretty unethical to raise them in factory farms and then kill them. If humans were not superior to animals inherently then it would be incredibly unethical to raise them in factory farms and then kill them. You live life from the relative, not the absolute.

Would you be fine if certain humans were raised for meat consumption and killed at a young age for tender meat? And its not just the killing part, its about creating an environement full of suffering and myserie for these animals in factory farms and all the environement and life you destry to grow crops to feed these animals.

I just found a site where they apperently hire remote viewers. Many remote viewer work together on one project. I imagine in an combined effort they make probbalistically high statements. You are qualified if you get 75% of researches right. They pay good money for relatively very little work. Oh no, it says they work for the economy, making sports bets or predicting courses. All that does is transfer money to the rich. I hope there are more ethical applications as well. Damn when I did my first remote viewing experiment years back I actually got my test right, maybe I should try it again. I got like grey and ush and it was revealed that it was inside a volcano, cant remember most details.

How can one find out if they have remote viewing abilities, or other psychic abilites? - Try each one out or is there a better way to get a big picture? Discovering a lucrative psychic ability in me could save my ass from work.

In about a month I either get a renewed add diagnosis or not. If so I hopefully get access to specialized add theraphy which would give me a huge booster. If not I would be in even bigger need of psychotheraphy which I would try to get then.

Delaying problems leads to procrastination. For example because I delayed my social problems and confidence problems my time testing the waters in teaching were really bad. From that experience I cant tell if it was just a bad experience because of my problems or because because I actually dont like the job. The problem with being a teacher is that I dont really value teaching, especially math which would be my main subject. And I value things like self expression and authenticity which I have to repress to a certain extend to make it work although I have room to express it more then other things. My degree would be a good allrounder to find other jobs though and the studies itself are very doable. Philosophy is easy and somewhat fun, education is okay but not hard and math sucks but its doable and a great project with my dad. But the road isnt motivating...

My mind can jump very quickly from one point to another, sometimes with no obvious connection on the surface and I found a dash to be great to express that jump which my mind makes all the time. So its a big deal for me, likely not most other.

Chatgpt uses a lot of " - " to seperate thought sections. It makes reading it a lot more clear imo - so I started implementing it as well. You too?

If you dont value integrity, honesty and love polyamory cant work at all! It requires constant mature communication. I talk positively about it because I havent yet tried it really and would like to but there can be lots of problems: power imbalances, emotional dependency, conflict-avoidance... Bottom line, if you are mature everything can work, if you arent nothing will work. I think its a good parallel to Leos take that conservatism is the status quo because people are just too corrupt to make anything else work. Polyamory in this sense is more liberal and requires a lot more integrity to make it work. My libido isnt that high - thank god!

Most humans arent capable of unconditional love so there will be lots of jealousy in polyamorous relationships. However this can be talked about. If one partner has a romantic or sexual partner more then the other and that person becomes jealous because of it they can talk about it and arrange that this person also gets a partner more for example. Or it can be arranged that they have a period of closing the relationship for a while and so on. Basically its about full on accepting that you will become jealous and will experience all the nasty human sides and commiting to work through it with tons and tons of talk about how they feel otherwise it will break. And what I heard people get used to it. Its not like they arent jealous anymore but they accept the jealousy so much that it doenst bother them anymore. Like when you accept suffering it takes most of the suffering away. I was never in an open relationship but I helped an ex f+ work through emotions and fear after having a one night stand. It was so painful and so incredibly open, alive and loving at the same time. Honestly I havent reached the same level of happiness that I experienced that day for about a year now. I value honesty and authenticity deeply so that may play into it.

@koops Could you summarize the key points please?

Because I value healing and mediating - being incompetent in it is an especially big hit to my sense of self worth because my authentic self is partly a mediator.

This is really interesting to look back at. I intuitively knew, yet didnt completly trust, that something was missing. My emotions were to fucked up to look at. I am still very much in the process of healing, its getting better though. But its obvious why I couldnt become aware of those emotionally driven values of mine. I value healing and mediating and interestingly that can be put into the larger context of spirituality because this requires a lack of bias to do properly. Also mediating cant be done from every state, the individuals need to open up into the spiritual domain. I had a strong cognitive bias because I had emotional blockades. I actually do value things like empathy and healing more, even though critical thinking probably remains one of my top values.

Notes: 1) AD(H)D sympoms are very individual, depending on my type of AD(H)D different jobs might work differently for me. 2) It suggests that AD(H)D acts like amplifier. If you are uninterested and also have AD(H)D you are super uninterested, if you are interested and also have AD(H)D you might develop hyperfocus. So its important to nail what interests me, which is what all my previous work is about - so good for me. Problem being is that I am not that emotionally healthy - but finding my career would create mental health.

This is for tomorrow:

Forgot good ol youtube exists for research. I completly blocked youtube from my laptop and it was hard at first but now I dont even want to go back, as it feels so unhealthy. But for some research its helpful occasionally so I unblock it: // Almost everything in this video already made perfect sense, there are few new insights - why is it so hard for me to find my path then!?

I really like good looking clothes. I have found two buttom up shirts which have such a selected design they make me believe god exist - they seem like pointers. That could be a whole style.

Being idealistic vs being realistic. The first is from Jungeon Psychology and in my interpretation this would be the best matches if people helped each other out as much as they could. The second is how things realistically turn out. Other introverted feeling people seem a bit uninteresting to me but maybe they are actually the right people for me. // It flipped. The first is supposed to be the second one.

Hahaha this resoncates a lot with me, I can relate to both. Actually its often times because I understand people so much that I tolerate a lot of bad behaviour until at some point it becomes way to much and one goes into whimsical state.

An open source dating platform would be worth fighting for.

A job which had some natural rest baked into it would be great.

Took I walk just now which helped a lot. My emotions control me I can choose to take a walk to balance my emotions everytime I need to.

Today I felt like dog shit. All this help helped me in a lot of ways but it also made me aware of my current struggles. I wanted to write a though letter to an ex friend whom I have parted ways with in a painful way and I was waiting basically more then a year now for the moment where I get emotionally clear and strong enough to explain everything. While I was still somewhat sleeping in the morning I kind of had the lines in my head but when I woke up and wanted to write them down it became to much. I made some progress but didnt come where I wanted to. Also I still dont how what the f I want to make an income in this world and this became very obvious.

The help that I got shouldnt be understated, it makes me believe there is good in the world and brought me alive in significant ways.