Jannes

Tomorrow I finally get or not get my adhd diagnosis fr fr , I thought it would happen earlier but now finally it is happening.

@cetus You were at a nightclub which was pretty dark with music which wasnt too loud. Later you were outside with people while it was getting dark. Didnt use any technique, tell me how wrong I was. ... Actually pulling that off would imply that I am seriously gifted, I dont even need to reach that level to work. Can you remote view btw.?

I am really starting to enjoy my beard. I go for 2mm all around but slightly longer on the mustache. Maybe 3mm. Also a clean seperation between the end of the mustache and chin beard. Below the chin slightly shorter then 2mm and faded into the chin beard. All around clean. Have a few black hairs at my neck which I pluck. Really happy so far. The last things I can think of which would maybe improve my beard would be trimming above my mustache a bit -- heard that this makes it look better. And maybe cutting my birn below my lower lip and above my chin into a certain shape.

Today at impro I also didnt really feel like myself. This will take some time I guess. I already had everything, just need to get back to it.

Honestly I am in a decent level of emotional pain. That I didnt get a goodbye from the club did hurt. If anybody the leader of the club must have understood my position as he got all the info yet he didnt speak to me and then didnt gave me a goodbye. I was angry before, now its a mix with mostly sadness. I reclaimed the moral highground though. Shoud I still say anything.. He always preached to not take the easy way out, this would fit perfectly here .. I really said everything I needed to say, if there was any insentive to talk he would and I am just tired ..

Got a piece of paper in my mailbox on which was printed: Info Book to truth "From shadow to Light" from Ellen White ffs some religious bs book. But its interesting that I got it at this moment in time, maybe someone knows me personally.

Yeah I know, but I think its more of a grey zone. Buying with cash is completly anonymous. Well appearently there are shops in Berlin as was explained in the thread.

So wholesome

Do you have experience with remote viewing?

Sure I can give it a try, not sure what the right method would be though.. Do you know how remote viewing works? If I just use my fantasy about where you are, I will definitely be incorrect. The most vanilla way would be if you made a photo of your location, gave it a code and I remote viewed that place through the code. Thats like cooking noodles with tomato sauce in an infinite kitchen of possibilites but its the only way I am sure about.

I feel very little desire for sex somehow. I rejected so much sex that it definitely created new pathways in my brain, so that its harder for me to just go for impulse. Well but I still have a bit of horniness, maybe its the whole emotional weight that I cant bear.

I am still really confused and messed up. I thought the walk on the beach yesterday got it fixed but nah. I am feeling anger now that I didnt get a public goodbye.

Well even remote viewers say they dont know how it works, it just works. I also think remote viewing makes more sense from an idealistic then a physical paradigm. I just dont want to work and you can get paid well for remote viewing contracts. And remote viewing has the side effect that it seriously questions the physical paradigm, so it also benefits mankind in that way. Other then that, yeah there are probably more exciting things. edit: Well also maybe not, because to do remote viewing, you have to be very intuitive and conscious, so its meditative in a way.

So if I remote view what you do and you masturbate, what you are saying is that this is not always what you do and actually the fault of my own dirty mind? ... Jokes aside of course you have to approach the results of remote viewing intelligently.

Maybe. Well a formal training costs about 1k so I want to be careful. I am quite sensitive and very intuitive. I am not sure if I ever had experiences with it. The last couple of years I experienced a lot of emotional turbulance which makes it harder though.

Kind of maybe. I see your point. That can all work in different ways though. I am viewing a target yes, but I dont think that "me viewing an objective target out there" is the only possible interpretation of whats happening. You mean if I hold the paradigm of an objective world to make remote viewing work I deepen the illusion when I practice remote viewing? That would be my interpretation of what you mean, please elaborate. No it wont make me happier, but you can make money doing it.

Some teachers say that, others say that everyone can learn it, its just that some are much more gifted in it then others. Quite a parallel to what spiritual teachers say about reaching enlightenment haha.

I hadnt mentioned it, but at the moment when the leader of the club didnt bid a public farewell to me at the moment it was typical she gave me an eye and pulled back when I looked at her. I had difficult moments with her, but she does have a sense for fairness. People are multi faceted, in some facets I hold her in high regards. Anyways the scenario in my head is that she mentioned that at the weekly head meeting of the theatre club and to shut her down the leader of the club revealed critics I had about her but wanted to keep personal secret. Thats the one scenario where I would want to contact her. But its likely just a fantasy my ego mind spun up.

I saw one of the girls of my old theatre club today. I had quite a lot of contact with her and backstory. She looked so fucking weird -- really tense. She was really sweaty coming from the beach probably and just passed by me without looking at me. She must have noticed me.. This created a firework of possible explanations and I have quite a few far reaching ones collected today all being connected to myself.

The vibe reminds me a bit of this.

I still waste no thought about my career other then remote viewing. Well, its also semester break and socializing is at the forefront which plays into it as well. But still.. I really need this variable figured out, either I built my whole life around remote viewing as a career or I drop it, if it doesnt work.

Notes: I am internally so confused, it's really hard for me to get back to my core. I am literally on my own at the beach walking over stones (direct input) and I am still significantly disconnected from myself. I built up all these stories about my old theatre club which collided with reality. I definitely over-demonized my old theatre club. But certain things are just a given there like pretending above being grounded. And a lot of shit happened, although shit happens everywhere. There were multiple situations which could have gave me access to the club though. I was thinking the whole time how to get into a strong position again, really telling the leader of the club my position again but I am now feeling like letting it go. I can just leave now in peace. ... I feel like I am getting a bit more in touch with me now. Walking at a stony beach with music really is a brute force way to get in touch with oneself haha. Even went swimming naked. I feel so sexy swimming naked. I want to make a picture with me in a red tanga in the beach looking at the skies at night. That would be a piece of art, presenting a certain feeling of life. ... There are these humanoids-robots which can cook now. Just thought about how they could serve street food which is kind of scray. What if you put them in a moveable kitchen and place that somewhere to serve fresh food kind of like automats.. I kind of have this tendency to attract annoying people. There are quite a lot of social people who are just super annoying so nobody wants to spent to much time with them so they always look for new people they spent some time with for a while until they are wanted there anymore. Or it seems that way because all people annoy me to a certain extend. I often end up with these people because I dont judge and dont take a strong social position. I am looking for something very specific I think. Until then my social spot is great because I socialize but I am not bound to anyone which gives me the best chance to come accross the right kind of person. ... Many problems also stem from the fact that some people in the old theatre club sometimes did try to get a little closer but because I can't experience closeness I didn't take these chances. However this doesnt justify the shit I took, I would have had a much better fighting chance though, well pretty much a guarentee at winning or avoidance of conflict all together probably.

My old theatre club was so much more then just a place to be, it was a whole strategy set for life, socializing etc. I notice how my behaviour seems to adapt a bit as well, like I am so much less grounded, much more pretentious.

What I am most annoyed about was that I still payed for entry afterwards and acted like nothing happened, as if I didnt just get kicked from the club without a public goodbye. I am able to confront, but not when I feel like I am in such a weak position.