Jannes

Watched the whole damn video. Its a bad temptation if there is a whole entertaining video which isnt blocked by my protective mechanisms. oh well. https://www.actualized.org/insights/best-bushcraft-part-3

I am a bit hyped about acting again. Damnit, its not a job to earn bread with. But it very much plays into my strenghts which is intuitively understand people deeply and then expressing that with strong emotions which I have.

Yesterday we went eating afterwards. Saw I girl that I got the number from and texted but who didnt text back. She smiled at me. We sat near to each other back to back seperated by a column. We had quite some conversations in the group. At some point I said that societies that value honor seem to me less developed. This struck controvery across the board immediately. This is a stage green place through and through so they all think everybody is equal and there is no hierarchy, so that seems backwards to them. I think the girl which number I got noticed too. I have a problem shutting my mouth though. There was also a girl at another desk and we exchanged some eye contact but not one real catch or smile. It seemed like she was interested and I was as well but I was mentally fatigued and it seemed like such a crowded and sober place, like a stage, that I didnt approach. I also thought when everybody noticed I would built a reputation as a Fuckboy fast. But of course afterwards you wished you did it anyways like always. Still a bit upset with myself about that one. I also thought that I might have had the guts for these approaches because I had no other choice because I was all alone. Now in this group I might trade some of it. Which I dont want to do, I want to maintain my balls.

I had wild wild dreams today. For some reason I woke up pretty early like I did the last couple of days. Which I usually never do. But I need my sleep so I tried to get some more and then I had all the wild dreams. So much painful experiences from my past just clashed on me, like how much earlier I could have lived life, if I wasnt so sensitive and hurt, in my dream I was half joking, maybe when I roll out of bad and fall, then maybe the pain will wake me up or give me the strengh to end this. I like to mix in goofiness when suffering, which connects to my LP wow. After two hours it got a lot better. Its clear that I am processing a lot right now. This was always the experience before, all of this shit came up when I just wanted to do some practical task. So I am assuming at least one of two things is happening, because of body doubling I actually get into the present moment and into a certain headspace which is curative by itself, or by getting shit done I finally dont feel like a looser to myself.

I am chatting with a girl for weeks now over a dating app. Its really interesting purely getting to know somebody before sex. Not sure where this is going, but I am in for the experience.

Did about two hours of work today until impro theatre started. Online body doubling still works. At impro theatre today I had massive energy, I can imagine why my mind was sometimes a bit destabilized in acting as I can put so much emotions into it in huge energy bursts.

On karma Karma is a real thing. Depending on your behaviour, you get karma for it for practical reasons, like people wanting to support or work with you, or not, even though it’s pretty messy in the real world. The more selfishly you act, the more pushback you get. However, you don’t know the whole picture of who you are or all your evil ways. So as you become more and more conscious of yourself as a devil, the karmic pushback becomes more transparent or subsides altogether when you let go of certain behaviours.

Had a dream today in my childs room where insane wind pressed against the windows. I tried to close them with all my power but it almost wasnt enough. An interpreation for the dream could be that there is a lot of pressure from the outside which touches or pressures me to the core to the extend that it may feel too much. In the morning I felt a new feeling of confidence spread in my chest. I feel like on some level I might have felt that I didnt deserve relationships or hook ups, because I am not even in alignment with what I want to do and now that I am, I may feel like I deserve it now, or at least asking for it seems more natural.

Made a walk to get some movement and to relax. As my mind did I had the most f*cked up hilarious thoughts again. So its about being relaxed enough for this to come up. When I give myself enough breaks besides work then I wont loose this side of myself.

Wasnt this kind of what america tended to be before Trump and still is to a good extent? (Of course not perfect) It will take some time before stage green.

I hear from a lot of relationship experts especially for those who help for a lack of a better term "regular" couples get a foot into open or poly relationships that these couples should make a trip out of town and book a hooker. Out of town because there isnt any social shame or stigma that could possibly haunt them after a bad experience "what we did in this town stays in this town". And with a hooker its also very clear that its a one time thing with no feelings or anything involved. When you sleep with other partner and your partner doesnt I am 99% sure he will have a huge grudge towards you, even if he doesnt say it or says its fine. All nice talk is superficial stuff, you have two bananas (lol) and he has one. Thats some ape level logic, you have to make sure you both have two bananas and then all the sweetness can continue to flourish.

Like a daydream to give release from the current survival situation that cant be enured consciously? Thats an interesting thought, I have also thought about it. I dont think its right, although maybe a little, maybe it also play into what kind of philosophical thoughts interest you, like if you are interested in insights which help to heal for example.

Just layed on the couch a bit and noticed how my spirit came back. What an interesting process to notice consciously. Dude I am so taxed what the hell. On the surface its a bit of work but beneath the surface its probably a very emotional process as a new identity emerges. I did honestly always want to succeed I think but was just stopped from adhd I think so I dont think ego backlashes will be that big at least. I notice how some areas of my mind become way more active. I do feel healthier, like my mind feels healthier although not as spontanious maybe but in a way like more capable which makes me feel younger most of the time minus the times I feel less spontanious. I dont think my mind will be optimally developed, if I did body doubling and therefore tasks which involve the prefrontel cortex in my early twenties more then I would have probably made a better development there. But oh well, I dont want to be a physicist anyway.

Not feeling that good right now. I think I feel all the responsibilites are made more conscious now. Not used to do much work. Did about 3 hours of focused work today. I think that can be enough for now, I can increase the workload over time, I just need to keep at it.

What do you mean?

Oh okay. I just really wonder what that itch for a women can feel like lol.

Maybe he also thinks he can't get a sexual partner doesnt want to admit that. Do you think you could help him find a sexual partner?

@soos_mite_ah You say your type "physically". Do you mean an attractive guy or a muscular guy? I am just wondering.

Making an education to become a remote viewer takes about half a year. Its said however that you need to be focused for 45min to do remote viewing. Oh man. Well maybe with body doubling. On one side they even say they give you free offers to remote view on and pay you for it.

So there are 4 people offering "Schnuppersessions" in Germany. Stefan Franke is the only one oferring to connect with other remote viewers afterwards though. There are also many communites for remote viewing like on reddit I found online as well. Damn I cant research all of it at once, this is becoming ridiculious. I think a beginner session where I test things out would be great and if the target is something I can proof for myself that would be great. Havent thought of it, of course at the session you can see for yourself if you hit the target. Not sure if I want to book from Stefan Franke though, I have a bad gut feeling about it.

It feels like cheating to ditch Stefan Franke, not sure why. Would it be akward to be like, "hey you know I did a course with you 6 years ago and seemed super excited on the surface cause I am a super agreeable person but actually I kind of put you into the same ballpark as other lunatics, which is why I never wrote back. But now I recognize that you might be onto something, so here I am." lolz needed to write that out

Okay so there are many websites offering remote viewing courses and they are all similiar with their levels from 1 to 6 and many offer "Schnuppersessions" as well. Stefan Franke seems expensive in comparison actually. What I havent thought about is that I can use the "Schnuppersession" to proof if Remote viewing works or not. Also its very important for me to connect with other people who do it and ask them if they make money doing it. I remember my first "Schnuppersession" more clearly now. It was a bit boring. I feel like its using higher abilities but very strategic through a mathematic model to maximize the RV to be correct. Not sure how much fullfillment it would get me and I have some emotional blockades from teaching in general because I did so horribly as an exchange teacher.. I could see myself doing it as a side hustle though.

My mind was so muddy and unsharp yesterday when going out from watching these videos many times. In school I had a phase where I didnt watch any sort of content or played any sort of video games. I was very sharp then and was by far the best at table tennis in my class. The day after I played a bit of video games I instantly became mid tier. It was insane. Just goes to show the working of my mind, I have to be careful with what I feed it.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/remote-viewing-archaeology