Jannes

Saw her again today at the spot and she seemed more distanced now. I tried to get a conversation going but felt really akward. Not sure what it is, I just think that she was able to put so much attention and closeness into it and that I didnt want to screw it up completly overwhelmed me. I really experienced myself at a low there.

I had a perfect first meet with this new girl and we walked home together. I didnt go for a hug at the goodbye which was critical for me. I personally couldnt let her that close already, so I did what felt right for me and not what would be expected perhaps. She already wrote back -- she didnt open her status to me though. Interesting she seems to mirror my energy 1 to 1.

Was at a introduction talk for my new studies today. I listed with one ear closed kinda, I didnt really want to be there, I generally didnt want to think about my future and for some reason becoming a teacher seems more attractive. But it also wasnt a huge deal, I got a bit more warm with it as I sat there. Already chatted up a girl who is also new there. This is really a chance to meet new people. All of this really got me to work through the situation with my wpmi-girl. I overthink it like crazy. You usually smile at each other and when you get a good vibe you smash.

@EdgeGod900 @Leo Gura Please stop calling soft sports gay, thats stereotyping and a lower perspective. You can find gay people in rough sports as well.

Everything else.

I met this girl I saw on my social spot again. She is a first semester. Whats interesting about them is that they are serious about bonding with new people. They are new to the city and everything.. I just saw here, chatted a bit and she firmly held me there. I am slippery like an eel.

Finally took the time to learn how to insert images again. Took me some failed attempts. I like the arstyle in Neon Genesis Evangeleon and that loose blue shirt. Great style.

I think you can be lost enough to master something for egoic reasons.

I never really appreciated the intensity with how Family Guy and other shows are scripted. This is coming from an intense place. I could do that.

I am just about to pay for a remote viewing course. In high stake situations like this your psyche is capable of opening up a lot. Only now do I remember all the other options I have, for example finding a RV partner on the Discord server. Completly forgot about that, only this situation brought it to light.

I am going to the gym with crocs like its vacation, enjoying the pump and sometimes going there with people to socialize. On my way to reconnect with the original fire dragons.

Reconnecting with the gym in a non-ego way is seriously tremendiously difficult. I tried it myself.

The first time you go into the gym without your ego:

I tell myself that I kind of struggle with making female platonic friends. Which is partly true. But also regular friendships arent that stimulating, so the female friends I am with who want more are the ones that are more stimulating but also give me the experience that I cant have platonic friendships. What am I going to do about that?

So that girl I talked to gave a reply to a message I texted her before last wednesday. There is so much happening. On the one hand worlds clash together, I needed to eplain her what poly meant last time, so me casually talking about getting a number, maybe being interested in something casual with the girl .. isnt something that seems to compute with her world. On the other hand she seems to really grap me by my bullshit which I want to be defensive about. She also has the opinion that I am interested in her from her observation and I have no idea myself. ...

Yeah. Welcome on my journal btw.

I am curious. I didnt like my old medicinet medication that much but I am only allowed to get that one because its cheaper. I will be more interested to try the other medications when I am allowed to but still this new medicinet has a new formula with a fast and slow acting part, so that will be interesting.

Got my adhd medication finally! Lets see when I use them.

Impro theatre was great today, we were only 3 people in total but it was really nice. I felt really safe there. I often have problems with improvizing but I came up with with a new approach I use in smalltalk, where I try to make something out of the last word, or observe something in the environement which I then use. It worked great. My mind isnt powerful enough to come up with something out of thin air, but just a little inspiration is enough.

Thats a bit confusing, I used isolation in this context to say something a little different to how it is usually used in the fitness context. With isolation I meant isolating the muscles aka eliminating: swinging, bouncing, supporting muscles which arent the target, (not isolating a single muscle. You can do a moderate grip bench with chest, triceps and front shoulders as your focus or flies with only chest as your focus, I dont care.) And I would argue that isolating the muscles is pretty much always a good thing or do you have a counter example? But in my experience they largely overlap. If a way of doing a technique is scientifically shown to be more stimulating and when the sicence is right then you should also feel that doing the exercise. I knew that the deep stretch on the chest press was amazing and used it before I knew the science of deep stretch. The science is like a pointer which can inspire you to try out something new but it only sticks when it actually feels right. I have to agree though that in some cases the movement could work in theory but in practice its really akward. I tried these glute deadlifts and they feel terrible, this is where I would clearly agree with your point.

No thats backwards. You can use inhibition to isolate muscle activity. Your bodys goal is not to activate muscles as much as possible, quite the contrary, your body tries to utilize all the swing, bounce, other muscles, .. whatever it can and the least muscle it has to to get the most out of a movement. You quite literally unlearn your bodys natural instincts for energy preservation and effectiveness when you train in the gym. A sprinter is not a bodybuilder btw. Of course a sprinter should keep his bodily instincts because he needs to be an effective sprinter, not one with the biggest butt possible.

I cant get my adolescence back really. Saw a young couple yesterday. The intense emotions that come up when you are young and all that, thats something I am not getting back. Even though I can still call myself lucky, looking relatively good and having the chance to get some of that back, I feel like I deserve to moan a little to get it out.

Went to bed so early that after 8 hours of decent sleep I woke up to the same time I went to bed yesterday. I just kind of felt tired and sniffed my chance to turn my sleep routine around and it somehow worked. ... I dreamt about school a lot, especially a classmate I didnt have much of a connection with but who somehow appeared sometimes in my dreams and we were cool here.

With finding your LP you want to take small bets. An art degree is a big bet. Coudlnt you already create whatever you want to create and learn by doing that?

I dont feel that good right now. I kind of isolated myself for three days now, gotta get out there again. I had a few partying options but didnt feel like it, my social spot with table tennis, games and light talk was perfect. Maybe I shouldnt hold onto it too much though, there isnt always a guarentee that thats available.