Jannes

Brain-rot has its own category of how it feels like I just noticed:

With medicinet I am a lot more capable of giving strong responses/ verbal comebacks in conflict situations but I loose my pokerface. You can actually catch me. Without medication I have a pokerface but I am not capable of strong responses/ verbal comebacks in conflict situations.

I am afraid that I become dependent of medicinet. The sort of confidence I had yesterday, all the jokes I easily accessed .. I cant really replicate that without medication I think. But also I am not sure if medicinet numbs my brain, that could be the case as well.

I experienced a short moment of spiritual joy. When I looked out of the window into nature I experienced everything so raw, it had a profound beauty to it that cant be put into words. I rememebered that this was part of my everyday reality when I was younger.

Couldnt sleep that well. I woke up and had a good one hour break with a snack and some youtube until I got calm enough to sleep again. Thats a possible side effect of medicinet unfortunately. I experienced the same thing with body doubling though, so maybe its just because I tackled so many things yesterday that my system couldnt fully relax.

People already did this as soon as dating apps were a thing, havent heard of anyone selling the technology though. Yeah it is unethical because this information will get out and people will have less trust in dating apps in general, ruining the experience for anyone. Imagine building a connection with someone on this App but then being cautious that it might be a trick and holding back. Also a guy who is bad at texting probably wont just be great at chatting at the date, which will be confusing for the women.

Chatted with her bf who is a friend of mine today. He spoke about their sex life and that they opened up once at festival times. The rules however were that no one they knew was allowed and that that person should never be seen again. WTF This girl is kind of the highest anker of morality I could find Well, he also spoke about that she was way less experienced sexually than him, so maybe thats what I am offering, an exciting adventure to explore sexuality.

I thought the effect wasnt that strong of medicinet but at impro acting today and socializing I owned. It did make a huge difference.

Had my first day at university in the semester again. Seems very chill so far. Made a new contact and another girl I also saw asked to hang out. I wonder if she is poly or just very comfortable with me. Its like making connection is effortless. Interestingly with this girl I was more able to form a bond or be comfortable then with the wpmi-girl. I think its simply a power dynamic thing, she is younger then the wpmi-girl. I also think I am just lacking experience with the wpmi-girl. She may open up a dynamic which I cant see and would need to learn first to appreciate.

I havent thought about that I can use my medicinet to learn other stuff like kniting. Usually I dont have the calm to learn something new but I can use medicinet to do that and then I have something to do to process my emotions without the medication. That might be a plan.

🍄 - Day It wasnt really that insightful though. What I find interesting about that is that the one time I was at the festival with this girl eating chocolate, I was way more interested in deep contemplation. I guess my survival situation was handled for in that moment .. ...

She wasnt quite my type physically. The last couple of times she looked better though. Not sure if she did something with her looks or if I think she looks better because I am invested.

Here is the evildoer.

This situation however did open my mind to new possibilities. I just didnt really know how to get something like this done, so in all honesty I am more interested in casual sex with multiple people then I admit to myself because I fear that I fuck up. Not sure how to go about the wpmi-girl now ..

I was pretty cool with everything yesterday and had a boner throughout the night pretty much. But now that I work through everything I have got mixed feelings about it. That nothing is personal is a truth that I get confronted with every time I socialize. Its so hard to digest.

So much happened yesterday, I was too tired to write it all down though. So the girl I am friends with greeted me in a slightly invasive way yesterday, slightly touching my sides when I didnt see her and had my back turned towards her. Pretty much the exact same dynamic as two or three weeks ago happened where this much closeness felt weird because she kinda made it look like we are in a relationship and I felt bad for not talking about this and making a boundary. It felt really bad, like I didnt really want to be super friendly anymore because I felt like people were just using me. I saw the girl whom I exchanged numbers with again. It was kind of a weird vibe, she clearly seemed interested, I was reading that right the last time, I wasnt in such a good state though. Later I asked her if we wanted to play mario kart though. At the second map or so she put her head on my shoulder and I put mine on hers. That was 100% experience, I was in this situation before and didnt know what to do, but its pretty simple. I asked if she is up for another cup of mario kart and she said no but we could play mario kart at her place. It doesnt get much clearer then that. Immediately afterwards I felt such a boost and all my sense of weirdness was gone. Thats a perfect parallel to politics, if your survival is threatened all your animal instincts kick in. If you are situated better, you come up with more conscious politics. Thats exactly the reason why right wingers should get support with their survival situation to get more conscious on their own. Had a talk with the girl who talked about the wpmi-girl with me afterwards. She also asked me if we wanted to do karaoke before which felt kind of weird. I see her kind of as a therapist I want a professional close-distant relationship with.. anyway we got talking which was okay but also not super juicy. Afterwards she talked about the scenery of fall and generally introduced a romantic-ish vibe. Goddamit it felt like she was one person I could get some kind of support from for some reason but ofc she seems to sense an opportunity as well.

I read a good chunk of the mysterie method like two years ago. It felt like grossly immoral, immature shit. But some bits were gold of information. For example he wrote that when you do enough pick up and you have so much experience, that at some point you read social dynamics so easily you can basically see in the future. I sort of imagine that like a video game where you learn patterns and act accordingly. People are not as limited as a programmed enemy but they are predictable when they are attatched.

I feel like I am grossly misinterprating this, but whats been said has been said. I think its more that people are surprised that I can give something back..

At my thursday social spot I am chatting with some actual actors and people who are studying to become actors which is very interesting. I did notice how acting wasnt really healthy for my psyche. But later in the night one of the acting girls there did some kind of mobilty rolls across the room. This triggered me so hard. I love expressing myself and being free so so much. This really is a huge value of mine, no wonder that I was so incredibly attatched to my old theatre club, my love for expression is no joke.

The wpmi-girl was also there. We chatted a bit, also talked to some friends of her. Also a girl I chatted up like half a year ago briefly. I actually really enjoyed that so that was interesting. I then talked to a few other people and she left at some point. Its kind of getting ridiculous at this point, I am holding much emotional space for her so I should just start something or let it go to be free again.

Gosh I hate survival. I made some friends there, including a bit of a chubby girl and a trans person. They are both super supportive to me, but it seems obvious to me that this is because they are more like outsiders. Its nuts, today I got to eat rice from her when I was hungry. Then I had a little toy and gave it to her to play with and she seemed so so happy about it. She constantly asked me to hold it for the moment when she couldnt while we were playing table tennis to show everyone that I gave her a toy to play with seemingly. Also in the same moment the trans person asked if he could get a taste of a new drink I just ordered. I suddenly got looks from all around the club. Its not a huge deal for me to be friends, but when I am basically the only one not acting like an animal, its like its something special or weird.

I see .. You talked about how weed blew you away way more then 5meo though which is a very different experience from most people. I dont know about this chemical but if its openly availabe and if you are one of a few people who discovered it, it would suggest that most people wont experience the same effect. So maybe ask a few people on their experience beforehand.

People will react differently to drugs. How can you be sure that this chemical will have the desired effect on everyone and not just you?

Ah okay, didnt know that. In a world with widely existing homophobia though, I think one has the responsibility to articulate himself in such a way to not be confused with it.

Saw her again and its a super high vibe, I think she really wants me in her friend group. Maybe because I was a bit distanced. Also saw her bf. Was a pretty cool evening. Had a chat afterwards with a girl who is the gf of a friend of mine and who I know a bit longer know. A really good chat actually, the vibe just matches.