Jannes

Yes. But the problem is that he is right in some sense. People are really trying their best and when they act devilish they just act out of fear and stuff like that so his good reaction to all of that would be a lot better then normal peoples reaction IF it was authentic. So my conclusion so far is that he should integrate his shadow which would make him less "good“ on the surface but actually would make him more of a balanced person, closer to truth and love and without the risk of him exploding like a volcano all of the sudden or his unconscious mind developing sneaky devil tactics to get him what he wants which he wouldn’t allow himself in a conscious state.

Your direct experience is the only thing that is absolutely true. It is true because you can’t deny it. You can’t deny what is already happening. Everything else is second order truth. It’s something that is true inside the dream. So an "objective fact“ is second order truth also and so is death. What is death really for you right know? It’s a concept and not direct experience. So it’s second order truth. Reality is first order truth. So yes it is true that I think that death is real but that doesn’t mean that death is literally real. You cling to second order truth because that’s all you know.

@Someone here My unprofessional opinion: Your ego mind wants death to be real. So you want a direct description for your ego mind to grasp. Leo said that you are dreaming and "death“ is just the end of the dream where you become your true form and infinite again. So you just wake up and there is no "death process“ that really happens.

I think the recent trip of @amanen would be a full breakthrough. But it doesn’t sound like the trip your gf was having was just the tip of the iceberg also.

You will never be at a place where you think "damn I got my shit 100% handled, now it’s time to get a gf.“ It could also become an avoidance tactic if you are afraid of rejection where you basically keep telling yourself that you aren’t there yet to avoid facing your fears.

Having difficulties finding the right direction in life. I am studying to become a teacher but I don’t know if that’s really what I want to become. I am in the first semester and there are 6 more semester to go plus 2 years of really stressful legal clerkship. So 5 years at least but probably 6-7 years for me because I need time for socializing and spirituality also to ground myself. That’s a huge investment for something I am not sure I want. I am pretty sure teaching in some kind of way is my LP but I don’t know if being a school teacher is it. Next semester I will put a lot of time into practice. I will work on schools, do internships, do tutoring and just a little bit of university stuff to get a real got taste of what it’s like to actually be a school teacher. Hopefully then I am more sure that this is what I want to do.

I don’t think it would feel great to lie to somebody when you are high cause that’s a low consciousness thing to do.

He would probably try to change their belief and if they wouldn’t change he would reject them. So all of the "love“ he gives to other is bound to a hidden social contract. You have to follow the same doctrine, otherwise you are getting outcast. So it’s not real (unconditional) love but love that suits the purpose of the survival of the group.

To name some non real life examples I love Geralt and Rittersporn from the Witcher series. They combined would make a perfect role model imo. -Geralt is all about masculine love. He doesn’t like to kill, he only does it when it has to be done. In the last episode of the second series there was a scene that gave me goosebumps. He was basically in deep love with a powerful women who turned out to be manipulative and selfish and was actively super destructive regarding Geralts higher cause. In this scene Geralt cought her and was ready to cut off her head even though he was still in deep love with her. It’s a bit like the will smith scene with the zombie dog that Leo talked about in one of his videos. -Rittersporn is in a way similar to Geralt in that he does things for a higher cause even though it’s against his survival agenda. He actively brings himself in danger as an artist or when he joins Geralt or when he helps the elves and all of that just to find a way to live with a higher purpose. And in all of that he is charismatic, honest, faithful and always jokes around. And in all of that this personality seems believeable if he had some mystical experiences. Don’t have a lot of real life examples honestly. Alan Watts to 80% probably but he was kind of a dick when it comes to his family life I think. So to much stage blue shadow. Leo Gura to 70% maybe. His teachings lack lightness, compassion etc. but he is great at being decisive, clear and making wake up calls imo. Jordan Peterson to 40% maybe. Otherwise just bits and pieces from different people.

Here is a short clip of him explaining what death is. https://youtu.be/bOaJ2I40Rs8

I like this one. Urban monastic also sounds good.

?? also want ?????

Okay filming only filming myself might be a bad idea. I never do it. With text you can just write little things that came up. What is there to tell? I deepened the connection with my sister. Spend some time with her when we visited our grandparents and we started texting a bit. I became conscious that the connection was almost completely lost in a recent trip and how much pain that brought to me. I also thought about how much more painful it might have been for my sister because she probably thought I rejected her. I never rejected her I was just going through very difficult times and was deeply ashamed of myself and simply didn’t thought that I was good enough for my sister. I wanted to be my little sisters hero and I kind of built an identity around that I think and when I get bullied and humiliated in school in the past I simply thought I wasn’t really worthed. I excused my unavailable behaviour by talking myself into "that’s just what teenagers are like“. I am so sorry my sister. I know I hurt you a lot. Thinking about changing my life career. Idk if I really want to become a teacher and it takes at least 5 more years until I am a full teacher. I will be 28 then wtf ? (sorry for everybody older then that but you know how it is ?) I could maybe only study philosophy and teach as a math tutor. I could make decent money by doing that and if I want to become a teacher I can still easily become one with years of tutor experience and a philosophy exam. Becoming an actor is also a possibility. I just started acting classes and I absolutely love it. The self expression and coming out of your shelve frees you so much. And then I have so many ideas for startups. Investing 5-7 more years into studying and not giving all the other opportunities a shot feels wrong. I have to make this work somehow… I posted a trip with my first taste of god consciousness. In a sense it was incredible but it was on magic truffles and magic truffles give you such a blurry version of stuff that it’s just not that great. Still hoping to get 5meo malt. If that doesn’t work I might have to work with lsd and maybe some stimulants for support.

But it can also be your own projections and self biases. I don’t think you can judge a person from a little text. Leo takes sugar alcohols ? I have problems making sense of what you said. I have/had strong ADS my whole life so a lot of attention and concentration problems. A healthy diet helped me just to a limited extend and I followed 100% clean eating for many years. My point is that you should do these things out of love for it and not out of self hatred. Good for you if you also enjoy doing all of these things and don’t do it to compensate for a lack of self love for example. This sounds just like harassment. That dude ate clean for years and now cheats occasionally and feels way better now. He is still super healthy. Also you can’t substitute every junk. Hahaha I am about to watch the last to episodes of peaky blinders ?? I came out of a big rut of nihilism and have difficulties getting up again. Health is actually pretty good. I exercise regularly, have a healthy bf and eat mostly clean. I just started an acting class which supercharges my social skills and helps with self expression which is hard for me and chances are really good to find a gf there. You express yourself so freely that it is really easy to bond quick. Also I will soon start with psychological consultation for self worth issues etc. There are a lot of things I want to archieve but if I push myself to hard I won’t do anything at all. I made that experience many times. If you can push yourself through everything with pure willpower good for you chad. But consider the perspective that there are people who will just procrastinate if you they push themself to hard.

And you will be the judge of who is wise and who isn’t ? ? Lol it is a complex topic because the task is basically to discipline your will by not disciplining it. You want to eat healthy because you want to want to eat healthy and not because you have to. If you really hate healthy eating you are in a dilemma between being healthy and having constant cravings or being unhealthy but free from cravings. Both extremes are bad of course and you have to find a middle ground. Haha and success for you is to cut yourself off from any treats? In my mind you are the type of guy who wouldn’t give himself the time to gaze into the clouds in the sky because that is wasting your time to be successful. Are you really doing it for yourself? That’s a good tip. For me they don’t work because my stomach goes crazy from that but in general finding healthy substitutes for junk is great.

You probably can’t answer that question definitively because it’s very individual. In many cases you probably shouldn’t do high doses or take it at all in other cases like @purporing it can be very healing. I think you should probably listen to your intuition. I did low and mid doses of truffles in a semi depressed state and although I didn’t had any mystical experiences at that time it definetly helped me process a lot of things and changed my life for sure. I followed strict protocol though. When my intuition told me that that day wasn’t good for psychedelics I wouldn’t take them even if my whole day was free.

I am naturally a very agreeable person. And I noticed recently how this agreeableness intales giving other people a very strong authority to judge me rather then me judging myself. And this makes it really hard for me to get out of my shell socially because when I let all of my actions be judged by others and not by me then I can only do what is with a very strong likelihood accepted by everybody. Plus I also haven’t socialized enough in the past 6 years so my sense and experience of what is accepted by others is pretty small. So all of this makes me really uncomfortable around others because there is just such little room for me to express myself. To give myself some breathing room I have to (re-)learn how to not care about what other people think of me. I already did that myself like 6 years ago with dumb motivational videos and stuff like that. You probably know what I am talking about. Because I put so much inner energy into it it actually kinda worked. But only kinda because I suppressed a shitton of emotions and there was actually a Lot of shame and stuff like that that build up behind the surface. And obviously you should also still care to an extend about other peoples opinion because you aren’t perfect. So I want to do it better this time. Any book suggestions? I would love to have a book that has a holistic approach to this. Maybe written from stage yellow instead of orange.

I get magic truffles in germany through the clear net Trustpilot is a scam itself. They delete reviews.

Derivats. Basically something chemically very similar but not quite the real thing. So it takes some time to get banned. I have no idea how chemistry works but 1v-lsd is legal at the moment at least in Germany. Will probably be illegal in a few months and then a new similar substance will come out.

@something_else There are some legal psychedelics you can buy from the clearnet. The newest form of lsd and in my case magic truffles are legal.

But I would think this applies to you. You don’t look like a beginner on the first photo where you started the thread. And I call bullshit when you say that this transformation from the first pic to the second pic is due to body recomp. Your shoulders, arms, chest all look significantly bigger, that much muscle growth is just inhuman in 3 weeks. You played with the camera angle, pump etc. and that’s it. Agree. The other pics look more believable because of it.

So I took 6g of dried Atlantis magic truffles this afternoon. The trip didn’t start so well because I didn’t feel so good emotionally and it took me about an hour of letting go and feeling through negative sensations etc. until I became receptive for spiritual work. Then I listened to Leos video "Guided exercise for realizing you are God“. In the part where Leos said "Imagine this is the hand of God“ it clicked. I got it for a few seconds, then lost it and took a few minutes to process what I just realized. Then pushed myself to god again, stayed there for a few more seconds and then wrapped my mind around what just happened again. I looked at the windows that were now god and was amazed by their perfection. In gods mind there is no fear, no suffering, no worrying, everything is so clear, direct experience is absolutely true. I know this was only a glimpse. I was also a bit surprised by how little my ego fought against this at that moment. Actually there was no fight whatsoever it just clicked. Only after that my ego started fighting against that realization. Although it was certainly a mindfuck I feel like I can go much deeper which shows that this was probably just the tip of the tip of the iceberg of what god realization is but I am still super happy that I finally got a bit of direct taste of it.

Yeah it’s the fear of appearing gay or something it’s just a lot of toxic conditioning. On shrooms I often get really sexual and often go for prostata stimulation automatically. I am also not super experienced but I had a few experiences where it felt a lot better then "normal“ stimulation.

I also want to get over my fear to make my psychedelic trips safer. Look for Lucas the spider on yt. There are short children films of an animated spider with human voice to make it as non threatening as possible. I bought a plastic spider to inspect. Generally just get used to spiders and also learn why they are important.