sara373

thanks

this made me laugh. I was reading it like . _ . and then your words got louder and urgent o_o ❤!

what I love about life is being transparent, and having no expectations. To just be. And it is happy becaus being is enough.

isolation. And my friendships but they married and moved on or i went to another school. I had trust issues. I had Mild acne and zero support to make things easier. I was prone to coping mechanism, which I got free from except 1. I was critical for not self-improving and little self-thanks for improving. I was overly conscious as a teenager of what others think, but I learned this yr that people will think what they want, I can't control that, only my reaction. I have always been quite accurately conscious of what others can see of me incorrectly, and I try to explain myself (makes it 5x harder). I have felt easily misunderstood during my teen yrs. This has changed over the years and I have learned to know when to speak and to whom. I had the emotions such as fear of sin and the consequence so I never felt like a good servant of God, though one can hope, but always hope and then despair. It made it hard for me the most when family would speak on God's behalf such as his anger on me etc. If I knew this word before, things would have made sense but I didn't know to realize they were speaking on 'God's behalf' as I finally called it. When I was 10 yrs old my teacher bullied me but I did not realize at the time the signs. I was aware I'm not a bad person so I had a clear conscience, except her reactions affected my self-esteem in my teen yrs.

@Knowledge Hoarder though this topic thread is for guys i relate what youre saying. Only 1 person in life I shared my inner thoughts and personal feelings, nothing came of it. I still don't trust like I have to, and that's okay. Maybe I have started to care less about keeping my own feelings or thoughts to myself, less worried. Except for oversharing, there's always a part of yourself hold back and not share with anyone because well..., again with trust. The thing is, not being trusting completely is fine depending on context. Journalling is good. I find myself doing so online too, it used to be paper and pen but the notebooks fill quickly.

MCTB?

maybe it's often like that.. we will remain a beginner even after putting in the hours and effort. maybe that's the fear too. arriving at a point like where we started, I have heard of spiritual stages where person returns back to square one and starts again (i am paraphrasing). Often, it feels like that and I look for words to connect what I mean. Finding the seashore and then returning to the middle of the ocean where I'm wondering what sails, what has become of my ship and my sails. The winds of change. etc.

how do you become whole?

what I love about life the most is deep and meaningful connection with others; people, animals, insects. Not all the time this happens but when it does, I treasure it. as much I love it the most it's not something to hold onto. A butterfly may reach me or I reach it, closely. Then, if it flies away... It flies away

you mean empty or nothingness? why isn't there pure consciousness?, also what do you mean annihilation? I have some questions..

yes but.. who is rhis God you speak of? Why is the term 'itself'?

thanks for breaking it down for me. I would just like to know, that if not aversion/resistence and having a negative viewpoint or belief system about sadness or the frustration, you are supposed to accept it? Experiencing it totally and? What about the actual experience or situation which triggered said emotions?

what about sadness? Or frustration?

Yes. but why is human life isnt ultimately real? I do not believe the world is a simulation though it can feel that way from lack of grounding and center.

how can we remain awake? I know it isn't something you 'do' but be. Please share what you can say thanks

/

@Farnaby Interestingly I'm in the same boat. I'm more a girl than a woman, and I realize this is not helpful if I must become independent. Also not taken seriously, and even when I am it's kind of animated.. I am doing my best to grow up, in my early 20s too. I got mistaken for underage, and even kids easily make friends with me. It must be because I just don't have an elder woman demeanor. Probably to do with physique too, like if youre petite. This I guess has to do with socialization, you will man up and don't mind how cute or childish you appear. It's about personality and being experienced similar to everyone your age. Maybe we will officially feel our age in 30s

focus more on practicing meditation

I read Leo's Journal Guidelines. I will go ahead and make one for myself, a digital journal. They are letters to me and it won't be perfect but it for me. something's I hear myself say are too important for me to even utter. If my mind has a treasure chest, it will be filled with paw prints. ◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇ It is night time and I see silver dots in the black sky, I never thought stars could be so tiny from here but mighty there. I feel especially good today. After what occured yesterday for which I can forgive and look forward to to forget.. I won't try to forget in fact, if it leaves my memory then fine and if not then must to consider 1 thing: to cherish good memories more than the bad. Did you know I found my clear quartz bracelet in my handbag. I thought this too was gone, it made me so grievous like it was a love note to myself, aw shucks stupid waterworks I swear when I saw it it was a little reminder from the universe all is not lost. I held it in my hand and wear it now ?

dear me, say the least I have realized to be reduce myself into nothingness is freeing, airy. Not in a low self esteem idea of nothing.. I know guilt so well, for what I needed and do not have. For what I now have because I wanted. Are we always in constant want or need? There are some peope that stay in the heart and more than worldly things, it has a place and does not leave. Not attachments but tokens, poststamps of love and joy. I wont peel these away if I have to. It can just stay. would be nice though be like a tree for once, the seasons keep you going and all you're doing is being still. Your leaves bend to the winds of change surrendering, and fruits that fall doesnt matter.

@Preety_India Im very sorry this is the kind of suffering you endure. I agree with the responses shared here. I have hope and belief in your independence of your fmily soon ?? its not impossible .

first I think routine requires effort and then it becomes routine without effort. There is Wu Wei in this I think, in a sennse the difficult tasks became like nothing.. it became easy (?)

@Tim R when I first heard of daoism and Wu Wei it sounds so lovely and even listsining the audiobook was of itself wu wei

the least that can be done as a soul, if not able to do what a mother demands. Preserve the love of motherhood that she once was for you. Not simply the womb who bore you but the mindset that isn't far-reaching as yours, the limited understandings and wherefores. Yea, Mothers can be "cruel to be kind", the kindness is a dilution of verbal sufferings that swallow her children. A mother is such a powrful force isn't it, when they love it is the universe of glory and when they disdain it is quicksand. And perhaps, you'll not forgive those who wrong you but - forgiveness is for you, owing yourself the forgiveness that make it near impossible to bestow on those others. All what preety has endured is a testimony of her courage and fountain of love. I'm reading from my screen, I can just say how in this cold world the warmth exuding from your words in the eye of this storm is blesing to everybody ❤?

The title though.. to master anything tou must first be a student. Life lessons are there fore reason.