Cathal

do you have a therapist besides a psychiatrist?

@Thought Art yesss, a lot. uh i think just completely sinking into that dark night after getting put in my place by reality while being ungrounded, at some point nothing could distract me anymore and i just totally sank into it. i think after going through a lot of catharsis i began to wake up and be like damn im just here lol. but after consistent meditation i was like daaaaaamn im here

clicked on the thumbnail just to be disappointed jk nice video, i went homeless and begged for a while because of how ungrounded a while ago. i think i began to notice a feeling of being grounded after the dark night and the dissociation with that. making shifts while being grounded is so fooken rewarding

@Fede83 have you ever allowed yourself to completely feel lonely? to allow yourself to be absolutely soaked in your wounds of loneliness, perhaps it might be interesting to try for you - the thoughts of distraction, 'to get rid of or avoid', the thoughts of needing a partner to mask your loneliness come from a thought, it is just a distraction to a feeling you don't want to feel/judge therefore you may have never actually fully allowed yourself to feel lonely and cannot let it go which is the struggle you deal with. i also made a video on that the other day, my first one my advice is to just feel it. face the monster and grieve, have your catharsis. sit and journal, listen to music and contemplate how painful a life of loneliness has been - but also be careful! don't pity yourself, the point is to feel it. you still make the effort to meet new people but you begin to gain insight this loneliness is nothing more than a bad relationship with yourself that has an origin somewhere, a trauma

"meditation, contemplation, self-inquiry, affirmations, visualizations, journaling, shadow work" none of those things will change you in the sense if you have a belief system you cannot just approach a girl and get her pussy because 'i am too x (weird, ugly, scared, unworthy) - you confront the belief system by approaching her. the belief arises as a deep fear, like you might literally die if you do that but you completely sink into that fear. thats how u change. bcus none of that shit can bypass these kinds of belief systems just think like that and try to map things - radically confront your own rationality to how you feel instead of trying to fix or get rid of how you feel before you take an action completely accept the obstacles to dissolving belief systems which is a fear as if it were you and you are reuniting with a part of yourself lost to conditioning by embracing it and unconditionally allowing it to surface - it is shadow work in a way, in that example at least

that has been difficult. i pretty much had one decent friend my whole life since i was 13, so 12 years now, who i never disliked no matter what and we bonded through our love for fantasy worlds, mmorpgs, pussy and science. we both started to get pretty mentally fucked when we left school, but we stayed in contact on and off. eventually we started messaging each other about our mental issues like being suicidal (kind of generic guys who don't talk about those things) and yeah. i tried to make him aware of how powerful psychedelics were to show him that this one deep crevasse of perception (mainly deeeeep depression) doesn't have to be the only experience of life and i just know it would blow his fucking mind as it did me but he's too sceptical, we were seriously materialistic anti-religious atheist kinds of people. i think at some point he'll do it and see more truth and pull himself out of his rut because he talked to me about ending it a few times. there is like this kind of trust i could never find with other people, he is a really nice guy we just say wassup every several months now

i think the closer you can come to seeing your own innocence you will have the most catharsis through forgiving yourself for not understanding and forgiving others - as you see your own true inherent innocence you see all others, and it is just one big orgy of fogiveness and realesing yourself from that self-hatred. good luck <3

it's good your noticing this now. it's good you're seeing how full of shit you are, how you manipulate people and so on even look at it very logically - you are showcasing to other people a person who is not truly you. you are hoping they like this person you are pretending to be on the belief system that will finally satisfy the need to feel fulfilled and accepted - BUT IT NEVER WORKS. why? because only being accepted uncondtionally as the AUTHENTIC YOU will you actually feel that acceptance and security, that freedom to never have to hesistate and fully be you. because that is truly what you want here, but why is it so hard? like you already pointed out, vunerability. there is just a fear with an underlying belief system that you will once again experience that same hurt you did in the past that caused you to hide yourself. to be ashamed of yourself. to hate yourself, to feel unworthy, not worth love, not worth a good life but you want a good life, a life of joy. therefore the only sense of this you can make is BE AUTHENTIC. ALWAYS. FOREVER. THAT is all you can do. and realize there is literally nothing you other than yourself y ou can be, you have nothing to give anyone. you cannot be more than what you are and that has been and always was the case, but now the beliefs that you lack something or you need to be better or have more things caused you all this desire fueled by the feeling of lack. radical acceptance, fully surrender to your vunerability, allowing yourself to be vunerable and open and be understanding. you will transform, you will find stability and groundedness, a beautiful masculinity and feminity in your presence. only if you allow it, because it is always present and never has to be saught after

well it's just about radical acceptance and awareness. you know you are not this body yet you experience so much attachment to it, it is just a process of surrendering into the feeling to all that unpleasentness (not being beautiful enough, strong, muscular) and letting it go properly by not getting identified with the thoughts of 'improving, changing, becoming more'. you just let it be. all that shit is in your head because somehow in the past you have developed beliefs that you are not worth to be loved the way you are, the great sickness. i had them since i was 6 lol

what do you think you need to get out of this rut? very simply, what do you need to do if you can come up with something, why can't you do that?

hey, try signing up here https://youarerad.org/therapy you can apply in a few days when they reopen

focus on finding out who you are, the purpose will come. until then it's all just roads created by thought and attachment to motivation, arises and passes. that's not purpose

if you truly cared about animals you would see the best way to help them is to devote yourself to raising the consciousness of humanity

it's just an indication what you're doing is not working, so keep looking. that is suffering, something is communicating to you that what you are doing is not the way you will find the way

whos worried about being a weirdo?

just my thoughts but if you can come up with the thought i can never attain my life purpose that is not your life purpose

damn 1 month ago? i really don't understand how you are still feeling it but here's what i'm seeing in my eyes; i think i understand what you're saying but help me, you are both saying you feel free yet you fear returning back to the 'slavery' of what you were experiencing before you tripped out? that in itself sounds too delusional and perhaps your reckless behaviour is to try to 'lock' in that sense of boundarylessness the psychedelic experience offers, that you fear to become grounded so to say because then you will return to reality. when i started doing them i also went through that, for the first time i had experienced tremendous freedom i done the most crazy shit you can imagine and ended up kinda homeless almost on the borders of africa and flew to germany lmfao but the thing is man, you will return. psychedelics won't transform you, they are just presenting you with who you are before you created who you are not so you can see the possibilities to change, that life can be anything you want it to be. you will only truly transform once you begin to do the right work on yourself while being where you are ment to be at and stop running away from yourself with drugs, it's just you here. it's always been you vs you - if you feel unable to help yourself you can begin reaching out for help, people will help you here

good luck <3

first psychedelic trip is 5meo?

not prioritizing human compassion is slower progress for the animals. humans are the priority here, now.

how recently was your trip?

i think that you're trying to find the source of your anxiety and remove it so you can not deal with going out of your comfort zone. that will never work i'm afraid - would recommend letting go: pathway of surrender so you can develop the right understanding first in terms of how to deal with intense feeling. you're too attached to anxiety now because of your past actions with avoiding it, it builds up and feels like a demon to handle. the only way out is to fully embrace it, surrender to it and take right action despite it. you will see it dissolve if you can fully accept and allow yourself to feel it, there is no other option

what exactly is the difficult things that spike your anxiety? and also, what did you figure out in the past that you thought was the origin of it?