Ben_P

Just insecurities really, I think watching porn in the past made me think I needed to be a certain way, look a certain way and I’d compare myself and feel inadequate. Just sometimes struggle to believe that she chose me when she could have any guy. I don’t normally think this way, but finding out her sexual history just triggered something which I thought I had moved past

Everyone’s giving helpful constructive advice and you’re a moderator on here being sarcastic and making silly assumptions about something you know next to nothing about. It’s not immature of me to be honest about something I cannot help. If you’ve got nothing useful to say then stay out of the conversation

Such an immature comment to make, expected better from a moderator. she knows it was wrong to lie and we’ve talked through it. I can understand why she lied and now she’s apologised for it. Aside from this issue it’s been the best possible start for both of us …and no we’re not young we’re just learning

Im trying to work on these insecurities but im not really sure how. I’ve been with 3 previously and she’s not bothered by it. I think it was the fact that she said she’d only had her previous bf and I rocked her world really shattered my ego when I found out there were another 3

Im asking for advice or perspective on feeling jealousy over my girlfriends previous sexual history, we’ve been going out a few months and we’re madly in love with each other. she started off by telling me she’d had 1 previous boyfriend and her sexual experiences with me really changed her, she went from a good girl in to a naughty girl in the bedroom and has opened up sexually since being with me. I believed she only had 1 sexual partner but later she told me I’m her 5th. While she was single she had sex with a guy in a car, another down an alleyway and it sounds like she had a fuck buddy. she didn’t want to tell me at first as she was worried it might have scared me away. we are completely mad about each other and I know her feelings are legitimate but I can’t get this out of my head. Past insecurity’s emerged and I stared drowning in thoughts of competition and not being good enough. She tells me I’m the best sex she’s ever had and she chose me but I still struggle with the thought other men have been with her. now every time we have sex I just think, am I living up to what she’s had before, am I manly enough, is my dick big enough, does it feel good enough for her. I know these thoughts are toxic and aren’t that important for good sex but they plague me. Shes a beautiful girl and I often think. Why me? She could have any guy she wants but she chose me? I know I’m good in the bedroom, I’ve learned a lot about sex and what makes a woman feel good and connected but those unhealthy thoughts continue to plague me. Every day.

I’m getting there guys, erections coming back, not quite as hard as I’d like but slowly slowly!

Thank you all for the feedback, we have hooked up a few more times since and I did get erect a couple of times so I was able to have intercourse, the last time I did struggle again (semi hard). I feel like I can’t fully let myself go and get out of my head, maybe because she’s high value to me. I’ve left the porn alone for a little while now and I only masturbate occasionally. I’m also changing the way I masturbate. The sexual chemistry is high and she’s loving it. I’m not particularly embarrassed I’m just a little frustrated because I want my erection back.

Okay, thanks for the advice

Is it a big deal for a woman? She definitely seemed satisfied, don’t want it to turn into a big deal I know I can get past this

If I’m totally honest I’m not sure, attraction is certainly there but it’s early days and I don’t know her well enough yet. I certainly do like her. There is ego involved, I haven’t had that many sexual partners and part of me wants to have sex with more people. I had this situation with my previous partner and after a few sexual encounters with her I was fine, it’s almost like a switch was flicked.

I could do with some clarity with a situation I had recently. I had sex with this girl recently and I’ve been in my head over the encounter. The issue is I can’t get it up when I first have sex with someone new, it’s purely psychological and I’m sure it’s to do with me not feeling completely comfortable and insecurity on my part. I spent most of the time giving her oral which she seemed blown away by, her exact words were ‘I’ve never had anyone do it that good before’. She kept telling me to put it in but I couldn’t get up, I explained to her why and she seemed fine with it. What are some steps I can do to get past this problem and do you think I’ve blown it? Thanks for any feedback

@Eph75 @meadow thanks for the advice, I have been introspecting a lot, I need to change my ways enormously and so does she. We got too comfortable and lost our passion, and now we’re losing connection. I’ve managed to get her talking to me a bit more, I’ve been paying attention to her and changed some unhealthy habits we’ve got stuck in. We need to learn how to grow together if we’re going to succeed. I would try psychedelics but my workplace have random drugs tests unfortunately. I want us to get our passion back but she’s turned quite masculine over the years, probably as a result of our neglect for each other, it also feels like I’m living with a teenager sometimes, she shuts herself away, puts earphones in and wears unattractive clothes. If we’re gonna get anywhere we’ve got a ton of work to do, but I do believe it’s possible to get her to work with me in time.

@Raze Thanks for your help, I’ll have a look in to it.

There’s is no passion at all, we don’t resent each other though. We both take responsibility for our failings, we’ve just gone completely stale, we’ve fallen down the slippery slope a few times but this will be the last opportunity to repair it. I’m prepared to change drastically, but her mind is closed and she’s emotionally shut down.

I’ll try not to bore everyone for too long, basically ive been with my partner for 11 years (4 years married) and we’ve grown apart almost completely, we’re just roommates at this point. She’s at the point where she’s so fed up she doesn’t even want to try and make it work as she believes it to be pointless, understandably due to the fact we’ve drifted many times and never properly become intimate, at least for very long. It’s make or break now and I was hoping for some advice on how I can at least get her to consider making our relationship work. I believe it can work but we both have to change and grow. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.