Rishabh R

@Leo Gura Is challenging one's thoughts, beleifs and assumptions even in the case of very practical matters related to survival true skepticism ? I have found that when I question my assumptions about the future by - What If I'm wrong ? my assumption turns out to be false not only in the moment but also when reality shatters my assumptions.

@bazera Yes and I had both good and bad interaction with that person in the past which lead to final rejection after which I didn't saw her.

I am a 25 year old single male who has never been in a relationship. I have been fallen into the trap unrequited feelings for women over and over again. I have read Models by Mark Manson , Dating essentials for men by Dr. Robert Glover which were helpful. However, I have approached those women in real life but was rejected by them - some actively ignored me while for some others I found that they had a boyfriend. From the place that I am coming I think that I am not the only one who has been here as my Dating journey hasn't even begun. Leo's blog post on - Women can't satisfy men makes perfect sense here but I haven't broken out of that fantasy practically but intellectually yes. As a matter of fact I need to take personal responsibility for moving on from those rejections and finding someone as well as satisfying myself on my own. However, the question remains that how can I distinguish between mature form of love and one-sided/unrequited or limerent love and not fall in the later ? Also, I have been inactive from posting on the forum from a while and I have learned the following about women,dating :- .Women value assertiveness ,emotional connection more than looks which is non-obvious for us men since we value good looks a lot .Pickup as well as naturals who teach you confidence are a good source of learning since confidence not only helps you in dating but also in other areas of life .Getting to know a woman no matter how beautiful or less beautiful she is far more important than physical attraction since relationships are influenced by personality more than just purely physical traits .No matter how many women reject you there will still be another one out there who will like you so prioritising those women who treat you decently is a sign of mental stability and longer term happiness rather than chasing those who seem attractive but treat you rudely

I was excited after seeing this post then went into thinking what it would be about .

@Leo Gura Your blog has been a goldmine of wisdom which is becoming deeper and deeper. Regarding the blog post that women cannot satisfy men it breaks the illusion of single men like me that attracting a relationship would be an eternal bliss like a sharp scissor that is used to cut clothes. I remember that once I was contemplating - What is the most wisest way to live life ? and one of the insights among many was that - Only I can fulfill myself. Thanks.

@Someone here Another great question is : How direct experience is different from concepts and imagination ?

@Shermaningeorgia You must not look up to hot women and stop putting them up on the pedestal. There's one thing you can do :Learn from them. You can learn from them that despite having good looks and many guys wanting to be with them they ( hot women ) suffer from natural ebbs and flows of life.Everybody is suffering no matter how good they look externally. People are themselves when they are alone, not in a group.Since, we have to walk our paths by ourselves the hot women have their own inner struggles in life going on.

@Leo Gura I loved the emotional reactivity post (it's gold) since I have been guilty of it but I am making progress. By the way - How to maintain my poise when criticized over and over again when the criticism is contradictory ? Is it relevant to remind oneself that criticism doesn't tell anything about me as a person but rather it is trying to point me in the correct direction.

I have a lot of insights from contemplation but I will share the ones which hit me out of nowhere. .People are irrational .People have widely different lives .The hard way is better than easy way

Yes.

@Jannes Suffering is inevitable in life no matter what you do . As per my experience as a 25 year old single and having been rejected by many girls (also seeing many relationships start and end in front of my eyes )you can improve your situation by asking yourself : What is the purpose of my suffering ? Just a bit of emotional regulation here.😂

@Miguel1 Agreed.The toughest decisions of our life carry the seed of our significant growth which improves our life trajectory.

Thinking that you are the only independent thinker in the room and others are conformist. Treating your perspective as different,sacred,in positive light while assuming other's perspective as inadequate.

Hardest decision of mine in life up until now was accepting the fact that my father needs to marry the second time after my mother passed away due to cancer. Initially I was shocked when I heard this from my father. But slowly I accepted it and I am glad that I cooperated with him since now my family life is better. Also second most difficult decision was to pursue engineering in instead of pursuing general bachelor's and master's degree in biological sciences.Now I feel that I made the right decision as it improved the trajectory of my life. ( Good decisions don't come easily) The third one - The decision to move on from a girl whom I was in one-sided infatuation in school. Was very tough. I used to close my room and cry for this girl but moving on was the ultimate game changer for me.

Haven't watched the video myself but will link it here.

@Raze Correctly said.

@Leo Gura I told her that I like talking to you she said that she also liked talking to me. ( We said this to each other twice )I also said it to her that I enjoy talking to her and she gave a different response each time.Such as I am cooler than everyone. Then I said her that you are a narcissist jokingly. I complemented her on her looks over text and she replied with a laughing emoji. When I complemented her over call she said it's all right .Also I asked to meet her in person since we are both in same cities. She told to inform her if I am free.

I was watching YouTube. Particularly- Leo's video The psychology of being wrong and many other recommended videos of different people on self -improvement videos were below as I scrolled past Leo's video .People were sharing their opinions. I saw a video recommendation of a 42 year old jobless, unmarried person. Even though I didn't watched that video I had an insight - People have widely different lives. All my life up until 25 I was living under the assumption that people are equal their lives are equal only I have problems which nobody understands. However , it caused a shift of 180 degree in my perspective that no two people have same lives. I know it sounds simple but it's still powerful.

I later contemplated- What are the ways I'm wrong ? As you said in the video I was surprised that how many answers my mind supplied to me. I am talking about human condition like circumstances etc.

This is spot on. Thanks for sharing this perspective. Embracing suffering is one of the most necessary pillars of emotional regulation.

Avoiding negative emotions make them worse while accepting or feeling them fully decreases their power over you as well as remember that it's healthy to have negative emotions. A person who is always happy will not be capable of improving his/her life.

@Something Funny Congratulations from a fellow 25 year old.

@Miguel1 Right now what I am struggling with is feeling angry from a past insult of mine. I curse that girl mentally.I have angry thoughts wishing violence and bad luck to her. However, it's useless because that event has passed away and I must realise that she treated me based on her perception of me which is not true. Also I have noticed that when I am alone these feelings pop up but when I am at work I don't have those feelings. I think the solution is to let those thoughts happen naturally . Also , I am proud of getting into a job training at a company shortly after graduating from my college.

@Terell Kirby Thanks. I have entered my mid 20s.

I contemplated for 13 minutes - What can I learn from this year ? Even though 13 minutes of contemplation is not enough I got the following insights:- 1.Circumstances are always changing 2.That I can grow and improve 3.If I won't put effort then nothing will change 4.Some people like me and some people hate me 5.Negative situations change if I put effort into them 6.That I underestimate my future potential 7.Distance is better than engaging with hurtful people