Rishabh R

@Princess Arabia thank you. I am trying to move on. Btw that's a good reframe.

@Buck Edwards yeah I know she doesn't like me but there is also a socially calibrated way of telling that.I am trying to move on I feel ok around people but at night I feel miserable. And also it's not about me, it's her narcissism. This is temporary and this too shall pass away. I don't think that it's a good idea to be happy for those who hurt you badly. I no longer like her but I have anger towards her.

People of actualized.org (post it in following format) What are the 3 failures that you all have faced in previous three months ? What can be learned from them ? For me , Failures : 1# Not scoring good marks in 2 of my semester exams. Lesson: Be prepared early on before the exam and don't do anything new in the last moment. 2# Suffering due to lack of an intimate relationship. Lesson: Either take action or move on. People in relationships suffer too. 3# Missing the morning classes from 8:30 am. Lesson : Decide wether classes are important or sleeping.

@Thought Art yeah I bought Obstacle is the way and I am reading it the 2nd or 3rd time.

Hey all the mods including @Thought Art , @UnbornTao could we create a thread -Learning from failures. Like we can post that what are our failures from past 3 months and what can we learn from it and how we can implement the lesson learned ?

@Yimpa thank you.

Accord to me she must declare her feelings or move on. The more she will wait harder it will be for her to move on if the teacher rejects her.

@Leo Gura Without those girls who went into relationships with other guys ? Yeah that's what I am doing focussing on girls who respond goodly to me but I am also suffering due to anger due to past rejections from girls. Regarding my perception of myself I contemplated -What is truth ? Answer - I am attractive. How can I make my perception of myself more grounded . Is it wise enough to see through both negative and positive parts of myself ?

@Leo Gura I think fantasy is avoidance of truth . I have a question that Is neediness being invested in other's perception of you rather than your perception of yourself? Yes we must value others perception of us but we must value our perception of ourself more ? Like my perception of myself- I am attractive, beautiful, doing good in career. Also Is it ok and attractive to think wether you will like that girl or not rather than she liking me or not? The guys in my college who are getting girlfriends are insecure, possesive and have a habit of smoking. Is it true hey have low standards cause they choose girls who smoke too and cheat in exams, abuse,have previously been in relationships? So am I better off without them ?

I have been in this situation before but the same is happening with me in college. I talked to a girl , gave her a compliment she said thank you and laughed. I tried to made an eye contact with her but she turned her face away on( other day). Then I again talked to her but this time a boy came to me and started talking to me - he said that you like her ? I said yes. But later he told that ask her if she has a boyfriend and if she does then you have to move on. I later found out that the boy who said me this is dating her. One day in lab I saw that when another guy was talking to her , the boy who manipulated me was carefully looking at her from a little away and to the another boy who was talking to her. I fear that tomorrow I will see them again and again feel jealous that the guy achieved in getting a girlfriend whereas I failed. I applied Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to the situation and my anger and got a reframe that - She had a poor choice of a guy, I have never done this with anyone so I am more attractive than that guy. I am currently moving on and I must stop thinking about her. Another reframe- I will have better oppurtunities with better/secure girls in the future. Is this a good reframe ?

@meta_male sorry I didn't understand . 😂

@meta_male thank you. Yeah I must focus on finding a girlfriend rather than getting a girlfriend cause dating is enjoyment not an achievement.

I read some articles on dating few days ago about dating and I put it to test. I found myself rather than desperately trying to talk to girls I started to screen away girls who aren't compatible/ authentically connected to me and eventually I found a tiny amount of girl who is interested in talking to me. Am I doing it right? The article : https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

@Leo Gura ,@Yimpa thank you.

@meta_male thank you .

Further answers from contemplation : To be not discouraged by obstacles. Few minutes before now I also realised that without action into a particular direction self help is useless

Here are my insights through contemplation : Alignment with immediately important things. Why ? Because it improves life Why it improves life ? Because it remove unnecessary distractions Why? Because it pulls the person in one direction

Since, I am getting heartbroken over and over in college it taught me lesson like - either I will connect/enjoy the conversation with a girl or the girl is not for me, if a girl to whom I am talking has a boyfriend then she is not good for me .Is it the process ?Am I doing it right? What mistakes am I making? Feedback's are appreciated.

Right now I contemplated -What is the truth about my personal life ? Answers are counterintutive : I am attractive I have attracted many people That I have overcome bullshitty situations Why? Because I took action and moved on

@SeaMonster ok The girls whom I hit on after a while either I come to know that they already have a boyfriend or they reject me and become someone else's girlfriends. This is the problem and I am responsible for solving this problem.

@Hojo awaken to truth ?

@Schizophoniaok.

@Schizophonia maybe that's what is happening to me from years of heartbreak,rejection ,insult from girls etc.

@Schizophonia yeah but suffering from pain longer than usual is unhealthy.

@Yimpa thank you.