something_else

So you want an exclusive casual relationship where you're not even having sex? Now I'm just confused. At that point you're just friends. What even is the point? Well, you're right. But you're right because women offer sex. That's the only reason they can choose whatever they want in the dating market. But it seems you're not offering that. So most guys are gonna be less willing to compromise on strange relationship setups, especially if they involve commitment. I'm trying to find a way to write this that isn't going to trigger you, but I've decided to just be straight. Locking guys into sexless relationships and using them for intimacy is a very leechy dating tactic. In this setup, a guy is getting very very little value from you so you're going to be limited to very desperate men and you'll probably have trouble getting them to stay with you. Especially if you're looking at men from sexually liberal countries like the Europe, the US or the UK.

I'm simply giving you my perspective and drawing on some experience I have. Of course you have no obligation to listen to anything I say, but you made a thread asking for advice/perspectives and I gave it, so no need to get angry. You have a tendency to react very aggressively to advice that you don't like I mean... yes to an extent. Just because there's someone out there who will get into this with you doesn't mean it's a good idea for either of you to do it. By all means go looking for it and see for yourself. Things will get messy because neither of you will really know what sort of relationship you are in and what the boundaries are. Men especially are often not particularly fond of this sort of emotional drama and lack of clarity in relationships either. Just go have some fun casual relationships until you're ready for something more serious again. It sounds like you want to be very possessive over guys, which can prevent you from being able to build relationships with the most masculine/attractive dudes who aren't gonna be so fond of that

One of the girls I was seeing recently wanted this kind of relationship. It was extremely confusing. When I ended things I said it was because I wasn't ready for a relationship and she kept talking about how she agreed and didn't want a relationship either and so we should stay together. But she wanted us to do everything that people in a relationship do No man wants to navigate a situation like that, it's messy and awkward as fuck, and someone's gonna get hurt You can't have it both ways. You either commit to a guy or you suck up your ego and go have some more casual relationships with zero obligations. Casual doesn't mean no emotional connection, it just means you have to be secure enough to not be remotely possessive or jealous over them

It's pretty normal to send a text after you go on a date, don't overthink it. Maybe don't send it the second you get home after the date but later on in the day or the next morning is not needy

Dude why have you not texted her? She's probably thinking you're not interested in her. Just text her and tell her you had a good time and you wanna do it again sometime. It takes 20 seconds to write a text

In theory this is true, but in practice you need to develop some of those traditional 'try hard' masculine attributes. They will get girls attracted to you. Then you can learn why that approach is limited and become more authentic. But it's hard to go from a guy who lacks in masculinity to a guy who has transcended the inauthentic masculine traits without first actually developing some of them first. Being authentic is actually really difficult to do without first pushing your comfort zone. And pushing your comfort zone often involves trying out lots of things that aren't necessarily authentic to you

You wanna move about the club with them and see if they follow your lead. That's one of the most effective ways of telling if a girl is into you. Usually if you meet a girl on the dance floor, dance with her for a bit, see if there's physical chemistry. Then take her somewhere more quiet to talk and build up a connection. And vice versa, if you meet her in a quiet part of the club then build a connection there first. Then take her to the dance floor, dance, and build up some physical chemistry. Then you can kind of switch back and forward between these two over the course of the night whenever you feel like it. Just move her about the club and see what fun you two can have around the venue. Also, go and meet her friends and joke around with them too. You wanna make a good impression on her friends, join their social group, show that you're fun and safe to all of them. It's also so hot to make out with a girl on the dance floor. As far as I can tell most girls really enjoy it too if they're attracted to you, so that's another really good way to build up physical chemistry. I can't think of a single time that a girl who was willing to dance with me and follow me about the club rejected me when I went to kiss her. So you shouldn't be scared of going in for a make out if she's showing signs of interest. Basically at a high level what you want to do is create as much of an emotional footprint on her as possible, and if she keeps following your lead then you're doing well and she probably won't just desert you in the club. If you want to leave her for a bit to get a drink or go to the bathroom, make sure you tell her where you'll meet her when you come back. Again, if you've done a good job at the previous stages, she'll follow your lead and wait for you. If she isn't there when you get back and you can't find her nearby then prob just move onto the next girl.

I think the interpretations of your friends here are a little harsh. I think the most accurate explanation is that, generally, people you know do not like it when you change Change in yourself is threatening, change in others in ‘your tribe’ can also be threatening and so people tend to react badly to it The solution is still probably to distance yourself from these people, but don’t demonise them

I'm 22 now and I'd probably be willing to date anyone in the age range of 18-25. I'd sleep with girls older than that, but I don't think a relationship would work beyond 24 or 25. I tend to attract girls in the 18-20 range and the 25-30 range most easily, which I suppose makes sense lol.

In my experience you do actually need to be a good texter for online dating. I've probably gone on 20 or so dates from online, and in almost every case there was a lot of texting beforehand. A few times I've taken the advice of just trying to set up a date pretty quick and it never works for me with girls I've met online. Like I can't think of a single time I've gone on a date with a girl where there wasn't at least a few days of fairly frequent texting first. You gotta remember that for younger girls (the girls in my age range) if you end up dating you're gonna be texting back and forward a fuck ton, if you don't have some chemistry over text that isn't gonna work so well. A girl is also worried about her safety with online dating as well For situations where you meet a girl out in the real world and she's already had a chance to experience your presence, get attracted to you, feel safe around you etc. I guess it's far less important. But online, all a girl really has to go on is your looks and your texting. If your looks are not 9/10 you gotta at least be fun over text to get anywhere The above is one of the many reasons I wouldn't recommend online dating, lol.

Out of curiosity, what’s the story here?

The system I've seen is 'half your age plus seven' for a lower bound of who you should be dating Seems like a pretty decent guideline

Humans are completely and utterly terrible at intuiting probability theory I don’t know if I’d say Bayesian logic is useless. I remember from uni that it has some excellent applications for creating ‘AI’ that behaves perfectly rationally based on the info it has available And scientifically it’s pretty useful too

It doesn’t read like one

How about don’t do that lol

This is just not how relationships are gonna work in reality. When cheating actually happens, your emotional reaction will override any of the rational planning/discussion you've done

Why do you believe this is impossible?

How do you know? This is very limited thinking You have no idea what level of complexity is required for self-awareness to arise, for a start. And biology is also not always that efficient. It might be possible to create something as powerful as a human brain with 1/100th the material complexity. A modern computer is already capable of doing things in seconds that your brain couldn't do in a trillion years, too.

I've never been diagnosed but I'm almost certain I have social anxiety, I experience a lot of the same things you do. One thing I've noticed is that I'm awful at socialising when I'm sober, but when I have a few drinks I can easily be the most sociable person in the room, and I actually enjoy socialising a lot when I'm tipsy. It's a very big transformation I'm not recommending alcohol as a solution, however it did show me that it's actually possible to enjoy talking to people and that has been very valuable The main difference mentally is that I'm not really afraid to express myself in that state, things enter my mind and I say them. Compared to when I'm sober and it feels like I have 10 filters something has to pass through before I allow myself to express it.

I mean the logical response here is that modern human diets are just terrible and cause many digestive issues. Our digestive systems evolved for a very different diet than what is commonplace for modern humans.

I’ve done alright just going out Fri/Sat. Then I work the rest of the week and do hobbies on week nights. It’s quite a nice balance and I’m happy with it. I’m talking to new people almost every day despite not meeting anyone through my job, as it’s completely remote. Balance is usually a good thing. I feel like if the only thing I was doing was going out and partying I would not be very fulfilled and I’d get burnt out quickly. IMO you want to have two or three things that you dedicate most of your time to at any given point in your life or you’ll likely get burnt out

I know. All I said was that the line of thinking that starts with "what can I do to get her interested in what I have to say?" can lead down the path of trying to change your partner.

This is entering into the 'What can I do to change my partner?' territory which is generally bad, and an indication of incompatibility.

That is fair enough. But you should understand that this is trauma, and not 'normal' per se. It may be normal for people who have gone through your particular experiences in life, which is of course understandable and totally fine. But feeling a desire to kill (or just getting excessively angry) after being mistreated or disrespected is something you should aim to stop experiencing in your day-to-day life. I get the sense that you don't really want to change that part of yourself, though. To me, you seem relatively defensive over it This is a symptom of anxiety/social-anxiety. Not saying that's what you have, but it is a symptom. One that I experience very strongly.

I'm honestly not sure how to process this girl's messages over the past few days. Maybe someone here can give me some insight I met this girl at a club on Saturday night, she was there with her friend. I ended up making out with her pretty quick and we stuck around each other most of the night for several hours, making out and dancing, and trying to find her friend a guy. Towards the end of the night I ended up losing her in the club, she went off to talk with a group of people in the smoking area and I went to the bathroom, when I came back she was talking to a big group of people, including a girl that I'd previously slept with and who just happened to be in the club again that night, WHAT ARE THE FUCKING CHANCES. Anyway, I did not want to deal with that, so I figured I'd come back and find her later when she'd moved away from that group. Turns out that was a mistake because I couldn't find her later at all. Oh well... I had her snapchat, she snapped me when she was back home but I was already asleep by then. I replied in the morning, she totally blanked me. Oh well... whatever. Then, then next day she sent me a snap with all the different pricing tiers for buying her nudes??? What in the fuck?? I think I replied 'Lmaooo, you can fuck right off, I'm not paying for something I can get plenty of for free, I'll stick to the real thing thanks' which she, as expected, totally blanked. Again, oh well. At this point I was seriously questioning if she was a hooker and she was gonna try to get me to pay to fuck her on Saturday, and all the kissing etc. was totally fake. But... then... today, she sent me a snap saying "Sorry, I just thought you were really cute and I kinda just wanted to get closer to you <3"... What, by getting me to buy your nudes?? What is this girl's game here? Is she actually interested in me, or is she trying to extract money from me?