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Everything posted by Gianna

  1. I heard a spiritual teacher say this. What does this mean?
  2. Chapter 3 I guess it all starts with your trauma doesn't it? The pain that kills you. You live your entire life thinking that you are alive when you don't even realize that you are already dead. That you died long ago when you sacrificed yourself for what you thought was other. Silly bean. Most people are put in a position of two options: you or them. It's kind of a cosmic joke. For the people that pick them, they will live their entire life consumed in other, thinking that they are good for it. But how good is this to themself? For the people that pick themselves. Well, this love is so deep people will ostracize you for it. People are afraid of the love that will definitely kill them– self-love. You will be canceled by others if you pick yourself. After all, you didn't pick them. All of this is just a lesson: can you love what brings you pain? My pain was not so cute when I saw it. I was the one that picked other. It felt like love at the time. Of course, love is the reason for all of our choices. Yet, even when we think our love is for other it really is just for ourselves. There's no such thing as altruism in a world where you are everything. Yet, there is no such thing as egotistical altruism in a world where you are nothing, not-one-thing! How confusing is this? When you're a child it's even worse. It's like you want your parents to love you but you also just need them to give you food. But you don't have much of a choice when you are a child do you? Do you know what happens during the moment of trauma? What happens is you try to run from yourself but you have nowhere to go. The only place to go is into oblivion– that's where you try to hide from yourself. It's the only place where you can truly forget. Let's talk about oblivion for a second. The dictionary says that oblivion mean unconsciousness, but I like to think of oblivion as outer space– I mean it's the same thing really. Because when you are as unconscious as our society is you might as well be in outer space. You're definitely not here, that's for sure. You're in a world of confusion that kind of feels good in the sense that it makes you want to kill yourself. This thought feels like relief when you are drowning in the despair of chaos. Except there is a secret order behind chaos isn't there? I have said before that chaos is not random. It's completely predetermined and then has free will. Do you want to know something about free will? You don't have it in the state of oblivion even when it feels like you do. It's funny, we were talking about relief earlier. Why don't we feel relief in the state of oblivion when everything is determined for you? Haha. So much responsibility that you don't have. You know what's fucked about finally becoming free? It's that you have no idea what you actually want because you are so used to turning to others. Or, you have no idea what you actually want because you are cursed with an irrational fear that you can't get it, that you don't deserve it, or that it is not possible even though you are only dreaming. I mean how sad is this?
  3. Chapter One Did you know that your Inner Child is actually just your emotional body? It holds the pain, abuses, heartaches, and suffering you undergo throughout life so you don't have to. It holds the Darkness of Life. All of this is held for you by your Inner Child so you can carry on with becoming a person. How else are you supposed to survive psychological turmoil? Well, at some point this turmoil bursts open. Once you meet the Light of Life it shines itself onto the darkness holding your pain. It shines itself onto your Inner Child. You meet yourself in Truth for the first time. Mine appeared as myself as a little girl. But before this little girl appeared to me it was just Pure Light. After all, it is Light that gives rise to Darkness in the first place. It was just me and the explosion of Oblivion when it all happened. It would be more accurate to say it was just the explosion of Oblivion, and the Pure Light that it left. Absolute Truth bursted itself all around me, from the inside out. I felt myself die while simultaneously being born– a waking up from a dream into a grander dream. I met a sentient void along the way. And when I say along the way I mean it lasted for a nanosecond throughout eternity. This void disguised itself as everything, as space, as Imagination. I realized that we are birthed into imagination from our own imagination; that we are birthed from ourselves to ourselves. The little girl appeared in the virginity of this space– "a space so empty, but with great fullness." What was once the carrier of Darkness– the Inner Child– was now an illuminating angel. She held her hand out to me, "Come on," she said, "I have something to show you."
  4. @RickyFitts hehehe. I love you more!!<3
  5. @RickyFitts I mean to be more fair it was too sexy to get through.. I almost didn't make it.
  6. Maybe get a piece of paper and write out: "What would be so bad about being canceled?" on the top. then right your answer. Then to that new answer, write out, "what would be so bad about x" then to that next answer, write out, "what would be so bad about y" and keep going down further and further until you get to a core/root fear. I did this myself this morning on the same topic. My answer was that I would be afraid that if I got canceled while being my authentic self, that would mean that I wasn't allowed or couldn't be my authentic self and operate in the world. If this is the case, I would rather die. haha. But of course, we can be ourselves and operate in this world. We just have to prioritize what we think and feel over others. Easier said than done. This is a teal swan inspired method. But here's another one [it is a jay shetty inspired method]: 1. Write out the ways in which you can't control other's perceptions and why 2. Ask yourself: How does this make me more considerate of the things in which I choose to include in my life? How can I find the things that I enjoy enough and value in my life that will allow me to let go of this attachment I have? (maybe it's a reputation attachment?) who knows we all have irrational fears my love. You are not alone <3
  7. hm. Very interesting. Isn't Frank Yang on this forum?
  8. this is what I was thinking. And yeah, same. Very insane.
  9. Hehe. Looks like I spoiled the ending for you
  10. I'm writing a creative novel on my awakening journey! hehe. Stay tuned.
  11. this is hot. She kills her!? haha. Now I get the title.
  12. I would say yes! It's like when you look at your hands, they are coming alive to you– you are not reaching out and trying to find it intensely with your eyes. It takes a stepping back, a looking at it as a whole. It's like the difference between looking at one finger and looking at the silhouette of a hand and then in doing so seeing the whole hand and everything in between, instead of just one finger. If that makes sense.
  13. I’m trying to acquaint myself with alchemy. I’m looking it up and reading some things. But I feel like it would help to hear everyone’s personal interpretation of the word— deeper meanings, definitions, and purposes of alchemy. Etc. 😃 thank you guys!
  14. @RickyFitts Yayyy So happy. I took the Life Purpose Course earlier this year and I got Creative Writing as my purpose! So it's so good to hear that you think this thread is wonderful. Thanks ricky <3 <3
  15. @Nahm Ooolala! Looks like I am getting somewhere then. Haha. Thanks @Nahm
  16. Wow, I am blown away. This is exactly what i wrote in my journal this morning but I wasn't sure. It's what triggered my search and now here it is. This response fits me like a glove. I am currently trying to transmute my hurt, trauma, pain, and suffering. And 'Alchemy' is what is being brought to me. And now perfectly explained. Thanks Mandy <3 I'm going to take a slow and close look at this response. btw, I love your youtube channel!! I subscribed and have been watching your videos. Your dive into language and its synchronicity with etymology really helps!
  17. "Trials and tribulations will occur from the inside. Your unconscious at some point will start to reveal itself. In the unawakened person, the unconscious never fully comes into conscious awareness, but with awakening our means of suppression and denial are either torn apart completely or wounded so severely that we can't repress as much. The unconscious elements of our mind come into conscious awareness, and that is another kind of trial. What’s being asked of you is to meet all of that inner material from the standpoint of divine being, from the standpoint of eternity—to meet it, to understand it, to resolve it." -Adyashanti
  18. Chapter Two Before she walked me through the relative truths of my life, I had already felt heartbreak. How could I have turned my back on myself my entire life? How could I let others break me into forgetting myself? How could I have lived in a state of dissociation and confusion for so long? The truth that I already knew was that these cracks are what let the light in. The heart of oneness could not have opened itself up without being previously closed in. The flowering of the emotional body (the Inner Child) begins with a seed– the seed of Awareness. Awareness is the light of the flowering as if it is the Sun feeding its soul. The Inner Child begins to reveal itself, emotion by emotion. "As long as I have Awareness with me" I thought to myself, "I can get through this painful journey back to myself." Little did I know that this little girl angel would be with me along the way. She was in fact the Light of Awareness I was blessed with. She began to show me the truth of everything that I missed. Except, where will she go after every pain is purged out of her?
  19. @RickyFitts hehehe. me and my inner child in the car.
  20. Week Three - Recovering a Sense of Power Anger - Anger is meant to be listened to. - Anger points the way. - Anger is meant to be acted upon, not acted out. - Anger signals the end of a chapter and a triggering of a new one. - Anger is an invitation for action. "Blast him I can make a better film than that. This anger says you want to make a movie" -Julia Cameron Synchronicity - Action invites a reaction from the universe. We call it synchronicity. - We inaugurate change from the inside out. When we do the universe responds. - The universe acts and reacts to your interests– festive and expansive ones. - It's not hard to follow your heart, it's hard to walk through the doors the universe will open for you. - The universe is ample in its support; we are frugal in what we accept. - Leap and the net will appear - Action has magic, grace, and power in it. "Until one is committed, there is hesitancy the chance to drawback always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative or creation, there is one elementary truth. The ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans– that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too." -M.K Murry Shame - Shame is a controlling device– it is used to prevent people from acting in a way that embarrasses us. - When someone doesn't want to see something, they get mad at the person that shows it to them. - "What will they think now that you have told them this?" -Shame strategy done by your family to maintain a conspiracy of inauthenticity. - "What will they think of me once they know this?" -Shame and Fear - You feel fear towards shame if you have been shamed before. - Inherent in secrets is shame. - "How dare you" you might hear from your family as you are exploring yourself and stumble upon something that threatens them. - "How dare you" you might hear from society as you reflect society back to itself through your art. - The act of making art exposes society to itself. - Art brings things to light. It illuminates us. - Art sheds light on our darkness and so is often reacted to with shaming– because we shame our darkness that is why it is in the dark. - Art brings healing. But before a wound can heal it must be seen. - If a child has been shamed, shame will be re-triggered as an adult because our internal artist is our inner child. Dealing With Criticism -Make sure to be able to tell the difference between genuine criticism and shaming. - The criticism that damages us is the kind that disparages, dismisses, ridicules, or condemns. It is frequently vicious but vague and difficult to refute. - Genuine criticism can lead to an aha moment; or can show an artist a new and valid path for work. - Art requires a safe environment. Only show a draft to the most gentle support figure you know. - Abusive criticism is artistic child abuse. Criticism is a trigger from a longstanding childhood wound. - Art matures spasmodically.