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@Nahm I didn't quite understand this. I mean, sometimes the reason I don't engage in getting angry, sad, frustrated is because I am kind of judging myself as a more "conscious/high level being" and I believe that at this level I should be able not to be easily moved by those triggers. But I believe it's also because of the social conditioning from the environment and family. So it's not exactly that I'm resisting the negative feelings of anger, sadness and frustration, but rather resisting the image of myself being pulled down and controlled by those emotions and be like "oh, so your ego is controlling you". I listened to the commercial, quite nice How is it fragmenting my experience? And what is it like to have a whole experience? I didn't also quite understand what you were trying to say about humor. Why should I practice humor. There is humor of laughing at other things out of insecurity, but never heard of a higher reason to laugh (from the surprisingly beauty of life which is shocking?) By writing down what I do want, do you mean material possessions? Honestly what's in my mind now is to just be free, do the things I always wanted to do but felt resistance, even overcoming the resistance to do this task you said lol. What did you mean by not "looking for answers in thought"? Don't I need to think about what I want and vision for the future? I feel like I need you to explain again this blast with reality, and making sense of creating a vision without thinking (?) ? Isn't this kind of like suppression and self monitoring? So then why would I want to create a dream board or vision board? It's not like as if it will come into existence in the exact second I'm creating this board.

@zeroISinfinity God's plan... As time goes by I'm starting to really feel as if I'm going through the narrative I know beyond knowing. It might sound a bit odd but ever since I was a little kid I always thought there was kind of an early plan for my life, as if it was planned before I was born, or maybe a continuation of my past lives. I had the feelings and the ideas of what I might be experiencing - it might be something scary, fighting against a lifelong enemy, being at the scariest point in my life, super motivated and excited to be on top of the world, living blissfully with purpose, reuniting with an old friend, rediscovering myself. As time went on I've started realizing that those abstractions were conveying more nuanced things that are happening in my life. My life long enemy (my mind), scariest moment to overcome and then live blissfully (I believe awakening/enlightenment). In general I feel VERY GRATEFUL in a different way, like I truly feel like everything is happening perfectly and just falling on my lap as part of the narrative - as if God is biased or something. When you mentioned "God's plan" I was excited in knowing I wasn't the only person feeling like God is really planning something (obviously I'm not talking about it in religious terms). This is amazing. Sometimes I almost get very emotional in just thinking to myself "wait, hold on. Could it really be that I'm going to be from those people who are going to live their best lives? Is my life literally going to be like some protagonist going through an adventure like you see on TV? Why is my life going according to the plan? Why me? Why is it that I get to feel like I got one of the best lives to unfold and others might not? Feels a bit unfair. I was born in the right era in the right time with the right technologies with the right people, this is insane. What is so special and deserving about me that I got that? Why am I gifted with many talents? (sorry for the brag, it's for the sake of being honest and from what people have tolled me) I don't understand why my brother or someone else has such leverage like me. However I still have many obstacles and fears in my path which not many people have... Could it be that this is part of the plan that God planned for that I will become very strong, go on the spiritual path, awaken, move out of my mind and live a great life? Thanks for assuring me that those thoughts are more public than I thought

I know I have been quite late with a response..? @Loving Radiance Anyways, I don't quite understand how is this supposed to help. Like how do you do it and the idea behind it. I mean, I really like this idea. In some sense it feels true. But could you explain a little more? And like how to do you get into this "paradise"

@Nahm Sorry for a very late response (usually I would prefer writing when I feel at a higher state of awareness, which isn't all the time). So now I've realized that I really tend to hold myself to my past and I fear change in myself. As an example - I wake up, do my morning routine (meditate, healthy breakfast, some brain training), and then - I'm stuck. I'm very used to spend the day thinking about how I need to improve (and reinforcing the victim identity). I have bigger goals, but I am used to think that I need to overcome more obstacles before I can start. I have dreams of creating music, having a business, and more that don't often pop up... There is a lot of unconscious fears and distractions that I tend to have. Basically I am at a state where I've dipped myself in spiritual teachings, and so now I'm somehow trying to intermingle the self help teachings with spirituality and it makes me even more confused and hard to start. Let's say affirmations - people use it to create a self image/empowering identity for themselves, but in spirituality they teach that not having an identity and not attaching to anything will make you the happiest. The same goes with having beliefs about certain things. Also striving for success vs striving for happiness. The combination of spiritual mastery and material success seem contradictory and paradoxical to integrate them together. So let's say I'm really angry, sad, shocked, curious, or feeling like doing a devilish act - Then what should I do about it? In most cases I suppress those feelings because it feels very unconscious (inferior) and 'low level', and yet I feel like I might be doing something wrong. If this is the case, then we can basically say that all emotions and expressions are ok, and resistance is what creates the notions of "good/bad feelings", which is an illusion? I feel like I'm getting sense of some truth I've been longing to resolve. I've believed for a long time that experience in itself is way better than no experience, even if the experience is frustration or anger or some other not so comfortable feeling Isn't this sort of an attachment to an outcome? Because I desire a certain vision, but I might then resist anything else that isn't aligned with this dream life.

@Loving Radiance Yeah, so since I've started learning more about this issue it has been easier for me to recognize what I want more in my life - I want to experience more, to feel more, the freedom to be unconscious, to be more centered/collected, to feel good on my own, to have a stronger locus of control. I didn't quite understand what you meant by that: Oh and this part... (continuation) I feel that for the simplicity of feeling connected to their presence is something that I tend to resist so much. Lately I have been practicing being more honest with my thoughts, feelings and desires with people I know. However I still notice that in the exact moment of sharing I tend to go back to dissociation and become unconscious. So basically I'm sharing things which were from the past (even if like a day ago, or an hour ago), and never really from the exact present moment. I don't feel like I'm directly speaking what's rising in me at the moment, but rather delivering past information (and probably even altering it a bit) while feeling disconnected and not speaking from my center. I like to imagine it as like a kid who is sharing his true feelings in the moment to his friend/parent/person (what I'm aiming for). From what I understand now, there isn't really a bad emotion. In fact, what I wish is to have the freedom to feel anything, even if it is anger and sadness. What I consider the real bad feeling is that of resistance, which can be attached in any situation to any feeling. This resistance, those fears, all this fricking illusion is what I really want out of my life. As I'm progressing with this work I start to shift my perspectives a bit about what I'm trying to achieve and what I'm trying to avoid. I do think many times that external things can help solve the problem, including feelings I'll get from external things. I feel by now that what I really need is to let go of the resistance, since I'll never find this paradise I'm looking for. It will always seem further and further, even if I'm starting to feel and design a plan in my head, it will just make it feel more convincing

@seeking_brilliance Personally I've tried it out. For the first month or so it felt good, but at the same time I felt more relaxed and took less action. Also, over the time it started destroying my mental health since I was forcing a change in my thoughts and suppressing ones which aren't serving. It got me stuck and created lot's of tension so I do not use affirmations. Affirmations also means a shift in identity, which means another set of limitations

@Nahm Oh damn, what a story. I enjoyed reading your example, however there were a few things that made me a bit uncomfortable. I mean, I'm certainly not as extreme as Bill, as I have researched quite a lot about social anxiety, the mind, and self improvement in general. I do understand that those are beliefs and that my growth and overcoming of it will have to be internal. Also right here - I think I understand that I'm having a victim identity to some level, since I'm always worried about not telling people my story (but it makes sense, since by telling them more about me I'll receive the best help, no?). The thing is that I'm at the stage where I'm starting to feel good, but that means destroying this identity which is really hard because I'm used to go back there all the time (I've learned that this way I can do self improvement better). However, I want to mention 2 things: One, I didn't really like this: It implies that social anxiety is a choice, like I choose to focus on thinking about those anxiety-producing thoughts. In some sense I am actually creating it, but it is subconscious, out of my awareness. And choice comes when I'm free, so basically I cannot choose to relinquish those thoughts. Say that to anyone with social anxiety and you bet they haven't tried not focusing on the thoughts. Also, I want to add that social anxiety will not disappear or will be much relieved by simply not thinking about it for a moment (I feel like this is obvious). Even the constant behavior of suppressing the thoughts/ destroying it/ running from it will certainly not help for the long run. You burnout eventually.

@Farnaby Yeah, sometimes I am not really sure. The thing is that biking alone and stopping at a quite place to just be there, can feel a bit uncomfortable at times. I wouldn't say it's always relaxing and avoidant

@Nahm I do have social anxiety though. I haven't laid out here my whole history but basically I've started developing it ever since I was like 12-13. Also I don't think I quite understood this:

@Loving Radiance I don't know if I understand what you're saying. I mean, I came here to maybe get advice on how to do it. In the meantime, all I know is to practice being in solitude to sort of recollect myself, but don't know. I'm seeking for some better solution

@Loving Radiance Well, by dissociation I mean that my attention, thoughts and emotions are not aligned, which make me feel out of my body, out of my own experience, a bit dizzy, and scattered all around - Not really here. The fact that I'm not capable yet of really experiencing an experience (yes, as weird as it sounds. Like I said before, because I don't really feel here), makes it easy to get lost and disconnected from simply being and feeling good on my own. The dissociation is even stronger when I'm in crowds or with another person, since my social anxiety plays a bit and I tend to hide my real self subconsciously. So because I'm not really capable of feeling connection, then it does produce feelings of loneliness

@Danioover9000 Lately I have been riding my bike A LOT (almost everyday, practicing being with myself and feeling this connection to myself and nature). I certainly felt a bit more alive than being in my room watching youtube videos, and did have the freedom to contemplate. It feels refreshing in some way. The problem is that I kind of feel comfortable like I said, without much urgency in overcoming it. I can do the small talk and talk to people, but can't yet do bigger things like make a joke in public, sing next to people, be in energetic group conversations, start an intimate relationship (with friends or with women). So because it doesn't seem urgent I let it loose. So like I also don't have a plan or something to overcome it. Anyways, are you suggesting a cycle? Like to face fear to overcome it, and then reconnect back to myself and build my foundation?

@Loving Radiance I'm saying that I'm grateful for having realized it quite early. Until then I thought this feeling will be forever, or until I don't know when. Now that I know what is this problem, I know it won't be for the rest of my life

@kag101 I'd recommend you watch Leo's video on loneliness. He said to do exactly that, as a way to overcome this feeling. From what I understood he did not say to demolish social connections, but rather to first build the foundation of connecting to yourself through solitude, and then to connect, act and create through this center you've built. Or something like that

@mandyjw Yes, you got this totally right. But I didn't really understand the connection of this part: Also wasn't so clear how you linked social anxiety. By the way I'll check this video out

@mandyjw So basically for a very long time (about like 5 years) I've felt left out, but here's the thing: It was not always that obvious and it was mostly very much low in intensity not fully in my awareness. But it does come up once in a while when I see friendships, couples, groups of friends, great families, but it took for me a long time to realize that I was suppressing it. But that is because it doesn't feel that urgent (although in the long run it is slowly destroying me by feeling regret and a false hope for a better future). I don't know exactly when this feeling of being envious started, but it didn't really have to do with how many friends I have, because I've realized that all I really need is just like 2-3 good friends (max 5). However I do think that it was just a gradual feeling (with ups and downs) and took me time to realize it. I must also say I'm grateful for realizing that I'm disconnected from Being and from myself, and that I experience dissociation. At least I know it will not be like that for my whole life. Could you explain more on the feeling of resistance you explained? Also, I don't know how this is supposed to help me also overcome my social anxiety and also my feelings of loneliness (and some depressive thoughts about my life situation sometimes)

@mandyjw I've read what you wrote like a few times and I appreciate it. So basically I've been practicing being in solitude as a way to deal with this feeling of loneliness. However I wouldn't say that I'm really suffering from it or feeling it all the time. It comes once in awhile, sometimes in sneaky not obvious ways, and sometimes in very clear ways. It did help reduce a bit of my envy I have of other people. But social anxiety still remains an issue I've hid deep in my subconscious for a very long time because of this lockdown (like a year), and it doesn't feel that urgent. So basically you're saying to also be in solitude and also explore social situations? I mean, it is quite an 180 degree turn no? Like, I derive a sense of "feeling good" and improvement from being in solitude, but it also might be the ego's excuse for escaping social situations. And obviously going out there socializing can't be sustainable for me (now that I've realized it from my direct experience), since I feel dissociation and not in touch with myself and being collected