fopylo

@Leo Gura Where would you put yourself?

I wouldn't call it such a "serious" problem, but it is very painful and I've gotten used to suppress it over and over so now I just never think about it really. Almost every time I hear soundtracks of video games/anime that I used to enjoy I get overwhelmed and I hate this feeling. I mean, I used to actually quite enjoy it and bask in it, but I've learned that after a while it actually makes me feel quite depressed, and also I'm scared that some family member or someone will watch me in this state of overwhelm so I play stoic and suppress. I think I'm a very sensitive person when it comes to nostalgia and feelings. Music hits me in such a deep way (almost profound) and it brings a shit ton of thoughts and feelings which I feel don't serve me any purpose other than taking me back to the past. I need to focus on the present but I just keep getting those doses. A big reason why I feel overwhelmed is because I had a dream to create music covers of video game/anime music (inspired by other youtubers) and simply create my own music (and maybe also video game someday), but my neurosis disabled me from doing anything, and so each time I hear beautiful tunes from something I enjoyed then it reminds me quickly of my neurosis and I suppress it, basically Honestly, I don't know what was really my question but it would be cool to hear what you say about it. By the way, it tends to happen a lot when I'm getting into a period of high - I mean like starting to get back into practicing the piano, back into enjoying life, back into meeting old friends, summer is coming, end of school (and all the people whom I've been with for 12 years), starting soon a new phase in my life. Things are growing and changing and I feel like I've improved a lot since following Actualized.org.

@Being Frank Yang I think I got half of what you said. So you aren't attached to it in the sense that anything could change to your body and you'll still be cool with it. I believe by "enjoy" you mean excitement (as stimulation). I am working out but I don't know if I am doing it for fun or because I think it looks good. I believe there's a difference between working out to show off and working out because you admire a nice physique for yourself (or there's no? I am no near awakening level yet since I'm not full time focused on it and it's not my main focus for those fear years. But well, hopefully I'll get what you said sometime... By the way you are a fricking wise guy my dude. Your videos are also fun to watch with those cool ass effects

@EmptyVase What do you mean "the more dots naturally start to connect"? Very insightful. But how do I express? Weird question I know, but when I try to express I feel like I try to express and it feels a bit unnatural. On what should my focus be? Because while "expressing" is an act of freedom, when done in a monitored way, feels like I'm trying to "capture" the moment with my awareness (which seems a bit off). Also, I want to mention that although it is insightful I believe you really need a flexible mind to do this exercise. To aim towards worry from blame seems so insane for the mind. Like I know that I'm trying to get my brain to think in a certain pattern of believes, while knowing there are higher belief systems. It's quite a radical shift. Hard for me to see how you can be honest with your "negative" believes - Because you think they are right! That's why they're your believes in the first place! And you need to play into your "dumbness". Tricky. Exactly. The trap is to develop neurotic behaviors from this work, and I can also be be neurotic.. from avoiding being neurotic So when you do your mindfulness practice (or whatever meditation, if you do) and you decide to label "feeling" (inner feeling. or "emotion"), what do you focus on? What are you directing you focus? Today it has been hard for me to feel a feeling, so what I tried doing is deciding that I want to feel the feeling that I'm most comfortable feeling now, or that is more suited for the situation I'm in (like letting go of this whole hierarchy of feelings). I will admit that it is hard to just let yourself feel whatever without judging yourself. I also feel that a main problem with the emotional scale (as a map) is that is can really slow down your growth, especially if you're a newbie. You see this scale and your immediate thought is of a hierarchy, which brings in Mr. Neurosis into the game.

@Being Frank Yang Then what is your motivation behind it? Like for what purpose does it serve you personally? Be honest. Even if it's doing whatever the fuck you want, do you feel like it's giving you some pride or something?

@Nightwise Yeah, guess I still have work to do. But by the definition Leo gave, it seems as though happiness from eating ice-cream and happiness from being content with the moment (being) are different things rather than different in degree. I would like to somehow reconcile it to be a difference of degree but it sounds like excitement has to do more with stimuli, while happiness has to do more with letting go and being content. Or could the degree be in what feels good in general (even though they seem like two different systems) ?

I've just finished watching Leo's video "What Is Happiness?" in which he talks about the difference between what we call happiness (excitement) and real happiness (contentment with the present moment), and in one reply he said that if you are able to be happy just from staring at a tree then you have gotten to the "goal" (at least from back then. Old video). From all my meditation practice, mindfulness, gym (and health), nofap and reading I feel like my dopamine levels are so fricking high that I get so much stimuli from simply feeling the wind, looking at the sky, listening to birds. I can simply sit and do nothing but this good feeling is more like excitement and less being peaceful and calm, has an energetic vibe to it. Does it mean I have achieved happiness? I still have problems in life though and some inner issues but overall this is a result of lots of inner work. Maybe it's just that I can get very sensitive or just high overall energy. Would like to know since I know people here probably have gotten to this stage. It's almost scary how just being can be so satisfying. And more terrifying what if I actually do something exciting like going on a roller-coaster, won't the excitement overwhelm me to the point where it doesn't feel good anymore? I'm already excited during my mindfulness practices..

Yeah, it is completely normal that it will happen. After eating a meal it feels quite heavy and also your body is expending a lot of energy on digesting it, hence you don't have so much energy for your other productive pursuits. Personally, I prepare myself ahead of time knowing that after a meal I won't be so productive, and thus I try to get some work done before the meal. This is also why I don't like eating a heavy meal before watching a video on Actualized.org because I want the energy required to concentrate

@Being Frank Yang I don't know, then why try to show your amazing physique? There was a thread not to long ago about building a good physique, and Leo for example said that he rather keep looking lean because it's more healthy, and building a nice physique serves no purpose really. Only for ego. How can you build your physique without it being ego gratification, or is it the only way? Just curious to know more details on your take on it

@Being Frank Yang Hey man, I assume you must have been getting this question asked a lot, but still - Why are you passionate about building a good physique? Isn't that just ego gratification? I also workout and want to get those gains you know, but I think I'm doing it to gratify my self image and was wondering your take on it.

I think what you're saying requires me to have some kind of meta perspective on my own mind processing which I don't have yet. The emotional scale kinda confuses me because: 1) what does it mean to "gently practice reaching for a better feeling thought"? By "reaching" does it mean monitoring my thoughts? 2) How far should I take it? It seems that if I'm going from jealousy to hatred and then anger, I might as well take it to Joy, but why would I do that? It's like as if my goal is to feel joyous every moment.

@EmptyVase Yeah so you see, I still try in subtle ways to control my feelings. I'm like: "what does it mean to express? Does expressing mean becoming aware of it? Ok, well.. here I go, try to express.. Shit, I'm pushing myself! Hold back, it's ok, just feel whatever is. Ok, now let's see what it really means to express and be aware... Where is the breaking point so that I can know how to do it? Shit, I'm trying to wrap my mind around it, trying to conceive and capture the process in my mind, but it doesn't work! I want to know what I'm doing and how to do it so that I can use it in my life but it seems to back-fire on me!"

Hi, I see you have many kinds of meditation techniques and different kinds of yoga you speak of. Do you do schedule your week such that you fit them all? I have a habit of 20 minutes in the morning breath meditation and then 30 minutes at night mindfulness with labeling (hear, see, feel)

The danger is putting this label on yourself and creating an image of a mentally ill person. Trust me, I know. I've been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome not long ago which really shook my self image and tried to escape it by pushing it away and trying to be normal as possible. It has great affect on my position in the army (all my peers are talking about the army and stuff so it always reminds me of this deficiency). I believe the key is to accept it, as it is for what it is. Mindfulness helps for sure. Spending the day thinking about this 'problem' to maintain this identity won't. I would also add that telling some people you have anxiety might help, since you will see that their reaction won't be bad and you'll learn that it is accepted and feel more free

So as I'm practicing more mindfulness, it may sound funny but I feel more able to engage myself in a video game or play the piano a bit. This is quite big for me. If you've noticed, being engaged in a video game requires quite an amount of presence, which is the reason I was always avoiding it. It's scary to lose myself and be emergent with something - I'll be dead! But yeah, it feels like I'm functioning more like a normal human who just likes to play video games, but it was just some stupid phone game (not something really engaging honestly). Also I feel like I'm slowly shifting to the shy territory (from being socially anxious). What I mean by that is that I'm little by little allowing myself to experience fear/discomfort/anxiety in public. The truth is that it is way easier to recognize a shy person from a socially anxious person - because the shy accepts himself more which enables him to reveal his fears and discomforts, which makes him less anxious, kind of a loop. It is still hard for me and I still struggle. I have an identity that all what I do is thinking how I can self actualize without actually doing anything with my life (except meditation practices and a bit of reading and gym). Also to be kind of a confident guy, trying to be more "alpha" but not something serious like macho, which handicaps my ability to deeply feel and express those fears when they come, and I find shy people good at doing that

@Leo Gura You have pointed me to wise insights, thanks. Even though nofap might be a subtle neurotic behavior for building my confidence and grounding, I would still argue it works, but not like any drug or something, it feels healthy and healing. But yeah, at least for now it helps me to deal with my not-so-strong mind. It makes me better with people in general. And yeah I won't lie, this is scary - talking to women. I have some social anxiety and don't feel like it's "the right time"

@PBen534 Nofap is a strange roller-coaster. Diminishing returns do happen, but don't think it will be forever. It is a strange graph. You have ups and downs, exponential growths and diminishing returns. However, over the long term everything is going uphill. It's quite amazing. I had a period when I had a flatline for like 2 weeks of unbearable emotional pain and depression (I was also physically very sick), but after that I just felt so amazing. It just started growing exponentially.

@Leo Gura Basically if you don't jerk off then it will most likely get released in a wet dream, in a healthy amount, naturally, in order to renew the semen in your sack. Sorry but this is just not true. Be honest and admit you haven't done much research on this topic. People have done nofap for a few years and have gotten amazing results and feel way better and healthy. The whole idea of getting cancer from it is stupid and not true. Besides, jerking off will (for most people) make you tired, more fatigued, more brain fog, harder to enjoy the simpler things in life. I mean, jerking off high-jacks your dopamine and that makes it hard to enjoy simple things as nature, meditation, a smile from a person. But like you said, if you have a higher purpose in life which you're more focused on, then I guess masturbation won't affect that much and you'll quickly ground yourself back in your mission, making masturbation just a "small enjoyment" on the side. However, not many people are where you're at, and masturbation will be an outlet very easy to access, and then stay at their lower selves. You still must be feeling not at your highest. Regarding what someone said about you making a video about porn/masturbation, and about my thread I had before where I tried to understand your approach to it - I think it could be a great idea to talk about it in a video on YouTube or a blog since I think many people are confused about your takes on it and it will help clarify things. Just my thought

Just read it and I am so happy I did. Very insightful! some of the things you said were quite relieving such as the ego being beautiful because of it's genius (to love the ego) and that feeling nothing is ok (I believe to feel this nothingness) and to notice the impermanence (by focusing on feeling). What I really loved is that you talked about how accepting feeling is key to feeling. Sometimes I just feel like I want to release my emotions but never do, always suppress them, mostly automatically in subtle ways. Yet I do have this silent yearning for releasing it. I know I want it deep inside because as children we used to do it more often (this is one of the reasons I believe many of us want to go back to be children). I have not yet managed to release emotions even though I've been practicing mindfulness for like a month now (mostly feeling, hearing and feeling sensations). I would say though that I feel a bit more improvement and that I'm not AS resistant as I was before. Opening myself up to acceptance is the real deal. And I don't know how to do it. What practices do you do for it?

I didn't exactly know how to title it, but the main thing is that I'm confused sometimes about Leo's behaviors as to personal and spiritual growth and doubt it sometimes. This is not a troll post. I want an explanation from Leo/someone who understands. So it does occur to me a few times that Leo gives some advice but also acts in opposite to it (can't remember too many examples but I believe he said once something about not watching tv and to eat healthy but in later videos said he enjoyed his ice-cream and plays video games sometimes. Ok this is just small examples ok). But the thing that did kind of bother me is one of his recent blog posts where he posts something about watching porn and seeing a tattoo that says "God is Love". So firstly, you give all this advice about how to self improve and to self actualize in order to live the best life, but then you just go bluntly and tell us all that you watch porn? Why do you watch porn? I though you don't need it because you can get happiness from just Being. I believe you know the damage porn does to your brain, no matter how awake or enlightened you perceive yourself to be. It can affect in many bad ways and you are not above the effects of it. Anyways, it is hard for me to believe you'd just go damage your life quality. I still doesn't really make sense to me, but perhaps you have a higher reason that I'm not even aware of at my level of consciousness currently (?) I am curious to know your motive behind deciding to search pornhub.com and bluntly posting it on the blog letting us all know. I'm sorry if it sounds like an attack. My best interest is to learn

@Roy There is that whole idea of short-term pleasures and long-term happiness (which in fact, Leo shot a video on it). The short-term pleasure will never satisfy you and will actually harm you in the long run (i.e. masturbation, porn, sweets, drugs)

@Leo Gura How will being confused help me? I want to know how a highly conscious person like you would resort to lower behavior such as watching porn. Bro I know you are very wise and you helped me a lot during difficult times in my life, which really makes me wonder.

@Willie hooked on what?

@Loving Radiance Holy shit you're hurting my brain ahhh

@Danioover9000 This is a bad excuse for watching porn. You do not need to damage your brain in such a way for figuring it out. Porn ≠ real life sex. It is not a good indicator and doesn't prepare you well. Channeling your sexual energy towards approaching women is a much better use.