fopylo

By the way after I finished writing this thread I did the Do Nothing meditation and it was probably the best Do Nothing meditation I've ever done. This intense feeling of anger and frustration made it easier to bring it up to the surface and let it be. I was really letting myself loose on that and my day became better and deeper

This is very counter-intuitive to what I know about self improvement. The reason I stopped all this identification with a self image, affirmations, visualizations and all of that is precisely because I've realized its limits, not that I have really ever seriously took time to build a self image. But I don't want to be attached to a persona. If I'm attached to a certain persona then it will actually limit me and I will resist anything that could potentially harm this image. @WelcometoReality So you're basically saying those meditation practices are indeed helping in dissolving negative images that I have about myself. Since it will help dissolve the 'negative part' of the collective image of myself, I'll be left with the 'positive part'. And that will also be dissolved if I continue the work. So it's like: General image I have of myself (attachment to my mind and have limitations) --> Dissolvement of the 'not feeling good' images so that I'm left with better feeling images of myself (with still some attachments and limitations) --> Dissolving also that and becoming nothing? So then building a self image can co-work with dissolving the self? meditation will dissolve the negative, and consciously creating a self image will enhance the positive, or so it seems. But it still seems that the self image can make you somewhat neurotic. Now I want to be free from an attachment to an image.

An amazing insight I had. I mean, when I think about it, pretty much all of the insights I had seem quite obvious or just simply make sense because it's transitive. However in direct experience those insights is basically taking a simple concept and forcing it onto direct experience powerfully so that you own the wisdom. I'm pretty sure you can't teach insights to people. No one has taught me this (insight) and they could certainly have made my life easier by explaining what it means to "express yourself" and "letting go" and I'll even add "setting your mind free". But I can't expect people to know my missing puzzles and determine what is not obvious to me. But this insight s important and I think it needs to be spoken about and taught more. Being honest with myself, with the most petty things, literally exposing my childish biased emotional feelings and reasons to myself. It is saying things like "because I'm scared of my future and I feel very envious of my brother who seems to have built skill and is earning way more than me", or like "I just want sex because I want to feel good" without trying to be all 'spiritual' about it. Literally letting go. But what does "letting go" mean? Does it mean suppression? In my experience what you apparently "let go" of is of your lies to yourself, and this is a biproduct of doing the act of being honest to yourself, telling the truth to yourself (in your mind) but not with words per se, but rather with your thoughts and feelings about something prior to your logical justifications. This is really setting me free. A big part of it has to be due to my practice of the Do Nothing meditation technique which I have to say is POWERFUL. It basically frees you up to think and feel whatever the fuck you want and to do whatever the fuck you want but with more wisdom, because in the meditation I also do Strong Determination Sitting. The meditation is basically me letting my attention go wherever it wants. A while ago I could say this meditation is just me letting my focus go and accepting what is going on. Now it is starting to feel more like "life is happening, my attention is wondering, and everything is. Everything is just happening, kinda normal for life. Being lost in thoughts is simply being lost in thoughts, and being focused is simply being focused. Whichever I feel like, I'll align with it and be". Just a quick improvisation of how it is. It is deeper, with more alignment with what is. It's not a "I'm more focused on the now" kinda thing, but more like a realization that things are just being things and all I'm doing is working and being with the present moment. Kind of hard to explain. But back to the point, the Do Nothing helped me align myself with what is true for me in the moment - which means to put my attention on what I want and feels like I'm true to myself, and to feel what is really here. In retrospect it looks like I am dissolving some beliefs and that's what makes it easier. The belief of needing to feel very good because I'm on this journey is starting to fade away, as well as the belief that I'm superior to others because I'm self actualizing. Also the belief that being spiritual means feeling certain feelings, thinking in certain ways and behaving in certain ways. I blew all that crap away by letting my thoughts and feelings do whatever the fuck they want. I basked in the anger, sadness (for a very bit because I still have work to do and I've suppressed it for most of my life), boredom. I try not to label them, but sometimes I'll be like "Oh shit wait I'm feeling bored" and then trying to feel the boredom, maybe a bit neurotic, Idk.

Same. There was a time I used to travel with my bike and take breaks once in a while to record on my 'notes' app on my phone. The cool thing about it is that you can add recording together with writing so like everything is mixed and you are in a convenient position to express yourself. Yo that's so true!

@RickyFitts Dude there was a period where I used to have a lot of insights and my hands just couldn't keep up. Feelings were coming and passing to quick for me to catch up on them. I would be writing about something I'm experiencing, but while I'm writing it down the experience is changing and morphing into something else. The journaling can be overwhelmingly long.

I tell you to look at your water bottle. Now I tell you to note that it is existing. There's a certain feel to it, like it's more real, more isness to it. Before I started my mindfulness meditations I used to drown in my fantasies and was so disconnected from reality, from existence. Things didn't exists for me really much because literally, I wasn't here, but up in my fantasies. I like to frame it as "connection/disconnection with existence" since this most resonated with me. When you're up in your fantasies it's like you're neither right here in the physical world, nor really up in your thoughts, since if you were really up in your thoughts you would at least note your thoughts as existing. You're somewhere in between, not really sure, here but not really here, and there but not really there. Basically you don't really feel this 'feeling' of existing and having things exist in your perception. I've been there. And it really fucked my life hard. That's basically when I discovered the magic of mindfulness and started following Leo's work. Even though all what I just said isn't so new to me, intuitively speaking, it is something that I just became able to put it into words and understand what was really happening.

@Tim R Very interesting what you're saying... So basically focus is what is gives things the "the being power"/is-ness, or like you said "particularization". But it still leaves the question of where are you? Are you in your head or in this physical reality? It feels that the mind is trying to resist and run from both of them. Are you in the unconscious?? I mean, if I'm aware of it then I guess it isn't...Over the months and years I've been trying to capture those moments when I'm on this verging line from physical to mental, and nowadays I manage to bask in that odd state for a while. I feel like I'm nowhere, kinda trippy. But I do notice it, not always at the moment, but surely like a second afterwards in retrospect

@Preety_India Thought about it for a bit and I think you're half right. It is very effective at getting the things out, like good at sucking the expression out of me since I put it onto paper to make it more concrete, personally. But the problem is that journaling in most cases can't compete with the speed of the mind. Sometimes my mind is running like a million things, many scenarios, changing in feelings, I can't capture everything even when I'm scribbling fast.

When you're lost in this cycle also all the content of thoughts are all over the place and it's hard to get yourself to function. Hard to get yourself to fucking FUNCTION! I'm lucky that some forces gave me some pushes to get out of this state, just a bit, so that I can function and decide to go out and raise my consciousness to get further from this loop. The more free I am, the more free I am to pursue freedom, if this makes any sense

But it got me wondering - what is that state of being here but not really here? The mind is trying to resist the present existence of reality by running into some fantasy. And even the fantasies aren't really clear as it tries to run even from that! It's a never ending loop of resistance and running away. What's left then? Where are you?

Well lucky for me I'm discovering that I was actually quite spiritual and conscious as a child, and those meditations are helping me get back at this state so I believe I'm good. I have a strong intuition that I will awaken in this lifetime like never before. Full enlightenment. Maybe this is farfetched but it feels more like I'm returning to this intuition and all my life I've been chasing other things. Deep down I know I'll become a master of this life. I'll do all the hard work like you did

LMAO

I believe by 'genetics' you mean the right disposition of the brain to just care about this whole thing. It caught my attention what you just said. It might sound odd but I was literally fighting with myself in a neurotic way (a while ago) just so that I can get the fundamental amount of care and productivity built in me so that I can be functional and go after those things. Meditation + nofap + exercise are keeping me functioning. Without them I don't know where I'd be (probably still lost in fantasy land disconnected from existence)

I wonder if this is something to consider sometime in my life. This requires commitment but it seems to interfere with other productive aspects of life like business, health,... Leo I really wonder how you started out. Like no fucking way you started out such a savage with "the literal intent to bring her home for sex that very day". This is quite inspiring and I would also very much like to get to such levels but how did you get started? (courses, books, programs)

@lmfao Yeah that's what I also didn't really understand. Like anime is depicting such an opposite mentality and behavior than Japanese people, even sometimes more than regular American people. I really wonder what Japanese anime viewers take from the shows. Do they see it as fantasy land or do they actually have something light inside of them, like inspiration or something?

@WelcometoReality Superb

Yo I was also thinking of sometime making a thread on that. That shit scared me very much indeed. But the thing is that for some reason I believe in past lives since I get recurring thoughts sometimes ever since I was young, existential thoughts, like I'm messing around with reality, and so I was kinda familiar with those thoughts. I still get sometimes the quick insight into being drowning (drowning has to be one of the scariest for me for sure) and burning in WW2 and shit like that. I think about it for like 1-3 seconds and suppress it. Nevertheless, that shit is still scary. But sometimes I just sit with it for a bit, on an extreme it could be some roman slave or something getting his balls squashed by boulders (sorry), gives me a quick trauma, but I feel like it gives me something exsitentially

@WelcometoReality Well, yeah. Looking back, the act is to not act. Just to be and let go and this is the process of being honest with yourself and seeing the truth behind the lies you tell yourself.

@meow_meow I just had last week my test for being a spokesman and like I've said, I'm really not excited about the military and I would NEED to think about a plan otherwise I'm fucked. I've even had thoughts again about trying to get out of the army, but seeing it in practice I don't think it will go well (telling my parents, friends and people close by knowing I won't be going to the army). I mean I could theoretically really push to become a volunteer (which is for 1 year), but I don't know anymore. If I had been very very clear on my path and on what I want to do in the future, or perhaps have started a very successful business earlier then it could maybe make more sense to my parents but especially to myself for why I decided on getting out. On second thought, if I'm not in the military I might be fucked because I would probably be living like a moron in my parents' house. Saw most of it a while back. I'll give it a second listen

I have journaled already about this so I don't want to feel like I'm repeating myself but I was nervous before going but luckily I went with a friend. This was a party which concludes the end of high-school (not the prom yet). I took like 3 shots overall before getting in. I was really confused and just stood at the sides and went out a few times, but slowly tried to get in by greeting people I know and trying to mimic their moves and laughed it off from embarrassment. Eventually the alcohol started kicking in and I felt very relaxed inside and I just started dancing and expressing myself through my body and it just felt so good, like I'm releasing something in me, practicing letting go. I was starting to really get into the center and wasn't giving a shit what people think about me. I was really happy that I decided to get out of my comfort zone and go (also I got to hug a girl and dance with another one and I just felt so calm in my mind about it). Now I hear here and there that partying is not good and that you shouldn't spend your youth partying. This sounds quite wrong. I swear to god I feel like my consciousness levels kind of shot (although I was trippy) and I was very loving and playful with my environment. I was letting go, and expressing, just expressing. The effect it had on me later was quite huge. It's as if I got the ability to let go more easily, and that means letting my feelings express themselves and be without monitoring, more smoothly. It kind of reminds me of the effects from my first Shamanic Breathing exercise I did.

I'm in a similar position, except with the work stuff. I have intense cravings lately for sex because of all that nofap. Sorry, I don't have anything to add. I'm just following because I'm interested

I've been taking a long break from the book Music Habits: The Mental Game Of Electronic Music Production (if anyone heard about it) and it's quite insightful. One of the things he talks about is the fact that building the habit comes prior to building your skills, and that thinking that you need more "knowledge" and tutorials is just an illusion. Once you build the habit then everything becomes way easier and you actually do create music instead of just fantasizing. So basically he gave an exercise (or advice) to open your DAW and create everyday for 15 minutes (though he said you can do even up to 30 minutes, but I'll stick with 15). He says that it can be very trashy, but as long as you create something , it's good. So I've been doing this exercise in the past (not consistently, skipping some days), and let me tell you my experience and maybe you could help guide me. So here are some struggles I faced with it: I felt pressure to create something and be creative. Even tough he said it can be trashy I still felt the anxiety to create something, bring an idea onto the table and make it sound good. I also felt sometimes pressured by the time. 15 minutes never gave me enough time to start and finish something. This made shorter beats that are mostly on loop with nothing special. I don't want to go also overtime because I don't want my brain to think that like 20 minutes is what I should be aiming for next time, putting more pressure. The biggest reason why I skipped days (imo) is because this process feels so dumb. I have this notion that I'm capable of reaching very high levels with my music if I really put my effort into it. And doing this exercise really makes me feel trash and hurt. Some of the instruments are just too heavy for my FL Studio to render, which is frustrating and very limiting. About the last point, I'm really interested in creating orchestral music. I just think it's so damn beautiful. The problem is that my laptop can't fucking render the good quality violins while I'm creating. It is a real pain to play a few notes and then make a sample out of it because this is the only way to render it, and even then it's really a mess. I've been really inspired by the YouTuber Alex Moukala if anyone knows. But back to the writer's block. I just don't really know what to think about in this process. What are some good mindsets and ideas I should take while doing those 15 minutes. I get also really frustrated when my song is just a loop, or the sounds are not as I had in my head. I've decided that I want to get back into creating music. I wouldn't be surprised if it's somehow tied with my life purpose. All the time fucking delaying it with excuses that seem so valid, even such as "I'm taking a break to practice mindfulness and meditation so I can come back stronger" is a very genius get-away. Anyways, I would appreciate guidance and advice from fellow musicians here who also went through such a period. Thanks

@Nahm But I really do. That is what's keeping me doing meditation - the purification of the mind. From my point of spiritual development I still need to do meditation and purify my mind. Maybe from your point of development things look much different and you might even say "enlightenment is already the case", sure, it might be true but won't help someone way behind you. Even now saying there is no in front and behind is from your point. Let's get it more relative to me. Okay, so even if it's a thought it is still pointing towards a system, a system of fears and problems (which I've created) that limit my potential and imagination and ability to let go and create whatever the fuck I want. I can't simply be ignorant to them. It's like refusing to look at your bank statement because it makes you very uncomfortable seeing all your expenses and the solution will be to focus on something else that will make you feel good. It doesn't seem like you're addressing the 'negative' thoughts. Even if we created them, I think we still need to handle them somehow. From what I understood meditation is supposed to serve in surfacing those thoughts to the conscious mind (the conscious level, consciousness, however you like) in order to purify them. Isn't that how you let go? I like that. I seem to have over the months and years different perspectives which change a bit over time, all about some problem I have, taking different angles to it. I need to let go of something deeper than one perspective

Thanks!

I've purchased it but I don't know where to log in. When I go to 'store' then it says that I already purchased it but there's no button to open it