fopylo

I miss it so much? Nah lol, but for real isn't there something beautiful about sufferings, simply because it's a feature of life? Suffering is part of the journey and the thing that literally helped course correct you into being the person that you are today

Basically I feel a bit dizzy, a bit light, calm. Felt like an intense "do nothing" meditation + being grounded in deep rest. I got some insights I've wrote about, quite an epic experience. But I'm a bit scared that I might get some unexpected side-effects. Hopefully they won't embarrass me or fuck me up lol

I haven't done Shamanic Breathing in a long time and the frustration finally got to me and I'm tired of postponing it all the time for a perfect setting. I have finally decided to do today, in fact I am planning on doing it after I write this, so I need quick advice whether it's ok or could really harm me. I just finished practicing sprints (I'm after the shower) and my lungs are quite exhausted (I still have energy, they're just a little bigger now), and I'm also quite light-headed. Unfortunately my mother came back home so that will make it very hard and I might try to suppress myself and worry what if she walks in on me or hears my deep breaths from the other side (I'm also with my eyes closed and listening to a guiding youtube video so I won't hear really my surroundings. Please, should I do it? My thought at the start was "fuck it. I'll do it. I'm young, let me build experience. Worse case, I'll fuck myself and learn." But now the fatigue started to get to me, feeling a bit dizzy and lightheaded from the run (might almost faint in the Shamanic Breathing), and I feel some anger and hate rising in me because of my mother being in the house (but she's going to bed soon, but hopefully my father doesn't come surprisingly home). Ok, what do you think? The sooner the better, please

Well it might have been stupid but I eventually did it lol ? I wrote about it here:

Alright, I just finished my second ever Shamanic Breathing. So the setting was similar as last time: AC on 24 degrees, lying in my bed and it was for 15 minutes (started around 22:30). So I want to start off by saying that this was a very odd time to do this: I just finished practicing sprints (and had a shower before I started obviously) but my lungs were still quite exhausted and I felt lightheaded and dizzy, even in the shower I felt I could fall down but was holding onto the wall. Also, unfortunately my mother came in and I was very frustrated and mad. I was worried it will really handicap my session (what if she walks in, what if she hears me). She's generally very ignorant and I don't want to deal with her stupidity, sorry. I was also quite nervous for what if my father comes home and unexpectedly walks in on me, after all I can't see and hear my surroundings. Anyways, into the session: I put the timer for 15 minutes and started the YouTube video for Shamanic drumming. Honestly, I felt quite awake this time, didn't feel as intense as the last one. My hands weren't really paralyzed, and I felt like I could move my body with more ease than last time. I checked to see how much time I have left on the timer twice - one time it showed about 7:30 and the second time showed 2:30 (on the first session I didn't check the time once, but maybe because this session I was more nervous and wanted to get it done). Oh, and I've also got a little sleepy so I skipped some breathes without noticing. But I want to talk about some amazing things I've experienced this time. It basically felt like how it feels after a good "Do Nothing" meditation + more grounded + deeper rest. When I'm listening to the drums I'm getting into a deeper state of surrendering. Man, like I felt almost like a baby. I was letting go and letting myself experience what is true for me to experience (that's how it felt), and connecting to the physical reality around me. But this deep rest, oh yeah. I was looking up at my ceiling (and other objects were in my perception, some more blurry than others) and it was easier to surrender to it, meaning, fully being with it, as if it is the only thing there is (in my perception), so it was easier to be with it. But seriously, the grounding was also very amazing. I felt I'm being after I opened my eyes, being a baby lol (well, maybe close to it, feeling-wise). My head felt very clear and refreshed, not needing to repress any thought or feeling. While I was doing it I felt worry at one time because I was worried that my mother might open the door or something. I opened my eyes for this moment and I felt the worry, really, it was actually quite enjoyable, for this moment at least. I allowed myself to feel it, like a little child feeling worry, it feels more normal and not much repression goes on. Ok, you got the point. I wonder what will happen next to me. Perhaps what I described was a process of things surfing into my awareness like the deep surrendering, letting myself truly worry for a moment, feeling more light and clear - because I let go of some dissonance in my mind. I really want to do more of that Shamanic Breathing before I start my camp. It brings me into deep states of real calm of mind and strengthens my equanimity. What an asset! I'll make sure to do it when it's a bit safer and not do it in a dumb setting lol. But imo it was still quite worth it.

@The0Self What could be the alternative then?

At what age would you suggest to start taking psychedelics?

@Eph75 How does that make any sense lol. Do you mean to meditate for the sake of meditation rather than for the output? (Doing the practice > results?) The word "repression" came up to mind when reading this. Perhaps after all my mind isn't all powerful enough to let thoughts go without using some kind of control or monitoring. It's more like, the mind just wants to think and so I try not to suppress it. This can happen sometimes after the "Do Nothing" meditation. The point of it is to accept your monkey mind and that includes accepting getting lost in thought stories

How do you extract value? Simply fucking enjoy it. Don't try to look for value to extract. Not everything needs to do with self improvement/actualization. Follow what you really want in your heart. If you want to watch that movie or read that book then read it. Allow yourself without trying to leech something from it. Give yourself to it. This is perhaps the more "spiritual" thing. Letting go of that need to get self help advice will let you immerse more in the story, and the value you're getting, in a sense, is letting yourself enjoy. You're freeing your mind from this belief things need to serve you. Flow with the immersion. If it's hard for you I would highly recommend the "Do Nothing" meditation technique. It surely helped me let go more. Wish you all the best.

@RendHeaven But if you're aligned with God doesn't that mean you're super highly conscious already, and thus try to act in a more consciously way like trying to improve mankind, caring for people or something like that?

@Eph75 The one hour that you do (and the two hours that you did), was it an accumulation of different sessions into one hour or you sat 1 time a day one hour straight? What does that mean? Disengaging the mind in what sense? You mean practicing mindfulness while laying on the bed at an odd position? I take my dog out once or twice a day and it does give me time to think, but most of the time it isn't intentional thinking. Most of the morning shifts for taking the dog out are on me, so I usually take my dog for like a 10-15 minute walk and then do the 30 minutes of Do Nothing, most of the times backed with 20 minutes of focus on breath. But aren't thoughts cool after all? They are fantasy and you can come up with whatever you want that will make you feel comfortable in the moment. Your long rants are interesting and I never get bored. I am thinking on maybe stopping with the 20 minutes focus on breath in the morning. I might be getting some focus but I feel very neurotic afterwards and hard to focus on the whole and be in flow with everything. I feel it's very antithetical to the Do Nothing technique, wherein the Do Nothing technique you develop a sensitivity to this circuit that controls your attention and allows void to happen without control, and so you don't repress thought - like you said. And the focusing on breath heightens this control freak, like I'm trying to limit reality. I'll try getting rid of this focusing and see what happens

@Preety_India Unleashing your feelings by acting on impulses will lead to disaster and won't create a healthy society, and won't help you grow since you're still being controlled by the feelings

@Preety_India If an angry man will always unleash his anger by talking rudely to people and maybe even use violence, how do you think his life would be? Will people want to connect with him? But more importantly, how do you think he would feel inside? It's all a projection. You can accept the way you're feeling, even when feeling angry or some other negative emotion, you can journal about them or sit still and experience the feeling, not letting it take over your actions. But when you do let it take over then it can cause disaster. I'm not saying that you won't feel the relief doing what you're doing, but it will backfire. Imagine if all of the people just unleashed what they feel in action being controlled by the feeling, disaster. If we all throw our shit at each other we won't grow. If people decide to litter the planet because in that moment they think "Hey, I'm free to do what I want, I only live once and I don't want to constrain myself, fuck that, it's only me", yeah, planet is fucked. You see where I'm trying to go?

@Preety_India There's a difference between being selfish and just rude. The dude tried to help you. Being selfish as you want has nothing to do with acting in badass savage ways. I believe you want to be more grounded and assertive, being more responsible for yourself like Eph7 said. I understand you just wanted to unleash some of that maybe to just cross the line and get that taste of being 'selfish' (maybe you didn't feel it for a long time and it was an impulse). But it won't sustain. I would practice grounding myself and practice stating what I truly want and really feel. Why do you want to try to become selfish? (the way you imagine yourself to be) Is it by any chance an escape from embodying your authentic self?

Hi, sorry I didn't really come here to give any advice, but I have a feeling you might be dealing with something I am also (I might be wrong) which is mental masturbation and having fun keeping this story of 'you being too selfless and trying to overcome it by being more selfish' alive. You might be having fun engaging in this problem, but are you ready for if let's say now we all stop engaging here and also the problem is fixed? Sure, people have great advice, but it might actually confuse more if you try to analyze and theories too much. Again, sorry if I'm jumping too quick into conclusion. I might be projecting but just intuitively felt it might be the case. Wish you the best

@Eph75 I've been doing the Do Nothing technique for like a month, 30 minutes every morning. I feel like I'm becoming more at ease with my attention. Allowing my attention to go and wonder like a child following a raindrop with his eyes out of curiosity. Genuine attention. Although sometimes I can get stuck in my mind, and even though it's ok since it's part of the meditation (to accept the monkey mind) it makes me intentionally get into thought stories if I feel like trying to escape (not as serious as it sounds, but the accumulation of it makes it frustrating) and it somehow makes me not aware of the rest of reality, like I'm denying the physical room in which I'm in. Do you have a recommendation for a different ritual? Maybe to do it longer? I would like to hear

@Javfly33 Yeah man I'm noticing this problem is deeper than I expected, meaning I am recognizing that I have more and more shadows and parts of me that I repress without even knowing them, or maybe not repression, maybe they're hidden deep and rarely get the chance to get provoked

Dude you should really have a youtube channel. I believe the things you talk about like music, money, sex could be really valuable to people. Just a suggestion.

@Eph75 So basically occupying your mind with a thought will get you attached to the thought since you build more neural pathways as you keep analyzing? How can you intentionally let go of a thought without repression? Consciously deciding to let go of a thought is like deciding to push it away. Every time I repressed a thought it was because I tried to get it out of my system somehow (which didn't really, just pushed it back), and I did it intentionally. If this example isn't so good then sometimes when I do mindfulness meditation and I try to put my focus on a tree (for example) and then I am starting to have thoughts then I push them aside because I gotta focus, can't lose that focus, and I suppress the thought. I recognize that I'm having thoughts and pushing them aside but then I feel mental dissonance

@Eph75 I will try but it will be hard as I kinda know those people and I'm starting to become part of their group so it's kind of going against my survival. And also what does it mean to 'let go'? I hear it so often but what does that practically mean and how do I do it?

@Leo Gura Shit man that hit. Thank you, I feel better from what you said! I guess I am "better off" by realizing myself more than them and having a deeper connection to life. I have some talents and a general good brain if I'm being honest. Other than that they are still better socially, which is something I strive to be and so I focus on my lack of it which makes me feel bad

@Leo Gura So then in what way am I "better off"?

@Eph75 A few years ago I remember this group, this same group I was talking about, not all of the people but most of them I kinda new and maybe even had some social gatherings with them. That was before I could care any less for a girlfriend or their companionship. I went to those meetings from the approach of "I'm going to go to this meeting of those people just to be with them a bit, but in general I have my other people I spend time with". I wasn't seeking much from them, which left me room to give from myself, from my more authentic self. I did things and behaved in ways that were not signaling that I want something from them. Because I really didn't. In my head I didn't even want to be part of this group (only had with them maybe like 3 meetings at the time). What I heard years later from a girl that left our school, is that most of the girls found either me or another kid attractive (out of the boys there, which there weren't many). I was actually quite shocked. If anything I believed that most of them are after this other kid so I was really surprised. Perhaps I had so little expectations that I didn't even focus on that kind of stuff. But those people are what most people would call in society "the weird people". You know, you find people like that in every place (usually some of them are bi-sexual, gay, into fantasy, generally weird. This is not a stigma but a fact). So it didn't really make me feel amazing because I don't think I'd really want to be with any of them. But yeah, sorry for this long chatter. I think it is to not have expectations and approach it with the knowing that I'm better even if I don't get what I want which leaves me room to be authentic, I guess (?)

@hoodrow trillson Yeah man it is really frustrating, especially for the fact that he invited you and you didn't know anyone there and was killing it way more than him. Try getting into his mind. The dude probably wanted to try and improve as well (a mere guess. Maybe he wanted to work on himself?) and what ended up is that he barely managed and feels bad about himself, and you on the other hand come in at ease not knowing anyone, effortlessly just killing it. I believe this has to do with the fact that he might have too many expectations on how he wants things to unfold (which is the same problem I have) and you probably don't have much expectations and just flow with what is, being authentic, and that's probably the wiser move.

@Leo Gura Thanks for the encouragement. But I am starting to believe less that it is a façade since it seems they genuinely enjoy it. My friend tells me he feels good after those events and they are all quite loose compared to me. I don't want to hold onto what you said as "whoo, ok, so I'm good. At least I know that I'm good and will be better off in the future". If they are feeling good but have a façade, then what is going on with me? What is this "true expression" that most of the people are letting out? If it is genuine, then how is it a façade?