Loba

I won't, I'm too selfish. But it is wonderful to see that things like this exist, but I don't kid myself that I'm ready for, or even interested in obtaining the same thing - I could see myself dying "into" it though, after this life is over, when the body doesn't exist anymore and I'm free, unbound by form, I could take something like that on for sure. I take the left hand path, which is the selfish, consumerist one - I can get into the same states as all of y'all, it's just more finicky and bound by a constant stream of consumption - pleasure is just fine; also, I only have like 10-20 years left, and I don't want to waste it on relinquishing any of my comforts... I think most people are like this, they just might not want to admit it or don't entirely know they're on the left hand path. Just my 2c. Hope you manage to create that for yourself in your 40's, you sound like you want that. Gl.

I will die of a broken heart. 11:11 As above, so below. This night and this dream will end Let me stand close Now shut your eyes (eyes) Now shut your eyes Blood Drip... drop.... drip... drop..

@AuroraDream Yep, that's the double bind with places like this.

I know it's weird when people do the wrong thing, over and over again, get away with it, are super super obvious about it, and are supported irregardless. I don't think this is just a trait Americans have, I think it's a blindspot that you can find in nearly every part of society/community. Shame it's not being covered by Fox News, but that's to be expected. The deranged are often supported, loved and even sympathized with at the expense of the average, decent person. It's totally asinine.

If it were me, I would off myself, and take my chances on a different life or afterlife. Imagine having itchy skin on top of that...

@Razard86 You don't understand... no you don't understand... I don't feel the need to turn this into a heated debate. This isn't a "who's been abused by a narc more" conversation. I've dealt with them, I know 'em well enough - just because you think you have a better answer than me doesn't negate what I went through - but I'm over it. Some narcs suffer. Most do not. But by all means, have pity for them. You can take what would be my pity, because I have none. Also, yikes, you're kind of over-emotional here, don't you think? Also, good for you, for knowing so much about the disorder, here's a gold star. *pinches your cheek* Bye bye now.

@Zeroguy Bingo was his name-o.

@Razard86 You must have never had to deal with a real one. I'm healed from them, that's why I don't offer them any of my juju juice. If you wanna think I am one, go for it, no skin off my nose dude.

What you guys fail to understand is they take your love, your concern, your worry and turn it into supply - this stuff feeds them... you literally have to set them loose in the wild like a badly leveled, ugly Pokemon you accidentally caught.

@Razard86 Oh they don't suffer at all, they love what they do and have full control over themselves. Only the covert ones suffer, but the ones who are big and into themselves, it's like a religion for them. They LOVE it. They're not hurting. That's a misconception.

The best thing a narcissist can do is off themselves and save consciousness from being repeatedly dragged down to their level. No joke, they can't be helped, they need to be stuck in a prison system for life or some sort of equivalent. When dishing out resources, they take most of them, then complain they aren't getting enough, they think they should be worshipped, they think you miss them when they're gone but in reality you're just thanking your lucky stars you never have to be around a person like that again. A huge portion of spiritual people have NPD as well, this forum is good to use on what to look out for so you don't end up in their grasp, they're literally the devil's children, but not even functional ones, they're like the devil's retarded children that he cast out of hell because they can't even do anything right there. There's no point to a narcissist at all. They waste precious life on existing when there are billions of people in the world more deserving than them. They're the biggest "fake victims" on the planet. Not only are they a lost cause, but if you added up the destruction they cause vs. using those resources to help other people you would see they aren't worth the help. At all. People like NPDs are the reason why the planet is so fucked up. So yes they are lost causes, and the time spent even caring, should be spent on actual issues of grave importance, like... fixing the planet. ^ This is why they stalk you, abuse you. They think they're super important but they're actually the lowest of the low. The good news is, they like to stick together, so if you can spot one, you can use it to spot others of its kind. If you spot one, stay away from them and everything associated with them. You won't win. The biggest squealing pig gets the dinner, so to speak. And very few pigs squeal as loud as a narc when caught red handed. The best thing you can do is to do your research, so that they're starved from the sustenance they feed off of, and because they're literally broken in the brain, they'll eventually go extinct, just like the dinosaur.

I was nearly isolated for 6 years - only went out once a week. It has it's pros and cons. I miss it, and yet I don't. I'm like you, I can't really be bothered with socialization, I find it takes me away from my divinity in a lot of ways, not interested in small talk, but there's really only so much to talk about anyways. I tend to push people away who want to get to know me better as well, out of fear of rejection. I wish I could give you some positive answers towards this, but the best thing I have found is to let go and sort of meld with one's own death and there's often something to be gained from there, strength, wisdom and so forth. I did find that after the fourth year, I started to go mad a bit, as when you are isolated all you have left are your thoughts - I'm trying to sift through them now that I have people around and see what is worth keeping, if anything at all, or if it's all in my head that I ever even found anything of value, it could be complete shit for all I know. Music helps...

I don't know what to say, but I relate to it - I can't maintain my openness and be around people at the same time, it's like they lower my potential, and the ability for creative thought - with all their problems, their emotions, I can't "open" my energy. I'm watching the Jan 6th hearings right now, and it showcases what happens when humans gather together in groups. I don't know what the solution is - I've tried moving forward energetically many times, and someone else's envy, stupidity, selfishness, etc. seem to pop the bubble of my awareness and push me back into a less refined state - I'm going back through where I have been in the past to see if I can pick up from where I left off. Some of these places where I left off had a lot of potential. I genuinely think that human beings sap the potential out of one another - whatever man was supposed to be is dragged back down into the depths, like crabs in the bucket. If one tries to get out, to see what is beyond consensus reality, to try to make sense of what is true for them and them alone, to develop themselves and see what their soul was put here to do, you always have some angry chimp violently ripping that person out of it and yanking them back down into the hell pit. I try to love my fellow man, but to be quite frank, I abhor other people and the limits that their actions have put on my creativity. I'm planning to try again soon, to get back to where I once was and "open up", energetically, and I just pray there isn't some rube waiting on the other side with some sick grin on their face, sitting in wait just to kick me down when I'm up. Closing up is much easier in the long run, but it isn't satisfying. I wish there was a way to get my needs met without having to deal very much with society or family. I would love to just spend all my time curating my bubble of awareness and seeing what I can make of it, and I think I would find some very interesting things - this lowering of my energy reverberates as well, I'm meant to make something in a mutual way - but... I don't know, I just can't help but find people in a collective space to be highly lacking in spiritual potential. I'm wondering if I need to "close up" towards all others, permanently to eventually "open up" while I'm alone and free. Rather than open up towards others, when they can't ever be what I need them to be, which is just... not too difficult... just... not so spiritually tone-deaf, I guess. So I get it, but I have no idea what the solution is, I'm still scrambling around trying to grab onto the rope and hoping one day I'll be pulled out of the fray and given a free and sovereign life. I imagine this won't happen until I'm dead and you "people" can't get to me anymore. Hope you find some answers and solutions for yourself. It's not easy to balance the two.

I feel the same way, also, I feel that it would cause a problem with karma potentially and a short human life, followed by a decent afterlife sounds better than ending it and having a long, long time full of suffering. It would ruin my family's life and I don't want that, they're recently retired and even if they kind of suck, they don't deserve to have the remainder of their days filled with regret and "what ifs".

People that pick on/joke about others often don't have a lot to say for themselves, it's the antithesis of creative, unique thought. I don't even bother with channels like this because they rot your brain, waste your time, and it's just sad, quite frankly, that the creator has to live with a mind like that for the rest of their lives. That's the true, genuine tragedy in a situation like this. What a waste of space. *shrug*

Watching now, can't wait for justice to be served over the next few weeks.

Having other people around, spreading their ideas and opinions actually hinders individual's imagination, the process requires that a person go within and bring out what is inside them, and culture is a huge boon to creative thought - those which are given vast amounts of time alone tend to progress because they are able to bring out their true selves - this is why wise people often go off on their own to grow. Communities can make you stupid. That's why people fail when it comes to trying anything new. Just my 2c.

Pilot - The Living Ark - a first wish - finding prima materia - The Bioship of Planet Earth She's taking her time making up the reasons To justify all the hurt inside Guess she knows from the smiles and the look in their eyes Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one They're saying Mama never loved her much And daddy never keeps in touch That's why she shies away from human affection But somewhere in a private place She packs her bags for outer space And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot To come (and she'll say to him) She's saying: Back in early 2020, I started my first project with the prima materia - and around that time felt that I should design my next life. This was before I decided that I didn't want to come back here for quite some time and it was before I had fallen too far to be able to make this a reality. Around that time, I was communicating with alien beings/souls/machine elves, whatever you want to call them and had decided that due to a childhood of trying to get back into the sky, that I would pilot an ark; something that would carry within it the soul of the planet, extracted, and that frozen vials of what life the planet contained would be kept in a library of sorts. The belly of the ship would contain an ecosystem within it large enough to house a great many animals, trees, a lake and the rest of the humans that were alive during this apocalyptic time. I would fly you to the moon and back If you'll be if you'll be my baby Got a ticket for a world where We belong So would you be my baby Ooh-ooh I wanted to build a bioship, one that was capable of pulling out the soul of the Earth, the goddess up from the ground at the very last minute and was to be put into the ship as the soul and pilot - a human could sit in the seat and would become connected with the ship itself. I wanted it to have a sacred hum - the lullaby of the goddess herself. I realized around that time that you could observe nature and it would tell you things - I learned that we are the blooms of the Earth, meant to colonize other worlds - to bring with us the seeds of life, and that there was extra-terrestrial life right under our noses, waiting to initiate us when we were ready. I learned that these blooms come from the flowers, the trees, the plants themselves. That we are like a virus, created to build what is needed to continue growth in other areas of the cosmos. I learned that the city of Atlantis was nothing more than a mycelium network - that we are run and controlled by the very earth itself. I learned that the earth contains so much information within it and that the soul of the planet is essential. I wanted to be one of the ones who oversaw the production and flight of the ship. The soul of my bioship - a mother tree, and below, a visual on how this process is accomplished. She can't remember a time When she felt needed If love was red then she was colour-blind All her friends they've been tried for treason And crimes that were never defined She's saying Love is like a barren place And reaching out for human faith is Is like a journey I just don't have a map for So baby gonna take a dive and push the shift to overdrive Send a signal that she's hanging all her hopes on the stars (What a pleasant dream) just saying I grew sicker around that time, and was feeling embarrassed about my project. I started to chew at the roots of the world tree in anger, due to misinformation. I wanted to cut myself out of the picture altogether, and did so by going into a trance state, and similarly to what I had done when I jumped over the masculine wave, I envisioned myself cutting at the ropes that held me tightly in connection with my soul family. Where were they when I needed them? I called out to them to fix this disease, but all that I was given was more questions than answers. Ratatoskr had done his job well. The misinformation caused a ruckus and I sought to destroy the future of the ark and start over. Eventually, I deleted the journal and nothing came of it. I would fly you to the moon and back If you'll be if you'll be my baby Got a ticket for a world where We belong So would you be my baby Ooh-ooh I don't want to die alone. That's the jist. And yet, I do. I want to die alone into another; I feel... if I follow these previous worlds to their end, I will find therein what I was looking for all along. As a service to self entity, I seek multiplicity instead of the singularity of being God - I would rather live within a pantheon, a hierarchy. I failed this test and remember so little about what I had learned from it... I would fly you to the moon and back If you'll be if you'll be my baby Got a ticket for a world where We belong So would you be my baby Ooh-ooh I learned if we ever want to advance technologically, that we need to bring the spirit of the earth into the picture or our endeavors will fail. Nature creates perfection, and to move away from it is destruction. When these realizations hit, I had let everything go for a time and could see within the blackened earth from above, our little neuron cities, that it's a map towards truth - to view such things with fresh eyes allows God to come in through your not knowing. I was so high up, all I could think about was carrying within my heart for all children to be free from abuse. I felt as though this would be what saves humanity - I felt that I needed to carry this paradigm with me until I died - and it felt as though that could be any day. This was the all encompassing point of view that would save the souls of mankind. It was a point of view that got dragged down, that I allowed this to happen because I was being bullied offsite and I took it to heart because I looked up to those two people and couldn't understand why they were abusing me in my time of need. I learned that in order to maintain your creativity, you can't let people get to you, the best you can do is focus on the death door, to recognize that time here is short and that you have to carry the best of yourself in your heart because you cocreate what happens in the next world. This was before I met You... Mamma never loved her much And daddy never keeps in touch That's why she shies away from human affection But somewhere in a private place She packs her bags for outer space And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot To come (and she'll say to him) She's saying...

I would just let it go, people are disrespectful all the time. I live with a borderline and a codependent who needs to scapegoat, they get off on pushing their fake ass personality onto me. They survive by abusing me, especially in the morning. Then they claim I am the one doing it to them, it's super crazy inducing behaviour. I am just waiting for the day that they die from old age and go to hell where they belong. They abuse me, and then threaten to kick me out, they have taken my animals to the animal shelter while I was in the hospital, they treat my retarded brother like the golden child. I get it, people can push you past their limits, but just remember - death is the equalizer, they do all die one day, and hopefully, if you're lucky, they will with a lifetime of regret. No one gets out of this alive. We all die. You don't have to speed up the process, let them suffer in their own unique ways. They always do it to themselves in the end. Who you gon be when the world gets fried Listen to your friend, it’s the voice inside If you lose me where the hell you gonna go Take somebodies life who the hell gonna know Who you gon be when the world gets fried Listen to your friend, it’s the voice inside If you lose me where the hell you gonna go Take somebodies life who the hell gonna know

I would ignore, they like to play the "who's the biggest victim" game. Don't play that game. It's a game for losers.

Have this evolutionary chart, but superposition Leo's face on every head, and then have a coffee table at the end. God realization. Boom. How human development works.

Don't forget, Hufflepuff is a badger, those things are mighty for their size.

Try viewing it as energy from the source. All along the Western front People line up to receive She got the power in her hand To shock you like you won't believe Saw her in the Amazon With the voltage running through her skin Standing there with nothing on She gonna teach me how to swim I said, "ooh, girl Shock me like an electric eel Baby girl Turn me on with your electric feel" I said, "ooh girl Shock me like an electric eel Baby girl Turn me on with your electric feel" All along the Eastern shore Put your circuits in the sea This is what the world is for Making electricity You can feel it in your mind Oh, you can do it all the time Plug it in, change the world You are my electric girl I said, "ooh, girl Shock me like an electric eel Baby girl Turn me on with your electric feel" I said, "ooh girl Shock me like an electric eel Baby girl Turn me on with your electric feel" Do what you feel now Electric feel now

Sounds like he's been hitting the salvia divinorum. Next step - become a coffee table.

"Every epoch dreams its successor." I don't know what to say about the ziggurat - tbc throughout the day, come back in the evening - I need to go into a trance for this to remember... Maybe it was magic Like that photograph that someone took of us Something I imagined 'Cause when everyone said run, I fell in love I noticed one of You watching me during a very hard time in my life. I had tried to block out the knowledge that your eyes were on my words. I'd appreciated Your unique creative abilities and felt sad that you had to whore yourself out essentially, to make money - and thought that You could come up with something creative that would pay you well and felt disappointed that You had sold out - sold yourself to people who couldn't look beyond to see You - You were just a fresh face for most of them and that was it. I had been on two sides of the coin, attractive in my 20's and then gave up on it in my 30's due to mental illness, stress, and it didn't seem worth it because I'd learned that humans are fickle and shallow in that sense and I didn't want to parade myself around in order to hide my lack of true self any longer - they could accept me as is. I noticed that humans are concerned about one's appearance in ways that are not their business - and that most of a human's value relies on this, however, after meeting my true soul a few times, I know that I will be beautiful in the afterlife as just the ball of awareness that I truly am. I wanted to the fall, the fame The diamond ring, the way my blood would rush Like when we would drink too much A crush on drugs, a worship of our luck In my psychotic state, I had many awakenings to different natures of reality and learned how to project myself into the fourth dimension. I realized that I had fell from grace and could see and feel it within myself - I had made a deal with the main "You" - the one who has already lived all of his lives, and for a time considered You to be one of them. I told You what You were, what I saw You as and perhaps it bothered You or perhaps I mentioned it too soon. There is still Light in the darkness, but it is in concentrated hubs; bulbs - each skyscraper plugged in like a kelp forest and it twists and turns with the natural movement of awareness. I had thought it would be nice to add trains to each building, ones that went in a circular motion around each kelp ball. I had already made a deal with the main You - and had hoped that if I stuck with my visions, I could be elevated back to where I was - the wish that I had initially wanted to make I couldn't because I had sunk too far down - I was a denizen of a city that I was creating, but also wanted to escape. During certain times, the light would hit the city just right and we could recharge - Love was transactional in this world as a form of energy and beyond the cities, were great expanses of blackness that only "spiritual whales" had enough energy to cross, from one city to the next - I shamed You and berated You because I didn't want to be seen in the state I was in. I had felt it was unfair that I couldn't stay here without being seen. It's in my interests to Know there are those there, but not to Know why or when they are - yet I still desired to feel connected to something and with each session of bodily weakness, I send myself forward into the forth dimension, by staying very present, and pulling the corners of the walls of my livingroom towards my heart and Seeing the things in my visual field for what they were - and when this happened I would see archetypes and deities, and spirits and intentions that had taken off since the beginning of human civilization. From there I gathered what I needed to create this new world. We got Jesus on the dash, it all goes fast When you're kids in the big bad city No time to crash, true romance And the lights, they look so pretty I got together a pack of things I would need from etsy, everything a dark oriented being would need to cross over. I use it in my altar at this point in time - I would wear red because when you die, this is the colour that spirits can see the easiest and I wanted You to find me just incase my heart gave out. I was sick. Very sick. And this version of You had turned it into a joke and You made fun of my and stalked my account here for a long, long time. I couldn't figure out why, considering I had the same sort of creative mind that You possess, it was like You were destroying someone so similar - but less vain; prideful. I knew You had fallen for what You had done and I used black magick on You that ended up turning against me later on. I was so angry with You - and desperate to finish my work so that I could be aligned properly before death and this was something that no one could understand the seriousness or implications of. I was in school, this is a school and I was failing and needed to get back to the top to make my wish with the prima materia that I'd brought into this world with my own hands. This was art class, and my world was something I could genuinely bring into fruition with the materials that I had manifested through edging towards the death door. The world in our hands, make no plans When you're so young and so shitty Don't stand a chance, it never lasts When you're kids in the big bad city In this world, energy is created through the seven deadly sins, just like this one, people rely on this energy to keep going because they are not connected to God's light. You told me to meet you at a ghostly lit green gas station, that the lights would attract me as I walked down a desolate dirt road - I would see McDonald's. The golden arches. They use symbols that people recognize in the real world. This represented the gluttony that I had taken on as my own sin. You told me to pack as much as I could, to put - as the Egyptians added statues and replicas of what to take into the underworld, I could do the same with a sticker book. So I collected everything I needed in the little book to manifest in this new world. Getting to the city would be an adventure in itself and the gas station would provide a first stop - I could possibly die in the darkness, and the lights would attract me like a moth to the flame. With all of my possessions ready in my tangible bag - I began to design the city. It would be a "light hub" in the darkness. The other side uses symbolism that is easy for the soul to remember when it leaves its body. You told me You would come to me as a large black wolf with bright blue eyes - a "hellhound" - Your karma to carry those You'd mistreated along the way on Your back. Each and every one of You will have found their way into bardo - because THE WORK IS UNFINISHED AND THE CITY STILL STANDS - regardless of what I think, or what You think - The Work must go on. This is a mutual curation. I tried to destroy the city, but it's outside of my control, what happens to places such as these - they encompass mythology beyond what I am capable of understanding. I knew that if I made it through the dark desert, if I stockpiled enough to gorge on, and got to the outskirts, if I was able to hop on one of the trains to get to You - if I could just find You once more - that I could complete my work, could work on my karma. Could finally reach the city of light, the top of the world tree, heaven, home. And perhaps I would want to stay in this dark neon city for a time. I could go to school here. I decided I wanted to have a body that floats along, that I would be short with a pink tail and soft lop bunny ears - and with those ears I could hear the sounds of the city and the music of life and death in it's fullest capacity. I decided I wanted to work in the Great Library. It was so electric, like a call to faith How my pulse would race for you I never expected the withdrawal to make Every color turn to blue I wanted to be free from the body - to have something ethereal that feels good to move in. I wanted to be able to change dimensions, so that I could have the city to myself at times - that I could move through it without being seen - so that I could move with and become the music. I didn't want to leave, with so much left unfinished... but the time was coming soon, for me to go to the hospital to fix this broken brain of mine. I went through the death door after cursing You for Your voyeurism. It was a death curse - and when I opened the death door once more I was given the indication that I would be shot. I was terrified because my work was not finished. I could see the signs everywhere, in my paranoid state - every time I looked at the door to cross into the fourth dimension in order to build - I kept running into this insight. I wanted the flying high, look in your eye The cash, the crown, the luxe The mission's a suicide, at least we tried But never got enough Eventually, after a situation that I'll go into at a later date - I was hospitalized, and given meditation that helped with the paranoia... I resolved never to look back, to allow people to take from my work again - and so here I am, trying to rehash it all to see where I need to go. I'll have to open up the doors again - which work best on weed because I can think slower and more deliberately and it grounds me in my body so that I may manifest. What I learned is that human beings are not must humans, we are literally world builders, we have the imaginations to create anything we want after death - so long as it is aligned with the Truth. I found my story and my Truth through facing death - although I was a coward about it and still am, I still need time to work through it and to come to understand what it means for me. I would still like to reach as high as the stars so that as I move, talk, walk and live, I carry within my soul a new world to be birthed, one better than we have here. Here there are problems that need to be fixed and although I am limited in my ability to do anything now, I can take this death energy and my idealism and create something better for those who are ready to graduate to a more elevated type of living. I have no idea where it is going to go - I'm not sure if I am still stuck in the ziggurat or if I am free to make something new - it's up to the powers that be. We got Jesus on the dash, it all goes fast When you're kids in the big bad city No time to crash, true romance And the lights, they look so pretty "I hear my love, I live forever..." The City of the Dead. The world in our hands, make no plans When you're so young and so shitty Don't stand a chance, it never lasts When you're kids in the big bad city You see, I never wanted You as a lover. I wanted You as a brother - only the highest version of You - the One who watches over me from the other side, is the one - all other variations of You and the lives You live have imperfections that must be sorted out while the one who manages all Your lives so that You may gain as much wisdom as You can could catch me when I literally "fall". I never see You as a partner... and the relation to the One that I bring forth from the other side is simply a repetition of the rescuer/saviour dynamic. And it isn't a pure Love. I can't Love purely, but I can see the creative potential in every one of You and wish for it to grow. We got Jesus on the dash, it all goes fast When you're kids in the big bad city No time to crash, true romance And the lights, they look so pretty You got me frozen Colder than ice Bitch you don't love me Tell another lie Frozen 3:45 hit me with the text In the middle of the night Frozen Zero below I could die tonight When I'm way out of my zone You got me frozen Head to the toe, bound to happen when you love these hoes The world in our hands, make no plans When you're so young and so shitty Don't stand a chance, it never lasts When you're kids in the big bad city I Love You once more. *touches where my third eye would be* Not the human; but the sacred. Even writing this out simply does not do the details justice - I'll have to contemplate this one. Perhaps book 1 is the city, and book 2 is the archipelago, with the third being, the highest wish.