Marvelllious

I notice an interesting split in my consciousness, when I go to bed when i close my eyes I see a very realistic picture of me looking but at the same time there is a dark area there too which just observes this subconscious phenomena happening in real time. I have no idea what to do with this info but it is kind of odd and at the same time comforting. The other odd thing is when notice this split, it becomes one but if I wait it goes back to this conscious observing the unconscious. Yeah what is this guys?

@BipolarGrowth Yeah it's hard to be hopeful when this thing is going on for such a long time. Can a trip on some psychedelic help me? Like mushrooms or LSD for example.

@BipolarGrowth Well the thing is I'm not sure if it is insanity because I'm aware of my surroundings and no matter my struggle I try to not cause any trouble. I In a later post you mentioned spiritual emergency but it isn't that. I know my description may be flawed but I have no better way to explain it. If you had a similar experience what would you do?

I don't get how this is the problem?

For the last 5 months, I've been in this really strange limbo state where I can't relate to people or even speak with them on a deeper level. This may sound like a normal self-help problem that needs more social exposure but it isn't that. It's strange because the moment I entered this limbo state my whole experience with day-to-day life became dull and I would even say ghost-like. My mind-muscle connection when working out wasn't the same, I didn't feel hungry at all, and I started losing myself in the sentences created during conversations which lead to really awkward moments. When I get down and try to do something hard I get tired after a couple of minutes. The experience is surreal in a sense because the days are passing as if I'm reverting my evolution process or at least it feels like that. Time passes really fast compared to my "normal" state. All of this is still present today. I had it mistaken for an awakening at first but the more time went on the more I realized I can't have been that. A similar experience happened like this one during the start of the covid pandemic but the limbo I was in during that time had me experiencing constant anxiety for no reason. I was functioning well though, there wasn't a struggle with talking, eating, working out, and studying except the ongoing anxiety. Some time(7 months) went by and it suddenly disappeared. I was so happy to be free of this so I went on enjoying life and working on myself. In the winter of 2022, I had moments when I would go to the gym and a strange sensation was connected to my ears and heart in a weird sync, there was a rhythm that would loop itself lasting from 5 to 15 minutes. My breath reminded me of something in the past as if a Deja Vu from my childhood. It was strange but I couldn't make anything out of it so I left it out as a "wtf" moment. In the summer of 2022, I was feeling at my best, with no strange experiences like that except weed-induced shenanigans. I watched a ted talk minutes ago which resonated with what I'm experiencing. There is a part in the video where the guy says "The first time you lose your mind you don't feel like you're becoming less sane, you feel like you are becoming saner." During the summer I was feeling saner but I caused a whole lot of trouble to the people I love. I still kept on going with the trouble without any realization. I had dreams which made me feel like "The Chosen one". There was this one where I as a character was in the middle of the world(imagine a picture of Earth with a guy in the middle) and everyone(7 billion people) were looking at me while I also had this great eyeball hanging right on top of my head. During that time I was obsessed with synchronicities( the Jungian type) and when I would wake up and go on about my day every single eye symbol i saw as street art or when a shop I entered had eye talismans or whatever else would just make me fill this up into the "Chosen one" narrative. I also spent a great amount of time in isolation which could be something, right? At times I would get really frustrated because there is no way to explain this in a manner that won't sound crazy to an average guy. I'm so done with this experience I just want to move on. If you've been in a similar situation or have some idea what the problem is I would be glad to know Im not insane. The fragmented thought process left me to this conclusion after long weeks of analysis.

For the last 5 months, I've been in this really strange limbo state where I can't relate to people or even speak with them on a deeper level. This may sound like a normal self-help problem that needs more social exposure but it isn't that. It's strange because the moment I entered this limbo state my whole experience with day-to-day life became dull and I would even say ghost-like. My mind-muscle connection when working out wasn't the same, I didn't feel hungry at all, and I started losing myself in the sentences created during conversations which lead to really awkward moments. When I get down and try to do something hard I get tired after a couple of minutes. The experience is surreal in a sense because the days are passing as if I'm reverting my evolution process or at least it feels like that. Time passes really fast compared to my "normal" state. All of this is still present today. I had it mistaken for an awakening at first but the more time went on the more I realized I can't have been that. A similar experience happened like this one during the start of the covid pandemic but the limbo I was in during that time had me experiencing constant anxiety for no reason. I was functioning well though, there wasn't a struggle with talking, eating, working out, and studying except the ongoing anxiety. Some time(7 months) went by and it suddenly disappeared. I was so happy to be free of this so I went on enjoying life and working on myself. In the winter of 2022, I had moments when I would go to the gym and a strange sensation was connected to my ears and heart in a weird sync, there was a rhythm that would loop itself lasting from 5 to 15 minutes. My breath reminded me of something in the past as if a Deja Vu from my childhood. It was strange but I couldn't make anything out of it so I left it out as a "wtf" moment. In the summer of 2022, I was feeling at my best, with no strange experiences like that except weed-induced shenanigans. I watched a ted talk minutes ago which resonated with what I'm experiencing. There is a part in the video where the guy says "The first time you lose your mind you don't feel like you're becoming less sane, you feel like you are becoming saner." During the summer I was feeling saner but I caused a whole lot of trouble to the people I love. I still kept on going with the trouble without any realization. I had dreams which made me feel like "The Chosen one". There was this one where I as a character was in the middle of the world(imagine a picture of Earth with a guy in the middle) and everyone(7 billion people) were looking at me while I also had this great eyeball hanging right on top of my head. During that time I was obsessed with synchronicities( the Jungian type) and when I would wake up and go on about my day every single eye symbol i saw as street art or when a shop I entered had eye talismans or whatever else would just make me fill this up into the "Chosen one" narrative. I also spent a great amount of time in isolation which could be something, right? At times I would get really frustrated because there is no way to explain this in a manner that won't sound crazy to an average guy. I'm so done with this experience I just want to move on. If you've been in a similar situation or have some idea what the problem is I would be glad to know Im not insane. The fragmented thought process left me to this conclusion after long weeks of analysis.

Watch between 1:42:12 and 1:43:30

Great for you man

@Razard86 I noticed this happening for a while and it made a great impression on me because i once again dropped the personality i was building over time. What sucks is that i feel i droppped more than i wanted to, structuring sentances and narrating is just so hard at this point. I just don't understand how is anybody suppossed to get this and maintain a "normalcy" in day to day life? How the fuck does one live, do and make decisions when at the same time he doesn't identify?

damn bro I hope

@Leo GuraHow do I ground myself in "the dream" again?

Honestly I just see that I the depth i had is just gone. It is as if my mind has sealed me off from going deeper leaving me handicapped to day to day life. It is so strange because i see that my survival is switched off completely.I notice myself reading and listening to others allot just because this has worked for me before but now i see that this whole new expirience is really unexplainable to people, everyone is saying to me to just rest I might be depressed or something like that but I know for sure that's not it. The fear comes from "what if i can't solve this?". I am peaceful but I don't learn the same and i also don't do anything in the past month. I wonder if i should do a psychodelic trip. Maybe it could get me into a state of actual understanding how did this happen exactly. The suicide thoughts come from "yeah this is incredibly odd and i have never had anything similiar to it and anything i do doesn't seem to change it, might as well end it because if this countinues(the inability to get deeper into thinking and strategizing, inability to explain things , mainly it's my shit way of contributing to "the dream") I want to contribute but without thought how do you figure out anything? This just leaves me looking at a ticking bomb to which i just want to say yeah might as well let it blow now.

"I remember Leo saying he helped someone ground themselves again in a similar situation" @meta_male Do you have any info on this?

Last month i had this huge realization that we all choose to play a character and we play it. It isn't even chosen we get what is around us from social conditioning and our parents. I became conscious of this but due to that realization I am half of a person now. I feel as though I've dropped my operating system which is hurting me because I can't do anything. And to be honest I don't even know how it happened. I was sitting in meditation and i just focused on the small dots that fade into other dots. I just focused on this everchanging field of view without thinking about anything and then i openned my eyes and all my stories about the world collapsed and now I struggle with normal day to day tasks like explaining an idea to somebody. I was so good at that. This has made me question if I really should countinue on this journey because in 2 years time I have to be living alone by myself and I can't even talk. I WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AT THAT. I've never gotten suicide thoughts but it's pretty often that happens in the last 3 weeks. I haven't meditated in that time thought it could ground me more but holly fuck it's still the same. When I try to sit and contemplate nothing comes to mind absolutely blank.