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About Marvelllious

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  1. @Razard86 I noticed this happening for a while and it made a great impression on me because i once again dropped the personality i was building over time. What sucks is that i feel i droppped more than i wanted to, structuring sentances and narrating is just so hard at this point. I just don't understand how is anybody suppossed to get this and maintain a "normalcy" in day to day life? How the fuck does one live, do and make decisions when at the same time he doesn't identify?
  2. @Leo GuraHow do I ground myself in "the dream" again?
  3. Honestly I just see that I the depth i had is just gone. It is as if my mind has sealed me off from going deeper leaving me handicapped to day to day life. It is so strange because i see that my survival is switched off completely.I notice myself reading and listening to others allot just because this has worked for me before but now i see that this whole new expirience is really unexplainable to people, everyone is saying to me to just rest I might be depressed or something like that but I know for sure that's not it. The fear comes from "what if i can't solve this?". I am peaceful but I don't learn the same and i also don't do anything in the past month. I wonder if i should do a psychodelic trip. Maybe it could get me into a state of actual understanding how did this happen exactly. The suicide thoughts come from "yeah this is incredibly odd and i have never had anything similiar to it and anything i do doesn't seem to change it, might as well end it because if this countinues(the inability to get deeper into thinking and strategizing, inability to explain things , mainly it's my shit way of contributing to "the dream") I want to contribute but without thought how do you figure out anything? This just leaves me looking at a ticking bomb to which i just want to say yeah might as well let it blow now.
  4. "I remember Leo saying he helped someone ground themselves again in a similar situation" @meta_male Do you have any info on this?
  5. Last month i had this huge realization that we all choose to play a character and we play it. It isn't even chosen we get what is around us from social conditioning and our parents. I became conscious of this but due to that realization I am half of a person now. I feel as though I've dropped my operating system which is hurting me because I can't do anything. And to be honest I don't even know how it happened. I was sitting in meditation and i just focused on the small dots that fade into other dots. I just focused on this everchanging field of view without thinking about anything and then i openned my eyes and all my stories about the world collapsed and now I struggle with normal day to day tasks like explaining an idea to somebody. I was so good at that. This has made me question if I really should countinue on this journey because in 2 years time I have to be living alone by myself and I can't even talk. I WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AT THAT. I've never gotten suicide thoughts but it's pretty often that happens in the last 3 weeks. I haven't meditated in that time thought it could ground me more but holly fuck it's still the same. When I try to sit and contemplate nothing comes to mind absolutely blank.
  6. Do deeper research on the topic i recommend Nevile Goddart for starters. Also you can check a youtube playlist called The Mystery School created by a guy named Frater Xavier.
  7. If that is your main source of happiness try turning this into a life purpose.
  8. I just watched @Leo Gura's episode "how survival shapes who you are" and I'm a bit confused due to recent shifts in consciousness. I expirienced a peek in socializing this summer where i would basically be the most interesting and fun. I had great expiriences with people stepping out my comfort zone speaking to strangers, living a night life for a 2 months straight and i realized that this is all good and fun but has bad consequences on my body, my performance throughout the day, also the people in this environment usually aren't that evolved because of constant seeking of pleasure so I dropped all my friendships because they weren't making me feel at place. So again from very extroverted i became introverted. With that i started to spend more time on watching videos until my pc fucked up. I stayed in silence long meditating because i had nothing else to do which gave me a glimpse of nothigness but it seriously broke my sense of direction. Which makes me ask the question if i trully had to go through this? I ask myself what i would fancy as a career path in the future. What leo described how the ego and the stories developed about the world push us in a direction. The traumas and difficulties have an effect of choice. The reason i have been freaking out the last couple of weeks is because i thought i finally developed into a character that i liked but i was still noticing the limitations of that and let go. But now i realize that in a way you can't have it all untill first you build something up. How in the hell will i advance spiritually if i have no clue how to make money for example. Questions: How do I recollect myself in a better way? How to not fall in the narrative of your goals and aspirations while still moving towards them? I notice exactly then we expirience suffering. How do you guys ground yourself after a consciousness shift?
  9. I think it's because of us maturing along the way. You suffer, see that you're suffering and either figure out why or continue to do so.
  10. @kamwalker What is your expirience with thinking now?
  11. @Carl-Richard Yes it is something like that right now. The time i posted this i was legit unable to to hear this voice inside my head.
  12. @BipolarGrowth That sounds like connecting to the akashic records.
  13. @Swarnim Man lately I don't know what is true for me when it comes to values and standpoints on important topics. I thought i had figured that out but the meditation just broke that. Maybe i should start reading more and contemplate i started carl jung in search of the soul and it's great. Mhm maybe i should rewatch Leo's video on how to contemplate again.