Miguel1

Happy holidays everyone. I love you all 🤍

Thank you all for your answers, perspectives and insights. I deeply appreciate them. Despite a few very psychologically dense individuals and despite all the fighting and arguing on this forum, you guys along with this community is like a family to me 🤍

The time of the year is here: The Beautiful and Peaceful Christmas. ...where everyone in the family gathers and acts peaceful, happy and loving, while inside they're boiling from repressions of inner conflict. And any small trigger will release a bunch of the repressed feelings... I'm still fairly young, but each year that passes, I lose more and more interest in spending time with my family and I feel a bit guilty for this (help 🥹). If my family's values were green, that would be a dream. But they are not even orange. They are mostly blue. At least, when I go out to clubs to socialize, I can self-amuse myself and act like a fool, for fun. For my own joy and laughter. Some people hate it but then there are plenty of people who love it. And on top of that, there are a bunch of cool, open-minded, healthy orange and green types of people I can bump into by chance. When it comes to my family, any small amount of authentic conversation goes out the window to begin with because engaging in any bit of a nuanced conversation will lead to someone getting defensive. Self-amusement is impossible due to the traditionality and conservativeness: gotta behave well, well-mannered, sophisticated, civilized, cultured etc. So I'm left with the only option of acting like this traditional, well-behaved stage blue character. And seriously, I don't get much joy out of it at all. I would much rather prefer to be alone. Or spend the day with a girl. Or even hit the clubs. Or work. ---- Please share your stories of how you have detached from your family and what are your conclusions in your relationship with the incrementally and exponentially growing difference in your development compared to your family. Do you still hang out with your family regularly? Do you see them only 1-3 times a year? Have you cut them off completely? I think at this point where I am currently at, I would prefer to cut them off completely. But there is a bit of guilt arising from that idea. Also, I'm not sure if I am being selfish here because I would deeply hurt them if I were to cut them off. So perhaps, it would be best for me to keep seeing them 1-3 times a year, as a character they like... Or... is this just me people-pleasing in an unhealthy way and letting others step over my boundaries?

Ultimately, I strongly stand by the idea that when it comes to family, it is easy to enter the unhealthy territory of people-pleasing. And one should be wary of that, especially if one does not have a very loving family.

Of course. There is a limit to everything tho. Communication only works with people who speak the same language as you. You can make compromises but only for so much. But I understand your point. In fact, I have addressed them quite a bit above, I believe. Yes I am and 29. Intriguing. Why do you want to know?

In my case, it is not that simple. Obviously, if it was just a ''slight annoyment'', it wouldn't be a problem. There are huge expectations. Not only belief and idealogy wise, but also career wise. Being an entrepreneur is absolutely no, and school is the only way to succeed. People are built differently. So are families. People also have very different personality types and traits. Some people need more socializing, others less. Some people have good supporting families, others have very toxic families. Families can seem very unconditional on the surface but they can be deep down much more conditional and demanding than many friends. You mention things like ''basic mental health (and general safety)'' and ''you're evolutionarily built to be in close contact with an entire clan/tribe, not just a few people''. These are things that can be transcended as you develop psychologically and especially spiritually. We of all people, should know. Except when your family keeps asking about your career and pressuring you to do school instead of whatever you truly want to strive for. Inevitably, conversations tend to lead to conflicts, which becomes hella annoying after a while. It is like every time you go see your parents and they keep pressuring and asking you indirectly and directly ''so have you found anyone yet?'', ''why don't you find a girlfriend?'', ''why do you keep being single?'', ''so when are you going to have children?'' ''So, when will you become the son we always wanted you to become?''

I see. I have no problem calibrating to social contexts in general but imagine calibrating to some tribal social context (extreme example to make a point). At some point, you ask yourself: why bother? There are bigger fishes to fry. Bigger, more meaningful stuff to spend your time on.

The deeper question to that is: Why should I even attend such party? Why should one attend to a sports event if one is not interested in it? On top of that, one currently has huge stuff one needs to focus on and attend to. Family, relatives, friends and socialization can be a huge distraction. Should one be interested in biz, marketing and sales if one is far beyond financial survival already. You pointed out some reason-questions to contemplate and I have contemplated then for god knows how many hours. I have almost come to final conclusion. The point of sharing this opener is so people share their experiences in case I have missed something, a blindspot.

I totally understand your thinking. But at the same time there is wisom in ''meeting people where they are at'', especially when it is about casual stuff like socializing.

Lol. The issue is not that I give a fuck. I care less and less every year. The issue is hurting their feelings deeply. It is called empathy. This was fun for me to do 10 to 5 years ago. Nowadays, I don't bother. Actually feel bad for hurting their feelings, hence the post above. I am contemplating whether to give them the little joy I can by putting a bit of effort each year into a character OR just simply cutting ties with them, which would deeply hurt them, possible for decades until they die. The question is not about giving a fuck or not. The question is about what is the most loving thing to do here, when considering the big picture of both parties.

Thanks for sharing, I'll check it out!

Keep in mind that there are healthy limiting beliefs. Knowing your limits is very important, so you don't end up chasing unicorns.

To your update: Beautiful. Just pure. Reminds me of a phase in learning pickup and dating I had years ago. Now I'm focused on mastering money-making and I will most likely have phases like this again.

Broo you should know better

Wait, it went on until 4:30 or 7am? Was it Owen running it until 4:30 and 7am?

Thanks Leo for the opportunity you provide us here.

I’m gonna imagine myself to be the baby in your family, like it or not

He’s obviously just jealous of our rich family in skin tones

His business probably could be shrinked tho. Perhaps to 1 person man. I dont know. But yeah having so many small children to cater to without a proper (?) mom is probably quite an impossible situation.

I’ll be ya’ll little baby son. I’m cute enough for that 😌 We will have a beautiful imaginary infinite family consisting of black, white and yellow. Talk about love, inclusion and oneness!

That's funny.

Are you talking about the two recent lives or some older videos?

What makes you say family life is not basked in illusion? Feel free to elaborate your thoughts more. For example, I recall Leo saying in his Happiness video that family life is not for him (doesn't make him happy). I have also deeply contemplated this matter for a loong time, whether family life is for me or not. And frankly, right now I think I am 50-50. Probably need more life experience to get clearer. Maybe 60-40 for a life without family.

@StarStruck You sure you are not projecting yourself onto him? I got a feeling I mean what makes you think he is deeply traumatized currently?