Jirh

@tsuki That's a caricature of human emotions, and a clear lack of emotional intelligence. No, it isn't. The person in distress and seeking validation needs emotional support exactly to regain agency, not to lose it. It's what helps them anchor themselves in a reality that feels threatening to the core of their being. Yes, I get it. I create my emotions. We all create our emotions. But that knowledge doesn't help you when a tiger is chasing you. If anything, it slows you down. You are saying don't go near the tiger in the first place. And I agree. But not everyone is at the same place as you are, and not everyone has your genetics or psychology or circumstances. Your truth is not a universal truth.

Yes, absolutely. Maybe it doesn't help you, but it helps tons of other people. You're not wrong, there's a time for your logical talk. Just not during a sensitive moment while someone is breaking in tears. Co-regulation is a real biological need, not a fantasy or Maya. It's called containment, or emotional intelligence. What you're offering is high-quality logical intelligence, applied untimedly.

That would be a truly paranoid devil

Yeah, I know. But knowledge is not my top priority. Truth is. The reason is sneaky. You say there's no bug in your way of thinking, but there is. You are trying to capture reality in your mind as an image using an instrument (logic), and you're calling that screenshot "infinity" as if the image is the truth. This creates a fake sense of knowledge. Now, you've got the map. But you've lost the territory.

@Someone here This is where I (and others, including Buddhism) disagree with Actualized.org and call this a trap. It may seem like a small detail, but it makes all the difference. The trap is trying to capture reality and encapsulate it into a digestible concept that we call "infinity". There's a clinging to knowledge instead of exploration. A desire for certainty over truth. Perhaps I should use a language that makes sense in the actualized vocabulary to make the point: The finite cannot know the infinite. Because by definition the finite is smaller, so it cannot know the larger. Then by this logic, anything we think we know about reality (or infinity if you like), including the quality of infiniteness or infinitude, is automatically invalid. But anyway, back to Taoist wisdom: The Tao that can be named is not the eternal Tao.

This cracked me up Thank you 🙏🏻

@Sugarcoat No self is a state of ego dissolution. You're there, more present and aware than ever, but without the ego self. It's the state where anything goes and there are no boundaries between self and other. You become a vessel of acceptance and allowance. Zero resistance. Total surrender. I prefer to call it ego death, rather than no self.

Oh, yeah. American economy in a nutshell But seriously, where?

This is the classic Chicken and Egg problem. And the answer is yes. Because chicken and egg are not two different things, but one thing in two different forms. So the finite and the infinite are the same, they're both abstract concepts that fail when tested against reality. You cannot find finite, and you cannot find infinite. They're just concepts in your mind. They're ways to categorize reality. Finite is something that ends. But when and where does anything end? And infinite is something that never ends. But when and where is that confirmed? You have to reach the end first before you can call infinity infinite.

Yeah, but also stage Purple is mystical.

I feel like there's an important distinction that's not being highlighted enough. There seems to be two different, but equally valid issues here: The capacity to receive genuine positive criticism. The conviction that one's own truth is the universal truth for everyone. I think both issues belong to the same category of wanting to be right while lacking proper boundaries. You can have your truth, and I can have my truth, and everyone can have their truth, and that shouldn't be a problem. We can have these boundaries and respect each other and learn from one another in a safe healthy environment where criticism is allowed. We can practice open-mindedness and vulnerability without compromising on individuality and sovereignty. And that doesn't make us stupid, rather it adds to our psychological strength. These intellectual exchanges should feel like a doing team sports, all in good faith and fresh sporty spirit. Not like battle or narrative control wars. Ideally, we should feel like we're doing collective discovering at best, or friendly competitions at worst.

It's not the opposite perspective. It's complementary. And I kinda already explained it with the metaphor I gave right after -- about the fortress and the city. Normal religious people build strong fortresses of dogmas and beliefs to protect the weak city of their inner psychology. But what happens when the threat is imminent and the enemy (death) is at the door? The city immediately panics and enters a state of craze. It's weak on the inside even though it looks strong on the outside (wealth, youth, health, etc...). So what's the solution? Building a stronger city, or in other words, developing true spirituality and anchoring oneself in truth rather than beliefs and dogmas. That way, when death comes, and it will, the city is prepared for it. It will not fight it but welcome it as the new ruler. Also a big part of fear is just clinging. Normal religious people cling to everything. Spiritually enlightened people can have everything, but they cling to nothing, as they understand life and death and the law of impermanence. But while it's possible to have a lot and still be detached, it's an extremely difficult balance. And it's just a lot easier to let go of many things and be closer to death by just not requiring much of life in the first place. This can happen by developing asceticism and gratitude. And that can make you truly happy, which enhances your peace with death too. All of this is pointing to the ancient wisdom of "dying before you die". Get close to death deliberately. That way it becomes familiar, and you don't fear it as much anymore.

This isn't necessarily directed at anyone, but I can't help but feel like casual dating is closer to video gaming than living the real life. You can be the best gamer in the world and make tons of money out of it, but you will still be lonely and isolated, living from behind a screen, hiding away from people and reality. I mean if you're doing it right, I'd imagine, ideally, at some point you should meet someone that stands out and want to repeat the experience with them and take it to the next level, and create with them an environment where your offspring can grow. But no, that's not the objective. The objective is some sort of ego stroking and ticking off a checklist. It's not the actual experience that's desired. It's jumping from one experience to another. Or maybe someone truly stands out for you, but it's not allowed to exist under the casual paradigm. So you just ignore them. And all of that assumes healthy psychology without avoidant tendencies, btw. I would guess most people who date casually are ultimately just afraid to share their authentic self and risk being vulnerable. Casual dating doesn't require you to take off your shield. Taking off your clothes is enough. And lastly, I cannot fathom how that can be done without objectifying the other person. I would imagine you'd have to treat people as temporary objects for your pleasure, without actually caring about theirs. This automatically rules out the possibility of care entirely. It becomes more mechanical than natural. More like a performance than reality. It just doesn't compute for me.

I think France will win.

@LordFall No, I genuinely just don't feel the romantic spark until I'm close and intimate with the girl (requires knowing her on a soul level), and by necessity that doesn't happen instantly. It happens with time and proximity. Deep feelings develop over time. That's just how it worked for me. I'm attracted to authenticity and vulnerability. Pickup, small talk, and one night stand offer neither. I tired pickup but didn't have much success with it. It doesn't feel compatible with my biology. Like I'm forcing something to happen that shouldn't. Even if a girl approached me (and it happened before I even tried pickup), I couldn't operate under that paradigm.

Trump backed down... Again... Lol

I can't even get properly attracted to a girl until I've known her well and spent at least some weeks with her. I mean unless she's model tier or something like that. But even then, the attraction is not the same. Superficial attraction does not come close to deep emotional connection attraction. I don't know if it's just me, but my biology is that selective by default.

Alright! Let's cut through the chase. Let's face it. The core wound is betrayal: I feel hurt, underappreciated, demonized, marginalized, and misunderstood. Unjustifiably so. I feel angry at the extreme injustice. I gave and sacrificed. Did my best. Poured my soul, spirit, wisdom and insight into it. Then was blamed, disdained, fought, and called names for it. It feels like when the Night Watch murdered Jon Snow. I was portrayed to be the problem and the enemy by her family. That hurt me, but it was nothing compared to the fact that she believed them and chose their narrative over mine. In my narrative, she was not crazy, but whole, special and gifted. Her family silenced and medicated her and called her broken and crazy. They never tried understanding her. Instead, they resorted to traditional science/psychiatry and applied them dogmatically. Ignoring the real causes and systemic problems of their family and trying to suppress the symptoms with the meds. However, I do not regret anything that I've done because I know it was the right thing to do. Not only have I done it right ethically, but also methodologically and practically. I contributed to her healing much more than any medications can or ever will, and much more than she or her family will ever know or understand. She was suicidal when we first met. And I held her hand all the way through every dark wave, every emotion that made her want to disappear. I walked her all the way to the point where she could look at me and say: "I would never actually do it. No matter what happens." She learned ways to cope with it, and she was even improving during our relationship. She said she never felt safer or happier than with me. She said that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. She cried tears of love for me. She fought her family for me (I explicitly asked her not to, told her that everything can be solved diplomatically). She did whatever she could, with whatever power she had. But it was not enough to power through the limits of her family. All of my efforts were destroyed and gone down the drain. Her family undid all of the healing. Then traumatized her again and restored the broken version of her, the one they could control. They called us both crazy. And what hurts the most is that she believed them! She thinks I was crazy to love someone as broken as her. She believes that she is permanently broken. She told me she doesn't love me anymore. She gave up on herself and on us. But kept coming back anyway, asking for a friendship. Why? I've been turning this over and over in my mind, and I think I finally see it. She comes back to numb herself, to shut down the truth, to bury the version of herself that cannot survive inside that family. The version that loved me, that was whole, that was healing—that one has to be buried, or it will kill her to keep it alive in that house of cards. She didn't betray me because she stopped loving me. She betrayed me because loving me made her real, and being real is not safe for her. It's just the truth. And the truth doesn't make the wound smaller. But at least I'm not lying to myself anymore. I did the right thing. I loved her well, better than any other human can or ever will. I cannot regret that. But I have to let her go. Not because I don't love her, but because the person she has to become to survive there is not the person I loved. And the person I loved can't come out without being destroyed again. I will not watch her family break her again. I walked away with a boundary. I told her I will not accept enabling the abuse. You're free to do what you want, but I cannot be part of it. I loved her well. I did well. Even after we broke up. It was enough for me. But it will never be enough for her family to see her or let her live. She has to change in order to be in my life. And I will not be waiting around for that to happen because it probably won't, given the tight grip of her family. I didn't lose her to another man. I lost her to a ridiculous family that needed her broken while I refused to join them. They killed the Jon she loved. But I'm still here. And I'm done with the Night's Watch. 💔

Seems to be re-escalating... We're probably going to see crazy unimaginable things this time.

@Someone here Excellent analysis! Here's my 2 cents: Fear of death is inversely proportional to how close you are to death. The closer you are, the less you're afraid. And the further you are, the more. The stronger the fortress, the weaker the city. That's why you see spiritually enlightened gurus are at peace with death, because they've faced the fact and live accordingly. And you can also notice the lack of fear in cancer patients. Unlike most of us, they are forced to face death, and they surrender eventually. Wishing you and your family health and longevity 🙏🏻

Yeah. I feel you. It is definitely for rats and subhuman. Nothing about it is authentic or genuine. I worked in marketing for a year and had to quit because it felt disgusting to my soul, like a betrayal to all of my higher values. It's disgusting. The entire thing from start to finish. From producer to consumer. A chain of greed made of and built on lies. I marketed pharmaceuticals in real life to real pharmacists. That was back in 2015. Digital marketing is different, but the disgusting part is just the same. The mechanisms are obvious, even though I have no work experience in the field. Repetition to create addiction. Lying and pretending. Unfair competition. Buying followers. Luring in and scamming investors. Clickbaiting. Using women's sexuality. Very low stuff. I could never do it.

Disagreement between teachers is normal. And it's all the more reason to look for yourself and see. It's an invitation to become your own ultimate authority

I just realized something about body count: You can typically sense/feel many things about the other person. Like, you can assess their mental health, confidence, insecurities, emotional depth, intelligence, wealth, etc... through indicators, many of which can be obvious, like visually evident. But when it comes to body count, you actually cannot know it. You cannot sense it. You can try, but you cannot actually know. The closest you can get to getting a sense of someone's body count is during sex. You can tell whether or not they know what they're doing. But even then, maybe their body count is just one long term relationship. Or maybe they've had too much sex, but never truly learned anything. Or maybe you're just incompatible with one another. It's literally a secret that only they can reveal, and that's not even guaranteed to be true, because most people lie about it. And the reason they lie about it is the inherent social weight and meaning it carries. Men try to pump up their numbers, while women do the opposite. Not always, but most of the times. But yeah, it's one of the things that you cannot actually know. And I think we have to come to peace with this idea and look for other more trustworthy metrics to value our romantic relationships. Here's the AI expansion on my thought: