KGrimes

This is something I tried to grasp after several ego-backlashes. There are period in my life where I can meditate, do some trips, contemplate and have some new realizations, be very in tune with God, dedicate every day thinking about what true reality is and what im experiencing. And then something happen in real life that makes me so tired and maybe even pointless to pursue it, I just have no natural pull, it seems that it's something that you "have" to do rather than "want" to do. And then I become less and less aware, which leads to some suffering, not being happy with material things - money, sex, career, drugs, etc. and then I go back to meditating, contemplating, reading books of god-realized authors. And then I fall again. Yet over the years my sense of reality, even at the points where im not living very consciously, I feel a slight change in perspective. Like sometimes I'd be very busy and focused on survival and it hits me how pointless it is, or it's just all a dream, and that regardless what I do or pursue, it really doesn't matter unless I can become awakened and break the cycle. Sometimes Im fine with the idea that it may take several lifetimes. And sometimes Im not. Curious about your struggles with this.

@Leo Gura What's the way out of this? Surely you can break out of the cycle, does a significant enlightenment experience need to happen in order to have your consciousness shift towards looking for truth, like for example on psychadelics? Because after every trip I feel like I will live the spiritual life, but I always fall back, because it's just too different from my daily survival life.

@itsadistraction It's simply do-nothing approach, right? As in i meditate because I want to, not because I need to. I contemplate because i feel like it, not because I have to, and I shouldn't be chasing anything?

There's only a handful of people on this forum that you should take seriously. Everything else is just bullshit - a bunch of people thinking they are awake or enlightened, when they are in-fact very far away from truth. My suggestion: Follow only mods and Leo, maybe a couple other users.

The first time i realized that LoA works is when I was at the rave, front stage and manifested a water bottle. There was guy walking past, I asked for a sip and he gave me away his water bottle. Also the time i got a 70k$ bonus at work, after manifesting riches for 2 years. Also the time I manifested the apartment that I bought. And the time I manifested a relationship that ended up teaching me something. It's all very real. Once you clearly see how these things come to fruition, you will forever be conscious of your desires and what you are manifesting, because you can manifest bad things too,

@PlayOnWords Thing is, It doesn't surprise me a lot when girls compliment me a lot, but this one was a big one. She told me she thought I was gay, because i was so hot, so I guess that's why i fell for it, LOL. I have not found such place, but I haven't searched much to be honest, I just don't feel the need to go to these spiritual meeting places just yet, but I know that if it continues, i'll probably start going to them around age 30 or after 30 when im a bit more mature and done with regular party place. I know there are festivals around the country where people do shrooms, lsd and do more hippy stuff than in your usual festival. Thanks !

I'll try to keep this as concise as possible to give my experience. Just turned 26. I have virtually no real experience in long-term relationships, longest I ever lasted was maybe 3 months or so. It always felt forced, or I'd just straight up realized that this is not the right person very quick and quit the relationship at whatever stage it is. About 1.5 month ago I met a girl in a company event, we texted before, because we matched on Bumble a few months later, but she ghosted me. However, in real life she couldn't keep her eyes off me and it was sooo easy to just talk with her, she told me im hot as fuck in about 1 minute of us starting the conversation, so it was going well. Anyway, we made out that day, but we were both pretty drunk and I already saw some red flags there - very bossy, she asked me to choke her right away when we were kissing, and she seemed unstable, because once I told her she was crazy, in a sort of a good way, she kept insisting for me to explain or leave if " I can't talk". So I left her here and there right after we stopped making out. Anyway, I texted her next day, she apologized and asked to forget what happened. We started over. We kept dating, going on events, making out, having sex and watching movies for a few weeks, meeting maybe 2-3 times a week. Then one day we didn't text each other much, but I knew from my friend that she's probably going out on a friday night with her friend, and she didn't text me anything. The thing is, I had this idea in my head, that it's probably not gonna work out. Like I had this feeling all the time but couldn't quite tell what exactly it is. When I was spending time with her, it was all nice and fun, but once she leaves, I felt like it was a burden. So with this idea, I also thought to myself, it would be very funny, and very convenient if I saw her and her friend with some other guys in the club so we could break up here and there, which would then result in me not having to have "the talk", I know, pretty immature, right? But, if she was a bit of a better person, i'd probably not want to do that to her. Anyway, we went to the club with my friend, and in about a few hours I see my girl and her friend with a couple dudes at a bar, they are buying them drinks. Then I stay on the dancefloor, they come together, all hugging and shit and I just asked her "what's up?", she was shocked! Couldn't say anything, well atleast whatever she said i didn't hear, it was over for me here and there. She tried to save the situation by leaving the guys somewhere in the smoking room and talking some bullshit with me, but at that point I was already done. A week has passed now, and all I can say is that it sort of hurts a bit more than I expected, but one question that was always in my mind: "do I want to be in a relationship?" has been answered. I do. And I want that person to be a bit more spiritual than materialistic. I just feel like these materialistic girls have almost no values, and they are only good for short term fun. And I think that with the right person, the highest highs of a relationship is something that is impossible to experience in any other way, it can only be imagined.

@Princess Arabia why would anyone, ever, care what celebrities do or feel like, especially as delusional as those two. Useless analogy.

Loneliness. How you deal with it. If you are depressed because you are lonely, feel lonely all the time and that really hurts you, then realizing that you are the one and only will definitely fuck you up, because then you will be even more alone, forever. Also any big mental/psychological disorders. Also this: And this: I met so many people who have done psychedelics' in a completely different way and call themselves spiritual, when all they do is play games, watch movies and go outside occasionally, and they think that whatever realizations they have on psychedelics' is just the state of psychedelics' itself and that it's not at all real.

Something I've been struggling with for a while now, because alcohol makes me FEEL things. Make me happy when im with friends, crazy good with girls and pickup, flirting, it makes me do some stuff I would never do sober, because I have mild anxiety. It also makes the music I mix sound better and easier ( I DJ as a hobby), It gives me some good feelings. But lately I've been feeling depressed whenever I drink too much on my own. And in the past few years I realized that I was drunk or buzzed more often than I was sober, by a large margin. And ever since then I started looking at it like it was a bad thing, and now I feel even worse, because whenever I tell myself that I wont drink, it's much much harder to resist, and when I slip, I get the negative emotions again. So it's a very slippery slope. However I always imagined myself sober in my 30s. Well, I got 5 more years I guess. Plan now is to atleast be sober more often than Im drunk, maybe have a drink or few on the weekend, maybe when there's something going on (birthdays, celebrations, etc.) I also quit weed, which used to be a substitute, so now I just vape nicotine. Really, hard to replace one addiction without adding anything else.

Funny thing, I had a trip on mushrooms a couple days ago. It was intense, very intense, more profound than any other dozens of trips i've done before. At one point, my body was weak, I was melting in bliss, in absolute divinity. My body was shaking, I was laying in my bed, I felt like I was dying. So I put a blanket on (barely had the ability to do so), closed my eyes and I told myself that I am ready to die. That this is it. This will show me the Truth. As I was laying down I had all kinds of crazy visions, feelings, sensations, I was kind of ready, but also I thought about my parents, who and how anyone would find my body. Then I kept thinking that if this is what I think it is, there will be no one to find my body, because once I am dead, there's no one imagining this reality anymore, so who's gonna be left? Will there even be anyone here to find me? Well anyways, I really wanted to pee, and thought to myself that I don't want anyone to find me laying in my own piss, so some how I got to the bathroom and also unlocked my apartments door so that nobody needs to break in. Anyway, I laid there for a while and realized that I either already died, or that death is impossible, or it's not my time yet. I woke up, took a shower, ended a relationship with one girl I was texting with and went outside. So there's that lol!

@Princess Arabia What would you be addicted to then..MeTube? If it was the only form of entertainment - yes. I don’t watch TV, I don’t watch Netflix, I have no Twitter, No Facebook and no Instagram. Am I addicted to social media? No. Am I addicted to YouTube? Yes, because even the most profound content ( Leo, Peter Ralston, etc.) is found on Youtube. But I don’t watch just the “useful” content, I watch the useless stuff too.

Alcohol, weed in a way (i can go for break on months on end but always comeback), coffee, youtube, overthinking, my phone

@Water by the River you’re right, and i think that any digging and intelectual thinking on almost any concept is a bad idea until you know who you truly are but it’s fun to think about it sometimes, if you don’t take it as a definitive truth (which recently i came with the grips of accepting the fact that I DO NOT KNOW SHIT!)

If everything is predetermined by God, then it means that you have no Free Will, or very little of it. Which also means that pursuing awakening is pointless, if God’s Will for you is not to be awakened in this life. Which also means that you can meditate as much as you want, trip as much as you want and you will never awaken. But, most of the time, you will awaken after some time (could be very fast or very slow) and if you do those things, so how will you justify this experience? Was it Free Will or was it predetermined? Same with death. If I choose to Off myself right here and right now, then who did it? Was it my Free Will or was my whole life predetermined by God up to this point and that’s how it was supposed to be. In that case even when I think I have control over my experience, it’s actually an illusion. The concept of free will is probably one of the most important one to grasp, I am yet to fully grasp it, but the way I look at it is that you have free will on a lower, material level, and some big events in your life (enlightenment/awakening/death) are pre-determined, but it’s just the matter of time when it wil happen. Following this concept, you cannot fail, and it’s impossible for you to not become awakened, the question is wether or not you will transcend the dream, move on (achieve total liberation, samadhi, return to God) and choose to never reincarnate again.

I am subscribed to his news letter, there was one question about solipsism and Leo, very possible that someone from this forum asked about it, so i’ll just paste the question and Peter’s answers here: Namaste Peter, I have a question that may seem profound. I’m sure you’ve heard of Leo Gura. He once made a video on solipsism. Essentially, in that video, he argues that there is only one godhead, god didn’t split his consciousness into everyone else they are merely empty meat-suits. This leads me to wonder: could it be true that I am the only consciousness, and everyone else, including you, is nothing but a mere figment of my imagination? Could it be that I am imagining every person and everything as God, even including my own body and ego? You may answer me truthfully. I won't get depressed or discouraged, but rather, it would bring me happiness knowing that others are the cause of many sufferings. You might argue that you are real, just like how the characters in a sleeping dream may claim to be real, even when questioned about it. Perhaps they may do so to sustain the illusion of the dream, and I wonder if that's also the case with you. If you are just a product of my imagination, then asking you this question may not serve any real purpose. But I ask you regardless, as I am curious to know. Whatever your answer may be, I won't take it as a belief. Instead, I will continue to use what I have learned from your books—being open-minded and not knowing. Ultimately, the only way to truly know the truth is to awaken and experience it for myself. I am willing to go on this journey of self-discovery, even if it means questioning everything that I once thought was true. So, while I appreciate any insights or perspectives that you may offer, I know that the ultimate responsibility for my own awakening rests with me. And the answer: Gavin, Why do people make up shit like this? Is it really helpful? It can be entertaining to consider various philosophical possibilities. Yet that is just entertainment, and at best might have a good intellectual argument behind it, but in the end these kinds of things are just conclusions or guesses or possibilities. They are not a real assertion based on real consciousness in the matter. So why would it matter for me to confirm or deny? It doesn't increase anyone's consciousness, and no matter what I said it would be misunderstood. Such pursuits are only intellectual and have nothing to do with genuine direct consciousness in such matters. They are speculation and are worthless. Of course you are right, you must get it yourself, all the intellect in the world isn't going to make any difference at all in such matters. But you should see the consequences of accepting on faith such a thing. One thing you miss here is that if you are creating others, then you are the cause of your suffering no matter how you cut it. Actually, you aren't creating others and you are still the cause of your own suffering. But this reality eludes you. Clearly, I am a function of your imagination because you've never even met me and so make up all sorts of things you imagine are me or true of me. But that is really about your experience, not a universal reality, and again it is not relevant, except for knowing that you are making stuff up. Oh, by the way, either Leo is wrong or you misunderstood or misrepresented his communication. In either case, reducing such matters to a conclusion and a mythical story only serves to distract from any reality that might be true. Only direct consciousness makes a difference. Peter ———— So my take on this is that Ralston does not focus on various concepts that he cannot be sure about. Solipsism is something that can only be confirmed by YOU and just YOU, and it can only be confirmed after reaching full Samadhi, the God-head, one-ness.

This might be a bit of a long rant, but I hope this post finds the right answer to my problems. Back in winter time I had a wonderful 3 month trip to Thailand, where I was very happy, excited for the most part, until the understanding of pointlesness in all the things arose. I allowed myself to just live uncontrolably, if I wanted sex, I had sex, and with multiple women - this was something I never had done before very actively, never had a phase of just “fucking around”. Quite quickly i realised, that it’s not really sex that I needed, it was a deeper connection, sex was just an urge, I always felt quite happy afterwards, but then time passed and I saw the meaninglesness in it all. It was great time nonetheless while it happened, just the highs were very short. My confidence was through the roof during this time. I truly felt and understood solipsism, I WAS the “Main Character”. When I came back home to a very grey, cold climate, lot’s of stress from work, i spiraled down into negative state of being. I was overworked, smoking weed all the time, drinking alcohol and just feeling stuck. Thing is, I did enjoy drinking and smoking, it made me feel positive emotions until the next day. Rinse repeat. I tried dating for real, but I couldn’t even feel like I really want a relationship, setup dates, and not even go through with it. She’s(They) are not the one I said to myself. During this time I made the most money I ever had, bought my own apartment at age 25, pretty big step forward, right? Well, I havent moved in yet but it has not really brought me happiness, just another “checkmark” off of my “Lifes to do list” and happiness for my parents - their son has accomplished something. I workout, I go to work, I create music (I DJ as a hobby) read some books, most notably Conversations With God again. I tried being completely sober, but failed many times. Meditation does not interest me as much anymore, it all feels pointless. I had a decent trip on LSD, no breakthrough, mostly realising same things I do during the trips, had a channeling experience, but now in just a few days I comedown to the baseline level and everything just starts over again. Trying to be conscious, but it all feels so… bland? When I just started even post trip after glows were magnificent, I would always feel so much better and motivated, loved life, reality, myself. I have manifested almost everything I wanted, except for the “perfect partner”. I was contemplating on quitting my job as I felt that it influences my drinking habbits (it’s a young, startup company, partying and drinking after work is the norm here) but im in a pretty good position financially, well respected and loved too. This is what i wished for and manifested forward. Once I told my boss how I felt ( lost motivation, cant sleep, cant be happy) they sent me on 1 month holiday. I went to Rome, admired the architecture, the food. Went to Vatican, had somewhat of a spiritual connection, but anyway, wasn’t that happy as I was in Thailand. Now as I type this I am laying by the pool, sun, great weather, should be no worries. Yet I feel so alone. So many things that I should do but don’t. Spirituality now gave me a vision of how hard it would be to attain enlightenment. My ego is torn between pursuing better career to be set for life, looking for a great partner and also - just quitting it all to meditate (yet I know that it wouldnt be any easier to meditate and contemplate with all the time in the world, if there’s no passion for it) The magic feeling of what reality truly is, even if I understand and read and contemplate the nature of myself, I am still lonely and lost. I have thoughts in my head of how happy I should be, yet I am not. Why is that? I’ve been given recommendations to go to psychotheraphy, I am not sure if this could work with my spiritualy background and beliefs. Maybe that’s my problem here, I should first fix my deeper inner child and life problems like anxiety, attachment, etc. It also seems that now, I am re-descovering and contemplating the same topics and understand just how many biases and opinions I have accumulated about everything. I take words and opinions for granted, I tell myself I am God yet I don’t feel like I am it, even if I had some awakening experiences. I tell myself it’s a dream, relax, enjoy, yet it feels very real. Conv. W/ God books help me keep the right mindset most of the time, but… reality just became boring. I cannot appreciate the beauty as much as I did just a few months or a year ago. So, what’s the solution here? Are these signs of depression? Loneliness? Is it dark night of the soul or ego backlash? I contemplated about quitting spirituality for a bit and focus on making material life better, but I’ve gone too far to just quit it now. I don’t want to struggle and be trapped like this for years to come.

@Princess Arabia @Moksha Thank you both for the kind words and guidance, makes me feel a bit better about everything

@Moksha I agree with you, but it seems that the mind can be extremelly trick. One of those tricks would be - “I don’t need theraphy because no psychotherapist understands the absolute nature of our reality, all of their treatments come from books or experience and they could simply be wrong on the most foundational level” but I feel as if I need that human like approach to these problems as solving them myself seems hard, or maybe it’s a very long process and i expect to truly heal and ascend them too fast. And I am not sure, I cannot relate if what I am going through is normal or not. The mind is a tricky tricky place especially when I lose balance and the connection of my inner self. Unless you are fully enlightened, then you go through these on-and-off periods of dreaming-waking up-dreaming-waking up, versus being fully awake at all times. here im talking precisely about my personal experience.

@Moksha thank you. I have made a choice to also start psychotheraphy for real once I comeback. There’s too much hidden trauma inside that I just brush off or counter-intuitively try to fix with “being present” which does not work when I have these huge moments of doubt, confusion and suffering.

@Cooper case closed!

@JellyDogShoe_1Mil thanks for your answer. I decided to spend the rest of my holiday meditating as much as possible and contemplating wherever possible as well as limiting alcohol and focusing purely being aware. Seems I have lost the basics after a while, and just need to get that out of the way first.

@JellyDogShoe_1Mil very good question. what i am truly seeking is liberation. I want to feel free, I want to be my highest self and experience reality without the ego present. I want to live a joyful and peaceful life, where every decision comes from within. i read, and know some people who completely surrender and the action comes from within, when you don’t need to think what is the right choice, you know it intuitively and do whats right. i also don’t want to feel like a hypocrite whenever i enjoy materialistic things, right now sub-consciously i judge myself for doing something which i feel is not right e.g: partying, drinking alcohol, eating bad food, lying to people etc.

You are not awake.

I am tripping on LSD today, nothing too serious, dose is quite low, probably no more than 150ug. It has been quite some time since my last trip, so i decided to take it slow today, but still, had a feeling that there has been a lot of questions that I have contemplated, but was unable to really answer with my baseline consciousness. During the peaking hours, I was sitting still and meditating, and had a lot of questions rise: Who am I? How can I be sure that this is real? What is true reality, is it an illusion now? All these questions, lot of them I thought I knew the answer, but it was somebody else's answer to the same question. I was sure that someone else's experience is the Truth, without me every finding it out myself. And then when I subtly asked a question: "Who am I?" That's when i started speaking words. They had no intention, no thought, yet they were powerful, they were my words, but it wasn't the body that was saying that. It was someone else. But there is nobody else! These words, they gave me a clear understanding that I am God, yet i still had doubt. I asked myself, why is there doubt? Who am I doubting, when the only thing to doubt is my own self. That's about as far as I could go with this. The doubt of what is real still remains a mystery, I had glimpse, I saw it, I felt it with my own being, yet I still sit here contemplating, if the Truth is really... The Truth? After this trip im pretty sure im ready for much higher doses, there's no longer any mind blowing realizations with such low dosage of LSD.