WelcometoReality

I did hold on to that experience in the beginning. Was able to see through it. Thought that it was all finished because it all felt so complete compared to duality. I have realized that it always feel complete the more it deepens the more complete it feels but there is always more. Been able to surrender the control of the openess. Never given myself credit. I'll sit with that. Thank you!

I just did the sitting. Managed to finish the whole thing. a quick recap, im guessing the time since I didnt see the clock. first try stopped after 2 minutes decided to change from my tight jeans to something more comfortable. second try 1st hour pain in my back lots of thought about what I should write when I was done fear of people not believing i did the sit. repositioned my hands to be on top of my knees. thinking this wasn't so hard 2nd hour still pain in the back a numbing of the pain thoughts about what i should write clearity and focus pain gone 3rd hour immense pain in the buttocks doubts arising about not finishing pain in the left ankle more doubts about finishing pain gone jaw starts shaking bite down to stop the shaking body starts shaking am I that stupid that i continue body stops shaking left arm and left lower leg starts shaking more doubts. thoughts about setting the alarm? should i check. right arm starts shaking. the whole body starts shaking. no more doubts, clearity and silence again, shaking continues. alarm goes off. Exhausted, slowly lays down on back.

@Karmen In one of Adyashantis talk he talks about a woman the teached that cried in every meditation for 2 years straight and then it suddenly stopped. I think it's just a natural healing process that takes place. I hope start crying soon. Haven't cried for years.

Great then you have three small enlightenment teachers. I don't know 'bout yours but my daughter tries to push my buttons all the time. I also had a colleague at work that really liked pushing my buttons. I found it great for some inquiry work, questions like why is this triggering me, what belief of mine makes me feel this way? Also mindfulness is something you always can practice, even better when things are hectic.

@A way to Actualize Thank you! I've seen you post matts work earlier. I'll look at it and see if it resonates with me.

A three hour sit everyday, no that would be a little bit over the top.

Thank you for your concern. The thing is I've had my awakening about a year ago, there is not much struggle left in me. The voice inside my head is gone and most of the gut reactions are gone too. I don't think a 30 minute sit will get out any ego reactions. I do hope a lot comes up. My reasoning is that if I can do a 3 hour sit without anything coming up it's probably not worth doing it again. Or maybe I have to stop the sitting because of struggle which would mean I'll continue doing it. Maybe this is deep waters. I don't really know how I'm going to react. Let's see after tonight.

I've heard bits and pieces of it. I'll check it out. Thank you! I thought I had worked it out but all it really was was a facade of kindness and understanding. Saying it without meaning it.

@Ludwig Thank you Ludwig for you encouragement. Yes all the real work have started after the awakening. A lot of it has been worked through and I sense there is not much me left. It's getting subtler and subtler though, it's getting hard spotting it myself. A teacher would be great to point out these sweet spots and I'll definitely take it into consideration.

What about posture? My guess is that I should keep my back straight. Is it better to sit on a chair or on the floor?

@MaxWare1997 Thank you! I'll post the results of my sitting in this thread.

@Pinocchio Thank you Pinocchio for your reply. There is resistance toward being vulnerable but at least I'm aware of the resistance sometimes. Being vulnerable is just an illusion, i can see that clearly. Just been unaware of the ways I've protected myself.

You're so right. This was back in fantasy land though so just did what I'd been taught to do. I was really unconscious but the depression made me go to a therapist and that slowly changed my way of thinking and most important distancing myself from my thoughts.

@Arik Well some things you need to face. Had some stuff I pushed away for 12 years and paid for it with a depression. ☺

@Arik To me there was both an active process of asking myself "why does this bug me so much?" And a passive approach of just accepting. It was a fine line between conscious and unconscious surrendering though. Just pushing away all the bad stuff easily becomes a habit.

@Rahul yadav @frank8406 From this stillness, awareness, observe what it is that is doubtful. What is it that thinks google has better answers than your direct experience.

@Bruno Sousa Turn it around. What is it that is seeking control. That wants to control awareness itself. That wants to control your emotions, thoughts and even the future and past. Observe that, it does not like to be observed. You are trying to look from that place onto awareness. Instead look from awareness onto it.

This is probably the best tool I've seen for enlightenment work. The ego: But all this deconstruction makes me feel so bad and meditating makes me feel good. I should probably stick to meditation.

@Emerald Wilkins In other posts you've talked about ego trying to gain back control with all insecurities you have about yourself. I'd start with those beliefs.

When I had my first major realization the ego really took a hold of me. I was even less conscious than before the realization. I was determined that I had to become something (because unconsciously I knew I didn't exist). I stopped with tobacco and alcohol and started exercising. I ate healthy food. I started my own company. Four months went by and then POP. I was awake. I write POP because it was like popping a big ego balloon. My life just stopped right there. I stopped exercising (well atleast running and going to the gym), i've started with tobacco again (not smoking, swedish Snus), I take a beer sometimes. Why do I do it? I enjoy it plain and simple. There are so many beliefs about enlightened people, that just is not true, because all the famous ones are saints! Are all unenlightened people like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Justin Bieber? Also didn't Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj smoke? Only reason he stopped was because he got cancer.

Eternal happiness. Gratefulness to just be. A calm silence always.

If you want to know what it feels like to be reality find yourself first. You feel that you are in this reality. Who is that you? Do you know? Ask yourself the question: Who am I? in your meditations search for it inside the body. The mind will surely answer with thought, are you aware of that thought? Then you cannot be that thought. Keep going until you find yourself.

@Kevster It might seem harsh but it's just communication without dancing around ego.

Yes Leo. We are measuring our formless dicks. Great point. Talking about non duality in duality language sure has it's limitations.

When in the state of duality, duality seems real. When in the state of oneness, consciousness does seem infinite and absolute. It is when we break through to the higher state of consciousness we realize that the former state was an illusion. We cannot know that there is or isn't a higher state. There is no homework to be done, nothing to figure out. That will only be a belief, illusion. There is only acceptance of not knowing.