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I'm thinking of posting beautiful faces and bodies, but I'm not sure that's permited and right to do here.

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I'm wondering how long you have to be without sleep before effects of that start to show and what do they look like. I'm starting to have some and it scares me. Meditation is hard to do. I could do it for hours in the past, it is different now. You can't get enlightened with a mental disease. No way. Does anyone know a good substitude for this forum? It's currently the only thing that gives me a sense of comfort, security and belonging. It's not wise to stay here any lomger though. I'm starting to ruin it pretty much. I'm sorry. I wish I was different and even able to become a moderator. Ignorance and ungratefulness blinded me in the past, while really difficult health issues and more socio-economic issues are crushing me. So how long do I have until I lose my mind from lack of sleep and disease caused by chemicals intentionally inflicted into me? I hope posting here is not gonna bother.

How can I stay in a big city when I'm poor, unsafe and unwell atm? In the best case scenario I'd spend all my money on that in a month. Will I be able to heal and fit into society there that fast? Hmm, maybe if I had clients for a freelancing business of giving therapeutic massages...but that can be tricky to accomplish.

I have to take some pics of it and show you but I'm afraid. Maybe tomorrow or another day. I am now trully mentally ill thanks tobad society members, evil people and bad family members who judged me so in the past when I was normal. It is disgusting what they made out of an innocent child. What monsters and devils. They pretend to be the sanest of all insociety when they are the worst of all. I beg God to save me from them. I'm left with them! All alone! Help!

Anyway, I'm not doing the research necessary for finding a niche. It's a challenge. Maybe one day when I heal and become financially dependent but safer and stable and independent from my parents and corruption in my country.

sorry, my English is bad, I meant to say virtuous or something along these lines. I actually didn't make a mistake, I just googled noble vs virtuous, but for you who don't get it, yeah. @Hello from Russia okay, I'm gonna set a deadline, I'm just unsure for when and where atm. Oh, how much I'd like to leave for, yeah, Ireland and the UK. Leaving for Spain is way better than staying here, it's just gonna be tough to survive even if I successfuly get there. I have the faith that I could learn enough Spanish in 6 months to interact with Spainards on a somewhat conversational level if my social anxiety and health don't get in the way of that. While picking a Germanic country to fly away to would require a lomger deadline, for even Scandinavians don't like talking with strangers in English, yet they are the most fluent English speaking nations outside the anglosphere. I took some pills for the stomach yesterday and so it works better today. Sorry for the unconsciousness I spread with my posts yesterday. I was extremely tired and in pain. Who knows, maybe I even have baby worms in my intestines so I'm like a mother now:) Abortion rights! I need an abortion. Maybe more than one. But I don't mind even if there was a snake in my stomach, or actually, I'd rather have snakes in my stomach than worms, yuck.

I am saying that because long ago I saw someone said that there is a demon over there and pointed with a finger at it. I will never see that person again, but he either really sees something or he's lying to get attention. But why would he lie to get attention at the cost of his life? If someone told me that there is a demon, I would be openminded to it in certain circumstances, but not if I suspect a prank or something. I'm not saying this in the name of spirituality, no. I'm incapable of being spiritual unfortunately. I woke up twice last night. First time I took melatonin and was able to fall back asleep, second time I didn't take it, and I wasn't. I'm saying it because I'm stupid and careless, not cautious and considerate of other peoples feelings at times when I'm very tired, afraid, feeling emotionally hurt, and when I'm having trouble with digestion. Today I slept longer, I don't know how much, but it was certainly not 8 hours. However, I'm still tired and unwell. It was never as bad as when I started getting chemically abused. When I completely lost the control over my own body and others did to it what they wanted. Now, they'll have control over it for the rest of my life, cause obviously now I'm in need of their chemistry. In the past I was only in need of chelation agents, now I don't know if that's the case anymore.

It's fucking killing me, you're right. I wish I could get out of here, but I don't know where or how. What a fucking beautiful day and I have to be handicapped in pain and dirt, not use it fully. Is this the best my life is going be, is this how it's gonna pass? I'm not able to use my mind to learn, my body to work, my health is being stolen, my body is gonna be stolen forever. I have to let go of my phone and all hope. I have to let go and sink into the most disgusting shit in the world.

@Hello from Russia It appears it killed me, I'm just bleeding out very slowly, sinking. Hard to escape. I tried sending a mail to court and reasoning my way out of here, but luckily the mail was not able to be sent. I would have made my case worse. It's over already. I don't think they'll ever let me go. Even if they do, I'm too poor and I don't have what I need to move to a first world country and stay there in safety. If I ever do make it there, I'll probably be kissing the ground every day.

I meant verbally and by complaining to maybe even court, but it's pointless, cause I'm set up to lose.

Sorry for writing so much today. It's just making me feel disgusted. Get me away from them.

I don't really need a niche is the point. I need a job, any job and health. That is not possible because I am a target of vicious beasts that look innocent. So many of them. How on Earth, how on Earth can I find safety and health? It's not even financial independence anymore. I could have had that if I only knew that I'm standing in a very dangerous place with crazy people in power and that I have to leave this crazy place at all costs. Yeah, it looks normal on the surface and from the outside, probably, maybe, but it is not what it looks like. Oh my God, they can literally do just that and not only handicap you, but demonize you too, omg. I can't wait to die. I have so much to plan with God. These people have big tiomes Karma to pay.

It's fucking ridiculous to be morally stage blue and green, to open up, to be openminded. I wish I was the opposite. Then I'd at least be safe and sound.

It's quite simple, my life is unsustanable on this planet. In this country. I spent so much time listening to a noble guy here when I should have been following politics here. Reality here is very corrupt. People are so bad you wouldn't believe it, the most successful people here are the worst human beings, but then they have unsuccessful ones do their dirty work.

Because people are trying to discredit me and show the biggest liar who has hurt me physically in life and helped them destroy me to show him as noble and good and benevolent and loving towards me, whike poisoning me and trying to bring me into a state from which I'll attack someone for a good reason but without proof so that they can cut me dry, as though they already haven't. They want to make me commit suicide, but not to die. They want me to hurt myself hard, to be hurt and in pain. It's hard. My life.

"Mental illness could be induced either directly by insulting one’s brain with physical injuries and chemical drugs, or indirectly by means of torture, conditioning or more generally speaking by messing up with the subject reality testing over time." --Paolo Abate (Quora: Can you make someone mentally ill?)

@Hello from Russia Well, I get less than 5 hours of sleep every day and I have problems digesting food for some reason. There's so many obstacles standing in the way caused by others. I mean, I can't believe people, my own family member can be happy for me having these health burdens that make me appear mentally ill, which I am now, but it is caused by the very people claiming to have helped me, or maybe not by them, maybe someone got bribed to poison me with something. I really don't know. Trust me, I never had problems like these, ever in my life. I can't live with them and I don't want stupid sleeping pills like xanax.

@Hello from Russia You're right to the core, but I won't be able to get a niche in life, even if I find it.

So, I've been having these new issues eith sleep since they poisoned me bare. In the past I sometimes had a problem with falling asleep because of lights and noise. It's the same thing today. I use melatonin and other stuff but it does not work most of the time. I need a very dark, quiet place that pretty much isolates me from everyday life. The new problem I have is that I fucking wake up in the middle of the night all the time, and then I can't go back to sleep even though it is dark and quiet. Please help me solve this major problem.

It's stupid to ask this here, but I found a reallygreat video summary of Bhagavad Gitta and now it is gone, does anyone know the name of the channel with this picture on it:

@josemar Yeah, I want to keep myself in existence, but not like this. I'm actually very happy for the fact that I wouldn't see people that have hurt me in life. It's so great. I'd be free and safe from them all. 5-Meo-DMT will never work on me because it's just a substance for temporary death. Seeing death for what it is changes almost nothing in my life. Plus, it is easier to get suicide than 5-Meo-DMT. What can this substance do for me other than make me happy for a short while? It's a reward. It doesn't make you any smarter, any safer or healthier, it doesn't detox you, it doesn't help you sleep or meditate in calmness for hours, it's almost like a drug, except that it isn't. Magic mushrooms probably are like a drug, and I'd probably eat them every day, multiple times a day. That still costs and requires me to work and function as a member of some grouo of peopls that is a part of some larger group of people and so forth. I'll never do that.

I mean, I don't know how you can heal "bipolar" with stupid drugs and shit. It's just gonna cause more problems in the long run. Let's say that there are these mental diseases, how do you know chronic heavy metal or plastic exposure in organs is not the cause of the symptoms or that some other type of chemical didn't cause it? So with bad conditions and events in life a persongets affected. That's true. But just don't tell me science found cures to bring people back to normal. It's a life long handicap. "Dignitas" has a way better solutions than science if the cases are too severe and the person believes they just can't do it anymore.

I saw crazy people and I can't make a distinction between a crazy person and a normal person, sorry. If you were somehow poisoned or prevented from sleeping enough almost every day, you would have "symptoms" of bipolar as well. I'm not familiar enough with OCD, but now I think I know enough about bipolar to say this, but I might be wrong. So again, hallucinations? Haha, bring me the person with hallucinations, I really can't believe it, bring me their life history and current circumstances and I'll figure out what is right with them. I mean, I am not denying that there isn't someone who can see a ghost next to me. If they really can, then there literally is something next to me. It is not a hallucination, I think.